RiffText/RTOD/KickCheat E-mails/The Cheat

KickCheat E-mail #1

The first e-mail!

LIGHTNING GUY: You made it to the first! How exciting!

NAMINE: Not really. I mean, most email shows on the Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki, like this one, had to go through a trial email. That trial email might as well have been the typical kind of quality control you'd expect from back in 2006. Even then, most email shows pretty much made a first email episode like it was nothing.

Homestar asks KickCheat if he is a The Cheat.

Cast (in order of appearance): KickCheat, Strong Bad, The Cheat, Homestar Runner (easter egg)

Places: The Computer room, Homestar's house (easter egg)

Computer: Kickix 500

Lines: 21

Script

KICKCHEAT: {Clicks on e-mail while talking} Checking the e-mail on this rectangle.

LIGHTNING GUY: Computers are generally rectangular, yes.

NAMINE: Rectangular prisms

They can also be as square

NAMINE: Cubes are also acceptable.

as you sometimes.

Dear KickCheat,
Are you a The Cheat?

From Homestar Runner

KICKCHEAT: {sarcasticly} Oh this is a good first e-mail!

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh this is a good lack of spell check!

HOMESTAR: Actually, othew than a austewe lack of commas, that was pwetty good!

KICKCHEAT: (shouts while typing} Yes I am moron! What are you then? A marshmallow?

LIGHTNING GUY: Wait, what?

{cut to Strong Bad and The Cheat standing by KickCheat's stool}

LIGHTNING GUY: Is someone gonna clean that up?

KICKCHEAT: {surprised} Oh! Hi guys.

STRONG BAD: Talking about that marshmallow freak eh?

LIGHTNING GUY: Wait, we're talking about Homestar, right?

KICKCHEAT: {sarcasticly}

LIGHTNING GUY: sigh

NAMINE: You used to do this in JCMovies, I thought?

Yeah!

STRONG BAD: Homestar is a marshmallow!

LIGHTNING GUY: What the crap is going on?

KICKCHEAT: {questionly}

LIGHTNING GUY: groan

Really?

STRONG BAD: Really.

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

LIGHTNING GUY: Do these The Cheat noises come with a drink?

THE CHEAT: {noises}

{The Cheat then makes everyone a gin & tonic}
NAMINE: Um, thanks, The Cheat.

{Everyone swigs their gin & tonic, except for Namine; she sips it slowly instead}

KICKCHEAT: {questionly}

LIGHTNING GUY: You really know nothing about adverbs, do you?

Marshmallow roast? {excited} Good idea!

STRONG BAD: And while we're at it. We will buy some cold ones!

LIGHTNING GUY: And while I'm at it. I will talk like a broken robot.

KICKCHEAT: {excited} We can have a camp fire!

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

LIGHTNING GUY: We can roast those too!

KICKCHEAT: We'll go after I finish this crappy e-mail.

LIGHTNING GUY: Wait, this dude was going all giddy over a camp fire two seconds ago.

STRONG BAD: Okay!

{KickCheat faces the camera}

KICKCHEAT: Until next time. Don't send me crap!

LIGHTNING GUY: I like-a to say "holy crap".

HOMESTAR: Oh, no! It's-a Stwong Bad!

{KickCheat, Strong Bad and The Cheat walk out of the computer room and the paper comes down saying "Click here to e-mail KickCheat at [email protected]}

Easter eggs

• Click on the internet logo to see the campfire at Homestar's house.

Script

{cut to Strong Bad, KickCheat and The Cheat having a roast in Homestar's House}

KICKCHEAT: This is one good roast!

LIGHTNING GUY: The action never stops.

NAMINE: The Cheat, mind making me another drink? Some hard vodka would be nice.

{The Cheat gets Namine a bottle of vodka, and a shot glass. Namine disregards the shot glass, and instead downs the entire bottle of vodka, much to the surprise of literally everyone else there. Afterwards, she heaves a heavy sigh of relief as she slowly sits the empty bottle down on the left arm-rest of the chair. A couple of giggles manage to escape Namine's lips, as she looks at The Cheat again.}
NAMINE: One day. One day he'll use the joke correctly.

{The Cheat looks slightly intimidated. He gets Namine another bottle of vodka, and hands it to her. Like the previous bottle, she downs it with exceptional ease. She sighs once again, and puts the other vodka bottle down on the right arm-rest of her current chair. Afterwards, she slinks back a bit on the chair, and closes her eyes. She takes some small breaths, trying to relax.}

STRONG BAD: {shouts} Hey waiter! We want more marshmallows!

{Homestar walks in with a bowl of marshmallows}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: More marshmallows! Why didn't you want to eat me?

LIGHTNING GUY: Hey, maybe they finally found out he wasn't actually a marsh-

KICKCHEAT: Because you failed the butt IQ test!

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh nevermind.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ohhhhhh! Right, right!

Inside References

• Homestar has a ugly butt as shown in the Strong Bad E-mail "Butt IQ".

LIGHTNING GUY: Because everything Strong Bad says is automatically true.

• Strong Bad steals Homestar's credit card number in The Strong Bad E-mail "Credit Card".

• KickCheat refering Homestar as a marshmallow due to Homestar loving marshmallows.

LIGHTNING GUY: OH GOD MY BRAIN IT'S ABOUT TO EXPLODE

HOMESTAR: I wish half these wines went well with mawshmallows. I now have mowe of a hankewing fow mawshmallows than I alweady do!