Mystery Fanstuff Theater 3000/Space-Aged Stupidity/eps/3

Summary

The Apes plant what they want to.

NACHOMAN: YEAH WE PLANT WHAT WE WANT FUCK YOU DAD

Transcript

{Cut to the meeting room. Userunknown is showing a slideshow}

NACHOMAN: You know what fan fiction needed? More powerpoint presentations!

USERUNKNOWN: So, the apes of garden are led by Hairy Potter.

SKUB: hhaha volmdeomrt you don't haf a nose >:D

I believe that they have been stealing entire ecosystems. Any thoughts on this crisis?

K-BOT HR'D: Why don't we just take back the ecosystems then burn their planet?

SUPERDUDE: Didn't you hear him say that they have the best defences in the known universe? We would be killed in seconds!

THE SPART: I couldn't care less about those dirty apes! They smell, have low hygiene, and even worse, THEY DON'T HAVE A FASHION SENSE!!

NACHOMAN: I'M WEARING STRETCH PANTS

Us Felis-Cheatians are much more stylistic than them.

BLUEBRY: fedoras are the height of fashion

USERUNKNOWN: Shutup. You are a cat, you can not talk!

NACHOMAN: that would be just too crazy

THE SPART: Not just a cat. A Cat Cheat Hybrid Species. I was created by The original Spart, my ancestor, mating with a stray cat.

NACHOMAN: that's illegal in the U.S.

SEPHIROTH: I owned the Spart.

USERUNKNOWN: {To The spart} Didn't need to know that, moving on. I suggest we send in a small strike team dressed up as female apes. {Note:they are like the ape from planet of the apes.}

THE SPART: Wait? Transvestite Apes!? Excuse me, but I am not Tim Curry!

USERUNKNOWN: No. We are going to use that rabbit.

BLUEBRY: am i the only one that has no idea what's happening

{The camera pans right to show Bugs Bunny}

BUGS BUNNY:Eh, what's up, spart?

NACHOMAN: How the mighty have fallen.

THE SPART: {Whistles, then presses the Rabbit Eject button.

BLUEBRY: "which was conveniently there"

Bugs Bunny is launched out into space.} Oops. Accident...

USERUNKNOWN: You have to get him back, or we dress you up like a female ape.

CHAOS: Good news, everyone! I got my nephew to help on the ship! He was at Space DeVry getting his diploma!

JOSEPH: Sorry it took so long for me to get here. So, what should I do?

{K-Bot wobbles in. He has a disc labeled "ape_virus.exe" stuck in his disc drive.}

K-BOT HR'D: {COMPUTER VOICE} ERROR. ERROR. VIRUS PROGRAM INITIATED. DOES NOT COMPUTE. {clicks} WEDIR. COMPUTE NOT IT DOES. PICKLE. NO ViRUS ALLoWEd!?! MUSTN'T. ZBD. BElL i A'M. {normal} HELP ME! I went to explore the ape planet and they installed a virus program into my hard drive! The only way to stop this virus is to... {computer voice} LuiGI MAMa. ASSIMILATE MODE ACTIVATE. {Multiple guns appear all over K-Bots's body.} CLEANING MODE ACTIVATE. {K-bot's feet turn into soap brushes. One of the guns is replaced with a toilet brush.} GAMING MODE ACTIVATE. {K-Bot's eyes roll back and are replaced with a screen. NES controllers come out of his mouth. Super Mario Bros appears on the screen.} COMPUTE.

JOSEPH: I'll save me and some other people!

{Joseph pulls out the disc and eats it.}

BLUEBRY: my hero

{Ryan-X walks in}

RYAN-X: WHAT is going on...

NACHOMAN: dufe, thints guy is STONED out of his MIND he must bee TOKANG on a FLAT JOINT to be this HIGH.............

{Cut to the opening. Fade in on the training room, where GR-01 and Userunknown are shooting moving targets. The words "Plant it on the Apes" fade in down the bottom, then fade back out.}

GR-01: {gets one} 27, {gets another} 28, {gets another} 29...

NACHOMAN: hey brooks, you know what's funnier than 24
BROOKSIE: what
NACHOMAN: 25

{Sephiroth comes in. OOC: Oh yeah, I'm gonna do the Opening and Closing Theme to this soon.}

SEPHIROTH: Hmm... Nice Accuracy. But, can you beat me? {Gets out a pistol, and shoots 200 targets in a minute.}

BLUEBRY: thats like three per second and impossible

{GR-01, using speed and accuracy,

BLUEBRY: i would have never guessed

gets 240 in a minute.}

RYAN-X: That's nothing. {shoots 241 in a minute}

SEPHIROTH: Hmm.. You're challenging me. BEAT THIS! {Gets out a Musket, and shoots 1000 targets in 10 seconds.} The slowest gun, and the fastest time.

BLUEBRY: that is like 100 per second and still impossible

K-BOT HR'D: Reoving the disc won't work, the virus was downloaded into my system! The only way to stop it is to... {robot voice} ERROR. ERROR. THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY.

SEPHIROTH: Hmm... Let me see. {Opens up K-Bot, and gets shocked.} Oww... The virus attacked me.. And short circuited my brain chip! {Sings the Red Dwarf theme.} Fun Fun Fun! In the sun sun sun!

{Chaos walks in with a chip, and puts it in GR-01's back. He turns off, then turns back on and pops toast out.}

CHAOS: I've decided to turn him into a toaster for now. I was hungry.

K-BOT HR'D: {open head catches fire} IEEEE! THE PAIN!!! {runs around screaming}

CHAOS: Oh, Boy! I was going to convert K-Bot into a microwave so I could make smores, but that's better!

{the laugh track plays, and everyone shrugs really hard}

{Chaos throws a rock at K-Bot, who falls down. He then begins to roast a marshmallow over his head.}

K-BOT HR'D: {still burning} The fire eliminated the virus, but now I'm dented and burning. {a marshmallow falls into K-Bot's head} Great, now I'm dented and burning with a melty marshmallow in my head! I think the fire is melting my {computer voice} system. If this continues, my system will stop runnin...{shuts down, fire goes out}

USERUNKNOWN: That can't be good. Well, I'm going to fight some apes with Superdude.

BLUEBRY: all of this is like if adhd wrote a "fan" fiction

{Cuts to the planet. Userunknown and Superdude fighting apes}

USERUNKNOWN: Wow. This is easy.

SUPERDUDE: Uh, sir? I can't hold these guys back. Can you get us some help?

{Cut back to the ship. K-Bot is lying on the ground. The ship tilts, and he rolls into a computer. A wire attaches his hard drive to it. He reboots.}

K-BOT HR'D: What happened? Oh yeah, I caught fire and my hard drive melted. {notices wires} I guess the only thing keeping me alive is this computer. {sighs} Great.

BLUEBRY: okay so this is a story line i legitimately like. i can honestly say that i hope they run with this

{looks at computer} Wait, isn't this the main computer?

{GIM2 walks over.}

GIM2: Hello there. By the looks of it, you'll probably be needing repairs?

{A voice is heard}

VOICE: Sleep mode: Termanated.

{After a few minutes CC walks out of a room}

CC: Hey, did I miss something. Cause It sure feels like I do.

{chwoka has a hitler seizure}

K-BOT HR'D: I caught fire and my hard drive melted. I somehow managed to bond with the main computer, and that brought my systems up. Unfortunately, the wires connecting me to the computer are very short, so if I move form this spot, I'll be disconnected and shut down. I need a new permanent hard drive, as well as some replacement parts to replace anything that is broken of burnt.

{Chaos crams a new circuit board and chip inside, and K-Bot shoots out toast.}

BLUEBRY: why have a little drama when you can have toaster jokes, the epitome of comedy apparently

CHAOS: YAY! A SECOND TOASTER!

{OOC:You CAN'T TALK when you're a toaster.}

BLUEBRY: welcome to obamas america

{A spearer pops out of K-Bot's head.}

K-BOT HR'D: {through speaker} I'M NOT A TOASTER YOU JERK!! If you remove the board and fix me, I'll use a special power and make all much toast you can eat with one of my special powers!

NACHOMAN: wha
BLUEBRY: i dont know either

{Chaos rips off the speaker.}

CHAOS: I needed one of these!

{A second speaker pops up.}

K-BOT HR'D: I hate you.

NACHOMAN: the feeling is mutual

CHAOS: Yeah, We hate you, Superdude!

BLUEBRY: i hate all of you

{K-Bot begins rapidly shooting flaming toast at Chaos, but he eats it all.}

CHAOS: Delicious!

K-BOT HR'D: Wait, I'm much more advanced than an ordinary robot, I can force any unwanted part of my system to shut down!

{K-Bot shuts down the toaster card. The speaker retracts, and he stops shooting toast.}

K-BOT HR'D: {normal} Now if you would just fix me, I'll make you as much toast as you want.

CHAOS: I'm good. I only made you a toaster because I was bored. I still have GR, who I've locked in a secret hiding place!

RYAN-X: What secret hiding place?

BLUEBRY: you cant tell or its not a secret anymore duh!!!

{Cut to inside a closet where GR-01 is still popping out toast. The closet is currently half full. Cut back.}

K-BOT HR'D: Uh Ryan, can you fix me? I need a new hard drive, a new head panel,

NACHOMAN: ...a new personality

and a bunch of memory chips and wires.

RYAN-X: Ok, hold on... {flies off and comes back with the needed parts, fixes K-Bot}

NACHOMAN: dufe I can't handle all this scientific

CHAOS: Now for the toaster installment! {plugs another toaster chip into Kirbychu.}

BLUEBRY: he's just got those laying around

K-BOT HR'D: {ejects toaster chip} No thank you. {seals head so no new chips can be added, leaves}

{In the Room K-Bot is in, Chaos installs a Chip in him. He shoots out toast. He then ejects the chip.}

K-BOT HR'D: I hate you. {leaves the ship}

{Toast starts seeping out from under a nearby door.}

RYAN-X: What the?!

K-BOT HR'D: Chaos hid a toast-shooting robot in the closet.

RYAN-X: Well tell Chaos to shut him off before I have to reference the worst thing ever.

NACHOMAN: you can't make a reference to your own fan fiction

{OOC: I don't hate Youtube Poop, but you'd think after 7000 years Ryan would hate it.}

{A bunch of lazers point to Ryan-X.}

LAZER: Say it and die. {Points to a board of rules, in which one says "No Youtube Poop References.}

{OOC: In this time, anything mechanical has a personality, even the ship.}

{GIM2 walks over, opens the door where toast is seeping out, and a giant wave of toast floods over him.}

GIM2: Oh my!

THESTICK: {Walking in} Hi! What goes on? I was asleep. Can someone tell me what happened while I was asleep?

K-BOT HR'D: {in Ryan's voice} That's mama Luigi to you, Mario! {runs off}

NACHOMAN: dicks everywhere

{Cut back to Userunknown and Superdude on the planet. Userunknown is using his two-way radio}

USERUNKNOWN: Why won't any one pick up? We can't hold the apes back forever!

SUPERDUDE:Try a diffrent channel or frequency!

BLUEBRY: i am like 99% sure those are the same thing

{Userunknown shoots 20 apes and turns the 2-way radio back on.}

USERUNKNOWN: This is Userunknown to ship, come in ship. I need backup now! I repeat, I need backup now! This is an order on priority code restricted! {occ:Restricted as in only very high ranking officers can use it, and it takes priority over all other orders.}

{TheStick picks up a radio}

THESTICK: {Speaking into radio} Hello Userunknown! Do you need backup?

BLUEBRY: "No I was just joking when I asked for backup twice"

USERUNKNOWN: Yes!

THESTICK: Don't worry! I've planted a bomb in the center of the planet that will detonate in several hours!

{Cut to the ship. JCM appears on the big screen.}

JCM: What's the problem, men?

K-BOT HR'D: Evil apes are stealing ecosystems, we're losing, I broke many times, one of our robots is flooding the ship with toast, the computer's slightly malfunctioning because I was using it to stay alive, {Chaos jams a toasgter card in K-Bot, K-Bot ejects it.} And Chaos is turning all the robots into toasters!

THE SPART: Apes? God. I hate those dirty apes!

JCM: {thinking} Hmm, apes = bananas and toast = bread. Banana bread! {talking} That reminds me, I haven't eaten breakfast yet! I'll be right back. {rolls offscreen}

{More toast starts slipping along the floor.}

{The Lazers start charging}

RYAN-X: OH, GEE WIZ! I HOPE THESE LAZERS DON'T OWN ME!

{The lazers fire at Ryan-X, charring him and his armour}

RYAN-X: Well, I guess that's over with...

{Ryan's robotic armour crumbles, leaving just Ryan's head and arms}

RYAN-X: Aw crap.

K-BOT HR'D: Armor replacement mode, activate. {new robotic armor appears around Ryan}

BLUEBRY: it just appears

LAZER: {In GlaDOS's Voice.}

NACHOMAN: hhhhhhhhhhhhhh

We have warned you. Next time you break the rules, you will be destroyed, and then there will be cake.

NACHOMAN: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

{Cut back to Userunknown and Superdude, still shooting apes}

USERUNKNOWN:Oh, goo-WHAT!?!?!A BOMB!?!!?WE ARE ON THE PLANET AND WE CAN'T GET OFF!

{A bomb is heard blowning up}

SUPERDUDE:Uhh, sir?What was that?

{They turn around and see a huge wall of fire slowly moving in their direction}

USERUNKNOWN:{Talking into the 2-way radio}This is Userunknown to ship!Come in ship!The Stick put a bomb in the center of the planet and we're stuck on the planet!The bomb has gone off!I need evacuation now!This order is on priority code restricted!

BLUEBRY: "And thank God it is exploding so slowly!!"

K-BOT HR'D: Warp mode activate.

{Userunknown warps into the ship.}

USERUNKNOWN:Uhhhh, what about Superdude?

K-BOT HR'D: I think he was teleported into the bathroom.

NACHOMAN: that's pretty wacky if I do say so myself

SEPHIROTH: He was. I had to plunge him out. {Pulls out Plunger.}

{OOC: Wrap this up, I'm gonna end the episode now.}

{The planet is seen exploding in the background}

THE END

BLUEBRY: OR IS IT?

{JCM walks onto the big screen with banana bread with a bite in it in hand.}

JCM: Oh, you seem to have fixed it yourself. Continue on then. {leaves}