(even if you aren't vegan)

Everything You Know Is Wrong/Episodes/1

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Noxigar ventures through the Caverns of Time into the Homestar Runner Universe, pursued by Vindicator for some odd reason not worth looking into, the sysops can't get a lunch break, and every Homestar Runner character is bent on attracting the HRFWiki's attention.


{Cut to Strong Bad in his computer room. He is applying a wallpaper of taurens from World of Warcraft punching each other to a wall}

STRONG BAD: Ah, there we go! We've got cows punching each other... what's the next wallpaper, the Cheat?

{The Cheat's left hand gives Strong Bad an Organization XIII poster and a Half-Life poster, respectively}

STRONG BAD: I gotta get these wallpapers in by Monday or else I have to delay my SBemail checking to Wednesday... Aw, crap! That's Homestar's day for SBemailchecking... I gotta hurry! The Cheat! Pass the scissors! We'll attract the HRFWiki users soon, and then we'll be more famous than we already were!

{Cut to Homestar in his room, decorating his room with bacon. Marzipan is there, too, looking very displeased with Homestar}

HOMESTAR: I will outwit the Bacon Man!

MARZIPAN: Homestar, what is the meaning of this? This is terrible! Those poor pigs!

HOMESTAR: Thems hewe waw pigs wewe given to me by Bubs. I'm attwacting HRFWiki usews before Stwong Bad!

MARZIPAN: Do you have to hang bacon in your bedroom?


MARZIPAN: That's it. I'm getting that chainsaw. Arms won't be the only thing you're missing...

{Marzipan runs off, muttering to herself. Cut to Homestar's basement, where the chainsaw is. There is a cloaked figure, wearing Organization XIII getup.}

???: Hmm... do you enjoy having a HRF Wiki member in your boyfriend's house?

{Marzipan gasps and faints. ??? throws Marzipan in a laundry dryer, and activates the landry dryer, heading upstairs. Another cloaked figure, this time armed with a scythe and a name tag that says, "Vindicator" appears.}

VINDICATOR: Why that little...

{Vindicator runs upstairs. The laundry dryer is still on. Cut to ??? in Homestar's bedroom, with Homestar bound and gagged to his own bed. This music plays throughout the background.}

???: Geez, can't I get a break today? Especially with everyone hunting me down.

{Cut to HRF Wiki. There are 6 people on computers working. Each are called sysops, and each have their names written in order: Ekul, Joshua, Clamburger, Shwoo, Markie, and Thatkidsam}

CLAMBURGER: So...many...vandals. Must...get...lunch...break...

EKUL: Chill, we'll get lunch soon. After we trace this guy's IP address for no apparent reason.

SHWOO: Look, we've been at this for six straight days. Can't you guys let me finish Reality is a Harsh Mistress?

THATKIDSAM: I blocked the vandal. Now let's go before more people vandalize!

MARKIE: I'll stay and patrol the Recent changes page. I had a huge breakfast today. About 27 pancakes.

JOSHUA: I love pancakes! Pancakes are awesome!

{Everyone except Markie leaves, bringing their laptops with them downstairs to a Burger King.}

{Cut to ??? and Vindicator attacking each other. ??? has two red chakrams and Vindicator uses his scythe. Homestar is still bound and gagged to his bed.}

???: Prepare to feel the wrath of Organization XIII!

{??? creates a wall of fire. It burns the entire house.}

VINDICATOR: Noxigar, you idiot! You've burnt the entire house!

NOXIGAR: That isn't so bad for an Organization XIII member such as myself. NWORB ENAJ YESLEK!

{Noxigar transforms into Demyx, carrying a blue sitar instead of red chakrams }

NOXIGAR: Dance, water, dance!

{Several water elementals randomly pop up out of nowhere and begin dousing the flames out of the house. Vindicator gets a shocked expression from his face.}

VINDICATOR: This is harder than the manuel makes it appear...

{Noxigar activates a portal and transforms into Illidan Stormrage.}

NOXIGAR: Later, sucker!

{Noxigar goes through the portal, Vindicator running behind him. The portal reveals that they've transported to Strong Bad's house. Cut to Strong Bad in his room, having finally gotten all the wallpapers up. The Cheat is asleep on Strong Bad's Lappy 486.}

STRONG BAD: Phew! That was close.

{Noxigar and Vindicator each enter Strong Bad's room.}

STRONG BAD: Didn't you learn to knock first?

NOXIGAR: Didn't you learn to shut yer yap?

VINDICATOR: {panting in between words} Didn'

STRONG BAD: {grinning} Well, well, well... if it isn't the Organization XIII dweeb and Combine. Welcome to my home! I likes the wallpaper design!

NOXIGAR: Do you like mudkips?

STRONG BAD: Was that a rhetorical question?

VINDICATOR: Don't answer it Strong Bad. IT'S A TRAP!

{Vindicator attempts to slash Noxigar with his scythe, but Noxigar slightly ducks to the left.}

NOXIGAR: Relax, people. I'm sure we can come to some agreement if I know whether or not Strong Bad likes mudkips.

STRONG BAD: I'll answer yes just to see what your reaction is.

NOXIGAR: Then I'll call The Pizz and order two extra-large Mudkip pizzas!

{Strong Bad snickers and then laughs}

STRONG BAD: Mudkip pizzas? What are you smokin'?

{Strong Bad rolls on the floor laughing. Noxigar attempts to sneak away, but Vindicator chases after him. Noxigar reaches a dead end within Strong Bad's hallway. Pan to Vindicator grinning. The music stops.}

VINDICATOR: Time to surrender, Noxigar. Any last words before you get put back in jail?

{Noxigar turns his head away from Vindicator}

VINDICATOR: Well then.

{Vindicator takes out some handcuffs}

VINDICATOR: You're under arrest for abusing the purpose of the Sandbox, making me look like a clown, and for use of unapproved subliminal messaging. Don't worry, Roxas won't be there.

{Noxigar's eyes turn red.}

NOXIGAR: {in an angry tone} Did you say Roxas?

{Vindicator grins widely}

VINDICTOR: Why, yes. I plan on turning you in to him so you can be nothing instead of nobody.

NOXIGAR: Actually, come to think of it, I do have some last words: I'ma firin' mah lazer!

{Noxigar gets out his left sleeve, turns it into a Megaman buster, and shoots a huge yellow laser at Vindicator. He then runs away.}

VINDICATOR: Dangit, why do I let him use those words?

{Cut to Strong Sad in his room, hearing every word Noxigar and Vindicator said}

STRONG SAD: Interesting... so looks like a manhunt for an Organization XIII member is afoot.

{Strong Sad heads outside to see Noxigar running. Strong Sad chases after him.}

STRONG SAD: Get back here! I want to talk to you!

{Noxigar makes a portal to The Field. He runs to Bubs' Concession Stand. He sees a wanted poster for him. There doesn't seem to be a reward on there. He continues running past The Field. Strong Sad and Vindicator follow suit and chase after Noxigar. Cut to the Burger King. Shwoo and Ekul are there.}

SHWOO: Time to relax.

EKUL: Agreed. Isn't it hard having to ban twenty-seven million vandals?

{Nothing happens for 5 seconds. A mistletoe appears. Then Shwoo and Ekul kiss each other, the mistletoe between them. Cut to Marzipan having managed to get out of the dryer somehow. She is all messed up, having been in the dryer for far too long.}

MARZIPAN: Let's get that chainsaw...

{Marzipan struggles but manages to get the chainsaw in her deformed state. She goes upstairs and sees Homestar bound and gagged to his own bed. Marzipan activates the chainsaw and chops the rope off. Homestar ungags himself.}

HOMESTAR: Thanks, Mawzipan.

MARZIPAN: Untwirl me, I've been stuck in a dryer for far too long.

HOMESTAR: Alwight.

{Cut to Noxigar, Strong Sad, and Vindicator running through a jungle, in that exact order. Strong Sad manages to catch up with Noxigar, but gets stuck in quicksand. Vindicator jumps on top of Strong Sad, forcing Strong Sad to drown in the quick sand. Noxigar hides in a vine-covered computer room, but Vindicator doesn't see this. He gives up chase, sighing with surrender.}

VINDICATOR: I swear, the next time I detect Noxigar in the Caverns of Time, it will be his last time being detected by me.

{Vindicator opens a portal out of the jungle, and goes through it. Cut to Noxigar.}

NOXIGAR: Let me exact these coordinates, and I should be out. I need more money so I can screw more rules.

{A portal opens and Noxigar goes through it. Cut to Shwoo and Ekul, still kissing at the Burger King. An alarm clock reads, "12:00". Noxigar exits the portal on top of the table.}

NOXIGAR: Uh, guys? How was my test run through the Caverns of Time?

{Ekul and Shwoo stop kissing and look at Noxigar sheepishly.}

EKUL: We didn't check 'cause we were so busy banning vandals.

SHWOO: Yeah... and we didn't get our lunch break neither.

{Ekul, Shwoo, and Noxigar all walk offscreen}

NOXIGAR: Wanna go get milkshakes?

EKUL AND SHWOO: Another time, mate.

{A "THE END sign appears to replace the wanted poster at Bubs' Concession Stand}

Spot the References


  • The sysops are people who patrol this wiki and vandalize ban vandals.


  • Shwoo actually finished Reality is a Harsh Mistress before becoming a sysop. The joke is that now she spends most of her time being a sysop, ignoring her fanstuffs (or so Noxi believes).

Inside References

  • Noxigar references The Pizz, attempting to call for two Mudkip pizzas.
  • A few inside wiki jokes are referred to:
    • Punching cows is an inside joke on the wiki, and there is a user that is a Cow Puncher.
    • The Bacon Man, while also being a reference to Bonus Stage, is also an inside joke on the wiki.

Real-World References

  • Mudkip is a famous Pokemon that is insanely popular amongst the Internet. Why he is popular I will never know.
  • Vindicator is a fan of Half-Life 2, or more specifically, the Combine, an alien race in said game.
  • HOMESTAR: I will outwit the Bacon Man!
    • That's a reference to Bonus Stage, and is also a Fanstuff Wiki inside joke.
  • The Caverns of Time is an instance dungeon from World of Warcraft that allows you to go back in time to see events of importance.
  • "I'ma firin' my lazer" is a reference to Shoop-Da-Whoop, a internet fad that was started when a picture of a blackface Imperfect Cell with a gaping mouth and red lips arised. There were three, actually. One saying "Imma Chargin' Mah Lazer!" One saying "Imma Firin' Mah Lazer!" and another one with a lazer coming out of it's mouth saying "SHOOP-DA-WHOOP!". Some consider it as a racist joke known as a "[African-American] beam"


Leave comments here. I don't think I have to say much else. Noxigar 17:00, 9 October 2007 (UTC)

Shwoo and Ekul? ARGHH! - User:Chwoka