Blue Lasermail/flying machine

Blue Laser does his best Kool-Aid Man impression. Yeah, you read that right.

Cast (in order of appearance): Blue Laser, Blue Laser Minon, Redd, Flashfight, Lemmy

Places: Computer Room, Nana's Backyard, The Sky, BEEFF Headquarters

Computer: Blasty 987

Date: Thursday, February 11, 2010

Page Title: Blasty Time!!

Transcript

BLUE LASER: {singing} Email! Email! E-e-e-e-e-e-e-email! {brings up an email}

Dear Blue Laser,

Being the evil genius type, do you
build any kind of flying machines?
How do you feel about flying?
Yours,

Zarel

BLUE LASER: {nervously} Of course I have a flying machine. I love flying! What kind of useless villain doesn't have a flying machine? A useless one, that's what kind. Uh.. I have to go! {runs offscreen}

{Cut to Nana's Backyard. This is a large curtain set up, and construction noises can be heard from behind it. Blue Laser enters.}

BLUE LASER: So how's it going back there, guys?

BLUE LASER MINION: {from behind curtain} We're almost finished!

BLUE LASER: Fantastic!

{Pan right to show Redd standing there.}

BLUE LASER: Redd! I see you're completing your portion of the project nicely!

REDD: You assigned me to stand around and do nothing.

BLUE LASER: Of course! I can't have you messing up my flying machine with your dumb physics!

REDD: {annoyed} I hope you realize I'm the only one here with even a lick of knowledge about air travel.

BLUE LASER: Fine! You're head of ground communications. {tosses Redd a headset} But don't you dare mess this up!

BLUE LASER MINION: {leaning in from offscreen} She's ready, sir!

{The curtain is pushed aside to reveal a small and poorly constructed plane. It has an "Air Laser" logo and... headlights?!}

BLUE LASER: She's... beautiful! {jumps into cockpit} Alright minions, hit me with the launch precautions!

{The Blue Laser Minion pulls out a paper.}

BLUE LASER MINION: {reading} "Air Laser Pre-Launch Pre-Flight Pre-Cautions." Firstly, the Air Laser runs at a steady two miles per hour. Any attempt to make it go faster will result in spontaneous combustion. Secondly, The red button-

{Cut to show a large red button on the Air Laser's control panel.}

BLUE LASER MINION: -is for emergencies only. It does not double as an arm rest.

{Cut back to the Blue Laser Minion.}

BLUE LASER MINION: Thirdly and finally, there is a stock of parachutes under the seat cushion, these are to be used for war tactics, evacuating, or getting the crap out of dodge. They are not-

BLUE LASER: {interrupting} Enough already! Time for launch!

{Blue Laser pulls on a lever and the Air Laser blasts into the air.}

BLUE LASER: I'm flying! That Zarel kid was right, this is awesome! {grabs a walkie-talkie} Ground control, do you read?

REDD: {over walkie-talkie} Codename Shirley, this is ground control, I read!

BLUE LASER: I never agreed to that codename!

REDD: But the New Girl said you-

BLUE LASER: {interrupting} Shut up! So okay, according to this I'm flying at an altitude of... Why is our altitude meter a magic eight ball?

{Cut to show the "altitude meter", a Magic 8 Ball reading "Yes you can!"}

REDD: {over walkie-talkie} It was all your minions could find on short notice.

{Cut back to the full view of the plane.}

BLUE LASER: Oh. Anyway, I have a building in my sights. No way!

{Cut to show a skyscraper with a sign on it reading "BEEFF HQ".}

BLUE LASER: It's the Borough of Every Elite Fighting Force's headquarters! Para-trooping time!

{Blue Laser lowers altitude to aim the plane directly at the building.}

REDD: {over walkie-talkie} Uh, why are you getting ready to fly into the side of the building?

BLUE LASER: What are you, deaf? I just said I'm para-trooping!

{Cut back to the backyard, where Redd is watching the scene on Blue Laser's supercomputer.}

REDD: I'll ask again. Why are you getting ready to fly into the side of that building?

{Cut back to the plane.}

BLUE LASER: Look, are you trying to tell me that para-trooping isn't flying into the enemy base in an attempt to cause as much structural damage as possible?

REDD: {over walkie-talkie} No, it actually involves having paratroopers.

BLUE LASER: Oh. Crap.

{The Air Laser crashes into the building. Cut to inside where the vehicle is protruding into what appears to be a janitor's closet. Flashfight walks up.}

FLASHFIGHT: What the blazes happened here?

BLUE LASER: {dazed} Alright, how much structural damage did I cause?

FLASHFIGHT: Very little, luckily. Seems all you succeeded in doing was destroying the janitor's closet. Now follow me so we can get this arrest over quickly.

BLUE LASER: Bull honkey! I'm not surrendering! Time to fire the missiles!

REDD: {over walkie-talkie} Yeah.. we didn't really install any missiles.

BLUE LASER: Oh. Well then, time to turn on the brights.

{Blue Laser presses a button and the Air Laser's headlights come on.}

FLASHFIGHT: {covering his eyes} My eyes! {runs away}

REDD: {over walkie-talkie} Alright, now get out of there before Flashfight realizes he's wearing sunglasses!

{Blue Laser presses a few buttons, but the Air Laser only shakes a bit.}

BLUE LASER: It's not starting!

REDD: {over walkie-talkie} Hmm.. must have been damaged in the crash. Does the emergency button still work?

{Blue Laser presses the button, and the Air Laser blasts backwards at high speed, knocking Blue Laser out. Cut to outside the building's entrance, where Lemmy is leaving.}

LEMMY: And if it gives you any more problems, just stick a Sega tape in the VCR slot or something. That oughta do the trick.

{Lemmy continues walking. Blue Laser can be heard screaming in the background, and after a few moments falls on Lemmy. Blue Laser lies there for a moment before grabbing the walkie-talkie.}

BLUE LASER: {weakly} Yup. Still works.

LEMMY: {weakly} Ohhhhhhhh... That's it. I'm doubling your cable bill.

{Cut back to the Blasty.}

BLUE LASER: {typing} You see what you did, Zack? Now I'm stuck paying double for my cable! Oh well, it's worth it. You won't find a more reliable cable provider than Lemmy.

{Cut to the living room, where Blue Laser and Redd are watching TV.}

TUCKSWORTH: {on TV} Caleb, did you paint flames on my car?

BLUE LASER: Oh yeah. It's like I'm right there, right in the action.

{Cut to the TV screen. The picture is in black and white and is hardly comprehensible.}

CALEB: {on TV} I did now.

{The Laserjet Paper comes down.}

Easter Eggs

• Click on the TV screen at the end to see Redd and a minion chatting in Nana's Backyard.

BLUE LASER MINION: So how'd you get to be head of ground communications?
REDD: Well, you know. Hard work, determination...
BLUE LASER MINION: You begged, didn't you?
REDD: Yeah, pretty much.

Fun Facts

• Redd calling Blue Laser "Shirley" is a reference to the 1980 film Airplane!