(even if you aren't vegan)
RiffText/Green Grass and High Tides Forever!/3
The Following Episode Of Green Grass And High Tides Forever Contains Scenes Of An Insane Nature. Viewer Discretion Is Advised.
GREEN GRASS AND HIGH TIDES FOREVER
{Cut to Emerl and Chaos in the living room. Chaos is playing a video game.}
EMERL: So, what're you playing?
CHAOS: Me? I'm playing Devil may laugh. It's the newest and funnest game in the underworld right now, and seeing as how I'm a rather famous demon,
LIGHTNING GUY: Obviously.
I took it upon myself to get a copy.
EMERL: Who made it?
CHAOS: Only a crack team of the greatest undead programmers and designers ever! They also phoned Gary Gygax
LIGHTNING GUY: He's a nice guy, even though his last name sounds like a brand of tampons.
in heaven to see if he could help. He couldn't.
EMERL: Do you think it's a good idea to leave a demonic game lying in the PS3?
LIGHTNING GUY: Yes, a demonic video game would be right up the Xbox's alley!
What if someone stupid gets a hold of it?
CHAOS: Like you?
LIGHTNING GUY: Hey, it's my job to make fun of Emerl's intelligence! Get your own gig!
EMERL: Exactly.
CHAOS: I dunno. I did-
{Chaos is interrupted.}
LIGHTNING GUY: He was interrupted? I thought him not finishing that sentence was just a stylistic decision!
EMERL: Hey! I am NOT an idiot!
LIGHTNING GUY: There's the Emerl we know and love! Lying to himself like a pro!
CHAOS: Said the guy who ate an eggshell for breakfast today.
IORI: {walking by, playing his GameBoy Advance.}
LIGHTNING GUY: That totally should have been a line of dialogue.
CHAOS: Hey, Iori! Wanna try my new game?
IORI: Not right now, I'm playing Mario Advance 4.
CHAOS: Come on! You get to eat cheese...
LIGHTNING GUY: Apparently, the game too demonic for the PS3 is about eating cheese. Makes as much sense as anything else in this show.
IORI: Yes! I got past world 2! Wait, what did you say?
CHAOS: The character you play as can eat cheese. That's one of the ways to beat the game.
LIGHTNING GUY: IT JUST IS
IORI: Sweet! What's it called?
CHAOS: Cheese...Eater...
EMERL: Chaos I thought-
LIGHTNING GUY: Murder she wrote.
{Chaos pulls Emerl aside.}
CHAOS: Whoever said I didn't get other demonic games?
LIGHTNING GUY: Nobody. Nobody ever said that.
EMERL: You mean to tell me that you actually got a demonic game where you eat cheese?
CHAOS: Oh, yeah.
CHAOS: So, Iori, wanna play?
LIGHTNING GUY: Please don't wanna play please don't wanna play
IORI: Sure!
LIGHTNING GUY: Damn it!
{Chaos pops the game in the PS3, and hands the controller to Iori. When Iori gets it, a wave of purple light runs down Iori's arm.}
EMERL: What was that!?!?!
LIGHTNING GUY: !?!?!?!?!
CHAOS: What was what?
IORI: {lets go of the controller} Holy crap, what was that?!?!?!?!?
LIGHTNING GUY: ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
CHAOS:' What was what?
IORI: What do you mean "what was what"? Quote the action that just happened: "A wave of purple light runs down Iori's arm."! What does that mean?!?!?
LIGHTNING GUY: ?!?!?!?!?
EMERL:...{FOURTH WALL BREAKAGE!!!}.
LIGHTNING GUY: look gaiz i can manipulaet html im cool
Let me try.
{Emerl picks up the controller, and nothing happens.}
EMERL: Try again.
LIGHTNING GUY: "What if I don't want to try again? What if this is America?"
{Iori picks the controller up again. The same thing happens again, and Iori feels a little weak.}
EMERL: Hmm. Peculiar.
LIGHTNING GUY: I find it peculiar that he knows what the word "peculiar" means.
IORI: Ugh, it feels like Shang Tsung is performing the "Soul Steal" fatality on me.
SHANG TSUNG: {appears} No, I'm not.
IORI: Then it is very pecul-ul-iar.
LIGHTNING GUY:I find it pecul-ul-iar that he knows what the word "pecul-ul-iar" means.
EMERL: I'm gonna go play outside. Let me know how the game goes.
{Cut to the field, where Dalk
LIGHTNING GUY: HEY DALK
is playing catch with Gemerl. Gemerl throws the ball to Dalek, who shoots it back at him. Gemerl shoots Dalek with a missile, sending him offscreen, and Emerl appears.}
EMERL: Hey, can I play?
GEMERL: Sure. At least you have hands. I wonder why I even agreed to play with him in the first place.
LIGHTNING GUY: Because you're a pathetic, lonely robot, and nobody will ever love you. :)
{Cut to the living room. Iori, Patrick, Kano, and Chaos are all in there now.}
KANO: What's-a goin' on 'round 'her?
PATRICK: ACK! TO MUCH APOSTROPHES!
LIGHTNING GUY: Quick, Batman! To the much apostrophes!
CHAOS: Patrick, pick up this controller.
{Patrick picks up the controller, and the same thing occurs as with Iori. He feels a little weak.}
PATRICK: Stop it, Shang!
SHANG TSUNG: What? I'm not doing anything!
LIGHTNING GUY: You're existing, and that's bad enough to warrant many "Stop it, Shang!"s.
CHAOS: Why don't you guys play the game? Forget the demoralization!
PATRICK: No way! This game is life threatening! {drops the controller}
CHAOS: It's supposed to be addicting...
LIGHTNING GUY: Yeah, addicting and not life-threatening whatsoever! Like heroin!
PATRICK: It's life threatening! I feel ASLEEP weaker
LIGHTNING GUY: That's toobadgood.
by just touching the controller!
IORI: Me too!
PATRICK: We're leaving.
LIGHTNING GUY:Don'tlet the door hit you on your way out.
CHAOS: You wanna try, Kano?
KANO: Sure. It's weird powers
LIGHTNING GUY: It is weird powers.
can't affect me, so why not?
{Chaos hands Kano a controller, and nothing happens. Chaos also picks up a controller, and the two begin to play the game. Cut to the field.}
EMERL: Him and Kano!?!
LIGHTNING GUY: !?!?!
Well, at least Chaos found a partner to play with.
GEMERL: We'll stay out here, where our lives can't get sucked away. Right, guys?
LIGHTNING GUY: My life was already sucked away by episode 1.
PATRICK: I guess.
IORI: I'm sticking to Mario Advance 4. {plays MA4 on his GBA}
GEMERL: I bet they're probably going to complain about the game being so bad!
TEEN GIRL SQUAD: SOOO BAD!
{Cut to teh living room. "3 days later" appears onscreen. Cut to Chaos and Kano, both lying on the floor.}
CHAOS: Man, that game is addictive.
KANO: Addictive, but bad.
LIGHTNING GUY: Kind of like this show, except without the "addictive", or the "but".
CHAOS: Ready to play the suckishly addictive game again?
KANO: Yep.
{The two sit up and resume playing. Cut to the field.}
GEMERL: It's been a week and nothing from Chaos or Kano. That's bad.
LIGHTNING GUY: Kind of like this show, except without the...except without nothing, really.
PATRICK: They must really like that game...
IORI: Either that or Gemerl just said "It's been a week" for no reason.
LIGHTNING GUY: Thank you, Iori, for that uninspired and utterly useless comment.
GEMERL: We can probably make a band and go platinum by the time they've finished that game!
{Emerl is holding a demonic-looking magazine.}
LIGHTNING GUY: "Emerl, you can look at your demonic porn when we're finished talking about our make-believe band!"
EMERL: Well, seeing as how the games has 72 levels and 10 hours of unlockable content, over 250 cutscenes, and 40 playable characters, I'd say we have good chance of going platinum by the time they've finished all of that.
GEMERL: Exactly. Who's in?
IORI: Who knows? And who cares?
LIGHTNING GUY: I don't. And I don't. In that order.
EMERL: Well, it'll be fun!
PATRICK: Fun? More like life threatening. More like, soul stealing. More like- {interrupted}
IORI: We get it!
LIGHTNING GUY: I don't get it. What is Patrick blabbering about?
EMERL: Well, I'll be in the band.
PATRICK: We should probably check on them.
GEMERL: {Sigh} Fine.
{Cut to the living room, where Chaos and Kano re
LIGHTNING GUY: Is "Kano re" a new character?
passed out. There is littered cans and wrappers everywhere, and Chaos has a beard of chocolate.}
GEMERL: {singsongy} Chaos? Wake up! {nudges him} Yoo-hoo!
PATRICK: Kano, wake up!
KANO: {waking up} COMPUTER LAB!
LIGHTNING GUY: (imitating Dexter) Dee Dee, stay out of my computer laboratory!
Hey, Patrick. Hey everybody. Hey Chao- Chaos? Wake up! Kano commands you!
{Chaos punches Kano in the teeth, and turns over.}
GEMERL: Well, at least he's alive.
KANO: And friggin' violent.
LIGHTNING GUY: Your teeth shouldn't have been in the way of his fist.
SMW CARTOON LUIGI: Hey, y'all! What are you guys up to?
EMERL: Chaos and Kano were playing demonic games, and we wanted to check up on them. They're fine.
GEMERL:The games were DEMONIC!?!?!?! No wonder it sucked life out of you guys! It was leeching mortal energy.
LIGHTNING GUY: You can't have any of my mortal energy until you put a ring on this finger! Mmm-hmm!
{Chaos turns over.}
CHAOS: Exactly. We tried to get you guys into the habit of playing it so we could power it longer. It only lasted a week and a half without mortal energy.
SMW CARTOON LUIGI: I have a question. Does the game in any way made by lets say, Shang Tsung?
LIGHTNING GUY: That question gave grammar nazis everywhere a stroke.
SHANG TSUNG: I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS FREAKIN' GAME! {punches SMWCL}
CHAOS: HE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS FREAKIN' GAME! {kicks SMWCL}
GEMERL: I'M BORED. {Shoots SMWCL}
LIGHTNING GUY: Remind me never to bore Gemerl.
SMWCL: Quit hurting me! I'm going to be a major character soon!
GEMERL: yeah, right! {Throws a missile at SMWCL. He explodes}
CARTOON LUIGI: Ow! Meanies...
LIGHTNING GUY: "Meanies"? All they did was punch you, kick you, shoot you, and blow you up with a missile. No need to be so harsh.
IORI: Hey, you stole my catchphrase! Meanie.
LIGHTNING GUY: See, stealing a catchphrase! That warrants a "meanie" much more than those comparatively minor acts of violence against Luigi!
CHAOS: We beat the game before it ran out of power, though. THAT was hectic.
GEMERL: I'm sure it was. Now come get some fresh air. {picks up Iori and walks out the door.}
PATRICK: Yes, the fresh air...thing.
LIGHTNING GUY: Fresh air is good for your colon.
CHAOS: Oh, fine.
{Cut to the field, where Chaos and Kano currently are, just standing there.}
KANO: Band name.
CHAOS: Band name.
KANO: Band name.
LIGHTNING GUY: wat
CD-I LUIGI: {comes in} Spaghetti!
LIGHTNING GUY: wat
KANO: ...Spaghetti.
LIGHTNING GUY: ...wat
{Gemerl Slices Luigi
LIGHTNING GUY: Capitalize Everything.
right down the middle with a sword.}
GEMERL: Loser.
EMERL: ...Loser.
CHAOS: ...Loser.
LIGHTNING GUY: ...wat
KANO: You guys seem to hate characters used in YTP.
LIGHTNING GUY: As does everybody else on planet Earth.
GEMERL: We guys seem to because we DO! We're only here because Chaos put us in as writer's convenience.
EMERL:...{FOURTH WALL BREAKAGE!!!}.
LIGHTNING GUY: Acknowledge that the fourth wall was broken doesn't make the fourth wall breakage any funnier-age.
CHAOS: Yeah. YTP sucks. I'm only here to hang around with these dudes.
KANO: Then why the crap are you doin' this?!?! {MORE FOURTH WALL BREAKAGE!!!}
LIGHTNING GUY: {?!?!?!?!}
KUNG LAO (MORTAL KOMBAT): You stole my fatality!
CHAOS: Well, I figured I could cope with them.
EMERL: I'm holding up fine.
GEMERL: NOT ME! {hops in a plane, and bombs Hotel Mario, Zelda's Castle, and crashes the plane into the twin towers.}
LIGHTNING GUY: What...why...I don't even know how to respond to that.
EMERL: So THAT was what happened during 9/11. ...{TERRIBLE TERRORISM JOKE!!!}
LIGHTNING GUY: Acknowledging that the terrorism joke was terrible doesn't make it any less terrible.
KANO: Meh, they'll probably get rebuilt tommorow anyway. Sadly.
LIGHTNING GUY: SADLY.
Cope with who?
CHAOS: Them. {points to every YTP character ever used}
KANO: Ah yes.
CHAOS: So have we gotten enough fresh air yet?
LIGHTNING GUY: Your colon can never have enough fresh air!
KANO: Probably.
CHAOS: good. Let's go rent a movie with NetFlix.
LIGHTNING GUY: no. Let's go rent a movie with HuLu.
{Everyone agrees and gets up.}
EMERL: NetFlix is a good idea.
{They all order a random movie, and run offscreen. The Episode ends.}
LIGHTNING GUY: That's Great news!
