Aruseus Emails/random

Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus, Tom, A Cresselia, Fang, Homestar, Strong Bad, The Cheat, Old-School Homestar, Lyle

Places: Computer Room, Aruseus' Room, The Stick, StrongBadia

Computer: E-Mach 1000

Date: July 14th, 2007

Transcript

ARUSEUS: Nine miles to email check, I know 'cuz I've been there before... {clicks the email icon}

subject: lacking, much?

Dear Aruseus,
I think your emails are lacking the sheer randomocity
I remember. Please bring back a random email!
Mr. Guy

ARUSEUS: {typing} Randomocity? Ok. But to let you know... {clears screen}

ARUSEUS: {typing} I'm going to need do some...stuff....first. I know! I'll make a movie out of this random email! {walks out}

{An hour later...}

ARUSEUS: Rolling?

TOM: {offscreen} Yep.

ARUSEUS: Cool.

subject: lacking, much?

Dear Aruseus,
I think your emails are lacking the sheer randomocity
I remember. Please bring back a random email!
Mr. Guy

ARUSEUS: {typing} Oh yeah? Well, MEH! I'll re-write this!

{Aruseus rewrites the email to this}

subject: lacking, much?

Dear Aruseus,
I think your emails are lacking the pie
I remember. Please bring back pie!
Mr. Pie

ARUSEUS: HAH! Now, Mr. Pie, I'll bring you pie! But first...

{A Cresselia crashes through the wall}

CRESSELIA: {Cresselia noise}

ARUSEUS: Lets go!

{Aruseus hops upon the Cresselia, and it flies away}

{Cut to Aruseus' room, Fang is in a doctors outfit, but is missing an arm. Aruseus stands next to him}

ARUSEUS: Is it going to be okay?

FANG: I'm sorry to say this...but, I think my arm is having...a spaz attack!

{Cut to a view of Aruseus' bed, Fang's missing arm is wiggling constantly}

ARUSEUS: Surely, you can't be serious!

FANG: I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.

{Five second pause}

FANG: Yeah. I'll take my arm back.

{Cut to The Stick, Aruseus and Homestar are having a kung-fu battle}

ARUSEUS: {in a dubbed voice} Aha! You cannot beat my kung-fu mastery!

HOMESTAR: {in a different dubbed voice} We will see about that. Kaiosomething!

{Homestar throws his star at Aruseus}

ARUSEUS: Sakanakana! {chucks his ring}

{The star and the ring collide and hit the ground}

HOMESTAR: {normal voice} Well that stunk.

{Aruseus farts randomly}

ARUSEUS: Sorry.

{Cut to Strongbadia, Aruseus stands in a bunker, rapidly shaking The Cheat, dressed up as Fightgar}

ARUSEUS: {imitating gun sounds} Pyeow! Pyew! Pyeow! Pyew!

STRONG BAD: {offscreen} To protect the world from the evil forces of Blue Laser.

{Cut back to E-Mach}

ARUSEUS: {in Imitation Strong Bad's Voice, typing} Is this what you call an e-mail? This does not even come close to being a decent e-mail. Why, this crap should be crapleted. I mean, a total crap is a crap crap Crautshank. Crappity crap.

{Cut to a farther out shot of the computer. Aruseus turns to face the camera and it zooms into his face.}

ARUSEUS: {in Imitation Strong Bad's Voice} Man, this triple email has been a large flop. And not the good kind of flop, either. I'm going to need some serious groodness to get this working again.

{Sterrance appears in front of the camera.}

ARUSEUS: {to Sterrance, in Imitation Strong Bad's Voice} Oh, no. I refuse to spend one more minute in this crappy time. Crappy, crappy crap. I like-a to say, "Holy crap!"

{Homestar appears from the right in the old-school style.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh no, it's the Strong Bad!

ARUSEUS: {normal voice} And, CUT! PRINT! SAVE! JLAMMY!

{Lyle walks out from behind the desk holding a carboard cutout of old-school Homestar.}

LYLE: Meh!

{The Paper comes down, 5 second wait}

{Cresselia crashes through the wall again}

ARUSEUS: Hey! I said the movie was over!

CRESSELIA: {Sighs, in a voice almost like Marzipan} Oh well, I tried.

Fun Facts

• Three of Aruseus' lines were from isbemail: threemail.
• Kaiosomething references Kaioken, a technique in Dragon Ball Z.
• Sakanakana is from Eskimo Bob.