RiffText/RTOD/KickCheat E-mails/Mr. Shivers

KickCheat E-mails #10

Someone named Mr. Shivers is after KickCheat and his capsules. This was never completed.

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh, what a shame.

Cast: (in order of appearance): KickCheat, Stinkoman, Strong Bad, The Cheat, Homestar Runner, 1-Up, Mr. Shivers

Places: Ice Zone

Computer: Lappy HC

Lines: 53

Script

{Cut to KickCheat, Stinkoman, Strong Bad, The Cheat, Homestar Runner and 1-Up in the Ice Zone}

KICKCHEAT: This place is cold.

LIGHTNING GUY: "I thought a place called the Ice Zone would be much warmer."

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, well you are lucky. I am freezing!

LIGHTNING GUY: That's exactly what he...forget it.

STRONG BAD: {Coldly} Where is my sweat shirt?

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: You burned it on a cold evening?

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

LIGHTNING GUY: Translated: How else could I could I cook these wonderful The Cheat noises! Also, I'll gnaw your freaking face off.

STINKOMAN: KickCheat.

LIGHTNING GUY: Predicate.

Why don't you check an e-mail to waste some time?

KICKCHEAT: {Gets out his Lappy HC} Brrr! E-mails!

Dear KickCheat,
Do you have a pet?
From 0100110101000001010100100100100101001111

KICKCHEAT: Yes, I have one dog and two cats. I used to have five fish, but they all died.

LIGHTNING GUY: "Now that I think about it, letting the fish swim in the cats' water bowls wasn't my brightest of plans."

NOXIGAR: If only KickCheat actually said that.

{Puts the Lappy HC away}

1-UP: {looks up} Guys! Look out!

{1-Up kicks KickCheat offscreen and 1-Up runs after him}

STRONG BAD: What the crap?

{A bolt of blue lightning hits Homestar, Strong Bad, The Cheat and Stinkoman}

STINKOMAN: Ahh! Red button lightning!

LIGHTNING GUY: Ahh! How original!

{Homestar, Strong Bad, The Cheat and Stinkoman disappear. KickCheat and 1-Up walk onscreen}

KICKCHEAT: Red button lightning?

1-UP: It's a new invention Tampo made.

KICKCHEAT: Wait, how did you know that he made it?

LIGHTNING GUY: I JUST DO

1-UP: When Stinkoman was training, I was watching Tampo making things.

LIGHTNING GUY: There's nothing creepy about it. Don't judge me!

KICKCHEAT: The red button lightning was one.

1-UP: He also made a robot named Mr. Shivers.

KICKCHEAT: Mr. Shivers?

1-UP: Yeah. Mr. Shivers looks like a robot dragon.

KICKCHEAT: 1-Up. You are doing smart things.

LIGHTNING GUY: That's rare for any of the characters.

NAMINE: How would all of the characters not doing smart things be rare?

1-UP: I am?

KICKCHEAT: Yeah. Telling me useful things.

1-UP: Pudding!

LIGHTNING GUY: That's still one of the smartest lines on the page.

KICKCHEAT: Okay, that wasn't smart thing to say.

1-UP: Cool!

KICKCHEAT: Mr. Shivers must be in this ice zone.

LIGHTNING GUY: And there's no chance of seeing him in any other ice zone ever!

1-UP: What makes you say that?

LIGHTNING GUY: I JUST KNOW

KICKCHEAT: His name sounds like he would be in an ice zone.

1-UP: Pudding?

LIGHTNING GUY: Get this kid an Emmy!

KICKCHEAT: Cut the crap! We will have pudding once we figure who this dang Mr. Shivers guy is.

1-UP: Okay freak.

KICKCHEAT: Just where are Stinkoman, Strong Bad, The Cheat and Homestar?

{Cut to Mr. Shivers beside a large cage with nothing in it}

MR. SHIVERS: Augh! Does this red button even work? I have been waiting five minutes for those guys! I red button'ed em and five minutes is a really long time!

LIGHTNING GUY: "I know! That's how long it took for my wife to leave me."

Or, at least for me.

{Stinkoman, Strong Bad, The Cheat and Homestar appear inside the large cage}

MR. SHIVERS: That's freakin' better!

STINKOMAN: What do you want?

MR. SHIVERS: You out of the picture and your gold capsules. NOW!!!

LIGHTNING GUY: Say the magic word.

STRONG BAD: No. You suck.

MR. SHIVERS: What was that?!?!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: He said your a duck.

LIGHTNING GUY: {gasps} No one says my a duck!

STRONG BAD: No! I said he sucks and KickCheat has them!

{Moment of silence for 5 seconds}

MR. SHIVERS: Ummm....crap? Who is KickedCheat?

LIGHTNING GUY: La-

STRONG BAD: Lame.

LIGHTNING GUY: {angry} OK, you go in the gutter!

NAMINE: I wonder what happens to someone else if they beat Lightning Guy to the punchline of a joke.

{Cut to KickCheat and 1-up}

{Screen freezes from a time space continuum and the e-mail is left unfinished}

LIGHTNING GUY: Yes! It's over now! I can finally leave and
what? There's a new season? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NOXIGAR: So, let me get this straight. He does this to every line of a season in the order of 1-12, and I'm riffing these riffs in reverse order.

NAMINE: Sounds like it.
NOXIGAR: I think I've royally fucked up.
NAMINE: I imagine it puts on a new perspective, rather than makes you look incompetent.

NOXIGAR: I'm glad you're actually looking for positives on my actions. I doubt anyone else is going to do that.