Con email.wue/110

Summary

Cruroar takes over the show and realises he won like a million dollars, but soon, he notices that it ain't real.

Cast: Conchris, Cruroar, Voice (Voice Only), Bubs, Pom Pom (Easter Egg)

Page Title: Spam 'mails suck. They deserve to be baleeted...

Transcript

{Pause, Conchris walks in}

CONCHRIS: Err... Look, I don't have a computer, why don't you ask Cruroar to see what today's email is...

{Quick Camera pan to Cruroar}

CRUROAR: Let's see what email Conchris has for today...

Subject: Congratulations!

To the E-Mail User, "Conchris"
YOU HAVE WON 1 MILLION BUCKS! SERIOUSLY! PASS IT ON AND NEONE CAN GET 1 MILLION BUCKS

JOE

CRUROAR: Who's this Joe dude? But seriously, a million dollars? If only if...

VOICE: Do it, Cruroar. It's beckoning you to do it...

CRUROAR: NEVER! It's fake!

VOICE: Just do it. Nobody may never know...

CRUROAR: Okay! Fine! I'll do it.

Forward to [email protected]

CRUROAR: THERE! Happy?

VOICE: Yes.

{Cut to Bubs' Concession Stand}

CONCHRIS: ...and that is why I need a computer.

BUBS: Well, we have this slightly shotgunned Compy here...

CONCHRIS: No, it looks stupid.

BUBS: How about the broken Tandy that the King gave back?

CONCHRIS: I'm not going to trust the company who made that computer.

BUBS: Well... umm... How about the Lappy?

CONCHRIS: ARE YOU KIDDING? I don't want to have the same compy as that Strong Bad guy.

BUBS: Well how about the crushed and exploded Smandy...

CONCHRIS: The Smandy was old, it doesn't deserve a second... err... third chance.

BUBS: Well, I can't help you.

CONCHRIS: Okay then. {pulls out a phone out of nowhere} Hello? Smandy is dead? Can you redirect me to the new Smandy? What? It's called Owndy now? Thanks. {chucks phone offscreen}

BUBS: Why didn't you do that before?

CONCHRIS: Because I wanted to. Anyway, my Owndy 777 will be in my computer room right...

{Cut to the computer room, a computer pops in out of nowhere, cut back to Bubs}

CONCHRIS: ...now. I'd better go.

BUBS: Well, you owe me 5 dollars for just standing there.

{Conchris pulls a 5 dollar bill out of nowhere and gives it to Bubs, while he is examining it, Conchris runs off, cut back to the computer room}

CONCHRIS: Let's try it out.

{The Owndy 777 starts up}

CONCHRIS: Cool! It works!

{A sprite that looks like Rather Dashing walks on screen with the words in a box}

Hello! I am your email assistant!
I help you check email and find spam and BURNiNATE them.
What shouldst thou dou?

CONCHRIS: I never seen one before... Not even on a Smandy compy. Meh whatever, I'll just turn him off for now and open up the email client manually.

{Conchris right-clicks on the sprite and selects 'LEAVE ME ALONE PATHETIC THING THAT GETS IN THE WAY!' and the sprite's head asplodes and disappears}

CONCHRIS: Wow, that was new, anyway, let's see what I have...

Email	Subject	Date of receiving
[email protected]	FW:FW:FW:FW:CONGRATULATIONS!	31 July 2006
[email protected]	Thanks for keeping up with us!	31 July 2006
[email protected]	ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!	28 July 2006
[email protected]	Hey there stupid! I brought you this stuff!	16 July 2006 (Nearing Baleetion)

CONCHRIS: Okay, let's see... Let's check the top one.

Subject: Congratulations!

To the E-Mail User, "Conchris"
YOU HAVE WON 1 MILLION BUCKS! SERIOUSLY! PASS IT ON AND NEONE CAN GET 1 MILLION BUCKS

JOE

CONCHRIS: You can't catch me out you fake spam of an email! I knew Cruroar can be easily fooled! BALEETED!

BALEETED!

CONCHRIS: And with that, I'm gone. {Conchris gets up}

{The paper comes down, with the words "Click here to email Conchris, NO PATHETIC ASSISTANT CAN REPLACE ME! I AM THE ALL POWERFUL THE PAPER!"}

Easter Eggs

• Click on the Owndy 777's screen to make the assistant appear and say something
  • The assistant may say:
    • Hello! I am an annoying assistant! May I destroy your document that you worked so hard on?
    • Hello! I am an annoying assistant! Watch me as I block your screen with mindless images of spelling, my way.
    • Hello! I am an annoying assistant! You spelt 'a' wrong. It's supposed to be 'q'

• Click on the assistant to view Cruroar talking to Pom Pom.

Easter Egg Transcript 1

{Cut to The Field}

CRUROAR: Pom Pom, I forwarded an email and I didn't get what I was promised. Should I stop listening to my voices in my head?

POM POM: {bubbling}

CRUROAR: Yeah, I should probably do that.

VOICE: Do what?

CRUROAR: {close up, with a burning background, Cruroar's eyes turn red and his voice is distorted} DESTROY YOU ALL! {cut to view the entire field again, Pom Pom has a confused expression} Oops, I mean, ignore you, you stupid voice.

{Cut back to the computer room}

Author's Comment

3/5 - Introduction of a new computer and a simple 3 character email. Guess it's back to basics then.