Records Of Bell/Records/11

Summary

The freakish five read about the Bellstrom ancestry.

Cast: Sarah, Captain Falcon, Mature Bling, Im a bell, Tracy, Don Skull, Sir Bellahad Bellstrom I, Black Knight Bellstrom, Army, Group Of Stray Cats, Minuteman Bellstrom, Doctor Haw, Berarashi-Sama, Yagusahafu-Sensei

Places: Deck, Onboard Library, Renaissance Town, Sir Bellahad's House, Battlefield, Revolutionary War Battleground, Gallifrey Asylum, Ancient Subspace

Episode Information: 205-Never Let A Weak-Hearted "Collins" Read About His Ancestry

Insult: racially-ambiguous rhinoceri

Credit Joke: Masahiro Sakurai

Transcript

{open to Sarah on the deck. Captain Falcon walks onscreen}

CAPTAIN FALCON:{to Sarah} Show me your-

{Sarah punches CF in the face}

CAPTAIN FALCON: I was gonna say "moves"!

SARAH: SURE you were.

MATURE BLING:{walks onscreen} WHAT DOES THE HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

SARAH: Quiet, you.

{cue theme song. cut to an onboard library. Bell and co walk in}

IM A BELL: The cruise library! I'm sure there'll be something interesting here!

MATURE BLING:{pulls out a book} Hey, look at this! "The Bellstrom Ancestry".

IM A BELL: Ooh! I've been wanting to find out about my ancestors.

DON SKULL: Since when?

IM A BELL: Since MB found that book.

TRACY: ...You're an asshole, you know that?

IM A BELL: Yeah. Isn't it great?

TRACY: ...Just go into a flashback before I kill you.

IM A BELL: ...Right. {takes book, opens it} Let's start with the Renaissance period, the first known appearance of a Bellstrom...

{cut to a renaissance town. A knight that has the body of Perfect Bell, but with a chestplate and a bell-shaped helmet rides in on a golden horse}

IM A BELL:{voiceover} This is Sir Bellahad Bellstrom the First.

{Sir Bellahad ties the horse to a post in front of a house, and then enters it. A black knight lookalike is inside the house}

IM A BELL:{voiceover} And this is his brother, Sir Black Knight Bellstrom.

BLACK KNIGHT: Welcome back, brother.

SIR BELLAHAD:{british accent} Thank you, brother.

BLACK KNIGHT:{british accent} Say, brother?

SIR BELLAHAD: Hmm?

BLACK KNIGHT: We're in our armour a lot. Have we even seen eachother's faces?

SIR BELLAHAD: I've seen yours.

BLACK KNIGHT: What? When?

SIR BELLAHAD: Remember? Last Christmas when you-

BLACK KNIGHT: Please. DON'T remind me.

SIR BELLAHAD: Okay. Well, this is what MY face looks like. {takes helmet off. Head looks just like Perfect Bell's, even a propeller cap}

BLACK KNIGHT: Augh! Oh, oh God! No WONDER you always keep your helmet on!

SIR BELLAHAD: Is it my bell-like head?

BLACK KNIGHT: No, it's that hat! Who in their right mind would wear something like that?

SIR BELLAHAD: You know, I don't even know how I got this hat. {takes of cap, revealing the ball on to of his head}

BLACK KNIGHT: EH? WHY IS THERE A TESTICLE{"testicle" is allowed on here, right?} ON YOUR HEAD?

SIR BELLAHAD: Huh? No, no. That's a Chao Ball.

BLACK KNIGHT: What's a "Chao"?

SIR BELLAHAD: Do not ask. Anyways, our village has declared another war.

BLACK KNIGHT: Against?

SIR BELLAHAD: The group of stray cats in the next town.

BLACK KNIGHT: AGAIN?

SIR BELLAHAD: YES again.

BLACK KNIGHT:{sighs} Right. I'll get my lance.

{cut to a field. An army rides onscreen on horseback. A group of cats walk onscreen from the other side of the screen}

MAN IN THE ARMY: CHARGE!!!!

{the army and the cats attack eachother. cut back to the house, after the battle ended. Black Knight is laying on the ground with an arrow sticking out of his chest. Bellahad is kneeling beside him}

SIR BELLAHAD: How could you have been hit by a STRAY CAT?

BLACK KNIGHT: They're very skilled in archery.

SIR BELLAHAD: ...Yes, I can see that.

BLACK KNIGHT: Brother, when I die, take good care of my wife.

SIR BELLAHAD: Who's your wife?

BLACK KNIGHT: Here's her picture. {hands Sir Bellahad a painted picture of a woman that looks very similar to Sarah, but her died hair isn't spiked and she's wearing a crown and other royal clothing}

SIR BELLAHAD: The QUEEN? You married the QUEEN?

BLACK KNIGHT: Yes. Yes I did.

SIR BELLAHAD: I still don't understand why our town has a queen.

BLACK KNIGHT: Neither do I, brother. Neither do Iiiiiii-{dies}

IM A BELL:{voiceover} And Bellahad did take care of the queen. And shortly after they produced a son. Let's fast forward to the Revolution.

{cut to a bunch of people spinning like tops}

IM A BELL:{voiceover} No, the Revolutionary War, NOT the revolution ages!

{cut to a bunch of people fighting in the Revolutionary War. There is a Bell-like soldier fighting on the American side}

IM A BELL:{voiceover} This is Minuteman Bellstrom. He was the first Bellstrom to have reality-bending powers.

{Minuteman Bellstrom goes supernova, destroying the british soldiers currently fighting}

IM A BELL:{voiceover} He won that battle single-handedly. Unfortunately, he wasn't immortal, so the supernova killed him. It's a good thing he already had children. Now let's go to Gallifrey.

{cut to Gallifrey. A pitch-black 4th Doctor runs onscreen, into a red TARDIS, and disappears}

IM A BELL:{voiceover} That was Doctor Hagrobiscuithitchhikersreference, or Doctor Haw for short. He's a renegade time lord that escaped from Gallifrey Asylum. His father, Minuteman Bellstrom's son, traveled to Gallifrey and lived a long life. Until his son killed him that is. Doctor Haw traveled to present-day Free England, UK and had very stupid adventures with three very stupid people.

{cut to a still image of Doctor Haw, a The Master/Strong Bad fusion, a Marth/Marzipan fusion, and a K9/Homestar as The Cheat fusion standing in front of the red TARDIS. cut to Subspace, where a Bell-like ninja is fighting a pitch-black old man}

IM A BELL:{voiceover} Now we will go to subspace in its huble Japanese beginnings, millions of years ago. This ninja is Doctor Haw's son, Berararashi-Sama, and the old man is his older brother and master, Yagusahafu-Sensei. Berarashi-Sama is really British, like his father, but he and his brother had to move to very Japanese Subspace. Since there is no Japanese translation for Bellstrom, he combined Bell, beru, and Storm, arashi, for his name.

YAGUSAHAFU: You have learned well Berarashi-Kun, but you still are unable to defeat me.

BERARASHI: DON'T BE SO SURE! {pulls out katana, stabs Yagusahafu in the heart}

YAGUSAHAFU: AACKK-

BERARASHI:{pulls out katana, slices Yagusahafu's head off} Hmmhmmhmm. I guess you were wrong. AHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

{cut back to the library}

IM A BELL: And Berarashi is my father's father. {closes book}

TRACY: Neat. So, is this episode over?

IM A BELL: Uhh... Sure. Why not.

{cue credits}