(even if you aren't vegan)
Blue Lasermail/comic book
Blue Laser makes a comic book.
Cast (in order of appearance): Blue Laser, Redd, Blue Laser Minions, Gunhaver, Silent Rip, Fightgar
Places: Computer Room, The Dolphin Crimebase
Computer: Blasty 987
Date: Tuesday, May 11th, 2010
Page Title: Blasty 987 & Co. Publishing
Transcript
BLUE LASER: {singing} E-email womaaan! E-email womaaan! E-email woman! {brings up an email}
Dear Mr. Laser,
Have you ever considered making a book for kids to enjoy? What would it be about? That's up to you. I'm sure that you can make a book that can make you a lot of money to crush the Cheat Commandos and do my history essay.
-Itchy
BLUE LASER: {typing} Hmmm.. a book, eh, Inch? I suppose literature would help me branch out my already huge campaign of evil. But if I'm gonna write a book, I'm taking it to the 21st century! I'm writing a comic book! That's what all the cool, fam-
REDD: {offscreen} Graphic novel.
{Cut to a full view of the room. Redd is standing next to the desk. Blue Laser turns to him.}
BLUE LASER: Huh?
REDD: The proper term is graphic novel.
BLUE LASER: You just gotta work your way into every one of these, don't you?
{Cut back to the Blasty.}
BLUE LASER: {typing} As I was saying, books are for losers. The cool people are reading comic books!
REDD: {offscreen} Graphic-
BLUE LASER: Shut up!
{Cut to a closed comic book sitting on a desk. The cover is blank.}
BLUE LASER: {voiceover} So the first thing we've gotta think up is a title. How about... "Don Laser: Rogue Terror"? Wow! I think I just blew my own mind!
{The title "Don Laser: Rogue Terror" appears on the cover.}
BLUE LASER: {voiceover} Next up is the cover. Of course, I've gotta be on there somewhere.
{Blue Laser appears on the cover.}
BLUE LASER: {voiceover} Oh! And I can be in one of those obviously futuristic yet primitive landscapes! Those always seem to sell a million copies.
{A brown floor and purple sky appear behind Blue Laser.}
BLUE LASER: {voiceover} Now we'll add the car explosions. Nothing says Blue Laser like car explosions!
{An explosion appears behind Blue Laser. A tire is flying from it.}
BLUE LASER: {voiceover} Actually, why not just make it a futuristic parking lot? That sounds like a great setting!
{Parking lines appear on the ground.}
BLUE LASER: {voiceover} Now all that's left is the parental advisory warning!
{A warning appears in the corner reading "This comic may or may not be suitable for some parents and babies."}
BLUE LASER: {voiceover} I mean, come on!
{Blue Laser's hand reaches in and flips to a page in the book. It consists of nothing but pure red panels.}
BLUE LASER: {voiceover} You can't let kids read this stuff!
{The book closes. Cut to the computer room, where Blue Laser is holding an upside-down tophat.}
BLUE LASER: Now for the plot. Luckily, I know just how to make this! {reaches into the hat and pulls out an index card} "Marble." {tosses the card aside and grabs another} "Dolphin." {another card} "Houses." {another card} "Crime." Sounds incoherent enough to me!
{Blue Laser tosses the hat offscreen.}
BLUE LASER: Now I just need some writer-type to turn this plot into an award winning story!
{Blue Laser turns around. Pan left to show Redd standing there.}
BLUE LASER: Somehow I knew you'd be over there. You've got 20 minutes to write an award winning comic.
REDD: Ahem...
BLUE LASER: {shouting} Okay fine! You've got 20 minutes to write an award winning graphic novel!
REDD: Who are you gonna have draw it?
BLUE LASER: Oh, I have that covered.
REDD: This oughta be laughable.
{Cut to the first panel of the comic. A poorly drawn submarine is underwater. The characters' words are displayed in text bubbles.}
VOICE OVER: In a submarine... Deep under the ocean...
{Next panel. A poorly drawn Blue Laser is inside the submarine, talking to a Blue Laser Minion.}
BLUE LASER: {in a deeper voice} Prepare to dock! We've almost reached...
{Next panel. There is a stone dolphin on the ocean floor. In its mouth is what appears to be a door.}
BLUE LASER: {offpanel} ...The Dolphin Crimebase!
{Cut back to the computer room. Blue Laser and Redd are both reading the comic.}
REDD: {holding back laughter} Wait, is that supposed to be a dolphin? Looks more like a whale to me.
BLUE LASER: Shut up!
{Cut back to the comic. The next panel shows a Blue Laser Minion pointing out the submarine window. Blue Laser looks on in the corner.}
BLUE LASER MINION: Sir, look!
BLUE LASER: What is it, minion!?
{Next panel. The Crimebase's door is opened, revealing Gunhaver, Fightgar, and Silent Rip to be inside.}
BLUE LASER MINION: {offpanel} The Commandos have taken over our base!
{Next panel. Blue Laser is speaking into a mic inside the submarine.}
BLUE LASER: Commence Plan B! Air Force, launch the missiles!
{Next panel. A plane is dropping a bomb into the ocean.}
BLUE LASER MINION: {from inside plane} Aye, aye, sir.
{Next panel. The Crimebase is hit with the bomb, and explodes. The submarine is escaping into the distance.}
BLUE LASER: {from inside submarine} Score one for the Lasers!
{Cut back to the computer room. Blue Laser is reading the comic while Redd watches.}
BLUE LASER: {stunned} This is no doubt the greatest literary work ever written! I'm gonna make millions! Millions!
REDD: Aren't you forgetting something?
BLUE LASER: {tosses the comic aside} Oh yeah. Get out of my face!
{Redd sighs and walks off. Cut to the Blasty.}
BLUE LASER: {typing} So that's-a my book, Skippy! As for your essay, I'm sure you can, like, write it on how the car explosions symbolize the War of 1812. Or maybe about the dolphin's relation to John Addams. Or you can just get it online. That's what I used to do.
{The Laserjet Paper comes down.}
Easter Eggs
- At the end, click on the word "essay" so see the essay.
By Anthony Wheel
The cover of Blue and Redd Laser's comic book "Don Laser" features a car exploson. The the following paragraph(s) I will state the relationship between the authors views of historical oils and these explosions and make a sandwich.
In panel 6 on page 71, Blue Laser says that cheat commandos are scum. This shows that the word scum can also describ the fossil fuels axerted from the car explosions that I write about. In 1599, Thomas Jefferson said that "greenhouse gases are the cause of our problems." That guy knews a lot, so I trust him.
The authors of this graphing novel are also big suporters of greenhouse fuels. Redd Laser wonce said that greenhouse oils are the cause of rainbows. This means that the colory nature of the books cover is a symbol of fossil rations.
I think my essay has highlighted the many ways that greenhouse fossil foils kill the comunity and car explosions. I hope you will see this and give me an a plus and not give one to that brandon kid. I bet him five dollars he woulnt get one.
Fun Facts
- Blue Laser's intro song is a reference to the song Evil Woman.
- Blue Laser mentions John Addams.
