Everything You Know Is Wrong/Episodes/13

Summary

Mutants vs. Samurais. The Neckbeard Helm lands in Feudal Japan, located right next to the Marvel realm. The gang must employ the help of the X-Men and Nikola Tesla in order to gain the piece from the stubborn samurai leader, Oda Nobunaga.

Transcript

{Open to the ship sailing smoothly in space to In The Air Tonight, by Phil Collins.]

NOXIGAR: Not much longer, my frienderinos!

CHAOS: Nox, you've been saying that for the last six hours.

NOXIGAR: Of course. Every nanosecond towards the goal is an end result of "not much longer".

CHAOS: Good point. I hate it, but it's a good one.

{Noxigar grins to himself while Lex plays Solitaire in the back. Suddenly the ship begins shaking, causing all of Lex's cards to fall off the table he was playing them on. Lex slams his fist on the table in annoyance. }

LEX: Aw, phooey!

CHAOS: Whoa mate, that felt like a gravitational pull! Nox, what are the readings?

{Noxigar pulls the monitor up, showing that they're in a new solar system.}

NOXIGAR: Why, it appears that the radar's lead us to a whole new world!

{A small, bald man with an oversized cranium and a toga suddenly appears inside the ship, shocking them all.}

LEX: Christ!!!

???: Strangers. Welcome to the World of Marvel. I am Uatu the Watcher, and I have observed your coming for the last few hours.

LEX: Hello Mr. Watcher. We're the Wikihood, and we-...

CHAOS: GODDAMN IT LEX, CAN YOU STOP USING THAT NAME?

LEX: Oh come on, it's totally c-...

CHAOS: LAME. IT IS TOTALLY LAME. WHAT KIND OF NAME IS THE 'WIKIHOOD'?

UATU: Yes, it is rather substandard, one must say.

LEX: You all suck.

UATU: Nevertheless, you all seem to be men on a mission. What is your quest?

NOXIGAR: Why, we're here to retrieve something that belonged to us.

UATU: And what may that be?

CHAOS: We're looking for the pieces of the Neckbeard Armor. We have reason to believe that one of them may have landed in your universe.

UATU: Intriguing. You are aware that you are strangers to this world, correct? While it is not my job to stop you, I shall at least inform you that meddling is... discouraged.

LEX: Meddling? What do you mean by that?

{Uatu floats close to Lex and looks him straight in the eyes.}

UATU: Try not to fuck up.

{Noxigar and Chaos look at each other, and back at Uatu.}

UATU: It's not on me if you do decide to do so, of course. Just that there is a plan for everything, and if outside elements were to cause a disruption, it would not be pleasant. Other than that however, I assure you that you will be absolutely fine. Have a great trip.

{Uatu disappears, leaving the three more dumbfounded than before.}

CHAOS: That was interesting. So, shall we?

LEX: YES, LET'S PARK THIS MOTHERFUCKER!!!

{Cut to the ship touching down in the middle of New York City, disrupting all the traffic. The doors open and the three walk out of the ship, ignoring all the angry drivers honking their horns.}

NOXIGAR: My my. It seems as if this universe has their own New York as well. Interesting.

LEX: Oh man, New York. I love this place!

{From the distance, they hear cackling. A green man in a purple hood speeds past their heads, cackling and throwing pumpkin shaped bombs into the street.}

GREEN GOBLIN: NYEEEEEH HEH HEH!!! FEEL THE WRATH OF THE GREEN GOBLIN!!!

{Following the green man is another man, dressed in a red and blue suit, covered in spider web. He is shooting a web like material from his wrists which allows him to swing across buildings.}

SPIDER-MAN: I won't let you get away this time, Goblin!

LEX: Jeepers, guys! We should help him!

CHAOS: Yeeeeeeah, I think he's good on his own.

LEX: You sure?

CHAOS: Just look at him. Haven't you ever played rock, paper, scissors? Spider always beats Goblin.

NOXIGAR: Rock, paper, scissors doesn't have spiders or goblins.

CHAOS: Well maybe not in your communist country, but this is how it's like in America!

NOXIGAR: I don't actually come from a country, I come from an alternate dimension. Also, even if it was a country, it would be an oligarchy, due to the fact that-

CHAOS: Shut up, pinko!

NOXIGAR: Look, Chaos, I don't know what your problem with communists is, but you need to calm down.

CHAOS: Fine...fine. We cool? {Chaos lifts a hand out to Noxigar.}

NOXIGAR: Yeah, we're optimal tempera-

{Before Noxigar can shake his hand and do a fist bump or whatever kids do these days, a small 'tink' is heard. Suddenly, he slumps to the ground, two stun-darts nested firmly in the back of his neck. Chaos freaks out, reaching into his pockets to grab something to defend himself, but only finds spaghetti.

CHAOS: L-Lex?

{Lex is gone. Chaos moves to get an eye on whoever is attacking, before suddenly...tink! Currents course through his nerves as he drops to the ground, out cold, and the world goes black.}

???: This is K. They've been captured. We're seizing the UFO now.

{cut to}