Everything You Know Is Wrong/Everything You Know Is Wrong Sequel

Transcript

INTRO

{Open to a secret Nazi laboratory, located in the secret community of Hitlerburg, Argentina. The Nazi scientists are gathered around a table, looking at what appears to be a brain in a jar. The brain has been enhanced mechanically.}

NICK STOUTZENBERGER: At last, after seventy years. We have done the impossible.

{Zoom in on the brain.}

NICK STOUTZENBERGER: WE HAVE CLONED HITLER'S BRAIN!!!

{Fritz and the other Nazi scientists look at the world outside through the window.}

NICK STOUTZENBERGER: Now the world shall truly know of the terrors of the Fourth Reich.

{The Nazi scientists all laugh evilly as we zoom out of the compound, which is shaped like a swastika, in a city which is also shaped like a swastika, surrounded by a forest where all the trees are shaped like swastikas. Open to the credits.}

PRESENTING.

THE SECOND EYKIW MOVIE!!

{Epic music as we continue zooming out of the Nazi compound.}

SINGER: HITLER. HITLER. ADOLF HITLER.

CHORUS: BAD. BAD. VERY BAD MAN. BAD. BAD. VERY BAD MAN.

SINGER: HITLER. HITLER. ADOLF HITLER.

CHORUS: KILL, KILLED, MILLIONS OF PEOPLE. KILL, KILLED, MILLIONS OF PEOPLE.

SINGER: HITLER. HITLER. ADOLF HITLER.

CHORUS: KILL, KILLED, MILLIONS OF PEOPLE. KILL, KILLED, MILLIONS OF PEOPLE.

SINGER: BAD, BAD, EVIL MAN. BAD, BAD, EVIL MAN.

CHORUS: LITTLE BOY, LITTLE BOY, IN NEW JERSEY. LITTLE BOY LITTLE BOY, IN NEW JERSEY.

SINGER: HIS. NAME. IS ADOLF HITLER!!!

ACT ONE.

{We open to the Everything You Know Is Wrong House. Noxigar is watching Youtube videos on the television, while Sephiroth is casually shooting up heroin in the back of the room.}

SEPHIROTH: Ay yeah, this is some good stuff.

{Chaos walks in with two bags of groceries. He sees Sephiroth shooting up and pauses.}

CHAOS: Seph, are you doing heroin again?

SEPHIROTH: Yeah man, do you want some?

CHAOS: Nah, you know I'm not all about that life anymore.

SEPHIROTH: Hm. More for me then!

{Noxigar turns around from the couch.}

NOXIGAR: Seph, you've been doing this for the last four hours! Surely it's time to give it a rest.

CHAOS: Yeah man, besides, heroin is wack. I think it's time you get clean.

SEPHIROTH: You know what? You're right. Heroin is wack! I'm never touching this stuff again!

{Sephiroth gets all of his heroin and he burns it with his heat vision.}

SEPHIROTH: There. No more heroin. I am a clean man.

CHAOS: I'm proud of you, Seph. I know that couldn't have been easy.

SEPHIROTH: Actually nah, it wasn't that hard at all. You see, it wasn't real heroin, but insulin for my diabetes, ha ha!!

{Suddenly, the television switches to the EYKIW Alert Channel. Onscreen is Sirrus Sylar, the team's intel reporter.}

SIRRUS: Calling the EYKIW Team! I have received reports of a robbery in Clown Town!

NOXIGAR: Clown Town?

SIRRUS: Clown Town.

CHAOS: Clown Town?!

SIRRUS: Clown Town.

SEPHIROTH: {Spitting out the cereal he's suddenly eating.} CLOWN TOWN?!!

SIRRUS: Clown Town.

CHAOS: Can you tell us more about the suspects?

SIRRUS: They appear to be a family-operated gang, with a rather... unusual appearance.

NOXIGAR: How unusual can an appearance be when you're in Clown Town?

SIRRUS: Well, these people, they're Luddites to the ultra. They shun modern technology and society, while at the same time being quite proficient in substituting electricity and mechanics with... Well. You'll see.

{Cut to the Clown Town National Bank, where a group of Cavemen are pulling a robbery.}

FRED: Now I all know you don't want to get killed. I don't want to Yabba Dadda Do this either. But for rock's sake, just put the money in the bag!

{Fred points to his companion, Barney, who is holding out a bag.}

BARNEY: Yeah, you heard 'em!

{The bank tellers proceed to produce wads of cash to put into Barney's bag. Suddenly, the EYKIW gang arrives.}'

CHAOS: Stop right there, Flintstones!

WILMA: Fred, it's them! I told you they'd come!

FRED: They're no issue to us. Pebbles, Bam-Bam!!

{Noxigar tries to charge in, but suddenly he's tripped over by a tiny caveman baby, using his club.}

NOXIGAR: Hm, he's just a child... Perhaps I should go soft on hi-WHOAAAAAAAAAH

{Bam-Bam picks Noxigar up by the ankle and uses his magnificent caveman baby strength to slam Noxigar back and forth, between throwing him across the room.}

CHAOS: That's it, you're getting it now, ya little brat!

{Chaos tries to throw a net over Bam-Bam but unfortunately he is incapacited by another caveman baby, this one female with red hair. She proceeds to strangle him, while he runs across the room, trying to get her off.}

CHAOS: GETTEROFFMEEEEEEEEEEE

SEPHIROTH: Looks like it's just me and you guys now.

FRED: Listen, I don't hate you. I don't have anything against you. In fact, I've read all about your team's exploits, and I can't help but be just a little bit impressed. But you're dealing with the Grand Dad here, buster. And I am not going to lose the spoils on this one. Barney? You know what to do.

BARNEY: Yes, sir!

{Fred throws a box of Fruity Pebbles at Sephiroth, and Barney football charges at him. Sephiroth makes a kung-fu stance as he prepares himself for impact. As Barney tackles Sephiroth, Sephiroth manages to keep his footing, resisting Barney with his strength. While this is going on, Noxigar comes out of his daze and tries to help Chaos, but not before throwing a bottle of milk at Bam-Bam. Bam-Bam's baby instincts kick in, and he proceeds to drink the milk before naturally falling asleep. Noxigar then proceeds to pull Pebbles off of Chaos' head and he gently folds her until she too falls asleep. He comes up against Fred, who pulls out a pea-shooter, but it is deemed ineffective against Noxigar's moon powers. Chaos casts a freezing spell on Barney's feet, causing them to freeze into place, as Sephiroth proceeds to handcuff him. Knowing this is the end, Fred tries to flee, using a bowling ball to knock everyone on the ground. Grabbing Wilma's hand and the bag of cash, the two run to the door, only to be greeted by another member of the EYKIW team. Remolay judo-chops them both unconscious and promptly handcuffs them, taking the bag out of Fred's hands.}

REMOLAY: Y'know Fred, you really didn't need to yabba dabba do this.

FRED: I already made that pun.

WILMA: You don't understand! We were only tryin' to send our children to college!

REMOLAY: And you robbed a bank to do it. I'm sorry Wilma, but crime never pays. And Barney, what would Betty think?

BARNEY: She doesn't know. I was doing this for her.

REMOLAY: I don't think she would've wished for you to be arrested.

BARNEY: She's sick, Remolay. I was trying to raise money for her medical treatment. She'll die without it.

REMOLAY: I'm sorry.

{Remolay turns around to the rest of the gang, who managed to pick themselves up.}

SEPHIROTH: Nice work Remolay, but we totally could've done it without you.

REMOLAY: Yeah, probably. I was in the area, though. I just had to drop by.

CHAOS: What are we going to do with these guys? They need to pay for their crimes.

REMOLAY: They're not bad people, Chaos.

NOXIGAR: Speak for yourself. You've never had to deal with being thrown by an insanely strong infant!

SEPHIROTH: He has a point though. They're just a Modern Stone-Age Family.

CHAOS: You may be right. They can tell it to the court. If their story is true, they might be able to get the help they need so badly.

{The gang leave the bank as the police arrive. Chaos gestures behind him to the police to indicate that they have already been taken care of. They all go into their gummi ship and fly off into the stars, ready to go back home. Sephiroth attempts to establish a comlink with Sirrus, to no avail.}

SEPHIROTH: Huh. It seems as if the signal here is bad. Nevermind, we can contact him once we get back.