JCMovies/9

It's dot com reveals surprising news.

Prologue

{JCM walks into a black screen. He stops then turns to the view.}

JCM: Hello, people, you may know me as JCM, the star of JCMovies. Hence the name. Duh. Now, today's JCMovie is a special. Because, well, it's about a special time in the fanstuff wiki history. I hate giving summaries before each movie, but, my director says I have to, and there's no point in using my childish rebellion on him. So, this great, or not so great, day started a few months ago...

Movie

{Cut to the Homestar Runner Fanstuff School.}

CRUSADER: {singing} This is a daaaayyy!

JCM: {offscreen} Stop!

{Crüsäder literally freezes. JCM walks onscreen then faces the camera.}

JCM: What on Earth?! Why are we having an inactive student sing at the beginning of this?

DIRECTOR: {offscreen} We want this special to have everything! Action for the boys, drama for the girls, and musicals for the babies!

JCM: This is JCMovie #9, not Fanstuff School Musical!

DIRECTOR: I am the director and you will do what I say, because I am filming what I want to film.

JCM: Listen, all I want this page to do is be the longest page on the wiki. Or the most popular, but everyone knows that will never happen.

DIRECTOR: Hallelujah.

JCM: Anyway, that's the only reason I hired you for this episode. Because you're a patient man.

DIRECTOR: Why don't we just make the musicals long?

JCM: I hate musicals!

DIRECTOR: That means...you also hate babies! Take him away, boys!

JCM: Just get on with the episode!

DIRECTOR: Fine then. Pushy.

{A heavy lourde falls on Crüsäder and JCM walks looks at him.}

JCM: Hey, there, inactive student that couldn't sing if his life depended on it.

CRUSADER: {under lourde} I can't feel my arms, legs, or vital organs.

JCM: I didn't know people could feel their vital organs. Well, see ya! I've got an auditorium to go to!

{JCM starts walking off. Silly music starts playing and he looks around and stops.}

JCM: What the heck is that?

DIRECTOR: It's a nice touch I played with your walking scene.

JCM: That is the stupidest music I ever heard!

DIRECTOR: Just go along with it and we'll soon get there.

JCM: Dang it, director! Just cut to the auditorium.

DIRECTOR: No, we need to put as much time in this as possible.

JCM: Just do it!

{Cut to the auditorium.}

JCM: That's better.

KIRBYCHU: What are you talking about?

JCM: {innocent} Nothing.

{It's dot com walks onto the stage.}

IT'S DOT COM: I've got great news, everyone! Lunar Jesters has returned! And actually has all his body parts!

STUDENTS: Yay!

{Lunar Jesters walks onto the stage.}

LUNAR JESTERS: Hello, everyone, it's nice to see you again!

JCM: Hey, Lunar, where were you?

LUNAR JESTERS: Well, person I don't know and never want to, I got married to this wonderful woman and had to go live somewhere else with her. I got a new job for a few years, but we got divorced for personal reasons and I decided to come back! This ID in my head is from her purse when she hit me with it!

STUDENTS: Yay! I mean, sorry!

JCM: Well, Lunar, you missed a whole lot! I mean, everybody's been complaining about the school dying and all. You're the only one that can bring this place back together.

LUNAR JESTERS: How can a school die?

IT'S DOT COM: Well, yeah, about that. He's a little too late.

JCM: What?

IT'S DOT COM: We're tearing down the school.

{Cut to a close-up of It's dot com's face with a darkness to it.}

DIRECTOR: Dun-dun-duuuuuunnnnnn-un-un-un-undun-dun-un-with the pun un young-dun-

JCM: Stop!

{The entire auditorium freezes.}

JCM: Oops, wrong choice of words. Director, what are you doing?

DIRECTOR: I'm bringing suspense to this.

JCM: Yeah, that's a little too much suspense.

DIRECTOR: Oh, come on. Can't you let me have some fun on my job?

JCM: Yeah, but without a paycheck.

DIRECTOR: Wah.

JCM: Oh, stop being such a baby. Now, let me finish this JCMovie in peace.

{JCM shows his muscles and "JCM - PROFEESIONAL TOUGH GUY" appears on him.}

{Everyone unfreezes and stabs JCM repeatedly.}

JCM: Ow! What the heck?!

DIRECTOR: Oops, my bad!

{Everything rewinds back to everyone before they are frozen.}

JCM: You're tearing down the school?

IT'S DOT COM: Yes, but then I'm going to rebuild it. Think of it as a purge.

JCM: I always knew this would happen, but why now? When our second most inactive admin comes back?

IT'S DOT COM: We've been talking about it for a while, now, and decided this would be a good time.

JCM: But, what about all the great fanstuff we have here? You can't just let them die.

IT'S DOT COM: I would never do that. Which is why I created a big boat for the good fanstuff we have.

{It's dot com opens the curtain to reveal a giant boat.}

COLOR PRINTER: Wow, it's just like Noah's ark. Putting in the good, leaving out the bad.

JCM: So, there's going to be some kind of flood that will destroy the school?

IT'S DOT COM: Of course not. We'll burn it down.

JCM: {sarcastic} I feel so much better.

DIRECTOR: Wait. Cut!

{The auditorium freezes.}

JCM: What now?

DIRECTOR: You're being out of character. JCM wouldn't be happy about someone burning down his school.

JCM: I was being SARCASTIC!

{JCM facepalms and "JCM - PROFESSIONAL CYNICAL GUY" appears on him.}

DIRECTOR: Oh. Well you don't have to yell.

{The auditorium unfreezes and everyone starts ranting.}

JCM: The fanstuff school is being destroyed and only the best of the best will survive?

IT'S DOT COM: Well, the ship only holds 125 fanstuffs at the most, so we need around 100 on there.

JCM: That's just great. If you excuse me, I'm going to cry now.

{JCM walks out of the auditorium sadly.}

IT'S DOT COM: Why would he cry?

CHWOKA: Because his fanstuffs are crap.

DIRECTOR: JCM! Cut!

{JCM walks back onscreen.}

JCM: Dang it, what now?!

DIRECTOR: Are you OK?

JCM: AW COME ON NOW! Directors are so caring! God bless that director! HOPEFULLY THEY UNDERSTAND WHEN I SAY "I WAS ACTING!!!" because directors that great have to be stupid!

DIRECTOR: Wow, you're a good actor. I actually believed you there.

JCM: {proudly} Yes, I know. Now, leave the movie and the fourth wall alone.

{It's dot com walks off the stage.}

IT'S DOT COM: So, are any of you going to put any fanstuff on the boat now?

ZNEX: How much time do we have?

IT'S DOT COM: 2 months.

ZNEX: I hate you.

IT'S DOT COM: {sarcastic} Yes. You're very nice about it.

{Cut to the bathroom. JCM's feet are seen under a stool.}

JCM: {hums} I like chocolate cake except when the chocolate is actually-

{JCM walks out of the stool with a piece of toilet paper sticking out of his shoe. he sees the camera.}

JCM: {screams} What the? {angrily} Dang it, director, why can't you let me have my private moments in peace?!

DIRECTOR: Because it's funny.

JCM: This is the worst special ever.

DIRECTOR: This is our only special ever.

JCM: Whatever. I'm going to leave now. If you follow me, I will kill you.

DIRECTOR: Oh, a death threat? Also, you have a little something in your shoe.

{JCM looks down at his shoe and tears the toilet paper off quickly.}

JCM: {embarrassed} You didn't see that. {zips off}

DIRECTOR: Heh, revenge is sweet.

{Cut to the auditorium. The students are shoveling fanstuff in the boat.}

SHADOW SCYTHE: Gosh, I feel like a Poopsmith.

X ON FIRE: You're telling me.

{Pan left to show the Poopsmith, who holds up a sign saying "Me too".}

SHADOW SCYTHE: Umm...k.

{Cut to another part of the auditorium. Super Sam and Joshua are sitting in beach chairs with drinks in their hands.}

SUPER SAM: Isn't this a lovely day to watch others do backbreaking work while we sit and relax?

JOSHUA: Sure is, Clamburger.

SUPER SAM: How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not Clamburger! That's my pet!

JOSHUA: Sure thing...Clamburger.

{Joshua takes a sip from his drink and KickCheat walks onscreen.}

KICKCHEAT: OK, why aren't you guys doing anything?

SUPER SAM: Because you see this!? The drink in my hand? I'M DRUNK.

JOSHUA: Hey, it was hard enough work to keep the purge a secret all these months.

KICKCHEAT: Wait, you knew about it all this time?

JOSHUA: Duh. The higher administrators don't keep secrets from us. Now, shoo.

SUPER SAM: MORE LIKE SHWOO!

JOSHUA: Shut up.

{KickCheat walks away angrily.}

{Cut to the hallway. JCM is walking back and forth.}

JCM: Geez, a man can't use the potty in peace. {sees the camera} Gah! What did I say about following me?

DIRECTOR: It got boring out there. Anyway, it's JCMovies, not random fanstuff users...movies.

JCM: So, you think I'm genuinely interesting and humorous character? OK, you are stupid or joking.

DIRECTOR: Tell us about your day.

JCM: OK, well, I woke up this morning after a terrible nightmare of being kissed by a dodo then getting beat up by her bald eagle boyfriend. Though, I accidentally knocked his toupee off, and, let's just say I'm glad I woke up the second that bird grabbed my neck. Then, I went to brush my teeth. I have one of those toothbrushes where the hairs spin around. I love technology! Though, since the only teeth I have are these two upper ones, it doesn't really take more than 5 seconds to brush them. Then, I ate my breakfast, which was a blueberry muffin.

{Bluebry leans onscreen angrily.}

BLUEBRY: So, you're the one that ate my brother! You better have a good lawyer, cause I'm suing the unseen pants off ya!

{Bluebry goes back offscreen, leaving JCM with a shocked look.}

JCM: ...What?

DIRECTOR: Well, that was nice and all, but DID YOU KNOW this only adds one line to the transcript's line count?

JCM: I'm being sued by a MUFFIN! And, talking about my day bores the snot out me.

DIRECTOR: Snot? I didn't know you even had a nose.

JCM: Yeah, that's how bored I was. Now, let's do some more action. That's what the point of a special is. To have everything that I have in my other episodes, and more. Plus, we also need to be more on-topic. This movie is about the purge and dang it, we're going to keep it about the purge.

DIRECTOR: Are you saying there's more important things than being number one?

JCM: Of course not! But, we have to keep the audience interested if we want to stay in business. And the audience seems to like things that make sense.

DIRECTOR: Fine, whatever. I'll try to keep it about the purge and be number one.

JCM: That's the director I don't know nor love! Let's do this!

{Cut to outside. The students are discussing things at the Forum court.}

STRONG INTELLIGENT: OK, we're going to be facing a mean revolution. Who knows what will come of this?

THE SPANISH INQUISITION: Less...fanstuff?

STRONG INTELLIGENT: Exactly!

DENNIS DUNJINMAN: Dennis thinks that we should just let It's dot com do the rest when we finish our part.

HOMSAR44WITHPIE: He's right. Usually, I'd ask for Chwoka's opinion, too, but he's at his grandmother's so we're in this without him.

JCM: Well, I'm happy with life as it is, except the without Chwoka part. That sucks. Though, a purge will mess the good parts up completely.

JERM: Don't worry. We have 3½ years to make up.

JCM: I'd rather not wait for 2012.

SUPERFIELD CREDIT UNION: I'm happy as long as my game is surviving.

THEDENZEL: And I don't have to worry much, either. Most of my fanstuff is surviving.

JCM: Mine, too, but it still wouldn't be the same. Also, I heard they will get rid of students having their own email shows.

LUCAS AURA: Don't worry. They're building a school student school for those. When it's built, I'm moving there, since Aruseus doesn't "have enough Homestar" in his show.

JCM: And Funstar doesn't have enough anything in his. Oh well, all my other fanstuff is surviving.

DIRECTOR: All four.

JCM: Hey, you don't get any say in this!

SAM THE MAN: Who are you talking to?

JCM: {sighs} No one. Especially not some annoying director that I want to fire so much, but can't afford another one of his kind.

SAM THE MAN: OK, that's all I wanted to know.

{Cut to the school student school.}

SUPER SAM: Well, me and my pet finally did it.

JCM: A little to small, though.

SUPER SAM: Eh, it'll grow. It may soon be bigger than the fanstuff school. Actually when it purges, it will be.

JCM: Yeah, if we can make over 100 fanstuff by then.

SUPER SAM: You don't have to be negative.

JCM: Just saying. You shouldn't get you hopes up. If you do that, then if it doesn't happen, you will be heartbroken.

SUPER SAM: Nah, I don't need a heart. I have my pet.

{JCM pets the clamburger and it bites him.}

JCM: Ow!

{JCM tries to shake the clamburger off his finger and fails.}

SUPER SAM: Go to sleep, Clamburger.

{The clamburger falls off JCM's finger.}

JCM: My gosh. I didn't know clamburgers were so strong! Super Sam?

{JCM sees Super Sam asleep next to Clamburger.}

JCM: Aw, they're so cute. Wait, what did I just say? That sounded wrong.

{JCM walks away.}

{Cut to the fanstuff school's auditorium. It's dot com is on the stage.}

IT'S DOT COM: OK, you guys spent the last month putting and taking fanstuff in the boat. Which is good. Unfortunately, we still have a month until the purge and no one should make fanstuff until it happens, so...you have to try and work that out.

JCM: What? Why can't you just purge now?

IT'S DOT COM: Well, there's problems at the Homestar Runner School, so, I'm going to have to postpone the purge until I fix it. Bye!

{It's dot com walks out of the auditorium.}

JCM: {sarcastic} Well, this is great.

DIRECTOR: Cut!

JCM: Sarcasm.

DIRECTOR: Sorry!

THE NOID: So, what should we do until the purge happens?

LUNAR JESTERS: Mess around?

THE NOID: Great idea!

{Cut to Joshua's class.}

JOSHUA: OK, everyone. Today we are going to look at a random map!

{Joshua brings down the map and sees a picture of WeeGee taped to it.

JOSHUA: Well, this is disturbing.

INNER BAD: {laughs} Hey, You Saw Weegee!

{KickCheat tapes this image in front of it].}

KICKCHEAT: Hooray! A death of a meme!

{The class cheers.}

JOSHUA: Gosh, please purge soon.

{Cut to Shwoo's class. Shwoo walks in angrily.}

SHWOO: OK, who painted "my nam's Shwoo, i liek to pawty" on my door?!

CHAOS: {snickers} Innocent until proven guilty.

SHWOO: Dang it, Chaos!

{Cut to Thatkidsam in an office. He is checking papers when he stops.}

THATKIDSAM: OK, why did AlmsforthePudgy write his test in Russian? I have to stop giving the students English-to-whatever dictionaries.

{Cut to TheDenzel drawing well faces on every picture he can find. JCM catches him in the middle of an act.}

JCM: OK, I'll pretend I never saw that.

{JCM continues walking.}

JCM: {offscreen} Gosh, that was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.

{Cut to JCM at It's dot com's office. It's dot com has his head on the desk.}

JCM: OK, everyone has turned into mini-bullies. They're vandalizing everything they can find. You have to find someway to occupy these students before the purge or they'll destroy the school themselves.

IT'S DOT COM: Meh, let them have their fun. It's my break, so I don't care.

JCM: But, IDC, you have to care! I miss my normal, polite school.

{It's dot com starts snoring.}

JCM: Fine, then! I don't care about you or that stupid purge! I can make it on my own!

{Li'l Brudder scrapes into the office.}

LI'L BRUDDER: Hey, that's my line!

{JCM does a facepalm.}

JCM: Stop!

DIRECTOR: Yes?

JCM: What on earth is with all these Homestar characters? The Poopsmith was OK, but Li'l Brudder is going too far.

DIRECTOR: Aw, but that guy is so cute. I couldn't deny him a line.

JCM: I do not want leg-severed dogs on my show!

DIRECTOR: Oh, but just look at him.

JCM: I refuse to. I know what happens when someone looks at him. Now, stop altering my movie!

{JCM walks offscreen.}

JCM: {offscreen} Gosh!

DIRECTOR: {starts to cry} Oh, man, I looked it in it's eyes!

{Cut to a court room. "Judge Moody" appears onscreen in big letters. The words disappear. Strong Sad with girl's hair and a judge suit walks onscreen.}

STRONG SAD: In today's case, we have Bluebry Muffin suing JCM for eating his brother.

{JCM walks onscreen.}

JCM: Stop!

DIRECTOR: Don't worry. I can explain. We need some Homestar characters because we need to attract Homestar fans, too. And, he's dressed as a woman because that's hilarious.

JCM: I don't care about that! I want to know why I'm going along with this lawsuit. I thought you talked Bluebry out of this!

DIRECTOR: I thought of doing that, but then I decided to not do that. We need as much action as possible in this!

JCM: My gosh, man! I can't afford a lawyer!

DIRECTOR: Don't worry, I've got you covered!

{Badstar walks onscreen.}

BADSTAR: Hello, I'm Badstar Strunner: Ace Attorney.

JCM: Oh, dear. This is not going to end well.

{Cut to a screen that says "We'll be back to Judge Moody after these messages!".}

STRONG SAD: {voice only} We'll be back to Judge Moody after these messages.

Commercial

JOEYDAY: Hello, everybody! Are you bored out of your mind?

RANDOM PEOPLE: Yeah!

JOEYDAY: Well, that will all end soon! Come to the Homestar Runner School where you will learn about the world's greatest webcartoon, watch/play a Homestar Runner toon or game every time it's updated, and go over to the Homestar Runner Fanstuff School to make fan creations based on it!

RANDOM PEOPLE: That rocks!

{Rocks hit the random people from offscreen and the Thnikkaman walks to them.}

THE THNIKKAMAN: Yeah. Shut up, kids!

JOEYDAY: All made with FellowSchools! You can make your own for a small fee of ten dollars a month.

Movie(again)

{Cut to a screen that says "We now return to Judge Moody!".}

STRONG SAD: {voice only} We now return to Judge Moody.

{Cut to the court. JCM takes his seat and Bluebry jumps onto his.}

JCM: OK, this is stupid. We aren't in a real court. It's just a building with a bunch of chairs all over it.

{Strong Sad hits his pad with a hammer, breaking it in half.}

STRONG SAD: Order in the court! Now, Bluebry says you ate his brother. Is that true?

JCM: I don't know. There's, like, hundreds of blueberry muffins in this world.

STRONG SAD: So, Bluebry, are you saying that he ate it without proof?

BLUEBRY: Of course!

STRONG SAD: Well, in that case, you better have a good lawyer, JCM.

JCM: What?

BADSTAR: He does. Now, let's see. Bluebry admitted to not having any proof to JCM eating his brother. So, that means anyone could've done it. Did you eat a blueberry muffin for breakfast, sir?

STRONG SAD: {gulps} Well, uh, everyone eats them once in a while. They're so good!

BLUEBRY: You sicko.

BADSTAR: So, there you are, Bluebry. JCM may and may have not eaten your brother.

BLUEBRY: Can we just say he did and move along?

JCM: Hey!

BADSTAR: No. you either admit you're wrong, or owe us 100 bucks for wasting our time.

STRONG SAD: Don't you mean my time?

BADSTAR: Whatever. Now, speak.

BLUEBRY: Oh, fine! I'm sorry for accusing you of eating my brother, JCM.

JCM: It's OK. I've always wanted to be in a court. But not be a suette. By a breakfast food.

STRONG SAD: Aw, I wanted 100 bucks...

JCM: Well, I need to complete my movie, now. See ya!

BADSTAR: Hey, what about my check?

{JCM jumps out the window. Badstar turns to the director.}

BADSTAR: Do you have my money?

DIRECTOR: Well, look at the time!

{Cut to the fanstuff school. JCM walks into the auditorium. He sees Kanjiro, Dinoshaur, and Freldman looking at the boat.}

KANJIRO: That's a mighty fine boat, isn't it?

DINOSHAUR: Yeah, I know.

FRELDMAN: I wish I had any fanstuff to put in it. I'd be happy.

JCM: Uh, who are you guys talking to?

DINOSHAUR: I have no idea.

JCM: OK...

KANJIRO: Don't you think that's a nice boat?

JCM: Uh, sure.

FRELDMAN: Don't you wish you had any fanstuff on it?

JCM: I do.

ALL(EXCEPT JCM): Pretty cool, isn't it?

JCM: Yeah, you guys are starting to creep me out. I'm going to go find Lucas Aura, now.

{JCM leaves the room and finds Ryan Bluefox looking out the window.}

JCM: Hey, who are you?

RYAN BLUEFOX: My name's Ryan Bluefox.

JCM: New?

RYAN BLUEFOX: Yeah, you can say that.

JCM: So, did you see Lucas Aura anywhere?

RYAN BLUEFOX: No, and I never will again.

JCM: Right.

RYAN BLUEFOX: Oh, I didn't mean it like that! I mean, Lucas moved.

JCM: That's sad. I thought the only place he was moving to was the student user school. I didn't find him there, either. Hey, you look familiar.

RYAN BLUEFOX: {worried} Uh, OK.

{Ryan runs away.}

JCM: OK, that was strange. Why would be so uncomfortable to talk about Lucas unless, oh my gosh...

{JCM runs to JoeyDay's office.}

JCM: JoeyDay, I have something to-

{JCM sees that JoeyDay isn't in his chair.}

JCM: {screams}

DIRECTOR: Dun-dun-duuuuuunnnnnn-un-un-un-

JCM: Don't.

{JCM runs to his house.}

JCM: Mommy! Daddy!

JCM'S MOTHER: What is it, JCM?

JCM'S FATHER: Are you OK?

JCM: Yeah, I'm OK, but everyone else at my school is either acting strange or disappeared. I think the newbie, Ryan, has something to do with it.

JCM'S FATHER: Yes! A reason to get you out of that school!

JCM: What?

JCM'S MOTHER: We're going to transfer you to a new, safer school.

JCM: Dang it, mom!

{Cut to heaven. Lightning Guy is talking in blahs while Mr. Cloud is counting his money.}

LIGHTNING GUY: Blah blah blah blah-

MAN WITH LOW VOICE: {offscreen} Be quiet! I heard that a little boy needs answers.

LIGHTNING GUY: Who is it?

MAN WITH LOW VOICE: That blue dude.

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh, him. Might as well.

{Lightning Guy flies to Earth. He sees JCM in his backyard kicking a can and flies to him.}

LIGHTNING GUY: Listen, kid, I don't know what's wrong with you, but, the man upstairs is angry, so stop being sad, like, now.

JCM: Lightning Guy, you're, like, a legend.

LIGHTNING GUY: {proud} I know. Now, what is wrong?

JCM: Everyone at my school disappeared somehow, three guys are being weird, and we have a new student that seems to have done something bad.

LIGHTNING GUY: You overdramatic-

JCM: Are you here to help me or insult me?

LIGHTNING GUY: Help you, but I like insulting you more.

JCM: Anyway, my mom wants to send me to another school, but I can't handle that.

LIGHTNING GUY: Don't worry, my senses tell me that everyone at the school is safe and sound, getting themselves drunk over nervousness of tomorrow's purge, but Lucas Aura doesn't exist anymore.

JCM: Wait, what?

LIGHTNING GUY: Now that I gave you my answers, leave me alone.

{Lightning Guy flies away.}

JCM: I was right! Ryan Bluefox killed Lucas Aura!

DIRECTOR: Really?

JCM: I'm not telling you! Then, the audience will know, too, and the last thing I was is to spoil it for them.

DIRECTOR: OK, just whisper it in my ear.

JCM: Fine.

{JCM walks offscreen and whispering is heard.}

DIRECTOR: Lucas Aura is actually Ryan Bluefox?!

JCM: {offscreen} Gah! You idiot!

DIRECTOR: ...Oops.

{JCM walks back onscreen.}

JCM: Ugh. That's the last time I tell you a secret.

DIRECTOR: Sorry!

JCM: Let's just get on with the movie.

DIRECTOR: OK, we're just about 150 more lines till the longest page!

JCM: {smiling} That's perfect. I'm not upset with you anymore! I mean, seriously, any other director would've fainted by now.

DIRECTOR: Yep, I'm one in a million! Does that mean we can have a musical now?

JCM: No.

{Cut to the auditorium.}

IT'S DOT COM: Hello, I'm sure you were expecting the purge today.

STUDENTS: Uh, yeah!

IT'S DOT COM: Well, I have great news! It's being postponed again!

JCM: How is that great news?

IT'S DOT COM: I just finished the conflict at the other school and I need my rest! So, I'm postponing so there will be less work for me!

{The students groan.}

THE MU: I can't believe you got all our hopes up for nothing!

NACHOMAN: That's not cool, yo.

JCM: What did you just say?

NACHOMAN: {sighs} Nerd.

THEDENZEL: OK, I'm leaving this school until the purge happens. Call me when some real action happens.

{Pan to the outside to show TheDenzel jumping into a car with hot girls in swimsuits and an old driver in it.}

THEDENZEL: {put on his sunglasses and waves his hand} Let's go, Mendel.

{The car dives off. Pan back to the auditorium.}

JCM: That hurt my self-confidence.

IT'S DOT COM: OK, meeting over.

{The student groan while leaving.}

THE NOID: This stinks.

{The Noid trips into a trash can.}

THE NOID: This stinks even more. Oh, gosh, what is that thing tickling my nose?! Help me!

{Zoom out to show JCM walking past the trash can.}

JCM: Well, I might as well see what's happening at the Student User School.

{Cut to the School Student School hallway. JCM walks past Ryan Bluefox.}

JCM: Hi, Cyrus, I mean, Lucas, I mean, Ryan.

RYAN: Wah! What?! How did you know?!

JCM: Don't ask.

{JCM walks past Vince Gagoman.}

JCM: Hi, Xx6xX, I mean, Cow Puncher, I mean, Vince.

{JCM walks past Nebs.}

JCM: Hi, Znex, I mean, Znebs, I mean, Nebs.

{JCM walks past Vindicator.}

JCM: Hi, Count X, I mean, ApocalypX, I mean, Vindi.

{JCM walks past Counting Blue Cars.}

JCM: Hi, Da Weirdo, I mean, TheCheese, I mean, Counting Blue Trucks.

COUNTING BLUE CARS: My name is Counting Blue Cars.

JCM: Eh, they're the same. Are they?

COUNTING BLUE CARS: Well...I really don't know.

{JCM walks past Captcha.}

JCM: Hi, Micah, I mean, The New Micah, I mean, The NEW NEW Micah, I mean Inner Bad, I mean-

CAPTCHA: My Name Is Captcha.

JCM: Yeah, whatever.

{JCM walks past Sephiroth.}

JCM: Hi, Sephiroth, I mean, Sephiroth, I mean, Sephiroth.

{JCM walks off and Sephiroth shakes his fist.}

SEPHIROTH: I swear, I will change my name one of these days!

JCM: {offscreen} Yeah, good luck with that.

{JCM walks past Nalos.}

JCM: Hi, Ned, I mean, Nalos, I mean, do you have any other names?

NALOS: No.

JCM: I mean, No.

{JCM continues to walk off and Nalos does a facepalm.}

{Cut to Yobnaf and Liame at a drinking fountain. JCM walks past them.}

JCM: Finally, some new people. Even if their names are Fanboy and Email spelled backward.

{Noxigar walks past JCM.}

NOXIGAR: Hi, HRFjcm, I mean, WUjcm, I mean JCM.

JCM: Deja vu?

{Cut to this image.}

{Cut back.}

DIRECTOR: What fits this scene more than a random pear saying "lolwut"?

JCM: {traumatized} Oh, gosh! That was the most lame thing I ever saw in my life!

DIRECTOR: I know! It's awesome, isn't it?!

JCM: I won't answer that question because I want to keep this show family friendly. But, I'll see you backstage.

{Cut to JCM's house.}

JCM: Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh...

JCM'S FATHER: Has he been drinking my lotion again?

{JCM literally coughs up the the lotion, bottle and all.}

JCM'S FATHER: {disgusted} Uh, I'll take that as a yes.

JCM'S MOTHER: JCM, why are you so worried?

JCM: I CAN'T TAKE THE WAITING! IT'S KILLING ME! KILLING ME!

JCM'S FATHER: Uh, would you like my lotion back?

{JCM takes a bite from the bottle and wipes his mouth.

JCM: {burps} I hope that the purge comes soon. I can't handle another day of the patience slowly eating me away as I become nothing but a puddle of Dr. Pepper.

JCM'S FATHER: {licks his lips} Mmm. I never knew my child would be so delicious.

JCM'S MOTHER: {gasps} Don't you frighten my child anymore! Now, JCM, if the purge doesn't come by the end of the week, we will transfer you!

JCM: But mom-

JCM'S MOTHER: I'm only doing it for you health. I don't want a certain person... {eyes JCM's father}

JCM'S FATHER: What?

JCM'S MOTHER: Drinking the life out you. Literally.

JCM: Oh, don't worry, mom. I'll be Cherry Chocolate Rain. My dad hates that.

JCM'S FATHER: No, I said I hated the commercial. That Tay guy ticks me off. Why can't he just get a real life instead of pretending to be a stupid, stinkin', chick magnet just because of a drink?! I tried it, it doesn't work! In fact, women shun me because of my breath smelling like a mixture of cherries and chocolate and rain and it is actually a horrible breath, just like a horrible liar Zonday is!

{JCM and his mother both look at him strangely.}

JCM'S FATHER: {embarrassed} In other words, I think a transfer might be useful.

JCM'S MOTHER: Well, you heard him. And you know he will drink you.

JCM: Oh, fine! If the purge doesn't come by Saturday, I'll agree to move. Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to go beg IDC to purge soon.

{Cut to It's dot com's office.}

IT'S DOT COM: No.

JCM: Please?

IT'S DOT COM: No.

JCM: Please?

IT'S DOT COM: No.

JCM: Please?

IT'S DOT COM: No.

JCM: Please?

IT'S DOT COM: No.

JCM: {desperate} Please!

IT'S DOT COM: Hey, it won't matter to me if we lose another student. We still have about 1000 left.

JCM: So, is that a yes?

IT'S DOT COM: No, I'm going to purge on Sunday. Easy as that.

JCM: Why?

IT'S DOT COM: Because I can. Now, say goodbye to all the students or ask your mom to postpone it a day.

JCM: This means I can do only one thing.

{Cut to JCM's house.}

JCM'S MOTHER: No.

JCM: Please?

JCM'S MOTHER: No.

JCM: Please?

JCM'S MOTHER: No.

JCM: Please?

JCM'S MOTHER: No.

JCM: Please?

JCM'S MOTHER: No.

JCM: {desperate} Please!

JCM'S MOTHER: Hey, we don't care if you have to leave the school you love. Me and your dad will be happy and that's all that matters.

JCM'S FATHER: Well, I'd also be happy to drink some Dr. JCM.

JCM'S MOTHER: You're not helping!

JCM: So, is that a yes?

JCM'S MOTHER: No, it's Saturday or bust. Easy as that.

JCM: Daaaaaaaang!

JCM'S MOTHER: Hey, don't use that language in this house!

{Cut to the fanstuff school. JCM walks around waving a red flag.}

DIRECTOR: {singing} Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun duuuunnn.

JCM: Hello, this is one of the sad scenes! I don't want to ruining it with your go-unlucky Stinkoman song.

{JCM walks under a ladder and a black cat walks by. JCM trips on the black cat and causes a mirror to fall over and break.}

JCM: I hate you!

DIRECTOR: Hey, why don't you step on a crack? Then your mother won't be able to force you to transfer!

JCM: You're not funny. Now, find me some lucky charms.

{A box of the Lucky Charms cereal flies onscreen.}

JCM: You just love messing with me, don't you?

{JCM opens the box of Lucky Charms and pours it in his mouth.}

JCM: Do you happen to have any milk?

{A cow flies onscreen and falls on JCM.}

JCM: {under cow} Thank...you.

{Cut to a screen that says "Saturday".}

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANT'S NARRATOR: Saturday.

JCM: Whoa, how much did it cost to get this guy?

DIRECTOR: Your college fund.

JCM: {sighs} That's the way it goes.

{Fade to the fanstuff school. Two spys run into JCM's classroom.}

SPY #1: OK, where's the blue boy?

MIKECONTROL: Oh gosh, what did he do this time?

JCM: {raises hand} I'm right here, sir.

SPY #2: Today's transferring time! Your parents sent me to capture you, in case you resisted.

JCM: Uh, the day isn't over yet.

{The bell rings and everyone runs over JCM. Pan down to show JCM, crushed and with foot marks all over him.}

SPY #1: Are you okay, dude?

JCM: Yeah, this happens every day.

SPY #2: Cool.

{The spies scrape JCM off the floor and puts him in a bag.}

{Cut to the hall. JCM and the spies are walking to the door. JCM turns his head.}

JCM: Well, folks, it's the end for me.

{All of the students and admins do the peace sign. JCM and the spies walk out the door and it closes.}

GRILLEDCHEESE: I'm going to miss him, even though I don't really know him that well.

THESTICK: Me too. You know, touchy moments like these are what make up a great movie.

AUSSIE EVIL: Really? I thought they caused mental breakdowns.

STRONG SADER: No, they cause me.

X66X66: Me, Myself, or I?

ME, MYSELF, AND I: Did someone call us?

SPYRO: Interesting.

SIMPLYMP: Definitely.

C.OLIMAR: Wait, what were we talking about, again?

TAHU: Your sprites and crud?

HOMSAR: Yeah, I think that's it.

MR. CRADGAGE: No, I think we were talking about Ungurait's email.

ALXXMAXX: Wow, that actually survived the purge? Oh wait, it won an award!

TOTALSPACESHIPGUY: Yeah, just like mine. I hate that JCM kid for taking one out.

MITCHELL: JCM kid? Isn't that who we were talking about?

Y2K: Oh, yeah! He was just forced to leave the school!

USERUNKNOWN: Poor guy. Hey, is it lunch time yet?

HALDO: Yeah, I think so!

CLUELESSCAT: Let's go, then!

{All of the students run to the lunchroom happily.}

{Cut to Prance. JCM and his parents come out of a car.}

JCM'S MOTHER: Oh, isn't this going to be great?

JCM: No. I'm going to a school here against my will!

JCM'S FATHER: Yeah, I know! Isn't that awesome?!

JCM: You know I'm going to get back, right?

JCM'S MOTHER: No, we'll send you to private school, where you'll be in lockdown 24/7.

JCM: What?

JCM'S FATHER: And if you try to escape, you'll be beaten with a pole.

JCM: Isn't that child abuse?

JCM'S FATHER: Heh, Prance doesn't have any laws. And this school just does what they're paid to do. Keep you in the school learning.

JCM: OK, they're crazy, and you're crazy! You will not get me in that private school!

{Cut to Prance School.}

JCM: How did they get me in this private school?

{JCM looks around to see a bunch of hypnotized kids and teachers. A psycopath principal walks by.}

JCM: Oh, gosh, I have to get out of here.

{Cut to the fanstuff school. It's dot com, JoeyDay, Tom, and Stu come out with a flamethrower.}

JOEYDAY: Is anyone ready for the obliteration of our school?!

STU: It doesn't matter whether you're ready or not, cause it's happening!

TOM: Yeah, uh, how do I use this thing again?

IT'S DOT COM: {sighs} You just press this button and-

{It's dot com presses the button on the flamethrower and it shoots a flame at Tom's foot.}

IT'S DOT COM: Oh, dear.

TOM: Gah!

MARKIE: Hey, isn't that a running gag with JCM?

IT'S DOT COM: Who?

GOOD DEAL DAN: Don't you remember JCM? That brat that tried to ruin my band?

IT'S DOT COM: I'm sorry, but there is no one in this school by the name of JCM.

{Suddenly, Interruptor Jones runs through the doors.}

JONES: Hi. Did I interrupt you guys or anything?

JOEYDAY: Yeah, but I'll forgive you, because of your name and all.

{A rope comes in from offscreen. Agent Seethroo slides down the rope and falls on Jones.}

JONES: OK, what the heck was that?

JOEYDAY: Oh, hey, Seethroo, you came just in time!

JONES: I still think your dumb for making an invisible guy an administrator. And I'm not just saying that because he crushed every bone in my body.

IT'S DOT COM: OK, can we just get on with the purge already?

{All of the students agree.}

JOEYDAY: OK, already! Jeez.

{Cut to Prance School's principal's office. He looks at a paper and smiles.}

PRINCIPAL: {laughs} Well, it seems we have a new student here. Dooguy!

{The assistant principal walks in.}

ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: Yes, master?

PRINCIPAL: Get the hypno ray. We need to do everything we can to enchant the student.

ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: {salutes} I'll get right on it, sir.

{The assistant principal zips out. Pan up to show JCM looking through the air vent.}

JCM: Dear gosh. These guys are crazier than I thought. I've got to save all the innocent kids here, get the heck out myself, and get to the fanstuff school just in time for the purge!

{Cut to a closet. JCM is building something.}

JCM: Luckily, my parents forgot to take the tools away from me. Now, I can dehypnotize these kids and make an escape!

{JCM finishes making the ray and holds it up in the sky in triumph. Then, some fat guy walks in.}

FAT MAN: Hey, do you have a chocolate bar?

JCM: Uh, no.

FAT MAN: {sadly} OK. Hey, what is that thing for? {points to the ray}

JCM: Well, can you keep a secret?

FAT MAN: Of course!

JCM: Well, I'm using this to dehypnotize the kids and get out of this school.

FAT MAN: Whoa, the principal will be awful mad if he finds out.

JCM: Please don't tell!

FAT MAN: Well, can I get out, too?

JCM: Yes.

FAT MAN: You've got yourself a deal! {shakes his hand}

JCM: Ow! You're crushing it!

FAT MAN: Sorry.

{The fat man leaves the closet and then runs into the principal.}

PRINCIPAL: Where the heck were you just at?

FAT MAN: Well, uh, OH I ADMIT IT!

{The fat man kneels down and holds the principal's legs.}

FAT MAN: I asked someone for a chocolate bar!

PRINCIPAL: Get off my leg! Didn't I tell you you were on a diet?

FAT MAN: But, I couldn't live without, my sugar, pie, or honey bunches! You know that I love them! I can't help myself! I love them and nothing else!

{Suddenly, the fat man jumps up and tears off his clothes to reveal a suit and he puts a black top hat on.}

FAT MAN: {singing} In and out of my life! They come and they go! Leaving just their scraps behind! And I've eaten it a thousand times! When I snap my finger or wink my eye...{winks}

{JCM sneaks out of the the closet and runs offscreen.}

FAT MAN: {singing} I come a-running to food! I tied my napkin to my neck! And there's nothing that I can do! I can't help myself, no, I can't help myself! 'Cause, sugar, pie, and honey bunches! I'm weaker than a man should be! I can't help myself! I'm a fool in love 'ya see!

{The principal looks at him awkwardly for the whole song then stops him.}

PRINCIPAL: OK, I understand how much you love unhealthy things, but you don't have to sing a copyrighted song because of it!

FAT MAN: I'm sorry. I'm just saying, sometimes people just have to cheat.

PRINCIPAL: Well, who did you ask for the chocolate bar?

FAT MAN: George Clooney.

PRINCIPAL: ...Wow. Just, nevermind.

{Cut to a classroom. JCM sneaks in from the air vent.}

TEACHER: Hello, new student, your first question is to determine "pi".

JCM: {sighs, quickly} 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209 7494459230781640628620899862803482534211706798214808651 3282306647093844609550582231725359408128481117450284102 7019385211055596446229489549303819644288109756659334461 2847564823378678316527120190914564856692346034861045432 6648213393607260249141273724587006606315588174881520920, blah blah blah, DEHYPNOTIZED!

{JCM shoots everyone in the classroom with the ray.}

STUDENTS: {looks around} Huh? What? Hmm?

TEACHER: Oh, my gosh. WE'RE DEHYPNOTIZED! {points to JCM} You! I love you! If it was right, I'd kiss you!

JCM: {awkwardly} OK, nice to hear. Yeah, I'm going to go dehypnotize the rest of the students now.

STUDENT: Well, what do we do?

JCM: Just pretend like you're still hypnotized. You don't know when the principal will check up on things. I'll give you the cue when it is time to leave.

{JCM jumps back into the vent and closes it.}

TEACHER: OK...who was the first president of Prance?

{Zoom out to show a view of the entire school. Ray lights come out of all the windows. Zoom back in. JCM is in the hallway.}

JCM: OK, I dehypnotized everyone. Now, time to make a hole in the wall. But, I hope the assistant principal did what I told him to do.

{Cut to the principal's office. The assistant principal walks in.}

PRINCIPAL: Hi. Did you get the ray like I told you?

{The assistant principal punches the principal in the face, knocking him out cold.}

ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: That was a random situation, but it felt goood!

{JCM changes his ray to destruction mode and blasts a hole through the wall.}

JCM: OK, everyone, it's time to GO!

{Everyone runs over JCM. Super Martyo Brother and Gavino jump over him. Pan down to show JCM crushed and with foot marks all over him.}

JCM: ...Bye? Here's where I say some pun about this happening earlier in this movie. Nope...nothing.

{The fat man jogs slowly to the hole, out of breath, when, suddenly, he grabs his chest and collapses on JCM.}

JCM: {sarcastic, under fat man} Of course. This is the perfect place to have a heart attack. And right before he was going to end his diet. Ironic, isn't it?

{Cut to the fanstuff school. JCM walks onscreen with scratches and branches all over him. It's dot com walks by.}

JCM: {quietly} When is the purge?

IT'S DOT COM: Hey, JCM, nice to see you made it. Unfortunately, the purge already happened. Go figure.

{JCM shakes for a while then faints. Nachoman jumps onscreen.}

NACHOMAN: That was AWESOME! Oh, hey, JCM. How's the weather down there?

{Nachoman walks off.}

DIRECTOR: And...cut! You are an amazing actor! And I luved that song that the fat man sang. It was {sniffs} beautiful. So, JCM, wake up now.

JCM: No. This ground is soft...and comfortable.

DIRECTOR: Well, we did succeed being the longest page. Though, it would've been way longer if we used all of the four million digits of pi. But, people would've thought we were cheating, so that wouldn't work.

JCM: ...Wait. When did we become the longest page?

DIRECTOR: A few hundred lines ago.

{JCM twictches.}

JCM: I thought we'd have a celebration when the fat lady sings.

DIRECTOR: Well, a fat man sang, and I wanted to know how long you'd last.

JCM: Ugh, I can't believe you. I got splinters on my BUTT!

{JCM turns to show the splinters on his pixeled bottom.}

DIRECTOR: Oh, dear gosh!

{The screen turns a few times and retching is heard.}

DIRECTOR: OK, I'm sorry. Just never do that again.

JCM: So, now what do we do? The purge has happened, which is what this special is about, and we already have the most lines.

{JCM looks at the burnt school as it melts to a crisp. He looks back at the camera.}

DIRECTOR: Cue end creditas?

JCM: {jumps} Yeah!

KIRBYCHU: {jumps} Kirbychu!

JCM: Where'd you come from?

EKUL: {jumps} Ekul!

JCM: And you?

DJ TEH C: Meh meh meh!

JCM: {facepalms} Oh, will you just get on with it, already?!

The End

Crew:

• Director: Director
• Writer: JCM
• Producer: JCM
• Animator: JCM
• Everything else: JCM

Cast:

• JCM as himself
• The Noid as The Dark Knight
• Homsar44withpie as Tenderbread
• TheDenzel as a old sponge
• Shadow Scythe as a Flash Stick Man
• Znex as the well emoticon
• Bluebry as GLORY
• NachoMan as a Jaro
• KickCheat as The Cheat
• Thatkidsam as Thatkidsam
• Lunar Jesters as The King
• Dinoshaur as getting attension
• Sephiroth as the cool one who's rich, and a lady magnet.
• A Rock as Strong Sad
• Li'l Brudder as himself
• The KOT is absent by popular demand
• Poopsmith as himself
• Captcha as a ph43r emoticon
• Chaos as Himself but with girls, like Sephiroth, and Diplomatic Immunity
• Sam the Man as himself
• The Mu as himself
• Kanjiro as Captain Jean Luke Picard
• Voice cameo from Tom Kenny.
• Vladimir as The Soviet Spy That Destroys Everything
• Superfield Credit Union as that guy you wished was taken out
• The Noid, Dinoshaur, Chwoka, and Bluebry also as people who like to pawty
• INNER BAD As Jilbery Penguin
• A Dishwasher as Super Sam
• Super Sam as Clamburger
• SMB as Marshie.
• Gavino as The Dark Knight's Nemesis, THE NINJA.
• A Building as Joshua
• ...and Joshua as a building!

JCM: {during the credits} Today is all right for tonight...Riding in a Corvette, feeling all right. Today is all right for tonight! {quickly} I'm probably going to get sued for singing this. {normal} Today is all right for tonight...Riding in a Corvette, feeling all right. All right for tonight!

{Cut to the new school.}

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANT'S NARRATOR: Epilogue.

{JCM walks onscreen in a tux.}

JCM: This is the greatest day of my life!

{Cut to the door. Chwoka walks in.}

{Cut back to JCM.}

JCM: {exited}And it just got better!

CHWOKA: {sighs} Well, there's one downside to coming back.

JCM: Stay right here! I've got a surprise for you!

{JCM runs offscreen.}

{Cut back to Chwoka's view. He walks offscreen. JCM walks onscreen with a gift-wrapped present.}

JCM: Chwoka? Oh no, this means only one thing! {scared, quietly} The eskimos are coming.

{JCM screams and runs offscreen.}