(even if you aren't vegan)
Mystery Fanstuff Theater 3000/Aruseus Emails/band
Aruseus begins his own band...and fails.
NACHOMAN: i can't wait to get a glimpse into ryan's musical taste because i can sense a bunch of shitty band references a mile away
Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus, Tom, Lyle, Marzipan, Strong Mad, The Cheat
Places: Computer Room, Stage, Marzipan's House
Computer: Lappy 486
Date: January 4th, 2007
Transcript
ARUSEUS: {while typing "run_arumail.exe"}: *imitates a techno beat* SOMEBODY EMAIL MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
SKUB: I can't wait for the Skrillex remix woop woop
TOM: {offscreen} I will!
ARUSEUS: You don't count.
TOM: Crap!
NACHOMAN: sorry for delaying the email folks, just had to get that little bit of hilarity in
subject: bandDear Aruseus or whatever-
I've been wondering about a few things--namely,
if you started yourself a band, what would it be
like, and what kind of music would it play?
From your best pal,
Zippy P. Platypus
SKUB: Obviously somebody under the guise of me.
NACHOMAN: you're literally homosexual
{Skub weeps from his giant leaky vagina}
ARUSEUS: {typing} Ah, Zippy. My crazy purple general. I was about to Hyper Beam you but instead I'll answer.
SKUB: If I could turn back time
{Aruseus clears the screen}
ARUSEUS: {typing} Well Zippy, of course I would be a rock band. Rock is like THE newest kind of music. The name however, I am stuck on...Sneakerpork?
SKUB: I could go for some Hulk Hogan sneaker meat right now. Perfectly warm.
The All-FCUSA Rejects? Metaloclypse?
NACHOMAN: {gets on his punchin' gloves for punchin' people}
{specifically ryan}
I got it! The RING ZING!
SKUB: That's literally the worst name I've ever heard for anything. Even a sex move.
BLUBY: a ring zing is when you finger a dude with a joy buzzer on
{Cut to a stage, Aruseus is standing with a microphone, Lyle is by an electric guitar}
ARUSEUS: {looking around} Where in the holy name of Strongbadian Crap is Tom?
NACHOMAN: in a way, aruseus, you ARE tom! let me explain something called "shitty character design"
LYLE: {The Cheat noises}
ARUSEUS: {sniffs} Wait! I can smell
SKUB: sex and candy here
his crappy cologne! {runs offscreen}
LYLE: {looks around, grins nervously}
{Cut to Marzipan's House, the Cool Tapes are there, with Tom hanging upside-down, rocking back and forth slowly, he has a bandana over his mouth, muffling his speech}
ARUSEUS: {looking around} What in Pete Sampras is going on here!?
SKUB: Didn't you know Marzipan is a dungeon mistress? Check the DVD extras.
MARZIPAN: Well we were afraid your band would be better than us, so we captured your lead singer.
NACHOMAN: i was so distracted by hilarious that i didn't even notice that this makes no godamn sense
STRONG MAD: RING ZING RUUUULLLEEE!
ARUSEUS: Singer? He's our crappy drummer! Keep him!
TOM: {muffled} HEY!
STRONG MAD: COOL GRAPES!
MARZIPAN: That's Cool Tapes.
SKUB: heheheo
{Cut back to stage, Aruseus and Lyle are playing}
TOM: {imitating and old person, throws tomatoes at Lyle and Aruseus} Boo! Boo! You guys stink!
NACHOMAN: just like an old person would do
{Tom is shown sitting in one of the many empty seats in the audience, he is dressed in a leather coat and has a fake beard and a golf hat}}
TOM: Where's your drummer?
ARUSEUS: Uh...should we go free Tom now?
LYLE: {angry The Cheat noises}
{The Paper comes down}
SKUB: THANKS
NACHOMAN: what just happened
Easter Eggs
- Click on Tom's hat to see an album for "Ring Zing! Crappy Hits!"
Fun Facts
- Aruseus threatening to Hyper Beam Zippy is a reference to the previous email, jlammy.
- The All-FCUSA Rejects is a parody of The All American Rejects.
- Metaloclypse is a TV show about a heavy metal band.
- Sneakerpork is actually one of the ideas for a name of a band my brother's friends were forming.
- The Email rap is a parody of Dane Cook's "Just Wanna Dance" Routine.
- "What in Pete Sampras is going on here!?" is from the actual Cool Tapes toon.
NACHOMAN: these are the least fun facts in history. what's the exact opposite of "fun"?
SKUB: "holocaust"?
NACHOMAN: yes. these are holocaust facts
