JCMovies/3

The Good Deal Band comes to the Homestar Runner Fanstuff School.

Movie

{The Homestar Runner Fanstuff students are in the auditorium.}

JOSHUA: Hello, everybody! Today we have a new student here.

{The few scattered claps are heard.}

JOSHUA: His name is Good Deal Dan and he's here with his band!

{Dan, Pete, and Alfonzo walk onstage.}

JCM: A band? Yay! I love bands! And not the kind where I'm not allowed to come to the school for all eternity either! Because those kinds of bans aren't as awesomely fun!

DAN: Thanks! I think. We may not be big yet, but we're coming close! Listen!

{The Good Deal Band play the song from their YouTube video. When they finish, the kids start cheering.}

DAN: {laughs} I love the sweet sound of gratitude.

JCM: I didn't know gratitude sounded like applause.

DAN: It was a figure a figure of speech, you see.

JCM: Oh! Well, I'm grateful too, then. Just not applauding because I don't have palms and all! Anyway, I think the band sounds kind of dull without a drum player.

DAN: Well, that's one of the reasons I came here. We're hiring a drum player.

{JCM's face gets an abnormally large smile as he grabs two glowing chopsticks from his pocket and holds it in the air.}

JCM: {masculine voice} I MUST BE THAT DRUMMER!

{Dan looks at JCM awkwardly.}

DAN: Um, aren't those chopsticks?

JCM: Yeah, I left my drumsticks at home. Got this out of someone's back pocket the second I heard of your appearance. I'm sure he won't mind.

{A chinese man walks onscreen.}

CHINESE MAN: So you the one who took my chopsticks!

{The chinese man takes the chopsticks out of JCM's hand and hits JCM with them repeatedly.}

JCM: Ow! I'm not a drum.

CHINESE MAN: I use these to eat!

{The chinese man hits JCM with a chopstick one more time then leaves.}

JCM: Man, those Asian people are strange. Drumsticks to eat?

{Dan facepalms and gives JCM drumsticks out of a bag.}

DAN: Just give me what you got before I start regretting this?

JCM: But I have a lot of thing.

DAN: I mean play the drums!

JCM: Oh. Alright.

{JCM walks up to the stand where a drum is rolled in front of him by Pete and Alfonzo. JCM raises his sticks above the drum and-}

{Cut to a blue screen of text with the words repeated by a narrator.}

NARRATOR: Because of concerns from parents about their children's psychological state and their cats' physical state after listening to a blue dude play a bunch of loud, off-key, and pretty much terrible notes on a drum, this scene has been removed. Please enjoy this video as you wait.

{Generic Stinkoman Comic #12 is played in animation form.}

NARRATOR: We may now resume JCMovies. Thank you for your patience.

{Cut back to the auditorium. Everyone is on the ground cringing with their hands on their ears. JCM looks around.}

JCM: Wow, they're dancing to my rhythm!

DAN: {high-pitched} No, their ears are bleeding.

JCM: {embarrassed} Oh, I guess I rocked too much.

DAN: {angry} Rocked too much?! You're the worst player I've ever heard! Does anyone else want to do this?

{Strong Intelligent comes in out of nowhere.}

STRONG INTELLIGENT: I could.

DAN: You're in!

STRONG INTELLIGENT: Yay!

JCM: But-

DAN: Come on, we've got some settling to do.

JCM: But-

{The Good Deal Band and Strong Intelligent walk out of the auditorium.}

JCM: But... yay is my thing.

{Cut to JCM's garage. JCM is building a drum.}

JCM: Man, if I'm going to be in Good Deal Dan's band, I'll need a drum!

{JCM paints "JCM" on the drum and walks to the front lawn. He picks up two normal sticks from the ground.}

JCM: I'm sure this will work!

{JCM waves the sticks in the air. He does it so quickly that one flies out of his hand and a shriek of pain is heard offscreen.}

JCM: Eh, I can replace it.

{Cut to the auditorium. JCM runs next to Dan behind the stage as he gets ready for his next performance.}

JCM: Hey, Dan, I have great news!

DAN: You're finally going to leave me alone?

JCM: No! I've gotten a new drum!

{JCM takes the drum out of his pocket. Dan looks at it shocked.}

DAN:How did you fit that in your pocket?

JCM: Why shouldn't I?

DAN: Uh, OK, whatever. I already told you that you can't be in my band.

JCM: Huh?

DAN: I already told you that you can't be in my band.

JCM: What?

DAN: {louder} I already told you that you can't be in my band!

JCM: Sorry, I can't hear you. I couldn't fit the drumsticks in my pocket, so I put them in my ears.

{JCM sticks his hands in his "ears" and takes the sticks out. Dan looks even more shocked than before.}

DAN: You have ears?

JCM: Yeah. So what was it you wanted to tell me?

DAN: Well-

STUDENT: {offscreen} JCM has a drum!

{Cut to the other side of the curtain. The Good Deal Band members stick their heads out of the curtain as the students run out of the auditorium.}

DAN: No! You've cleared the room!

STRONG INTELLIGENT: {sad} Now I'll never be the rock star.

JCM: Does this mean we're not going to the finals?

{They turn back to JCM.}

DAN: Finals? What are you talking about?

JCM: Strong Intelligent is part of another band, right?

{Dan, Pete, and Alfonzo look at each other and then back at JCM.}

DAN: Um, I think you're confused. Even more confused than usual.

JCM: Huh?

DAN: Strong Intelligent is our drummer.

JCM: Oh, I see! You want another drum for twice the effect. I get it.

DAN: No, JCM, you were never accepted.

JCM: Of course I was!

DAN: No, you weren't. I'm pretty sure I'd know whether or not I approved you as an addition to the band.

JCM: But I recruited a bunch of competitors and everything.

DAN: Wait, you what?

{Cut to the other side of the curtain. Bands including the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, and the Jacksons walk into the auditorium, followed by a long string of students.}

{Cut back to backstage.}

DAN: JCM, are you insane? How are we going to do a battle of the bands?

JCM: I set it up minutes ago. See?

{The Good Deal Band members look out the curtain again. The auditorium is now full of chairs, balloons and a large banner saying "Battle of the Bands" is above them.}

DAN: My gosh!

{A spotlight on the side of the stage shines on them. }

DAN: {smiles} Guys, we have some rocking to do.

JCM: Yay!

DAN: JCM, listen, your ignorance has helped us for once, but putting you back out there would be suicide.

JCM: I'm pretty sure suicide is a voluntary thing.

DAN: Exactly, which is why I'm giving to the opportunity to volunteer to give out our brochures during the performance.

JCM: Why, I'd love to!

DAN: Great! Now, lets go!

{The band walks through the curtain to enthusiasm and JCM goes the other way.}

JCM: Man, being in a band sure has it's perks!

{The End}