(even if you aren't vegan)
Mystery Fanstuff Theater 3000/Space-Aged Stupidity/eps/10
Summary
Chaos gives everyone a "Neoptr", and undeniably cute animal made from spare animal parts in Chaos' Used bin.
Transcript
{The scene opens in the meeting room. Nobody is there.}
FRUIT-LEAN: {Rushes in for no reason and throws torso in for dramatic entrance}
{Sephiroth walks in, wearing a Sgt. Pepper suit.}
SEPHIROTH: WHOO! Guess what was just beamed to me? .......A SIGNED T-SHIRT FROM THE BEAT-EM-UPS! YAY!! ....Who are you?
FRUIT-LEAN: ... Well, I've been inhabiting this ship for 5 years. I am Fruit-lean. You haven't met me?
SEPHIROTH: You know, this ship used to have a population of 5000. .....Now it's been drastically decreased. But anyway, nice to meet you. I'm the captain, Sephiroth.
RYAN-X: Oh hello, people.
{Homestar tiger walks in. He seems furious.}
UNHOLY TRACY: Hey, y'all! {roundhouse kicks Ryan-X and H*t in their faces}
{THB walks in}
THB: Hey, anyone seen Chaos lately?
{Homestar tiger goes mad. He pulls out a rocket launcher.}
HOMESTAR TIGER: CRIT ROCKETS!!
{The room is filled with rockets. A few seconds later, the smoke clears and the only one standing is Homestar tiger}
UNHOLY TRACY:{stands up with a rose in his mouth, claps twice} Olé!
{the previous scene rewinds, and stops right before H*t fires the rocket launcher}
THB: OH NO YOU DON'T {punches H*t in the face}
HOMESTAR TIGER: You know what, I'm going on an Escape Pod ride. Have fun rebuilding the ship after it surely falls apart without me. {Leaves}
UNHOLY TRACY: Yeah, sure it will. ...Does he even do any work that is actually good for the ship? I mean, the only thing janitorial I've seen him do is get that fungus off the ship, and that was bad for our health. Oh, and WHERE THE HELL IS CHAOS
{Wade waddles in.}
WADE: I haven't seen him, but I did clean the kitchen!
UNHOLY TRACY: ...Please don't tell me you ate all of our food.
WADE: Whaaat? I'm not stupid, I just ate all the crud on the floor!
{Homestar tiger runs in and gives Wade a cookie, then he runs back out.}
UNHOLY TRACY: Oh, okay then.
FRUIT-LEAN: ...Hey, who the heck are all these weirdos?
UNHOLY TRACY: Crew members. Oh, and- {points to Wade} That's Wade. AND YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM
RYAN-X: So who the heck are you, fruit?
SEPHIROTH: He's suspicious. Excuse me "Fruit-Lien", but you're gonna have to have tests run on you to see if you are what you claim to be.
THB:{pulls out a giant syringe} Come here, Froot Loops.
UNHOLY TRACY: ...Where the hell were you keeping that?
THB: You don't want to know.
UNHOLY TRACY: Well, at least wash it off before you use it.
SEPHIROTH: ...........Creeeeeeeeepy....
{B-621 walks in wearing Ringo Starr's seargent pepper suit}
B-621: Greetings, comrades! You won't believe what I found!
SEPHIROTH: Oh, you're a Beat-Em-Up fan too?
THB: ...Hey, UT, whatever happened to that Haruhi obsession of y-
UNHOLY TRACY: HARUHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
THB: Eep.
{an old wrinkly man in a sweater vest and straw hat sneaks by in the background, as if fearing detection. Sephiroth then turns around quickly and notices him.}
SEPHIROTH: You! Stop there!
FRUIT-LEAN: Wait, when will we start this test?
SEPHIROTH: {Gets out a pointy object with a flashing red tip.} As soon as you bend over.
HOMESTAR TIGER: {Offscreen} CRIT ROCKETS!
{A rocket flies into the room and blasts the object out of Sephiroth's hand}
SEPHIROTH: That's it! {Pulls out a Tommy Gun and puts on a white fedora} EAT LEAD *BEEP*!!! SMOOTH CRIMINAL!! {Runs towards HST offscreen, firing in all directions.}
HOMESTAR TIGER: OH S___! OH S___!
{Sounds like a revved up minigun come offscreen. The room is filled with gun sounds.}
HOMESTAR TIGER: TAKE THAT, BABY!
SEPHIROTH: MISSED! CHAMONE!! {Beating sounds are heard.} Ha! Like that? Out into space you go! {A vaccum sound is heard, and Sephiroth walks back.}
B-621: ...Anyway, ignoring that display of killing, that odd man from the garbage dump sent us something.
SEPHIROTH: Cool. What is it? B-621: Its some kind of odd device. Here, follow me. {Walks offscreen}
SEPHIROTH: Alright. {Follows B-621.}
{Cut to a teloporter. It is hooked up to a small-ball like object. A piece of paper is laying next to it. B-621 and Seph walk onscreen.}
SEPHIROTH: What's this?
B-621: I... have no idea. I think this should tell us. {Picks up piece of paper.} Looks like instructions.
SEPHIROTH: So..... Whatdoezitzay?
B-621: Apparently this is some kind of catalog. We use that- {Points to small ball-like object, which has a red button the front}- to produce a hologram showing everything from the dump. We just pick out what we want and that item is sent to us through that- {Points to teloporter}- almost instantly.
SEPHIROTH: Awesome.. I wonder where Chaos is. Anyway.... Umm.... Can I have some boots?
{Chaos breaks in and shoots the machine.}
CHAOS: By god, I can't leave you guys alone without me breaking a machine for the rest of the episode.
HOMESTAR TIGER: God, you ruined the plot more than I did! Hey, what's this in my back pocket...? Oh, hey, another device! {Puts identical device on table}
B-621: Where the hell did you get that!?
{Chaos smashes the other device with a mallet.}
CHAOS: I'll fix these later. First, you all have to bear witness to my latest invention.
SEPHIROTH: Alright Doctor!
HOMESTAR TIGER: Fine.
SEPHIROTH: So, where is it?
CHAOS:...It's not done yet. You'll have to wait until tomorrow. And by wait, I mean {Cut to Chaos in the doorway of the meeting room, with everybody pile inside.} "I lock you in the meeting room for the night while I finish them up." {Chaos leaves, and the door locks, trapping the others inside.}
{1 DAY LATER...}
{Chaos unlocks the door, ignores everybody, and puts a large crate on the meeting table.}
CHAOS: Wake up. NAO.
HOMESTAR TIGER: Grrr... What the heck do you want?
CHAOS: I finished. Ladies, and everybody else who isn't Sephiroth, I give you, Neoptrs! {Chaos opens the crate, and ten to 20 small adorable strange animals all rush out pf the crate.} They're part of my new line of global world dominators, disguised as innocent animals! There's one for each of you!
{Cut to short various scenes of almost everyone playing with a Neoptr, except for CC, whose Neoptr seems to phase right through him.}
CHAOS: And they're all yours for free! Think of you all as...Beta Testers.
B-621: I SHALL NAME HIM... PINEAPPLE.
RYAN-X: I'd like this one. {takes a Lupe-like one} I will call you...er...Kaito.
{Homestar tiger picks up a Neoptr that has white fur and a brown fur head with black rings around it's eyes}
HOMESTAR TIGER: I smell something sweet. Like... similarity.
UNHOLY TRACY: I'll take... {picks up a dark red and black Neoptr that is shaped like a one-foot-tall chibi humanoid} This one. I'll name him... Kyon.
'THB: Oh, hooray...
SEPHIROTH: Whoa!! Awesome! {Picks up one that looks like a Bat.} Cool! I'll call you.... .Bat!
HOMESTAR TIGER: Yeeeeeah. Now what?
{the same old man from before walks into the room holding a sign that says "KA-POP?"}
OLD MAN: Hello. Those are some pretty animals you've got. {reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bottle of rocks} I'll trade you for it.
SEPHIROTH: Who are you?
OLD MAN: I'm Uncle Dergong, my car crashed into your cafeteria, watch out for the fire. Please to meet you, and can I have an animal?
SEPHIROTH: Your car crashed into... my cafeteria.. Wha?! And sure..
UNCLE DERGONG: Great. Here's a dime. {gives Sephiroth a dime, and picks up an adorable iguana-thing and puts it around his neck} Prezactly what I needed!
SEPHIROTH: Okay then...
HOMESTAR TIGER: Hey, mine plays music! {Squeezes his similarity-like neoptr and it plays Propane Nightmares by Pendulum!}
UNCLE DERGONG: Oh, verily? Well, mine... does... this! {squeezes his neoptr and it squirts two thousand eggs all over his face} Eewww...
{Wade walks in.}
WADE: ... This is stupid. I'm going to go play my GameBoy!
{Wade walks out.}
UNCLE DERGONG: No wait! Little animal Neoptr! Come back! {chases after Wade}
SEPHIROTH: Umm... {Squeezes his Neoptr, and it's face warps into that of Ringo Starr.} WHA?!
HOMESTAR TIGER: Chaos, did you add that when you squeeze a neoptr, they perform a function?
UNHOLY TRACY: Hmm... {squeezes his Neoptr. It makes a noise that sounds something like "Nyoro~n"} ...YAY
THB: I'll take... {picks up what appears to be a rat skeleton} This one-Oh. Ew. {drops the rat skeleton, picks up a black neoptr with alternating orange and purple stripes} I call it... Slice. {squeezes the neoptr, it starts humming Peaches en Regalia by Frank Zappa} ...SQUEE
RYAN-X: {squeezes his, and it falls apart} I guess mine has detachable and re-attachable limbs?
UNHOLY TRACY: You should name him Fang Jr.
SEPHIROTH'S NEOPTR: {In Ringo's Accent.} Caw. Caw. Caw.
HOMESTAR TIGER: Eep! KILL IT, SHWEET! {Throws Neoptr at Seph's Neoptr, knocking it to the ground.}
UT'S NEOPTR: Nyoro~n?
UNHOLY TRACY: No, you cannot fight them.
UT'S NEOPTR: Nyoro~n...
SEPHIROTH: TIGER! YOU JERK!!!! {His Neoptr flies back up and starts pecking HST's face with its nose.}
THB: ...Wait. UT, you can understand that thing?
UNHOLY TRACY: Apparently.
{Uncle Dergong runs back in holding clumps of Wade's fur}
UNCLE DERGONG: The other Neoptr managed to escape, but I did find this shoecow! {holds out a spotty boot with an udder and hooves}
SHOECOW: Quack {begins leaking milk everywhere}
UNCLE DERGONG: Aw gross! {squeezes the shoecow and it turns to stone} That's better. {puts the shoecow on the ground and squeezes it again. it runs off} Now, who wants boot-flavored ice cream?
HOMESTAR TIGER: Ahh! I wanna go read! {Runs out, Shweet follows}
{Fruit-lean is shot before he takes a Neopetr}
{Shweet runs in and takes some of Fruit-lean, which is fresh strawberries. She runs back out}
{Uncle Dergong's iguana wanders in and spits little seeds at UT's Neoptr and Bat. They are wrapped in thin vines}
RYAN-X: No. Fang Jr. is too cliche. So is Zarel II.
UT'S NEOPTR: Nyoro~n.
UNHOLY TRACY: Aah! Kyon! {rips the vines off of Kyon}
CHAOS: Oh, I love my job. Look, you guys, you need to keep them under control, and make sure you feed them regularly.
THB: Feed them WHAT?
{Shweet is still stuffing her face with fruit.}
SEPHIROTH: OH NO! BAT! {Bat's nose enlarges, breaking the vines.} Whew.
BAT: Caw. Caw. Caw.
{Shweet offers Bat some fruit. Shweet is holding strawberries, an orange, and somehow, a stick of dynamite.}
BAT: {In Ringo's voice.} I SEE THROUGH YOUR FEEBLE ATTEMPTS PAUL. {Flies away.}
SHWEET: ? {Looks at dynamite} !! {runs}
KYON:{looks at Bat, looks back at UT} Nyoro~n?
UNHOLY TRACY: ...Oh, alright. {to Sephiroth} Kyon wants to talk to Bat. {walks over to Bat, holds Kyon up beside him}
KYON: Nyoro~n?
BAT: Caw, Caw..Caw.
SEPHIROTH: What are they saying?
UNCLE DERGONG: My Neoptr's name is Fraulein. {picks up Fraulein} Fraulein, say hi!
FRAULEIN: {in a high-pitched female voice} LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!! {sobbing}
UNCLE DERGONG: No. {squeezes Fraulein and she lays two hundred thousand eggs all over the place}
FRAULEIN: {same voice} YOU MURDERER
{the shoecow runs up the wall and the ceiling, then falls on Kyon, giving it cell-phone capabilities}
KYON: Nyoro~n!
UNHOLY TRACY: They're not saying much, Seph. Mostly small talk.
SEPHIROTH: Alright then.
HOMESTAR TIGER: Is something interesting gonna happen soon?
UNHOLY TRACY: I hope not. Interesting stuff here usually involves pain, and I don't want any of these little guys getting hurt. Right, Kyon?
KYON:{nods} Nyoro~n.
SEPHIROTH: I thought you were Intolerant to pain. {Walks over to Unholy Tracy, but slips and falls onto the floor. He looks at his hand to find it is bleeding.} Crap.. I must of cut myself on the table as I fell.
BAT: George? {Starts sniffing and twitching.}
UNHOLY TRACY: ...That twitching doesn't look good. ...OH DANG I HOPE MY GENRE SAVVINESS IS FAILING RIGHT NOW
BAT: JOHN. {Swoops towards Sephiroth. Sephiroth dodges.}
SEPHROTH: What the hell?!
BAT: ELEANOR RIGBY, PICKS UP THE RICE AT THE CHURCH WHERE A WEDDING HAS BEEN!!
HOMESTAR TIGER: {Annoyed} Bat, please stop.
UNHOLY TRACY: OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD
THB: What are you-Wait. OH GOD
UT AND THB: OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD
HOMESTAR TIGER: Help! Shweet is eating my leg!
BAT: Help? You need somebody? Help? Not just anybody? HELP!!! {Sticks out long snake like tongue. It then proceeds to lick the blood of Sephiroth's hand. It twitches some more then grows twice in size.}
HOMESTAR TIGER: TAKE THE GIRL! {Swings leg. Shweet comes flying off, and slams/pins Bat to the ground.}
BAT: COME TOGETHER RIGHT NOW {Opens mouth, revealing fangs. It flies up and swoops down and bites Homestar Tiger, drawing blood. The long tongue licks off the drawn blood and Bat grows even larger.}
{Wade walks in.}
WADE: ... I don't think I would like to be part of this today thanks.
{Wade walks out.}
KYON: Nyoro~n?
UNHOLY TRACY: ...Well, it looks like Kyon isn't a bloodsucker as well. I should probably feed him, anyway. Hmm... {pulls out a sandwich, offers to Kyon}
KYON: ... Nyoro~n? {sniffs the sandwich, eats it in one bite} Nyoro~n!
{Homestar tiger squeals. He runs to the airlock, opens the doors and hangs on for dear life. Bat gets sucked into the vaccum of space, and Homestar tiger closes the doors.}
HOMESTAR TIGER: Phew. He almost got too big.
{Bat appears at the window, and starts growing even more. By the time he is finished growing, he has transformed into a King Ghidorah type dragon with 4 heads. Each of the seperate members of the Beatles.}
SEPHIROTH: What the hell?! Chaos is messed up sometimes.
HOMESTAR TIGER: AAAH! Chaos! What do I do!?! I'm scared!
SEPHIROTH: Yeah... These Neoptrs seem to be acting strange.
BAT: CAW!!! {Flies above the ship and then lands in it, scratching the top.}
SEPHIROTH: CRAP!
HOMESTAR TIGER: Sephy, don't you watch cartoons?! The rule of cute thing implies that anything nice and cute turns evil after a while!!
SEPHIROTH: What about your one then? Only mine turned evil. Figures.
{Bats damages the ship}
HOMESTAR TIGER: I JUST CLEANED THAT! I need to get something out of my room!
{He runs to his room. He pulls a lever that reads "In case of emergency (Or boredom)" and a minigun falls from the ceiling.}
SEPHIROTH: {Offscreen} USE THE GRENADES!
{Scene switches to the main hallway.}
HOMESTAR TIGER: {Offscreen} INCOMING!
{Some TF2 Gernades fly in and land under Bat. They explode, blasting him into the wall.}
SEPHIROTH: {Walks in, and looks through the window.} Don't destroy the ship! This is was the best one out of the Leviathan series!
HOMESTAR TIGER: I'll repair it and keep it that way! Once my point to live comes back.
SEPHIROTH: Oh god.. I hope my one isn't the only one that is insane..
UNHOLY TRACY: I say he's just hungry. Look, I just fed Kyon, and he's fine! Aren't you, Kyon?
KYON:{nods} Nyoro~n!
{the ship shakes for a few seconds}
KYON: N-nyoro~n?
{a distant explosion is heard. A shadowed figure flies in, wielding a dagger}
UNHOLY TRACY: What the f-
FIGURE: SIC SEMPER TYRANNUS, MUTHA{BLEEP}!!! {stabs THB in the face repeatedly, lands on the ground}
HOMESTAR TIGER: AAHH! DARK, SHADOWY, MICHAEL MEYERS-LIKE FIGURE! {Shoots gernade}
UNHOLY TRACY:{grabs grenade, throws it at H*t} Hold on a second. That voice seems familiar...
{the shadowed figure stands up. He is revealed to be a man with brown hair, big black eyebrows, and a mustache. He is wearing a suit similar to uniforms worn by male students of North High, from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya}
UNHOLY TRACY: Ah, of course. It's you.
PERSON: It's nice to see you again.
UNHOLY TRACY: It took you long enough to get here.
PERSON: At least I actually got here.
UNHOLY TRACY: That's true. {to Sephiroth} Oi! Cap'n Seph! D'you mind if he joins the crew?
SEPHIROTH: Hmm... {To Person} What are your skills?
PERSON: Er... I can do this. {drives fist into THB's skull-mouth, pulls out a human brain}
THB: BUT I DON'T HAVE A BRAIN
PERSON: Yeah, shut up. {each of his teeth turn into fangs, and he devours the brain. Afterwards, his teeth turn back to normal} I can do other stuff, too, though. Including singing.
THB: WHERE DID THAT BRAIN COME FROM
PERSON: SHUT UP! {coughs up a sword, slices THB in half, who quickly comes back together}
SEPHIROTH: Hmm.. Alright.
UNHOLY TRACY: Excellent.
PERSON: I've missed you, father.
UNHOLY TRACY: As have I, son.
THB: DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUU-
PERSON:{punches THB in the face, shattering his skull}
{The ship shakes more as Bat starts pounding it.}
SEPHIROTH: Wait... No, I fed him an hour ago.
PERSON: Oh, by the way. I'm Bellstrom. Victor Bellstrom. Now, if you excuse me... {rips off one of THB's arms, jumps outside the ship}
THB: OW!
{cut to outside the LeviathanX. Victor is hanging onto the side, holding THB's arm}
VICTOR: Heeeere Batty Batty Battyyyyy! Heeeere Battyyyyyyy! I got some food for youuuuu!
{K-Bot (who had been laying on the floor seemingly dead for two episodes) suddenly re-activates}
K-BOT: {monotone, robotic voice} IN NEED OF ASSISTANCE. PLEASE SND TOOoo REPAr PLANET OMACRO-7 IMMIDIATLY FOR PROPER FIXxxx... {Powers down}
{cut back to Victor}
BAT: Caw? {flies up to Victor, starts eating the arm}
{A rumble comes from the floor below. K-Bot then suddenly bursts through the floor and fires a laser at the bat, destroying it.}
K-BOT HR'D: I got tired of waiting, so I fixed myself! Don't ask how. {flies off to fight more Neoptrs}
{Chaos walks in, ignores everything, and picks up a cup of coffee he left on a table. He turns around and tries to take a sip out of it, only to discover it's empty.}
CHAOS: Hey!
{Everything stops}
CHAOS: What the hell is happening here?
K-BOT HR'D: Your Neopet ripoffs are evil!
CHAOS: That's impossible. I built them with all the base emotions: Anger, Hatred, Jealousy, you know.
UNHOLY TRACY:{stroking Kyon's head} Actually, nobody's bothering to feed them a lot.
KYON:{eating a sandwich, muffled} Nyoro~n.
CHAOS: {Pulls out a gun and shoots Kyon} I'm sorry. That one was defective. Have this one. {hands Bell a new Neoptr}
K-BOT HR'D: I'll give you 1,000,000 galactic dollars and 300 coupons for the Intergalactic House of Assorted Body Parts if you destroy all the Neo-whatevers.
B-621: {Pokes Pineapple} Hey! ...DO SOMETHING
{RRRRIIIIIIPP}
{B-621 is now missing his left leg which is in Pineapple's mouth}
B-621: Ooookay... not exactly what I meant...
CHAOS: I can't do that. They're immortal.
K-BOT HR'D: It you find a way to make them mortal, I'll double my offer and throw in Sephiroth's 2nd kidney as a bonus.
CHAOS: No.
K-BOT HR'D: Why not? How could you not want 2,000,000 dollars, 600 coupons for 3 free body parts at the Intergalactic House of Body Parts, and Sephiroth's kidney?
B-621: HEY! Nobodys gettting rid of Pineapple!
{RRRRIIIIIIIPP}
{Pineapple has now torn off B-621's arm}
B-621: ...Its just a phase.
K-BOT HR'D: I'm glad I didn't get one of those...
B-621: Hey, it doesn't hurt or anything!
{RIII- screw it you know what happens}
{B-621's head is now on the ground}
B-621: Okay, that kinda did.
{suddenly, Kyon's body wakes up and devours the new Neoptr. He grows slightly larger}
KYON:{demonic voice} Nice try, Chaos. {normal} Nyoro~n?
UNHOLY TRACY: ...Neat. {pulls out another sandwich, gives to Kyon}
{Sephiroth, having disappeared temporarily, rises up behind K-Bot, without him noticing. He's holding the pipe from episode 7, and has an angry look on his face. He kneels down to K-Bots hight, and moves forward. K-Bot still doesn't notice him.}
SEPHIROTH: ......{Loud shouting} HWHATS THAT ABOUT MY KIDNEY‽
UNHOLY TRACY: Kyon seems to be fine now, Chaos.
K-BOT HR'D: DAH! Um... nothing! I didn't say Sephiroth, I said... um... Surf...ing...broth. Yeah, Surfingbroth the chicken's kidney!
SEPHIROTH: Surfingbroth? Didn't he die on our trip to Glopaz?
{Chaos shoots Kyon again.}
CHAOS: No, he isn't. I built these things to show hatred to everyone. If he's nice, even to you, something's wrong with him.
SEPHIROTH: I must say, I guess I picked the best one. Especially if it tried to destroy the ship.
{Kyon regenerates again}
UNHOLY TRACY: Did five years of our absence really make you forget so much about the Bellstrom family? Chaos, not unlike you, we enjoy ripping open and experimenting upon unwilling individuals. If we don't devour them like savages first, of course. You should have expected me to telepathically rewrite Kyon's programming.
CHAOS: Look. I altered their genes in an unmemorizable and decodable fashion. It's impossible to re-write it, unless you're a Mary Sue.
SEPHIROTH: Heh, that's like calling a Dog a Canine.
UNHOLY TRACY: ... Wow, I guess five years really did make you forget...
SEPHIROTH: I kinda miss Bat.
UNHOLY TRACY: I thought they were immort-
{Bat breaks through the wall of the ship, in a style resembling Ridley from Metroid.}
SEPHIROTH: Yeah, even though I do like it, I do like to have this ship intact. ....Oh yeah, this reminds me.. I'm gonna use my Mecha Legs! {Runs offscreen.}
B-621: Daaaaaayum! Quickly, toss my severed head at the beast!
{Clockswipe. Cut the outside of the ship. Bat is still attacking the ship. Sephiroth emerges from the top of the ship, half of his body covered in the remains of an old mecha. He is holding B-621's head.}
SEPHIROTH: Sorry bat! {Flies over to Bat, and throws B-621's head at it.}
B-621: PREPARE TO SUFFER, BEA-
{CHOMP!}
{K-Bot flies up using built in rocket boots}
K-BOT HR'D: I'll take care of it. {fires laser at bat, frying it's wings}
BAT: CAW!!! {Jumps up, and lunges at K-Bot.}
SEPHIROTH: Whoa! {Flies towards Bat.}
{a hole breaks open on the side of the LeviathanX. UT, Victor, and THB fly out of the hole}
UNHOLY TRACY: You need any help?
SEPHIROTH: THE NEXT PERSON TO PUNCTURE THIS SHIP WILL PERSONALLY EARN THEMSELF A CASTRATION.
{Inside Bat's stomach...}
B-621: Dear lord, that acid is getting into my memory storaaaaAAAAAAAAAGGEEE101010101010!
{Camera goes into B-621's mind, showing all his expieriences aboard the ship. Suddenly, it goes to somebody's POV. Said person gets out of bed and enters a bathroom. The person looks into the mirror, revealing... Badstar. Cut back}
B-621: AAAAHHHH!!! {Sparks start flying out of head. Cut to outside. Bat is twitching franticly. One of the heads explode, while the others shut down. Bat starts falling, until it finally explodes. B-621's head is launched from the explosion right into Sephiroth's direction. Sephiroth just barely catches it.}
SEPHIROTH: WHOA THERE!
B-621: MALFUNCTION! MALFUNCTION! MALFUNCTION! FDHPJsAJPG"ESBPFDN BSP{!10101010101
SEPHIROTH: I think we just found the weakness to these things!
UNHOLY TRACY: Which IS?
B-621: {Calming down} I'm guessing... me, right?
SEPHIROTH: Yes! You! .....Kinda! What did you do to evoke a reaction? What happened?
B-621: Well, some stomach acid slipped into my memory hardrive. For some reason, an unfound memory was collected causing a malfunction.
SEPHIROTH: Right.. So what did this do to you physically?
B-621: Well, usually I just shoot dangerous sparks out of my head...
SEPHIROTH: Electricity?! EUREKA!! ....Someone fetch me a taser, I gotta deal some shock therapy!
{The Spart floats by.}
SPART: That was the lamest line. EVER.
B-621: Where are we going to find a taser? We need something closer...... hey, why are you looking at me like that?
{Sephiroth smiles evily. Cut back into the inside of the ship. Sephiroth running through the corridors, holding B-621's head, and screaming like a barbarian.}
SEPHIROTH: ROCK AND ROLL!!
B-621: JESUS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
{A montage of clips of Sephiroth destroying the Neoptrs with B-621's head is shown, while this music is playing.}
SEPHIROTH: {Breathing heavily.} One more left.. Bells...
B-621: {Smoke is now coming from head} P-please... for the love of god... N-NO MORE!
SEPHIROTH: One more..
{the ship starts shaking. A shadowed figure drops down from the ceiling. It stands up, and reveals itself to be Kyon, who is now the size of a normal human adult. He is wielding a katana}
KYON:{deep voice} You won't be able to get rid of me that easily, Sephiroth.
CHAOS: But I wiil!
{Chaos pulls out a still-beating heart.}
CHAOS: Behold! The sitll-beating heart of every Neoptr! If I give this enough pressure, then I can crush the hearts of all the Neoptrs, essentially killing them. Then we can burn them all I can publish this failed experiment.
SEPHIROTH: Bit too late to be burning them all. {Holds up B-621's head.} I 'sploded them all!
CHAOS: Oh, that's fine. They'll just reform anyways. {Chaos squeezes the heart} Well, let's at least burn the remains.
SEPHIROTH: Alright McCoy!
{Cut to the furnace. Sephiroth and Chaos are throwing various Neoptrs in the furnace. Chaos picks up Kyon.}
KYON: {deep voice} You'll never kill me no matter what you do.
CHAOS: That's fine. Because this furnace is a one-way road to an agonizing burning hell, and it's also next to my room. Meaning that while you burn and constantly reform, your screams of agony can lull me to sleep tonight. I expect your isotope to fail by tomorrow afternoon anyways. Nice knowing you.
KYON: {As Chaos throws him into the furnace} Nyor-OH MY GOD THIS BURNS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
CHAOS: Well, that's the rest of them. I've learned through this experience that perhaps playing the role of god isn't my forte. Oh, well. Time to move on. Now everybody go to bed so I can listen to my new Kyon burning in a furnace. Also, if anybody asks, this never happened, and we're all to look at it as a dream or some crazy event.
SEPHIROTH: You are {BEEP}ing Crazy..
B-621: {Shaking, shooting sparks out of head. Still malfunctioning} O-o-okay doCTORRRR!!!!!!!! {Camera goes into B-621's mind once again. Images of badstar fly by at top speed. Cut back} 101010101111111GRAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! {Head starts glowing and floats in the air}
CHAOS: Wowsomebodyshouldfixhimupokaygoodnight {Locks himself in his room}
SEPHIROTH: Goddammit, Chaos.
{The Episode ends and the credits roll.}
