Biterphobia/3

Spencer gets sent to boot camp. That's pretty much it.

Cast (in order of appearance): Spencer, CC, Christian, Hannah, Drill Sergeant, Officers

Places: The Garage, Office, The Apartment, Boot Camp

Date: Saturday; December 20, 2008

Transcript

{Open to Spencer, CC, and Christian in a garage. Spencer is standing next to a mic with a bass, CC has a guitar, and Christian is on a drum set, with "House Band" written on the bass drum}

SPENCER: A'ight guys, you ready?

{Christian and CC nod, and soon christian is counting the song off, starting with a small drum beat, which slowly becomes louder, and CC and Spencer come in, Spencer is doing various rock-star moves, while CC just stands there calmly. Then Spencer talks into the mic}

SPENCER: Why can't I get it? It's just within' my reach. Why Can't You give it? I'll kill you if you don't.

{Then they go into the chorus, with everyone showing off a little. The drumming is now louder, CC's guitar is squeeling, and Spencer is now loudmouthing the vocals}

SPENCER: Can I get one? Please for your sake. Just give me one. I'll kill you in the lake. Mama dosn't like killin' boys. Your just a ploy, not any more!

{A close-up on CC's face shows he is hiding his laughter from Spencers non-sensical lyrics. Then, CC and Spencer stop, and Christian goes into a fast-paced drum solo, when the door behind him opens, knocking him off his stool, collapsing him onto the drum set, which falls apart. Hannah comes out the door}

HANNAH: Oh my god! Christian, I'm so sorry!

CHRISTIAN: It's allright, it's a regular move when we play gigs.

HANNAH: Well, guys, I've got some good news!

CC: Well, what is it.

{Before speaking, Hannah starts smiling and points at Spencer}

HANNAH: Spencer's going to BOOT CAMP!

{While she's cheering, CC and Spencer just star dumbly at each other, then back at Hannah}

CC: WHAT? You said this was GOOD news!

HANNAH: To me it IS!

SPENCER: DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?!

HANNAH: I can listen to my sounds of the ocean CD without you making up lyrics to it?

SPENCER: THIS MEANS HOUSE BAND'LL SPLIT!

{Christians body emerges from the wrecked drum set}

CHRISTIAN: WHAT?!

{Cut to Spencer sitting in a chair in some kind of office. From where the camera is angled, we can only see the front of the desk of the man he's talking to. Military music is playing in the background.}

DRILL SERGEANT: So...um...Mr. Spencer...

SPENCER: Please, call me Bob.

DRILL SERGEANT: Um... may I ask why?

SPENCER: Well, because if you spell it backwards, it's the same thing.

{The off-screen sergeant sighs}

DRILL SERGEANT: Do you have any combat experiance whatsover?

SPENCER: Does Mortal Kombat count?

{The Drill Sergeant can be heard banging his head on his desk in frustration}

DRILL SERGEANT: It seems that we'll have to straighten you out. To the chamber with this one.

SPENCER: Wait, chamber?

{Two officers walk out the door and grab Spencer by his arms and drag him out. Cut to CC sitting upside-down on the couch with Hannah sitting on the side}

CC: Man, he must be havin' a hard time.

HANNAH: He's doing fine.

CC: Pfft, you sound like my mom when my dad got sent to the Neo-Chinese war.

HANNAH: You never told me about that.

CC: It was a bad experiance.

{Cut back to Spencer. He's wearing a army suit, and he's laying down on his stomach, a combat booted foot on his back. He's then attempts to do a push-up}

DRILL SERGEANT: FASTER, YOU MAGGOT!

SPENCER: Maybe...if you took your foot off my back I would.

DRILL SERGEANT: ARE YOU GETTIN' FRESH WITH ME?

SPENCER: What's that supposed to mean?

{Then, suddenly, a crack is heard, and Spencers back forms into a angle}

DRILL SERGEANT: THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET FRESH ITH ME!

SPENCER: {Slowly, and quietly}Y..yes sir.

{Cut to a black card with the Narrator from Episode 1}

NARRATOR: Will Spencer make it back home in one piece, or will he be...deported to Neo-China? Tune in next week to find...

DIRECTOR: CUT! YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING!

NARRATOR: WELL TOUGH LUCK, CHUM!