(even if you aren't vegan)
Objection!/Rift1
Court Records
- CASE NAME: Turnabout Attorney
- CASE DESCRIPTION: A murder has occured and fallen defense attorney, Badstar Strunner is to blame. It seems simple, but something dark is going on in the trial...
- JUDGE PRESIDING: The Honorable Judge Judge Jr.
- PLAINTIFF: Shadi Smith
- DEFENDANT: Badstar Strunner
- PROSECUTOR: TheStick Lapcing
- DEFENSE: Rift Katana
- WITNESSES: Jon, Badstar Strunner
- VERDICT: Not Guilty
Evidence
- Thinker Clock - Used to kill the victim. Found in the bathroom. Has the victim's blood on it.
- Knife - Used by Shadi Smith to break into Badstar's house.
Court Transcript
{Opens to black}
???: AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
{Silence. A phone call can be heard}
??? 2: Hey, its me. Listen, I'm in... a predicament. ...Dead. Me? Are you serious? Listen, I want that rookie you're training to defend me. ...Why? Heh... I have my reasons...
{Cut: the courtroom lobby. Rift is alone, sitting on a bench.}
???: First day in court, huh, pal?
RIFT: Who are you?
JON: Me? I'm Jon, head detective of this case. Nice to meet you... uh... I never got your name. What is it?
RIFT: Rift, Rift Katana. I am the new Defense Attorney.
JON: Nice to meet you, pal! I take it you're on this case?
???: {Appears} ...
RIFT: Yeah, I am a time traveler too. Wait, who are you?
JON: Huh. It's not every day you see a time traveller. ... HEY! Who're you, pal? {turns to ???}
BADSTAR: {Is wearing a dark red jacket and is no longer wearing his well known proppelor cap} Why, I am your client... Oh, detective Jon. Long time, no see...
JON: ... ... ... STRUNNER! WHAT'RE YOU DOING HERE, PAL?!
RIFT: I've heard of you... I think.
JON: Who hasn't? He's a freakin' legend, pal! ... But, what's with the get-up?
RIFT: Wait, you are THE Badstar Strunner? I am your biggest fan!
BADSTAR: Jon, I am no longer a defense attorney. Might as well wear something casual...
RIFT: Why aren't you one?
BADSTAR: ...Lets just say.... 7 years ago.... an incident occured. Thats all I'll say. ... {Smirks} For now...
RIFT: Well, why are you here?
JON: ... He's the suspect, pal. Didn't you read the court record?
RIFT: Forgot. Who is the prosecutor? And where is this "Stan" I heard about?
JON: ... Let's not talk about him.
RIFT: What happened?
JON: Don't talk about it, okay?!
RIFT: I can find out anyways. Tell me the easy way.
BAILIFF: Court is now in session! Will the defense please enter the courtroom?
JON: I guess we should save it.
BADSTAR: Well, time for court... {To Rift} Try your best, okay? {Walks in, smiling}
{Rift walks in, nervous}
JUDGE: Court is now in session. Is the defense ready?
RIFT: Yes.
JUDGE: Hm... you seem new to this. What's your name, boy?
RIFT: Katana, Rift Katana.
JUDGE: My! What odd names, these young people have... Now, then. Is the prosecution ready?
THESTICK: Yes.
JUDGE: And your name is? I don't think I've seen you around either!
THESTICK: Well, my name is TheStick. Last name Lapcing.
JUDGE: Oh! What a nickname! Well, Prosecutor TheStick, would you mind making your opening statement?
THESTICK: Well, with no accounts, no details, no information, and no evidence, I can't really make one.
RIFT: Read the court records!
JUDGE: Well, rookies tend to make these mistakes... speaking of which, I'll not have you speak out of turn, Mr. Katana!
THESTICK: {Takes out, and reads the court record} Okay. Well, I think that Badstar is getting revenge on someone who caused his fall from glory.
JUDGE: My, what a scandal! Do we have any more evidence?
THESTICK: I don't think so.
JUDGE: Alright, then. Prosecutor TheStick, please call the first witness to the stand.
THESTICK: The Prosecution calls Jon to the stand.
{Jon walks up to the stand.}
JUDGE: Ah, Detective. Nice to see you again!
JON: Nice to be seen!
JUDGE: Please testify for the court, if you will, about the murder.
JON: Yes, sir.
JON: The crime scene was the house of the defendant, Badstar Strunner. The victim was found in the fireplace the next day, dead from blunt trauma to the head. The murder weapon, we believe, was a statuette of "The Thinker", found in the defendant's bathroom, covered in blood.
JUDGE: The defense may start its cross-examination.
RIFT: Okay. Jon, will you please repeat the first two sentences?
JON: The crime scene was the house of the defendant, Badstar Strunner. The victim was found in the fireplace the next day, dead from blunt trauma to the head.
RIFT: HOLD IT! If the body was burnt, how did you know it was from blunt trama?
JON: The body was never burned. It was just put there. We did an autopsy, and the victim died from blunt trauma.
RIFT: Continue.
JON: The murder weapon, we believe, was a statuette of "The Thinker", found in the defendant's bathroom, covered in blood.
RIFT: OBJECTION! How did you know to check in there?
JON: We searched the whole house and we happened to find the statue in there.
JUDGE: Detective! Please submit this evidence into the court records!
JON: Oh! Sorry, sir!
RIFT: Now, is there any reason my defendant would want to hurt the victim?
JUDGE: A motive? Explain, Detective!
JON: The victim was identified as Shadi Smith, a former client of his. Apparently, Smith got Badstar debarred...
RIFT: I would like to call a witness, STAN!
THESTICK: I know I'm going to get penalized for this, but why?
JUDGE: Agreed. Whoever this man is, he has nothing to do with this case!
JON: Yeah. He's off in Britain or something, I don't know.
RIFT: Didn't he also dislike Shadi?
JON: Stan's never heard of him.
RIFT: I read all about the case. But lets drop it.
JUDGE: Let's. Would the defense care to call another witness... somebody who was there, perhaps?
THESTICK: Can I suggest something?
JUDGE: Yes, Prosecutor. What do you have in mind?
THESTICK: Well, there's some blood on the statue, so couldn't we analyze it for a DNA match?
JON: Already done. The statue has the victim's blood on it, alright.
THESTICK: Very well then. Proceed.
RIFT: I call, Badstar!
JUDGE: Very well. Will the defendant, Badstar Strunner, please take the stand?
BADSTAR: {Walks up to the stand}
JUDGE: Strunner... I haven't seen you in a while.
BADSTAR: {Smiling} Yep... seven years to be exact...
JUDGE: I remember that, I do. Quite vividly, even. But... now's not the time to reminisce.
BADSTAR: Indeed. Lets put the past behind us, shall we?
JUDGE: Right. Please testify about the night of the crime.
BADSTAR: It was 10:00 PM. I was still up, reading. When I heard a knock at the door. Shadi came in and lunged at me with a knife for reasons unknown. I jumped out the way and Shadi crashed into a shelf, with my miniature statue of the thinker. The force caused the thinker to fall and... well... you can guess what happens next.
THESTICK: So, Badstar, can you explain why the victim ended up in the fireplace after he crashed? And why a shelf would be right in front of the fireplace?
RIFT: OBJECTION! Jon never mentioned a shelf!
THESTICK: Badstar mentioned a shelf. Shadi lunged at him, missed, hit the shelf, and the statue fell on him, according to his account. But Badstar, can you explain how your statue fell hard enough to kill someone, but not break?
RIFT: (Damn, I might lose my first case.)
BADSTAR: Ah, simple really. The shelf was next to the fire place. He crashed into the shelf and the thinker fell. How he ended up in the fireplace... honestly... I have no clue.
THESTICK: So, why did Jon find your The Thinker statue in the bathroom?
BADSTAR: Once again... no clue.
THESTICK: Then how did your The Thinker statue hit the person hard enough to kill someone, but not break?
BADSTAR: Its a very strong statue. Small, but strong.
THESTICK: How did Shadi open the door?
BADSTAR: I'm not really sure, but I have a theory...
THESTICK: What is it?
BADSTAR: You see, the door was locked at the time. Shadi had a thin knife. He must've used it to slide it in the side of the door and pick the lock.
THESTICK: OBJECTION! You can't pick a lock through the side of a door.
{Pause}
BADSTAR: ...OBJECTION! You see, for my door... it is possible! The lock is on the left side of the door. He slid it in and lifted the lock! It's the only possibilty! TAKE THAT! ...Heh. Haven't done that in a while.
THESTICK: Oh, you use a chain lock?
BADSTAR: Yes. I find it... unique.
THESTICK: Then how do you open it from the outside?
RIFT: That doesn't matter!
THESTICK: It just doesn't seem to add up! I mean, Shadi mysteriously crashes, then mysteriously ends up in the fireplace unexplainably? Wait, Badstar, do you have the knife that was carried by Shadi?
BADSTAR: Why, yes. I picked it up, after he died. I thought it might have been good evidence. So, I better submit it as evidence. "Take that!". {Gives to the judge} Heh... still feels odd saying that...
RIFT: Badstar, how does Shadi know where you live?
BADSTAR: ...I also don't know that.
THESTICK: Can you describe the room where all this happened?
BADSTAR: Hmmm... I don't see how this is relevant, but okay. Its a small room. A book shelf, which had the thinker on top, a fireplace next to it, a small TV, thats about it.
RIFT: Did anything happen in the other rooms?
THESTICK: Were you sitting down in a chair when Shadi attacked you? You never mentioned any chairs in your room.
RIFT: Ahem. I asked a question.
BADSTAR: Oh, its okay. Yes, I was in a chair.
RIFT: Did anything happen in the other rooms?
THESTICK: When Shadi lunged at you, did he go in a straight line? And were you sitting in the chair at the time?
BADSTAR: I got up when he broke in.
RIFT: DID ANYTHING HAPPEN IN THE OTHER ROOMS?
BADSTAR: No reason, to yell. And no. Nothing was going on in the other rooms. I don't really see how thats relevant...
THESTICK: When Shadi lunged at you, did he go in a straight line? And were you sitting in the chair at the time?
JUDGE: Order! Order in the court! Mr. TheStick, please refrain from badgering the witness. Now... correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't the murder weapon found in the bathroom?
THESTICK: Yes, it was found in the bathroom.
JUDGE: Then... how could Mr. Smith have been killed in the living room? I find that suspicious, myself.
THESTICK: I know! Something about Badstar's testimony seems a bit fishy.
BADSTAR: I have another theory for that. That somebody planted the thinker in the bathroom. It may seem far fetched, but that is what I believe...
THESTICK: Then couldn't we run a fingerprint test on the statue and the knife?
BADSTAR: Hmmm... that sounds like a good idea, actually.
RIFT: However, if the Thinker belongs to you, you're prints would be on it.
BADSTAR: True, but the fingerprints of the real killer would've covered my fingerprints.
THESTICK: Not nesesarily, but run the test anyway.
RIFT: Judge?
JUDGE: Agreed. The court will take a 20 minute recess while we process the results. Court is now in recess.
{Cut: the defendant's lobby.}
RIFT: I failed.
THESTICK: {Walking in} Huh? What do you mean?
RIFT: I obviously lost the case. We have no proof Badstar didn't murder Shadi.
THESTICK: Unless the DNA match proves otherwise. Well, I better go search for that inconsitiency! {Walks out}
BAILIFF: Court is now in session! Could the prosecution and defense please return to the courtroom?
{Rift walks in}
{Cut: the courtroom.}
JUDGE: Court is now in session. Prosecutor TheStick?
THESTICK: Yeah? What is it?
JUDGE: Have you concluded the tests?
THESTICK: {Pulls out a sheet of paper} Appearently, the fingerprints on the knife are the victim's, and the fingerprints on the statue belong to Badstar.
JUDGE: !!! Really, now? Mr. Rift, what are your thoughts?
RIFT: Badstar owns the clock, so his prints have to be on it.
JUDGE: Well, I guess that makes sense... even so, it still incriminates Mr. Strunner as the criminal!
???: Oh, uh... OBJECTION! Or something...
RIFT: (Who is that?) {Looks over to the figure, gasps} (No, it can't be!)
JON: That's right! I have an objection, Your Honor! ... I think.
JUDGE: Detective Jon! ... Just what are you doing?
JON: Come on, it's simple! Think back to the defendant's testimony... he said The Thinker was on a shelf next to the fireplace! If Smith had crashed into the fireplace--he couldn't have had The Thinker land on him! That means... Smith crashed into the shelf beside the fireplace!
RIFT: Jon? Why?
JON: Why? Mr. Strunner was clearly misremembering, so I had... to... jog his... memory. Oh. Whoops.
JUDGE: So, the only way The Thinker could have hit him is if Mr. Strunner hit him with it! Of course!
JON: URP-!
???: OBJECTION!
JON: Oh, who is it now?
RIFT: Could it be?
JON: I already told you, he's out of the country, pal!
BADSTAR: I believe that was me.
RIFT: You said objection?!?
JUDGE: It does make sense, doesn't it?
BADSTAR: Why, yes it does. Anyway... even though I am just a defendant... I have found a contradiction.
JUDGE: Really? How exciting!
RIFT: (Wait a second, I know what happened!) OBJECTION!
JUDGE: Wait your turn, Mr. Katana! The defendant wants to speak.
RIFT: I know who did it!
JUDGE: We need names, Mr. Katana. Unless you have a name, your claims are useless.
RIFT: But but-
BADSTAR: Now, I would like to explain. You see, you say the only possibility was that I could have hit him. But how could I have hit him... IF THE THINKER WAS IN THE BATHROOM?
RIFT: I now know for sure!
JUDGE: Well... would the defense... or defendant... like to call a witness?
BADSTAR: Even though I am not a lawyer anymore... I call to the stand... Homestrong Strunner!
JUDGE: Alright. Would Homestrong Strunner please take the stand?
HOMESTRONG: {Takes the stand}
JUDGE: Mr. Strunner... were you at the scene of the crime?
HOMESTRONG: I was passing by my brother's house.
JUDGE: When?
HOMESTRONG: Around the time of the murder.
JUDGE: Good, then you can testify. Please testify about what happened that night.
HOMESTRONG: Yes, your honor. It was a few seconds before the murder. I was walking, then I heard a lot of noise coming from my brother Badstar's house. I peeked through the window and thats when I saw my brother hit him over the head with the statue. It was a horrible, horrible, sight...
RIFT: Hmm...
JUDGE: The defense may start its cross-examination.
RIFT: Please repeat the first sentence.
HOMESTRONG: Okay! It was a few seconds before the murder.
RIFT: Continue.
HOMESTRONG: Yes, your honor. It was a few seconds before the murder. I was walking, then I heard a lot of noise coming from my brother Badstar's house. I peeked through the window and thats when I saw my brother hit him over the head with the statue. It was a horrible, horrible, sight...
RIFT: Hmm. Why were you walking by?
HOMESTRONG: I was just taking a walk, and I happened to pass by.
RIFT: Was there a specific reason you took a walk THERE?
THESTICK: Wait a second, wait a second. Badstar made a contradiction. He already said that The Thinker was on the shelf by his fireplace, but he just said right now that The Thinker was in the bathroom the whole time. And doesn't all this prove that Badstar is guilty?
RIFT: He didn't say that.
THESTICK: He said that The Thinker was in the bathroom, which means that it was there the whole time, but in his initial testimony, he said that The Thinker was on the shelf in his living room, er, room that all this happened in that isn't his bathroom.
JUDGE: ... Which means? ... Wait. Wait wait wait wait a minute! Maybe... maybe he remembered wrong because of something... something must have happened to him!
RIFT: OBJECTION! This is what happened: Badstar was attacked and knocked out by The Thinker. Now, Homestrong comes in to ruin Badstar: he was jailed because of Badstar a while ago. Mistaking Shadi to be Badstar, he takes the Thinker, now on the floor and kills him. He then stuffs the body in the fireplace and throws the Thinker in the bathroom.
HOMESTRONG: W-WHAAAAAAAAAT!? I-I didn't do anything! You have no proof!
RIFT: We can easily check the body.
JUDGE: He's right, you know.
HOMESTRONG: N-n-NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I-I HAD YOU BROTHER!!!! I HAD YOU IN THE PALM OF MY NON-EXISTENT HAND!!!!! H-HOW!? HOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!?!?!?!
BADSTAR: Simple, really... all you've done your life is lie. And nothing, not even you, can escape the truth!
HOMESTRONG: GRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! AND YOU, YOU STUPID DEFENSE ATTORNEY!!!!!! I HOPE YOU DIE!!!!!!!!!!! I HOPE YOU ALL DDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! {Foams at the mouth and passes out}
THESTICK: So, Badstar is not guilty?
JUDGE: ... It does seem that way, yes! We find Badstar Strunner... not guilty. Homestrong will be tried later for murder. Court is adjourned.
{Cut: the defense lobby.}
JON: Way to go, newbie! You did it!
{TheStick walks in again}
THESTICK: What I don't get is how the case changed so quickly.
JON: Perhaps... there was somebody helping him? Heh-heh-heh!
RIFT: I won my first case!
JON: Boy, it was a miracle you did... I was on the edge of my seat, there!
RIFT: I knew Homestrong was lying...
JON: Yeah, I had a feeling... Well! It's the end of a long day, and I've gotta get some rest. Bye, pal!
{Jon leaves.}
BADSTAR: {Walks up to Rift} You did a good job, today.
RIFT: Not as good as you.
BADSTAR: It was mostly you. Remember... I'm not a lawyer anymore. Speaking of which... I want you to come work for me, Rift.
RIFT: Wait what? What do you mean "Work for you"?
BADSTAR: Y'know. I want you to have a job at the law offices. True, I may not be a lwayer anymore... but still... the job is open if you want it. But for now... goodbye.
{Badstar leaves. Fade to black.}
RIFT: From that day, I was a D.A. I would never forget what he asked. I accepted.
THESTICK: I lost my first case that day. I never would forget Rift, or Badstar, as they pulled an astonishing turnaround.
????: ... I got word of this new defense attorney. Badstar told me all about him. From that point, I knew to take a look at this kid... and watch him grow. I knew I had to meet him.
