(even if you aren't vegan)
Blue Lasermail/trademarked
Blue Laser gets a computer and trademarks crap.
Cast (in order of appearance): Blue Laser, Lemmy, Crackotage, Firebert, Silent Rip, Gunhaver, Ripberger, Flashfight, Fightgar, The Topplegangers (easter egg)
Places: Computer Room, Cheat Commandos HQ, Topplegangers' Hideout (easter egg)
Computer: Blasty 987
Date: Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010
Page Title: Blasty's Big Debut!
Transcript
{Blue Laser is standing next to the computer desk.}
BLUE LASER: How's it going, Lemmy?
LEMMY: {offscreen} It's just about ready to go, gimme one more second.
{Sparks fly in from the right. After a few seconds Lemmy leans in. He is a mustachioed The Cheat with a blue baseball cap and shirt, both of which have a "Lemmy's Repair" logo on them.}
LEMMY: Alright, she's all yours!
{Zoom out to reveal a computer, the Blasty 987, sitting on the desk. Blue Laser gasps.}
BLUE LASER: Fantastic! With this state of the art computer we'll finally have the edge we need to CRUSH THE CHEAT COMMANDOS! {pause} So, uh, what all does this thing do?
LEMMY: The ol' Blasty allows you to type, click, type and click at the same time, and check emails in 16 marvelous shades of color. And it comes with a 2-second money back guarantee!
BLUE LASER: It checks emails? Perfect! With input from my loyal fans, we'll finally have the edge we need to-
LEMMY: {interrupting} Look, I don't get paid by the hour, bub. If you need anything you know my number. It's {the following numbers appear at the bottom of the screen as he says them} 555-678-9870-77777-123-4567-8997-1. Enjoy! {Lemmy quickly leaves.}
BLUE LASER: Alright, time for a little EMAIL!
{Blue Laser jumps onto his stool. The Blasty 987 logo appears on the computer.}
BLUE LASER: Oh yeah, this thing is state of the art! {types run blue_lasermail.exe}
Dear Blue Lazor™
Do ever trademark random things so the Cheat Commandos™ cant use them™?
MMM™
Your's
{Reads “Blue Lazor” as “Blue Laze... or?”, each of the trademark symbols as "trademarked", and "MMM" as "Rated triple M for triple mature".}
BLUE LASER: {not typed} Wow. This email is rated triple M. Must be like, violent or something. {typing} What villain doesn't do that, Em? I thought that was a villainous standard or something. Like just last week, I trademarked the Cheat Commandos' catchphrase, "Rock, rock on". You should have seen some of the catchphrases they used to replace it! Comedy freakin' gold!
{Cut to the Cheat Commandos podium. The words "ROCK, ROCK ON!" have been replaced with "WALK, WALK ON!"}
GUNHAVER: Cheat Commandos, let's walk, walk on!
{Static briefly appears. The podium now reads "MOCK, MOCK ON!"}
GUNHAVER: ...mock, mock on!
{More static. The podium now reads "STOCK, STOCK ON!"}
GUNHAVER: ...stock, stock on!
{Static again. The podium now reads "BOCK, BOCK ON!}"
GUNHAVER: Uhh... does anyone here even know what a bock is?
{cut back to the Blasty}
BLUE LASER: {typing} However, they finally switched to an equally cool catchphrase, "Riggity Roll", and trademarked it before I could. Now I just randomly trademark their names so that they have to pay me every time they address one-another!
{Cut to the Cheat Commandos HQ. Gunhaver is looking at the picture of himself and Silent Rip is in the foreground.}
GUNHAVER: Silent Rip, grab me a box of them Soy Cri-
BLUE LASER: {interrupting from offscreen} A-hem!
{Pan right to show Blue Laser standing there. Next to him is a bucket that reads "pay up, sucker!"}
GUNHAVER: Aw, crap!
{Cut back to the Blasty}
BLUE LASER: {typing} What do you think, Emily? Pretty genius, am I right? So until next week, enjoy yo-
GUNHAVER: {interrupting} A-hem!
{Zoom out to show Gunhaver, Fightgar, Silent Rip, and Firebert standing next to the desk.}
BLUE LASER: Ahhh! How did you get in here!
GUNHAVER: Nevermind that! You just said "Blue Laser" during a live broadcasting!
BLUE LASER: So? Is there a law against saying my own name now?
GUNHAVER: There is when your name is a registered trademark of Cheat Commandos Inc.! Pay up now or you'll be going straight to jail with no chance to pass go!
BLUE LASER: You can't use my own scheme against me!
GUNHAVER: Oh yes, we can! {turns to Silent Rip} Can't we?
SILENT RIP: I think so...
GUNHAVER: Good! {turns back to Blue Laser} Now, are you gonna pay up or not?
BLUE LASER: I'm gonna have to go with not.
{Blue Laser presses a button on his keyboard, causing the floor beneath the Cheat Commandos to collapse.}
GUNHAVER: {falling} Riggity rooooooooolll!
{Cut back to the Blasty's screen}
BLUE LASER: {typing} Man, oh man was it worth it to have Lem install that bottomless pit button! Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a gang of ragtag mercenaries to trademark!
{Blue Laser walks away as the Laserjet Paper, a paper with blue stripes, comes down.}
Easter Eggs
- Click "ragtag mercenaries" at the end to see a scene with the Topplegangers.
{The Topplegangers are sitting around the table at their hideout.}
SUBTLEFUGE: Alright, Togglegangers. All that's left is to-
BLUE LASER: {interrupting from offscreen} A-hem!
{Pan left to reveal Blue Laser standing with his collection bin.}
{The Topplegangers stare for a few moments before drawing their guns and aiming them at a surprised Blue Laser.}
Fun Facts
- "Triple M for Triple Mature" is a reference to the ESRB's rating system.
- A bock is a strong dark rich beer usually sold in the early spring.
- Gunhaver mentioning "no chance to pass go" is a reference to the popular board game Monopoly.
- "Riggity Roll" is a reference to An Important Rap Song.
