AND OTHER THINGS/2

{Open up to the set. Chaos is in the chair}

Welcome, welcome everybody, to our lovely little program here on local TV. Tonight's subject: Plays. Chaos?

CHAOS: I was told that

Well let me tell you, boy, you can't always believe what you hear. The world is full of lies! You have to lie to get successful in this world, you know. Why? When? How? Where? These are important questions that you need to ask yourself every day and every waking moment of your life, and sometimes in your dreams. Dreams! Those are quite interesting.

CHAOS: What, like A Midsummer's Nig

Shut up! Did I ask you to speak? God, the youth of today is so goddamn disrespectful it's unbelievable. Anyway, returning right around to our original recipe - personally I prefer crispy. But what I like most of all are those little potato wedges - can't seem to get enough! Which, I suppose, explains the obesity epidemic running rampant like a virus. I recently contracted a computer virus, but I quickly got rid of it, thanks to Norton. Norton is a funny name, isn't it? Sounds like an asphyxiated elephant. NortON, NortON. Perhaps with a roll-ed R, like the Spanish language. Mexican culture is absolutely fascinating to me, their roofs, their music, their clothing, and their family dynamic. Oh, that reminds me! The winner of our contest last week, one Jeremy NortON, won a free trip to Mexico, all expenses payed. This week's contest: What number am I thinking of right now? Send your answers to the address at the bottom of the screen. You only get one guess! Chaos, what do you think the answer is?

CHAOS: ...seven?

...Okay, then, new contest! Who can make up the longest string of random words? So, like before, send your answers to the bottom of the screen and you just might win. People have too much focus on winning these-a-days. Whatever happened to sportsmanship? It's extinct, like the Dodo or the Woolly Mammoth. Oh! Speaking of, they've put together the genome for the Woolly Bully. Interesting thing about that song, you know - it shares a bass riff with the songs "Alley Oop" and "El Vira", albeit with different tempos. Or is it time signatures? I could never get those two straight, which is why, I suppose, I never made ti in the music biz. Still remorseful about that one. It stings. Stings like a bee. You know, it's a common misconception that bees should not be able to fly - that was a mistake by a 1950s professor, debunked by a think tank in the 90s. Ah, the 90s, decade of grunge music. I always thought the 90s was just like the 80s, only with all the fun removed. Continuing on, the current decade has just been an extension of the 90s.

CHAOS: I happened to like the 90

Shut up! My god, do I have to hit you with a cameraman? Get out of my studio now!

{Chaos storms off-screen, stage left}

Looks like our time is running out for today, so join us next time for our Christmas special!