Color Printer's E-mails/Coolness

Summary

Color Printer explains his coolness, and why he doesn't need a break from it.

Cast: Color Printer, Senor Cardgage, Reynold, Crackotage, Bubs, Tampo (easter egg), Brody (easter egg), Stlunko (easter egg)

Transcript

COLOR PRINTER: I, uh...I've run out of witty comments.

Dear Mr. Printer,

why are you so cool?
Did you go to some kinda big partty?</ISBEmail Reference>
It seems to me you could use a break form all that coolness.

H*R 700

{pronounces "</ISBEmail Reference>" as "un-is-bee-email reference" and "partty" as "part-tea"}

COLOR PRINTER: {starts typing} Well, 700 Homestars, {whispering, not typing} that's a lot of Homestars. {normal voice, starts typing again} I've heard many people ask that very same question. And to them, I've given one answer: that they need to watch my documentary: "CP'S Documentary on Cool"!

{Cut to the Documentary on Cool. It's a 3-Disc DVD Set.}

ANNOUNCER: It's "CP's Documentary on Cool"! A 3-Disc DVD set!

SENOR CARDGAGE: {voice-over} This hardware video is pretty good, little lady. I rate it 4 out of 5 tin cans!

ANNOUNCER: Buy it for $19.99 today!! {quietly and quickly} Please allow 6-8 weeks for shipping and handling. Limited time only. Certain restrictions apply. Please consult your doctor before watching this video. {takes deep breath} Offer not available in Canada, Austrailia, or Antartica.

{cut back to the computer}

COLOR PRINTER: {not typing} 4 out of 5 tin cans? {typing} Anyway, I've been pondering your statement about my break from cool. Maybe it is time for a break from all my coolness. I should the not-so-cool people, like Bitmap and Reynold a chance to shine and be cool. Okay, maybe not Reynold. He doesn't have much of a chance.

{Cut to the Cheat Commandos HQ. Reynold is watching the e-mail on the screen.}

REYNOLD: Aw, man!

CRACKOTAGE: You're a wimp, and you're a nerd! You probably couldn't hurt a bird! Hee hee ha ha!

{Cut back to the computer.}

COLOR PRINTER: {still typing} But you see, {clears screen} Deep in my mechanics, there's a switch labeled "COOLNESS". Actually, it's labeled "TRAIT OF COOL", but I blame Engrish manufacturers! If I can turn that switch off, I wouldn't be cool! But you see...that switch in one of those "you-can't-reach-it-even-if-your-arms-can-strech spots". I would need someone to open up a slot on my back (another y-c-r-i-e-i-y-a-c-s spot) and flip the switch. But I don't trust brain surgeons.

{Cut to CP lying on a table. His back is open, and Bubs is standing there with a toolbox.}

BUBS: Now, I flip this switch labeled "COOLING FAN", right?

COLOR PRINTER: Yes. {Bubs flips it} Wait, I meant no!!!

{Suddenly, Color Printer erupts into flames.}

COLOR PRINTER: You idiot! I said "TRAIT OF COOL", not "COOLING FAN"!

BUBS: Whoops! Gotta go! {runs}

{Cut back to the computer}

COLOR PRINTER: {not typing, quietly} Took forever to put the flames out. {normal voice} Well, that's all the time we have for today, folks! {pause} Hello? Printer? Yoo-hoo? {pause} Oh boy. {sticks a sticky note on screen that reads "Click here to e-mail Color Printer" and leaves}

Easter Eggs

• Click on "even-if-your-arms-can-strech" to see this little short.

{Cut to Tampo, Brody, and Stlunko. They are watching the e-mail on their computer.}

BRODY: You know, he's kinda wrong. You never have one of those "you-can't-reach-it-even-if-your-arms-can-strech spots", Stlunko.

STLUNKO: {nervous} Actually...

{Tampo and Brody have a "weirded-out" expression on their faces.}

Fun Facts

• This is the second e-mail in a row where Senor Cardgage has endorsed a product.
• The sticky note at the end has not been seen since E-mail 2.