Blue Lasermail/musical

Blue Laser has Redd direct a musical. Oh boy.

Cast (in order of appearance): Blue Laser, Redd, Gunhaver, Reynold's Younger Brother, Silent Rip, Fightgar, Reynold (easter egg)

Places: Computer Room, A Stage

Computer: Blasty 987

Date: Saturday, March 27th, 2010

Page Title: Contact Blasty 987 for seating info!

Transcript

BLUE LASER: {singing} Somewheeeere, over the email, bluebirds explode! {brings up an email}

Dear Blue Laser,

Have you ever considered making a musical? Think about it.
Your buddy,

Jack Noir

{Blue Laser struggles pronouncing "noir," reading it as "No-or? Err, Noo-er? No-ire?"}

BLUE LASER: {typing} Well, NoonyJack, that's a pretty good idea! Just one minor problem: How the crap do you make a musical? I mean, I'm skilled in many things, but making a musical? That is not in the villainous handbook!

{Cut to a full view of the room. Blue Laser turns from the computer and produces a book, "The Villainous Handbook." He quickly flips through the pages before tossing it aside and turning back to the computer. Cut back to the Blasty.}

BLUE LASER: {typing} Nope, not in there. Though there is someone around here with musical experience!

{Cut to Redd's room. Redd is at his desk, reading a book. Blue Laser enters.}

BLUE LASER: Hey, Redd. Wanna write, direct, and cast a musical?

REDD: {turns to Blue Laser} My life would be complete.

BLUE LASER: Good. Have it ready in fifteen minutes, tops. I'll pass out fliers.

{Blue Laser exits.}

REDD: I won't let you down! This will be pure, handcrafted excellence! ...You'll recommend me to the Playwrights Association, won't you? Blue?

{Cut to a backstage area. Redd is standing there, holding a clipboard.}

REDD: Alright, show starts in five minutes! Get in your costumes! Remember your lines! {suddenly manic} DON'T SCREW THIS UP!

BLUE LASER: {offscreen} Uhh, Redd...

{Pan right. Blue Laser is standing there in a hat similar to Gunhaver's.}

BLUE LASER: Any explanation as to why I'm cast as Gunhaver? I hate that guy!

REDD: You see, Blue, your hatred of Gunhaver symbolizes Gunhaver's own inner struggles, and his constant desire to be better.

BLUE LASER: Okay, I'll pretend I get that. But that doesn't explain why you cast Gunhaver as me.

{Pan right again. Gunhaver is standing there wearing an eye patch.}

REDD: Gunhaver's role as you symbolizes your confused morals and the inner goodness hidden away in you.

BLUE LASER: If you suggest I have "inner goodness" one more time, then your face will symbolize a broken skull!

REDD: Look, this musical has to be perfect, guys. My future career in the musical industry depends on it! And besides, we have a full house tonight!

{Cut to the audience. The only one there is Reynold's Brother, who is sound sleep with a bag of popcorn next to him. Cut back to backstage.}

REDD: So, any questions before we begin?

SILENT RIP: {offscreen} Uh, yeah, about the script.

{Pan left. Silent Rip is standing there, wearing Fightgar's headband and looking at the script.}

REDD: What is it, Silent Rip?

SILENT RIP: This script shows Fightgar as singing the opening to "Life Beyond War."

REDD: That's correct.

SILENT RIP: Does that mean that I'm gonna sing the opening as Fightgar, or that Fightgar is going to sing the opening as Firebert?

REDD: Fightgar's going to sing it.

SILENT RIP: Which Fightgar? My Fightgar or Fightgar's Fightgar?

REDD: Fightgar doesn't play Fightgar, he plays Firebert.

SILENT RIP: I know that, but does Fightgar sing the opening?

REDD: Yes.

SILENT RIP: {annoyed} Which Fightgar!?

REYNOLD'S BROTHER: {offscreen} The thing was supposed to start thirty seconds ago! What gives?

REDD: {waving his arms wildly} GO! GO! GO!

{The cast rushes past Redd. Cut to the stage. Blue Laser and Gunhaver are there (still dressed as one-another), and are battling it out with cardboard guns.}

BLUE LASER: {unenthusiastically} Alright, you villainous scum, eat... bullets.

GUNHAVER: {unenthusiastically} No, you, Cheat Commando.

{Cut back to backstage. Redd is watching the play.}

REDD: It's.... beautiful.

{Fade to black. Then fade back to the stage, where the musical is well underway. Silent Rip, Fightgar, Blue Laser, and Gunhaver are onstage, singing off-key.}

BLUE LASER & GUNHAVER: Fighting for what weeEeeeEeeeEE consider justiiiiiiice!

SILENT RIP & FIGHTGAR: Ooooohhh justice!

{Cut to the audience. Reynold's Brother is once again sleeping.}

BLUE LASER & GUNHAVER: {offscreen} WeeEEeee never thought it'd come this faaaAaaaAar!

{Reynold's Brother suddenly wakes up. He stares at the stage for a second before walking out.}

BLUE LASER & GUNHAVER: ThiiiiIis time around-

{Redd enters the stage. He stares at the now empty seating for a moment.}

BLUE LASER & GUNHAVER: -we'll find ouuUUurselves somewhere nEEeeEew!

REDD: {sadly} Yeah, you guys can quit now.

BLUE LASER: {stops singing} About freakin' time.

{The cast walks off. Redd stands there for a moment.}

REDD: Well, maybe film school will still let me in after that tragedy. {begins walking off} Ha. Doubt it.

{Cut back to the Blasty. Blue Laser walks up and sits in front of it.}

BLUE LASER: {typing} Well, Norman, there's my musical. Now if you don't mind, I'm gonna go see what other career opportunities I can crush for Redd. It just warms my heart to think of him working at Wendy's for the rest of his life. Bwahaha!

{Blue Laser walks away. The Laserjet Paper comes down.}

Easter Eggs

• At the end, click on "musical" to see a scene at the stage.

{Reynold walks onto the now empty stage and looks around.}
REYNOLD: Aw, phooey! I missed another one! Why if it wasn't for this darn Daylight Savings Time...

Fun Facts

• Wendy's is an international fast food chain restaurant.