Records Of Bell/Records/35

Summary

Cow Puncher visits after years

Cast: Anthony Sullivan, Cow Puncher, Bell, Sarah, Mature Bling, Tracy,

Places: TV Set, Cow Puncher's House, Mature Bling's House,

Insult: incestuous fucking machines

Credit Joke: Keith Keithofferson

Episode Information: 605- Always Make Sure The Cow Is Dead Before You Eat It

Transcript

{Open to a set on tv.}

ANTHONY SULLIVAN: Anthony Sullivan here with... Anthony Sullivan. {pulls out a doll, and pulls a string on it}

ANTHONY DOLL: Anthony Sullivan here with... Anthony Sullivan. {pulls out a doll, and pulls a string on it}

ANTHONY DOLL DOLL: Anthony Sullivan here with... Anthony Sullivan. {pulls out a doll, and pulls a string on it}

ANTHONY DOLL DOLL DOLL: Anthony Sullivan here with... Anthony Sullivan. {pulls out a doll, and pulls a string on it}

{Cut to Cow's living room}

COW: FFFFFFFFF

{opening sequence. Cut to MB's living room. Bell and Sarah are there, watching television}

ANTHONY SULLIVAN:{on television} Anthony Sullivan here with... Anthony Sullivan. {pulls out a doll, and pulls a string on it}

ANTHONY DOLL:{on television} Anthony Sullivan here with... Anthony Sullivan. {pulls out a doll, and pulls a string on it}

IM A BELL: ...Didn't Billy Mays do this, like, a month ago, or something?

SARAH: I think so...

{Cow Puncher bursts through the doors}

IM A BELL: AAH!

SARAH: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

COW: Bell! Bell!

SARAH: HOW DOES IT KNOW YOUR NAME?!

IM A BELL: I DON'T KNOW!

COW: Remember me? From Wiki City! 2007 and 2008? Come on, you have to!

IM A BELL: NOT REALLY!

{MB walks onscreen}

MATURE BLING: Oh, hey, CP! When'd you get here?

COW: Hello Bling. Whatever-so-happened to your cute lisp?

MATURE BLING: ...It died over 800 years ago.

COW: ... How am I not aware of this long aging that happened when I was in Space Sparta?

IM A BELL: You mean like that it's currently the year 2805?

COW: I visited Space Sparta for one year, so it's only 2009 there, but here, It's somehow 2805!

IM A BELL: Maybe time runs slower in Sssssssssspace Ssssssssssparta.

COW: Yeah, I guess. ... So, who's this lovely lady?

IM A BELL: This is Ssssssssssarah. My wife.

COW: Dang. I was gonna ask her out. And you can stop talking like that.

IM A BELL: Ssssssssssorry.

COW: So how are you, Sarah?

SARAH: ...Okay? {to Bell} Who the hell is this?

IM A BELL: An old friend.

SARAH: Oh.

{Tracy walks onscreen}

TRACY: What's all the noise? AHH! {points at CP} WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

COW: Bell's friend from 2007 and 2008, ya kiddo.

TRACY: ...Neat.

COW: So, where's Veggies Rot?

MATURE BLING: Vegerot? He hung himself in his room a while ago.

COW: Oh. That's too bad. Anyways, I brought some cuisine foods from Space Sparta. Wanna know what I got you all?

TRACY: Not really-

MATURE BLING:{slaps Tracy} Sure, CP.

COW: I got Bling a big old space rock with cat-nip in it, because he's like, some cat thing. I brought bell some blood-stained Poptarts. I was going to bring Vegerot some cheese ripped off of the moon, but he's dead so I'll give this to Sarah. Tracy gets some human hearts. {hands all mentioned to the character mentioned}

TRACY: HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?! I'VE NEVER MET YOU!

COW: It says it on your underwear.

TRACY: HOW CAN YOU SEE THROUGH MY PANTS?!

COW: I have x-ray vision that can only see through pants.

TRACY: WHY WERE YOU LOOKING AT MY UNDERWEAR?!

COW: ... I don't know. Oh, and, I bought 5 tickets for a visit back to Wiki City!

IM A BELL: Sounds dreadful.

COW: ...Oh, come on! The plane is leaving in 3... 2... 1...

{A plane lands in the street}

IM A BELL: ...That plane just crushed a house.

COW: ... Whatever, just climb in.

IM A BELL: Okay...

{They climb into the plane and sit down in first class.}

COW: So, Bell. You're visiting Wiki City for the first time in over 800 years. How's that feel?

IM A BELL: One, I just moved here last summer, and two, why are you talking like some interviewer?

COW: One summer is 800 years in Space Spartan time. The Space Spartan aging and time process is complicated.

IM A BELL: ...No, no, no. Not a summer in your time. A summer in Earth time.

COW: ...Ah, whatever.

IM A BELL: Right...

COW: ... I wonder if this plane has peanuts covered in strawberry jelly and Jr. Mints.

IM A BELL: I hope not.

COW: Oh, shut up.

IM A BELL: Really, that sounds disgusting.

COW: It's cuisine in my culture.

GUY ON SPEAKER: We will be landing in 1 hour. Also, to the man with the blue Sedan, your car is glued to the top of the plane.

TRACY: Now you're stealing jokes from my show!

GUY ON SPEAKER: Lalalalalalala I can't hear you...

TRACY: ... {grabs Bell, starts shaking him} Please tell me this isn't canon.

IM A BELL: Barely anything on this show IS canon.

TRACY: Good point.

COW: ... So hows it going?

TRACY:{still shaking Bell} ...Okay.

COW: Okay is not enough!

MATURE BLING: ...Oh, screw this. {opens a window, jumps out of the plane}

SARAH: ... {in a completely calm and deadpan manner, she shuts the window with one hand, and pulls Tracy off of Bell with the other}

COW: Does MB know he's landing in exactly Iraq. Also, why is the world styled like a map?

SARAH:{still deadpan} Because your time in Space Sparta is causing you to warp your surroundings.

COW: ... Hows it going?

SARAH: Badly.

COW: ... I'm gonna fast forward.

{Fast forward. There's a fuzzy block on the screen along with the fast forward sign. You can see a rickroll, a picture of Gary Busey, and a wiener dog. Once it stops, they have stepped off the plane.}