Biterphobia/1

CC moves into a run-down apartment, and tries to hide that fact for the party he planned.

Cast (in order of appearance): Narrator, Director, CC, Hannah, Asain food guy, Take-out Guy, Spencer, Christian, Justin, Blake, ???, ???

Places: Outside, The apartment

Date: Saturday; November 29, 2008

Transcript

{Cut to a shot of a large city, with a backing voice describing it}

NARRATOR: The big city. A place where either all your dreams come true, or you get robbed and be forced to live in a cardboard box for the rest of your life. There are many buildings lined up, living places, businesses, crack houses, you name it, they got it. Down on the sidewalks are people going about on their daily business, with a variaty of cars driving by those people. Excatly how they portray it in the movies! Anyway, let's start our journey through hell on one of those cars.

{Pan down to one of the cars driving by. It's a moving van, getting ready to move all it's cargo into somewhere. Cut inside, and there is said cargo. 1 crate, in particular, is bouncing around, making loud noise.}

NARRATOR: This journey starts in the big city, with 1 unusual...

DIRECTOR: CUT CUT CUT!

{The footage stops as the director says this, and stays like that for awhile.}

NARRATOR: What'd I do wrong?

DIRECTOR: You're making it sound like a damn disney fantasy! I need someone who can describe it like regular life, not a story about a magical cat!

NARRATOR: Well guess what, I QUIT!

DIRECTOR: Fine, go on and leave, we don't need you anyway!

{A door slam and some things falling of the wall can be heard, as the footage rolls again. The crate is still bouncing around like mad. Suddenly, the truck stops, and the door opens. The driver comes out and starts unloading everything, obviously with some difficulty. Finally, the bouncing crate is unloaded. When outside, the driver takes out a crowbar and slowly opens the crate. He takes a look inside, but he is hit in the face when CC jumps out of it. CC then streaches out his arms a bit.}

CC: Ah, thanks for the lift, bud!

{The driver is now running towards the van, and gets in and drives away, with the back still open}

CC: Talk about paranoid. Well, let's get this stuff in here.

{He takes some luggage and goes into the apartment complex. A slow, dramatic montage of him waiting in the elavator, trying to get the right key to open the door, and opening the door. At first, he seems very excited about the new apartment, however, when he opens the door, his excited demeanor fades, and he screams. It has a dirt brown wallpaper, dirty carpet flooring, and there is trash littered around everywhere, with many things overturned}

CC: What the hell is this?! This looks like some virus hit the complex. Let me read this, {Takes out small folded up paper out his pocket} "Warning, MISused and forgotten, your responsability now, bub!" These damn contracts, I always gotta' read it or else I get mentally dumped on by society. {Takes a quick look around} Well, I gues this is my new home, might aswell spruce it up.

{Cut to another montage, with "Troublemaker" by Weezer playing in the background. First, he cleans the sink, using a snake to eat all the grime in the drain. When the snake comes back up, it bites CC on the arm, before cutting to the next scene. He's using a paddle to slap out the dust from his brass bed, before sneezing from the dust. Cut to him putting a plant in the windowsill, before the plant dies from the sheer disgustingness of the room. now cut to CC on the couch, the apartment clean for the most part.}

CC: Finally, some alone time! {Lies down on the couch} I think I'll take a nap now. I just hope no one calls me right when I'm going to sleep to remind me about something I forgot.

{CC begins to fall asleep, when the phone rings, violently waking him. He looks at the called ID, it says "Your freakin' girlfreind, dumpweed!" He fumbles the phone in his hands before answering}

CC: Yeah, Hannah.

HANNAH: So... how's the new apartment?

CC: {Trying to hide the bitterness in his voice} Oh, it's real sweet. You always get me the best birthday gifts, Hannah!

HANNAH: I knew you'd like it.

{Short pause}

HANNAH: So... you getting ready?

CC: Ready? Ready for what?

HANNAH: Don't you remember, you were gonna' have a party to celebrate your new apartment today. I thought you knew, I mean, you schedualed it.

CC: ...

HANNAH: Something wrong?

CC: Can I get a minute please?

HANNAH: Sure.

{CC covers the phone with his hand for a few seconds.}

CC: CRAP EATING RABITS! I FORGOT!

{CC uncovers the phone}

HANNAH: You fine?

CC: {Calmly} Yeah, I'm fine.

HANNAH: So, is the party tonight?

CC: Um...sure.

HANNAH: SWEET! Can't wait to be there! Bye.

{Before CC has a chance to say something, the phone hangs up}

CC: Well 'aint this great. Now I gotta' go get the stuff, and you guys gotta' go through another fricken montage. You know what, screw the montage.

{Cut to 2 hours later. CC walks into the apartment carrying loads of soda and cheap beer.}

CC: Okay...so...so...need to get a good dinner for a party. I KNOW!

{CC grabs the phone and dials a number. After a few tones, a asian voice comes on}

ASIAN: Chinese takeout to go, how may I help you?

CC: I need craploads of noodles and fortune cookies!

ASIAN: Do you want actual crap on that?

CC: What do you think?!

ASIAN: We'll be over in about 30 minutes

CC: That's fine.

{CC hangs up, when someone knocks on the door.}

CC: Aw no, my first guest here already!

{CC rushes to door and opens it, only to find out it's the chinese delivery guy}

TAKE-OUT GUY: Sorry we're early, the clock was broken.

CC: Okay, that's one broken clock then.

TAKE-OUT GUY: That'll be $15.99

CC: You take coins?

TAKE-OUT GUY: Sure.

{CC reaches into his pocket and takes out 2, big coins, and gives it to the take-out guy, who hands him his food and leaves}

CC: Haha, sucker!

{CC reaches into his pocket and puts some more coins in a bowl. He takes one and unwraps the aluminum, showing some chocoalate. CC takes a bite out of it}

CC: Works every time.

{Suddenly, the door is knocked open. Out comes a man with spiked hair, a orange hawaiin shirt, and cargo pants. He's flashing the devils horns gesture}

CC: Hey Spencer.

SPENCER: Yo yo yo yo, what's up home skillit biscuit?

CC: I told you not to call me that anymore. Remember the incident in high-school?

SPENCER: I thought'd I just say that to congratulate you on your new pad, bro.

CC: Yeah, well, help yourself to some chocoalate coins. The beer's in the fridge.

SPENCER: Sweet!

{Spencer walks off-screen. Out the door frame comes another person. This one has sloppy black hair, a pure black T-Shirt and blue-jeans}

???: Let me guess, Spencer?

CC: Yep. Glad you could make it Christian.

CHRISTIAN: You know me, always ready to spend some time in someone elses home.

{CC looks freaked out by this statement, and slowly backs away}

CC: So, how's the 9th child comin'?

CHRISTIAN: Man, I'll tell ya', my wifes a real fighter, she is!

CC: I believe that compleatly.

CHRISTIAN: Oh look, the whole posses here.

{Indeed, at the door frame is 4 people. One has blonde hair in curls, and has a blue waterpark t-shirt on. Another looks almost the same except he has long black hair. The next one has a black AC/DC t-shirt on, and has short brown hair. The last one is bald, covering it up with a Sox hat and a basketball jersey. All of them have jeans on}

CC: Guys, where'd you come from?

AC/DC SHIRT GUY: We took the subway.

CC: You always know how to enter unannounced, Blake.

BLAKE: Thanks. We brought our girls with us. They should be arriving soon.

CC: OK. Let me get some music going.

{CC goes to the CD/Vinyl player and puts on "Appetite for Destruction" by Guns 'n Roses}

SPENCER: HELL YEAH, TURN THAT THING UP!

CURLY HAIR GUY: Dude, chill.

SPENCER: SHUT UP, JUSTIN.

CC: Seriously dude, are you high or sumthin'?

SPENCER: Maaaaaaaaybe.

CC: {Shakes his head in dissapproval}

???: Sup, people?

{CC turns around, and sees Hannah standing in the doorway.}

CC: Hannah! Nice to see you could make it.

HANNAH: Are you kidding? I wouldn't let you throw a party without me!

CC: I can see that, you brought some more CDs

HANNAH: I thought they'd be good for a party.

CC: {Turning to everyone} Hey guys, glad you could all make it. Listen you guys chat and dnace, I'm gonna' go take a much needed nap.

{CC walks to the the couch admist all the people, and lays down to fal asleep, as the scene fades out}