Mystery Fanstuff Theater 3000/Space-Aged Stupidity/eps/5

Transcript

{Sephiroth is standing at a door with a ribbon over it. He presses the button, and the door opens. He then cuts the ribbon.}

SEPHIROTH: I NOW DECLARE THE DANCING AND MUSIC ROOM, OPEN!!!

RYAN-X: This room will prove of no use to me, but if it must exist on this ship, it shall. I have also found an old Fully Operated Extreme Exterminator model and started it up.

FOXX: You will all fail at everything you do.

SEPHIROTH: Hey! I'm the King of Disco!

RYAN-X: That's how you know he's working fine.

FOXX: Step aside, inferior being.

{Foxx walks on to the dance floor and busts moves perfectly}

SEPHIROTH: You're good. But you can't beat me! {Walks onto the platform, and uses the Jukebox to put a Disco Remix of Night on Bald Mountain. He then starts to do the Saturday Night Fever dance scene.}

{An explosion is heard. Smoke pours into the room. The intercom comes on. K-Bot is on the line.}

K-BOT HR'D: {over intercom} Uh guys, the microwave exploded and Ryan-X's bedroom is on fire. I could use some help. {ends}

GIM2: {sighs} Guess I'll go then--

{Sephiroth presses a button on the wall, and another button. The Sprinkler system goes off in Ryan-X's Bedroom.}

GIM2: Never mind.

{The intercom comes back on.}

K-BOT HR'D: {over intercom} I forgot to mention, the explosion messed with some of the ship's wiring. {goes off}

{The sprinklers go off in the Music Room.}

K-BOT HR'D: {walks in} I could really use some... woah, what is this, a theme? If so, {singing} I'm singin' in the rain, just singin' in the rain! What a glorious feeling, I'm happy again! {continues}

SEPHIROTH: No, the ship's alright. I picked the "Singing in the Rain" feature. This works in all rooms. Watch! {Presses a button, and everyone starts to do Soulja Boy.}Oh god no! {Shoots the button, destroying it. He then presses "Thriller".}

K-BOT HR'D: Also, the fire in Ryan's room is an electrical fire, so the water isn't doing anything.

SEPHIROTH: {Walks out of the room into Ryan's room. Some banging noises are heard, and Sephiroth comes back, covered in Fire Extinguisher stuff} The fire is out. If you say anything else, I will dismantle you, and transform you into an Xbox.

K-BOT HR'D: We need a new microwave. I'll go buy one. {runs off}

{Chaos comes into the room with a microwave, and bumps into K-Bot.}

CHAOS: OhmygodI'msosorry! Actually, I'm not. Seeing as how you're injured, I'll just have to tear you open and dissect you.

{Ryan-X watched the whole thing with jaw dropped and eyes twitching}

RYAN-X: WHAT.

GR-01: {snickers} Amused Statement: I have got to see this!

CHAOS: I should know what to do in this situation best. I DO have the G.E.D.

RYAN-X: YOU HAD BETTER FIX MY DAMN ROOM OR ELSE.

CHAOS: After I showcase my newest invention!

{Cut to the Meeting Room.}

CHAOS: My newest invention! The dead human Generator! {Puts the microwave on the table.}

SEPHIROTH: Does this invention mean you won't try to kill us for organs anymore?

K-BOT HR'D: ...Or try to make me into a toaster constantly?

CHAOS: No, I'll still do all that jazz, but this device makes it easier to do my job! If you put any random object in, it'll come out as a whole dead body!

{K-Bot walks off. He comes back with a burnt mattress and a burnt priceless vase.}

K-BOT HR'D: Hey Ryan, did you want this vase or this mattress? {the vase crumbles into dust} Never mind. {eats the mattress}

RYAN-X: I swear...you had better fix up my room, Chaos.

SEPHIROTH: I sent the Dwarfbots to fix it.

CHAOS: Uh-oh.

B-621: {Enters} ...What am I doing here?

CHAOS: You're dead. {throws B-621 into the trash bin.}

TAHU: {over intercom:} Hey juys. I'mma your new navigator, Tahu. Where do ya wanna go?

SEPHIROTH: We're not going anywhere yet. Unless there's anything on the radar. Is there?

TAHU: Actually, there is this place called Camelot. No, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot. 'Tis a silly place. How about Mobius? It was just discovered, and has yet to be populated. Sound good? {OOC: Can we introduce new characters along the way?}

{OOC: You can have 2 Fake Characters 2. I'll allow you to introduce some more, but only if they are Minor Reoccuring.}

SEPHIROTH: No, I've heard of it. The reason why it is unpopulated is due to it being a Nuclear Test facility.

GR-01: Evil Exclamation: Ooh, fun!

TAHU: Oh. Well that sucks. Well then, let's turn a-WOAH! {a huge blast shakes the ship}

SEPHIROTH: Oh. That doesn't sound good. What is it?

TAHU: Looks like an... Uh oh. It's a nuke.

SEPHIROTH: STEER THE SHIP AWAY THEN!!!

TAHU: Okay, let me just... {pause} The Hyperspace drive is broke. Anyone able to fix a broken Hyperspace drive?

SEPHIROTH: I'll active the backup. {Presses a button, and a backup comes up.} There.

TAHU: kthxlol {blasts off} Everyone okay?

{K-Bot is lying on the floor, shaking violently.}

K-BOT HR'D: {malfunctioning} Lol kthxbai thx np omg plx noob! ZIPPITY DOO DA! IT'S OVER 9000! ZEEKY BOOGY DOOG! IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZER! WEEGEE! CARMELLADANCEN! SUPER MARIO HYADAIN! JIBNEY! SUPER MARIO BROS Z! ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US. Blah. {rolls around the floor laughing}

TAHU: I'll take that as a no. Well, Camelot it is, then. OK?

CHAOS: We won't be able to move anywhere in a few minutes.

SEPHIROTH: Umm.... {Opens up K-Bot's Head, and puts an egg in it. A few minutes later, he opens it again, and puts the egg on the plate. The Egg is now fried.} What?!

CHAOS: Well, Ryan's Room holds the navigation matrix required to pilot the ship past a speed of 10 miles per hour. And I sorta...rigged the Dwarfbots to explode in...

{A large explosion is heard.}

CHAOS: Now. Well, Ryan needs a new room and we're stranded in the depths of space until I can fix it with Joseph's help. Who's up for a game of Poker?

SEPHIROTH: No thanks. You cheat. And you also raise high stakes like, "If we lose me must give you our livers." So no.

K-BOT HR'D: {sneaks up behind Sephiroth} MUST EAT! {tackles seph, and begins chewing on his head}

SEPHIROTH: Oh my. {Throws K-Bot off. It hits Chaos.}

{K-Bot shuts down, then reboots.}

K-BOT HR'D: {dazed, but normal} Ugg, what happened? The last thing I remember is Seph turning on the back-up turbo drive.

CHAOS: I knew I was forgetting something!

{Chaos opens up K-Bot and takes out the turbo-drive}

CHAOS: Now I can go buy lunch!

{A full English Breakfast falls out of K-Bot. Sephiroth catches it on a plate.}

SEPHIROTH: Breakfast is ready!

{Cut to Chaos gorging out on re-heated pizza, burgers, cold french fries, and cake.}

CHAOS: {Notices everyone with their food. Stops chewing. Resumes twice, then stops again} I pity you british folk. Eating fresh, small, healthy meals. That isn't the american way.

SEPHIROTH: I'm not British. I'm Canadian. THAT US THE STUNNING TRUTH I KNOW!!

CHAOS: Still not what a REAL man eats. {Eats a piece of cake}

SEPHIROTH: A real man, eh? {Rips off shirt to reveal massive pecs, and detailed chiselled muscles.} And you? {Points out Chaos's Gut.}

CHAOS: You forget:

{Chaos turns into Alphamon.}

ALPHAMON: That.

{Alphamon turns back.}

SEPHIROTH: What about this? {Turns into a Sky Dragon} Or this? {Turns into a golden egyptian dragon. He then turns back.}

CHAOS: Well, I was man enough to be the only one brave enough to get my G.E.D. In biology and doctarte studies!

SEPHIROTH: I've got a full education of Law, and I've also saved 1000 lives. I'm also a qualified Pilot, Captain, and Lovemaker!

CHAOS: I can kill whomever I want without care, I am a certified barber, dancer, smooth jazz musician, car builder, Elvis Impersonator, Deathknight, CEO of Burger King, and true inventor of Shrinky Dinks!

SEPHIROTH: I'm an Actor, Director, Dictator, Dancer, Mobster, Cartoon Character, and I traveled back in time to kill Hitler!

CHAOS: I have Nilla Wafers!

SEPHIROTH: I KILLED MUFUSA.

CHAOS: I STILL HAVE NILLA WAFERS.

SEPHIROTH: Oh. Dammit.

RYAN-X: FIX MY ROOM OR I'LL SNAP YOUR SPINE TO BITS AND CRUSH THE REST OF YOU TO A EXTREMELY BLOODY AND GORY PULP.

{Sephiroth presses a button on his vest, and a large metal shell forms over him, leaving no holes, but one for his eyes.}

SEPHIROTH: Except for me, right?

RYAN-X: I was talking to the one responsible for the dwarfbots.

{The Shell spouts out some arms, and picks up Chaos. It then puts him right in front of Ryan-X.}

CHAOS: You can't kill me. Not only would it leave a plot hole next episode as I return, but I'm also immortal.

SEPHIROTH: Don't worry, it isn't much of a plothole. Kenny did it all the time.

SUPERDUDE:{Teleports in} So that's what the broken one did.I wonder where Userunknown went?

CHAOS: Let's take a vote: Who cares?

{Nobody raises their hand.}

CHAOS: Exactly.

RAIKU: I vote that we move it! There are aliens attacking the ship!!!

SEPHIROTH: WHO WENT INTO MY CABINET? THAT LSD IS MINE AND MINE ONLY!

CHAOS:...There are no Aliens attacking the ship, and moving a soldier we picked up in the middle of space and let board the ship and had them here for 2 episodes from where we can't find him will do nothing to help it. An I did. I figured I could use it for when I;m dissecting the remains of small children I found at the Amusement park planet.

SEPHIROTH: What he said...

CHAOS: He's just an idiot. And how did all of these people get on the ship if they weren't here before?

SEPHIROTH: It's a big ship. In fact, we started off with a crew of 1000, remember? Most of them are dead. Because of all the accidents...

CHAOS: I swear Those girl scouts were injected with steroids before I experimented on them.

SEPHIROTH: They were Girl Scouts? They looked more like wrestlers.

CHAOS: Yes, that's what happens when you inject someone with steriods for the purpose of science-I MEAN THEY WERE GENETICALLY INJECTED WITH STERIODS DUE TO GENES OF GENEOLOGY.

SEPHIROTH: Wanna search through the lockers of all the dead crewmates?

CHAOS: Naw, we should really fix Ryan's room up.

SEPHIROTH: Alright. By the way, most of his possessions were saved, as I was gonna paint it earlier anyway.

{Chaos opens up the Door to Ryan's room. The Bed is blown in half, graffiti is written everywhere, there are mysterious piles of mold on the ground, and a large pole is sticking out of the ground.}

CHAOS: I'm pretty sure this thing will need more than just a fresh coat of paint.

SEPHIROTH: You don't say...

CHAOS: Go get my tools. THIS IS GOING TO GET EPIC.

K-BOT HR'D: I CAN DO IT!

{K-Bot runs in the room and shuts the door. A few minutes later the door opens. The room is 100% fixed, and K-Bot is covered in grime.}

K-BOT HR'D: Done.

SEPHIROTH: Grime? Wha? {Goes into room, and poke the wall. It reveals to be made of grime.} What is this stuff?

CHAOS: Where's all my aged Human fat gone? {Chaos enters the room} Oh you guys can go to space hell.

SEPHIROTH: That's not human fat. {Tastes some, then spits it out.} Okay... this stuff is disgusting! ....Space Grime. Oh great.

K-BOT HR'D: That's actually just a lot of mold, your fat is in the kitchen. I forgot to clean that wall. {cleans the grime off the wall} There we go! I'm gonna go wash myself off now... {walks off}

SUPERDUDE:Anyone hear some thing?

{A faint crash and yelling can be heard}

SEPHIROTH: Oh god. What now? Did someone else die?

{Suddenly, JCM comes in in his wheelchair.}

JCM: Nothing to worry about, grandson. I just slipped on one of those banana peels you leave around. On that topic, you really need to clean your ship. It's hard for a man my age to get back in his wheelchair.

CHAOS: I can surgically replace your legs...or not...I could just take them...How's about it?

SEPHIROTH: Well, I'm hiring janitors.

RYAN-X: Ok, you space hell-bringers. IS MY ROOM FIXED OR WH-

{Ryan-X notices his room fixed, clean}

RYAN-X: {stuttering, faints}

SEPHIROTH: Whoa.

CHAOS: Oh yeah, I neglected to mention, I made a model of Ryan's bedroom of or Sabre Hummus, but then I got bored, so I came back in here and fixed his room.

SEPHIROTH: Right... Okay.. Oh yeah, didn't you want so show me this invention of yours? Something you said would make my job much easier?

{The episode ends with suspenseful music.}