Conshow/4rewrite

Summary

Cruroar goes out to search for the ohsototallyoriginal Stones of Power (tm) with Conchris. Cieeia tries to look after the house despite Chrionroar inviting his friends over.

Transcript

{Open to the streets, Conchris, Cruroar and Cieeia are standing in front of the house}

CONCHRIS: This is the fourth episode! We're doing so good so far!

CRUROAR: Yeah! Soon we'll be able to be up there with the other stars! We'll be top tier!

CIEEIA: I can't believe I made it this far without snapping.

CONCHRIS: Yeah, normally you women are like that.

CRUROAR: I blame the writer.

{Lightning strikes Cruroar}

WRITER: {voice} DON'T YOU GIVE ME ANY OF YOUR LIP!

CRUROAR: {coughs} Sorry... {falls over}

{Cue introduction}

{Cut to Sirhcnoc's Lair On A Hill, Sirhcnoc is at a console typing away}

SIRHCNOC: There must be a way to get rid of that blue-haired guy and his friends... There must!

{Greg comes onto the scene}

GREG: Uh... sir? Aren't we getting deja vu?

SIRHCNOC: No! This episode wasn't made before! Shut your mouth!

{Greg shuts his mouth}

SIRHCNOC: Good, now, what should I do?

GREG: Kill them in their sleep...

SIRHCNOC: Don't be stupid! That's an idiot's plan. We're not idiots, are we?

GREG: Well, we're just villains created for comic relief.

SIRHCNOC: Doesn't that crazy guy do that job already?

GREG: You can never have enough comic relief characters... and fourth walls...

{Sirhcnoc slaps Greg}

SIRHCNOC: YOU IMBECILE! Seriously, any other non-idiotic ideas?!

GREG: Uhh... How about the robot masters?

SIRHCNOC: How many are there?

GREG: Seven.

SIRHCNOC: Ugh... It'll never work for the pacing of this episode.

GREG: Fine, we'll just send out four of them with the four stones of power we just so happened to have.

SIRHCNOC: Do I get to grow my eyebrows to really big proportions and wiggle them in a spaceship?

{Pause}

GREG: Uh... sure.

SIRHCNOC: YAY!

{Cut to Conchris' House - Living Room, Cruroar walks in and turns on the TV, looking uninterested}

MR. TV: News just in! Four robot masters have been sent out across Wikity! It has been rumoured that they have been equipped with the Stones of Power. Here's Professor Nutcase for the brief.

{The news studio pans the camera right to reveal a man in science clothing}

PROFESSOR NUTCASE: Thanks! Anyway, the Stones of Power are known to power a mysterious weapon buried deep beneath this city! They also grant the holder powers and also allows you to have three wishes. That is all.

MR. TV: See you next time! {The TV turns off}

CRUROAR: Stones... of Power? Wow, the writer seriously is being unoriginal today.

{Cut to the Writer's desk, a box called "Originality" is empty and a box called "Unoriginality" is overflowing}

WRITER: Don't look at me, I just write this.

{Cut back to the living room}

CRUROAR: Something's telling me to go on an epic quest to find the four of them and then find the person responsible! Yeah! I'll do that!

{Conchris appears beside Cruroar, scaring him when he talks}

CONCHRIS: Do what?

CRUROAR: GAH! {falls over and then gets up} Don't scare me like that!

CONCHRIS: Hey, I'm no Spiderman!

CRUROAR: Whatever, I just heard that there are Stones of Power and I was just going out to get equipped with Leaf Shield. Want to join my party?

{A box pops up reading "Conchris (Lvl. 34) has joined your party!"}

CRUROAR: I'm guessing that's a yes. Also, why are you ten levels above me?

CONCHRIS: This isn't an RPG, moron!

CRUROAR: Whatever, who is going to look after the house while we're gone?

{Cieeia suddenly appears behind Conchris, shocking the both of them}

CIEEIA: I will! Seeing how I'm the only non-crazy one here.

CONCHRIS: How do you do that?

CIEEIA: I dunno, I just can.

CONCHRIS: That's incredibly creepy...

{Cieeia grabs Conchris and Cruroar and opens the door}

CIEEIA: Now, you two have fun! {throws the both of them out} Have fun! {closes the door and breathes a sigh of relief before getting up} What could go wrong?

{Cut to the streets, Conchris and Cruroar stand there}

CONCHRIS: So now what?

CRUROAR: Now what?! We go out and find the four robot masters! Cue montage!

{Montage music plays, cut to the park, Cruroar looks in the bin and Conchris comes up from behind the bench}

{Cut to the mall, Conchris looks around the fountain, Cruroar tries to ask the several civilians where to find a robot master but fails}

{Cut to the construction site, Conchris searches around on the bars before he falls down. He is then thrown out by muscular construction workers}

{Cut to the hills, Conchris and Cruroar run up to the top and find a strange robot with a top hat at the top, music stops}

ROBOT: So, we finally meet, my dear friends...

CONCHRIS: Who are you?

ROBOT: I am Britishman!

{Megaman jingle plays in the background, pause during the jingle}

CRUROAR: You're terribly and stereotypically British. Wait, isn't the writer also British?

{Cut to the Writer's desk again}

WRITER: Yeah, so?

{Cut back to the hill}

CRUROAR: Oh. Then he's making fun of himself and others...

BRITISHMAN: I will kill you with tea and crumpets! Take this! {throws a pot of scolding tea at Cruroar, it hits his leg and he doubles up in pain}

CRUROAR: IT BURNS!

CONCHRIS: Oh crap! Scolding hot tea is his one weakness!

BRITISHMAN: Then I suppose these scones are your one weakness? {throws a plate of scones at Conchris, the plate smacks him in the face and falls down, he looks unfazed by the attack}

CONCHRIS: Um... ouch?

BRITISHMAN: Damn it! Just die!

CONCHRIS: Wait a minute! We weren't even supposed to say those words yet!

BRITISHMAN: Take this! Tea cannon!

{A cannon comes out of nowhere and blasts a beam of scolding hot tea, it hits Conchris which sends him flying into the tree, Cruroar gets up}

CRUROAR: Why you! Take this!

{Cruroar jumps up and grabs Britishman's head, he tries to pull it off whilst Britishman tries to shake him off}

BRITISHMAN: I do say, old chap! I say that one is not amused by this...

{Cruroar tears Britishman's head off and throws it off the hill, sparks come out where the head used to be, the body falls down onto the floor revealing a Stone of Power}

CRUROAR: Sweet! I get a free power do I?

{A box appears with the words "GET EQUIPPED WITH: TEA CANNON"}

CRUROAR: Oh great, not only do I get a free palette swap but I also get to shoot tea out of my hands.

{Conchris peels himself off the tree and gets up}

CONCHRIS: You know, fighting these robots is going to be time-consuming, so we might as well use a timeswipe or a time card or something.

WRITER: I'm right on it!

{Cut to a time card that reads "Five hours of no item-2s later", after a few seconds, cut to the streets}

CONCHRIS: And that ends another rather exciting adventure fight style adventure.

CRUROAR: You said adventure twice.

CONCHRIS: Sure. Let's just go inside so I can figure out what to do with these four Stones of Power...

{Conchris and Cruroar walk into the house, cut to the inside of Conchris' house, the place is in ruins, the stairs are smashed in some places and the kitchen looks like it had exploded, Cieeia stumbles out of the basement door}

CIEEIA: {coughs} Explosions... Fire... there were too many of them to throw out... {falls over}

CRUROAR: CIEEIA!

CONCHRIS: What happened here?

{Chrionroar suddenly appears behind Conchris and grabs him by the neck}

CHRIONROAR: I HAS TEH SOLUTION!

CONCHRIS: Get off of my neck.

{Conchris grabs Chrionroar and throws him onto the floor}

CRUROAR: Well this episode sucks. You know what it needs?

CONCHRIS: What?

CRUROAR: Explosions, and not those big firey ones either.

{Conchris holds up the Stones of Power and grins evilly}

CONCHRIS: I think I know where to create one.

{Cut to Sirhcnoc's Lair on a Hill, Sirhcnoc angrily bashes the console}

SIRHCNOC: DAMN! They just had to consult the strategy guide, didn't they?

{Greg walks in with a package}

GREG: Mail, sir.

{Sirhcnoc opens the package and pulls out a bomb}

SIRHCNOC: What is this? {the bomb starts beeping} OH CRA-

{Cut to the outside of the lair, the lair explodes in a big firey slow-motion explosion, Sirhcnoc and Greg are sent flying into the air}

GREG: How was I supposed to know that it was a bomb?!

SIRHCNOC: I'll kill you!

{Greg points towards the ground}

GREG: Hey... what is that?

{Sirhcnoc and Greg are revealed to be flying towards the "Sharp and Pointy Objects Factory"}

SIRHCNOC: Meep...

{Cue credits, after it finished, cut to a black screen with the words "END" on it}

SIRHCNOC: {voice} ARGH! OW! OOF! OUCH! STUPID! SPIKES! ARGH!

GREG: {voice} I can't feel my arms...