(even if you aren't vegan)
RiffText/Green Grass and High Tides Forever!/1
Assaulting your peripheral vision, it's
GREEN GRASS AND HIGH TIDES FOREVER
CHAOS: So, what are we all doing today?
EMERL: I say we go to the beach.
LIGHTNING GUY: I say you jump off a cliff.
GEMERL: But then we'd rust!
EMERL: Oh, yeah. Rust no good. So, what ARE we doing?
KANO: {lighting strikes; Kano appears} BOW DOWN TO ME!
LIGHTNING GUY: You've desecrated the good name of lightning, you egotistical ass.
PATRICK: {bowing down} I am not worthy. I am not worthy. I am not worthy.
{Gemerl kicks Patrick.}
LIGHTNING GUY: We have now established that the character of "Gemerl" is physically abusive.
GEMERL: Get up!
PATRICK: Can't you see that I'm bowing down to Kano?!?
LIGHTNING GUY: Question mark? Exclamation point! Question mark?
GEMERL: Forget Kano! We all need something to do! You two should help us find something, instead of giving praise.
KANO: How DARE you say- {interupted}
LIGHTNING GUY: Nobody said "{interupted}".
IORI: {enters} Hey juys!
DALEK: {Comes in, wearing lots of gold.} Hey humans plus robots, plus whatever the hell you are Kano.
LIGHTNING GUY: I didn't know "whatever the hell you are Kano" was a character.
By the way, I found a hidden treasure cave right over, behind Emerl. {Everyone looks behind Emerl to see a cave.}
KANO: I'm a human too, Dalek.
LIGHTNING GUY: No, you're an annoyance.
EMERL: Was any of that chocolate?
CD-I MARIO: {enters} Hey guys! I heard one of you guys say chocolate.
CD-I LUIGI: {enters} Chocolate's good, but I prefer spaghetti.
LIGHTNING GUY: IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE HE LIKES SPAGHETTI
DALEK: You know, Kano, my real name is... {A plane passes by, drowning his speech.} I said, my name is... {Fireworks.} MY NAME IS.... {Tay Zonday comes, and starts singing Chocolate Rain.}
LIGHTNING GUY: Some stay dry, but I'm definitely feeling the pain.
Oh screw it!
SMW CARTOON LUIGI: {enters} Hey, guys!
IORI: Hey, Luigi!
SMW CARTOON LUIGI: That's- {interupted}
LIGHTNING GUY: See, Kano? Now somebody said "{interupted}"!
KANO: Don't care.
DALEK: I need to exterminate someone!
{M.Bison comes in.}
LIGHTNING GUY: No. NO!
M.BISON: Yes! YES!! {Gets Zapped.} No...
LIGHTNING GUY: Yes...
DALEK: That's much better.
STAN: Oh my god! You killed M.Bison!
LIGHTNING GUY: "Look! A South Park reference! That means we're edgy, right?"
KYLE: You-..
{Both get zapped.}
LIU KANG: {comes in bicycle kicking}
LIGHTNING GUY: I...don't even want to know what that is.
KANO: {shoots him with a laser from his robotic-eye-thing}
LIU KANG: {death scream}
LIGHTNING GUY: We totally needed an entire line of dialogue for that.
GEMERL: CAN WE STOP KILLING PEOPLE AND DO SOMETHING ALREADY!?!?!?!
PATRICK: How about we play... Rock Band?
GEMERL: No, it's a rip off of several games.
LIGHTNING GUY: This show is a rip-off of everything. Would a game of Rock Band really be that horrible in comparison?
What can we do?
PATRICK: Rock Band is not a rip-off! ...Mortal Kombat?
LIGHTNING GUY: "No, that's a rip-off of Street Fighter," said Gemerl.
KANO: Real life, or video game?
PATRICK: {mocking} Ooo,
LIGHTNING GUY: The Land of Ooo.
I think we should play real life MK! Where we can bleed badly and get our body parts chopped off! {normal} What do you think? Video game!
GEMERL: Real. It gives me something to blast.
EMERL: Real. I don't even know what we're voting about.
LIGHTNING GUY: Welcome to democracy!
CHAOS: Real. I'm a demon, what'd you expect?
KANO: Real, so I get to kick some- {interupted}
IORI: Bottom.
LIGHTNING GUY: No, he said let's kick some "{interupted}".
KANO: ...That too.
PATRICK: But we could die! In a grewsome
LIGHTNING GUY: Some grew.
painfull death!
LIGHTNING GUY: That's horriblle!
DALEK: Except for Kano.
PATRICK: .....Right, but still!
DALEK: And I only have one weakness.
LIGHTNING GUY: The power...of song. {does a Michael Jackson pose}
SEPHIROTH: Stairs.
DALEK: Hey! Shutup!
CHAOS: I can't die.
LIGHTNING GUY: Yes, you can! All you have to do is belieeeve in yourself!
{Gospel music starts to play.}
LIGHTNING GUY: Can I get a witness?
GEMERL: And you can put us back together.
PATRICK: But what about everyone else?
KANO: I could bring you guys back to life if you die.
LIGHTNING GUY: THATISNOTHOWNATUREWORKS
PATRICK: Ok! I'm in!
DALEK: Stairs can't kill me. It just inconveniences me.
LIGHTNING GUY: "It" referring to the obviously singular noun "stairs".
I mean, I can't fly, or stand. It's imtimidating to me!
LIGHTNING GUY: Imteresting.
By the way, I am in.
GEMERL: On the count of 3. 3.
LIGHTNING GUY: You're a robot. You should be able to do basic math.
{blasts Patrick's head off}
SHAO KAHN: Fatality!
DALEK: SILENCE FOOL!!!
LIGHTNING GUY: The evil twin of LOUDNESS FOOL.
{Blasts Him, then Emerl. Iori starts running, but he gets blasted too.}
IORI: Owwwww! ....I hate that freaking robot.
DALEK: I'm not a robot. I'm a mutated alien, in a robot shell. Like all of my species.
LIGHTNING GUY: And that was your unimteresting fact of the day!
EMERL: COPY ABILITY. {Picks up Dalek, gains his blaster, and shoots Iori with it again, turning him into a pile of ash.}
IORI: I'm already a pile of ash!
EMERL: SHUT UP.
LIGHTNING GUY: HOW DARE YOU DISPUTE THE WORDS OF AN ACTION.
{Sweeps ashes into a sewer hole}
KANO: {uppercuts Emerl who explodes upon impact} Gotcha!
LIGHTNING GUY: I can totally believe that you blew up a military-grade robot just by punching him.
GEMERL: My turn! {throws a small missile at Kano, who explodes.}
KANO: {ressurects; uppercuts Gemerl who explodes upon impact} Gotcha too!
LIGHTNING GUY: Gotcha Too! got poorer reviews than the first Gotcha!, but it made more in the box office. Go figure.
{Gemerl reforms, and rapidly kicks Kano.}
GEMERL: I-DON'T-DIE!
KANO: Yes-you-DO!
LIGHTNING GUY: HE JUST DOES.
{Gemerl explodes when Kano says "do"}
{Gemerl reforms, and merges with the Emerl's shell, making him Super Gemerl.}
SUPER GEMERL: Now you're in for some real deap-{Interrupted}
LIGHTNING GUY: THEY ACTUALLY SPELLED INTERRUPTED RIGHT! AFTER ONE-AND-A-HALF EPISODES, THEY FINALLY GOT THE DAMN SPELLING RIGHT!
CHAOS: Crap?
KANO: {Super Gemerl explodes}
LIGHTNING GUY: How? Did you blow him up with your mind? Are you really that much of a Mary Sue?
I win!
{Super Gemerl reforms.}
SUPER GEMERL: No, you don't. I'm still alive, and in any case, you forgot to fight Chaos.
KANO: Fight Chaos, eh? {shoots a laser beam at Chaos, who in turn deflects it.}
LIGHTNING GUY: WITH HIS MIND
CHAOS: Red Thunder! {launches a bolt of red lightning at Kano}
KANO: {dodges, uppercuts Chaos into a spikey pit}
CD-I MARIO: What about us?
LIGHTNING GUY: "We want to get pushed into a pit, too!"
{Chaos falls down midair, and pushes both CD-I Mario and Luigi into the pit.}
LIGHTNING GUY: "Thank yoooooooooou," they said as they both died.
CHAOS: Nice try!
KANO: {uppercuts Chaos again and he falls down into the pit}
SUPER GEMERL: NOW YOU MUST BEAT GANON!
LIGHTNING GUY: Must he?
GANON: {morphs into Liu Kang} You will DIE!
LIGHTNING GUY: Apparently, he must.
KANO: If I did this twice, I can do it again. Die! {uppercuts Ganon into the pit}
GANON: No! Not into the pit! IT BURNS!
SUPER GEMERL: NOW WE MUST DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!
LIGHTNING GUY: Must you?
{Cut to the Field. Everyone is back to normal, and standing around.}
EMERL: Let us eat cake!
PATRICK: Hurray! Wait, we got this much text that fast? Can we continue?
LIGHTNING GUY: NO
EMERL: Sure, but we need at least 2 credits to continue.
{The screen stops, and flashes "GAME OVER" three times. Then it says continue, with a time counting down. Some random guy comes by and puts in 2 quarters. Everything turns back to normal, and continues.}
LIGHTNING GUY: As of now, "Some random guy" is my mortal enemy.
EMERL: Well, we need a new time-consuming event. What happens next?
IORI: Hmm... Let's go
LIGHTNING GUY: kill ourselves
bother Cartoon Bowser and his minions!
GEMERL: We could always blow up a koopa or two, but how about we bother CD-I Link?
IORI: Okay!
LIGHTNING GUY: Oh look, another excuse for these guys to make stupid YTP references.
{cut to CD-I Hyrule}
CD-I LINK: Gee, it sure is boring around here.
LIGHTNING GUY: Well, that's about to not change.
EMERL: {While falling} LEEEEEEEEE-RRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY JENKINS! {Lands on CD-I Link}
LIGHTNING GUY: Yep, still bored.
KING: Who are you? Why are you here? You can't have any of my dinner!
EMERL: I'm a robot, No reason, and I can't eat people food.
KANO: Oh, and CD-I Ganon, is DEAD. YOUR WELCOME.
LIGHTNING GUY: You can't have any of his welcome, either.
KING: Tha- Oh. DINNERDINNERDINNER.
PATRICK: Dinner!
IORI: Dinner!
EMERL: Dinne-Breakfast?
LIGHTNING GUY: I don't know. Does a breakfast dinne?
IORI: Lunch?
CARTOON MARIO: Lunch.
IORI: I see.
LIGHTNING GUY: You do? I just assumed you were blind.
EMERL: Brunch?
{Gemerl punches Emerl right upside the head.}
LIGHTNING GUY: We have now re-established that the character of "Gemerl" is physically abusive.
GEMERL: Idiot? Yes.
CARTOON LUIGI: That's Mama Luigi to you, Iori! {wheeze} I've been saving that since the beginning of this episode!
LIGHTNING GUY: You should have saved it longer. Like, forever longer. Then the world would be a much happier place.
GEMERL: Too bad you waited until now to say it, because I'm going to kill you for the rest of the episode. {turns his arms into machine guns and rapidly fires, getting blood and Luigi guts all over the King's dinner.}
LIGHTNING GUY: At least it's higher in protein now.
IORI: Oh em gee!
GEMERL: Shut it up! {Shoots Iori offscreen}
LIGHTNING GUY: "That's what you get for sounding out letters!"
KANO: Quit shooting people! {shoots Gemerl offscreen}
EMERL: Oh, boy! Gun party! {turns both of his arms into proton cannons, flails them around the screen. The castle is destoryed.}
LIGHTNING GUY: How dare you...remove the...storyness...of the caste. Yeah, let's go with that.
IORI: Now let's go bother Cartoon Bowser!
EMERL: OKAY!
LIGHTNING GUY: I'M YELLING BECAUSE I WASN'T PAID ENOUGH ATTENTION AS A CHILD!
{cut to Cartoon Bowser's castle}
CARTOON BOWSER: Wow, it sure is quiet around here.
IORI: LEEEEEEROYYYYYYY JEEENKINSSSS!
LIGHTNING GUY: Is equally unfunny the second time around!
CARTOON BOWSER: Whoa! You scared me half to death! What's your malfunction? And who are you?
EMERL: Aww, I can't do my dramatic entrance now.
LIGHTNING GUY: Hint: It involved a lot of yelling.
IORI: You can still say it.
KANO: Lets say it all together to bother Bowser! {quickley} And a 1 and a 2 and a 3! {everyone says LEROY JENKINS, but Bowser covers his ears}
CARTOON BOWSER: Ha! Didn't get me there!
{Chaos smashes into Bowser from, behind.}
LIGHTNING GUY: I'm going to, vomit.
CHAOS: LEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJANKANS!
LIGHTNING GUY: Yep, that'll do it.
(Lightning Guy vomits.}
CARTOON BOWSER: I think my ear drums are injured.
{Lemmy/Hip and Iggy/Hop Koopa enter}
LIGHTNING GUY: I totally know who they are.
LEMMY/HIP: What's with all the noise, King Dad?
IGGY/HOP: Hey Lemmy, look! It's Kano!
LEMMY/HIP: Kano! {Lemmy/Hip and Iggy/Hop run over to Kano and hug him}
LIGHTNING GUY: Why would anybody hug that menace to society?
KANO: Hey, guys.
GEMERL: THREAT TO ADORABILITY. AN-LIMINATE! {Blasts Iggy and Lemmy off of Kano, into Bowser.}
LIGHTNING GUY: "I shoot children! That makes me cool!"
IGGY/HOP: Nice shot. {gives thumbs up}
KANO: Hey, I like those two. Why'd you shoot them?
LIGHTNING GUY: "BECAUSE IT MAKES ME COOL!"
GEMERL: THREAT TO ADORABILITY. {turns back to normal} Because you like them. Duh.
KANO: That's not a good reason...
IORI: What does "theat to adorability" mean?
LIGHTNING GUY: It means you can't spell.
GEMERL: THREAT TO MY CUTENESS.
KANO: Threat to your cuteness?!? You're a robot! You don't look... like.... anything......cute! If that is what you mean by threat to your cuteness.
LIGHTNING GUY: I can draw... out.... sentences......too!
GEMERL: {turns his arms into machine guns} WHAT WAS THAT?
KANO: You heard me! You, aren't, cute! You, are, UG-A-LY!
LIGHTNING GUY: I, can, draw, out, sent-a-ences, too!
{Gemerl blasts Kano's head off, then kicks his body into the air, followed by chopping him up further by slicing him with a sword.}
GEMERL: EXTREME FATALITY.
KANO: {ressurects} I hope that made you feel better.
LIGHTNING GUY: I'm still unsatisfied. Do it again.
IORI: Hey, weren't we here to bother Bowser?
KANO: Wait, yeah, we are! Let's do it some more!
{Everyone constantly pokes Bowser's unconcious body.}
LIGHTNING GUY: You people need a hobby.
KANO: {notices Lemmy/Hip and Iggy/Hop are poking Bowser too} H & H, you're poking him too?
LEMMY/HIP: Yeah!
IGGY/HOP: Why not?
LIGHTNING GUY: Maybe because it's your father and you love him?
LIGHTNING GUY: Ha ha! I'm just kidding! Poke him like the selfish pricks you are!
EMERL: Everybody-a-poking!
PATRICK: This is fun.
GEMERL: Oh, very.
IORI: Whee! I like obnoxiously poking people!
LIGHTNING GUY: "Being a sociopath is awesome!"
{A few seconds go by.}
GEMERL: OK, Now this is just boring the crap out of me.
LIGHTNING GUY: Now you know how I feel every second that I'm reading this.
IORI: Yeah. {stops} And Bowser woke up.
CARTOON BOWSER: Can you guys stop poking me?
IORI: How about... Mario Kart? Super Smash Bros? ...Pong?
LIGHTNING GUY: He said, while still poking Bowser.
GEMERL: Sonic Battle? King of Fighters? Mortal Kombat? The unreleased Doctor Who game? Hotel Mario? Watch Legend of Zelda toon?
IORI: Didn't that Sonic fighting game suck?
PATRICK: Didn't Hotel Mario suck? Oh wait, yes it did!
GEMERL: Hasn't everything we've done today sucked?
LIGHTNING GUY: YES
PATRICK: No, not everything. Most of everything we did didn't suck.
LIGHTNING GUY: We have now established that the character of "Patrick" is really good at lying to himself.
GEMERL: Except the Real life Mortal Kombat, annoying Link, and Poking Bowser.
KING: {jumps in} You'll pay for intterupting
LIGHTNING GUY: How much does "intterupting" cost?
and ruining my dinner!
{Gemerl slowly raises his arm, and shoots The King offscreen.}
IORI: Wow, Sephym'n and his character(s) sure have been quiet.
LIGHTNING GUY: That was the weirdest line of anything I ever read.
GEMERL: I think they left and replaced themselves with cardboard cut-outs.
{cut to a cardboard cut-out of the Dalek. it falls over.}
LIGHTNING GUY: Still more interesting than the actual Dalek.
IORI: What makes you say that?
GEMERL: Well, I have a hunch. That, and, they left a note.
IORI: What does the note say?
LIGHTNING GUY: ♫
GEMERL: Well, I'm just gonna say that Dalek wrote it...because it's a pile of ash.
IORI: I see.
PATRICK: So, what do we do next?
LIGHTNING GUY: END THE EPISODE END THE EPISODE END THE EPISODE
GEMERL: Something that consumes about 15 more lines,
LIGHTNING GUY: NO NO NO
then we end the segment. {FOURTH WALL BREAKAGE!!!}
PATRICK: Ok...
EMERL: Can we go to the beach NOW?
GEMERL: Well, I guess...
CARTOON BOWSER: Surprise
LIGHTNING GUY: buttrape
attack! {attempts to surprise attack but Kano shoots him with a laser}
EMERL: BEACH!
{Cut to the beach, where a counter reading "10" is sticking out of the ground.}
GEMERL: Well, this is fun.
LIGHTNING GUY: no it isn't
So, who wants to play volleyball?
{The counter changes to 9.}
PATRICK: Nah.
IORI: Nah.
KANO: Nah.
LIGHTNING GUY: C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER
{The counter falls down to 6.}
KANO: 5...
IORI: 4...
PATRICK: 3...
CD-I MARIO: 2...
CD-I LUIGI: 1...
GEMERL: I kind of hate you guys for this.
{The counter falls down to zero, and the episode ends.}
