(even if you aren't vegan)
Difference between revisions of "RiffText/Robuttnik"
m (Remind me to riff this in the morning.) |
m (Actually screw it I'm just going to riff it now. BRACE YOURSELVES, WINTER IS COMING.) |
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<nowiki><!-- I believe I have gone insane --></nowiki> | <nowiki><!-- I believe I have gone insane --></nowiki> | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' Now ''why'' would the author go insane from his own creation?</blockquote> | ||
== FOUR WORDS == | == FOUR WORDS == | ||
'''SKULLB:''' Hey, all. Skullbuggy here! Some of you may not have been here to see this, but this is ROBUTTNIKS MEAN BEAN MACHEAN. A classic of its time, it has been restored for all to see, for all to marvel in its glory. This is the story of a man named Dr. REBOTNEK and his assistants, SKRATCH and GRONDER. These three men fought against the republic of Mobius, a land where singing and fun was overabundant. In his anger, REBOTNEK decided to make Mobius less happy by creating the Bean Steamer, a machine made to turn beans into robots. From there, it just gets more powerful. So sit back, relax, and stack some beans. | '''SKULLB:''' Hey, all. Skullbuggy here! Some of you may not have been here to see this, but this is ROBUTTNIKS MEAN BEAN MACHEAN. A classic of its time, it has been restored for all to see, for all to marvel in its glory. This is the story of a man named Dr. REBOTNEK and his assistants, SKRATCH and GRONDER. These three men fought against the republic of Mobius, a land where singing and fun was overabundant. In his anger, REBOTNEK decided to make Mobius less happy by creating the Bean Steamer, a machine made to turn beans into robots. From there, it just gets more powerful. So sit back, relax, and stack some beans. | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' Looking at the final product it's not easy to take this synopsis and put it into the "Chepters."</blockquote> | ||
== CHEPTER WONE == | == CHEPTER WONE == | ||
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[[Image:REBOTNEK.PNG|REBOTNEK]] <big>WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK</big> | [[Image:REBOTNEK.PNG|REBOTNEK]] <big>WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK</big> | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' I'm just going to hazard a guess and say that the complete and utter lack of punctuation proliferates the punchline.</blockquote> | ||
[[Image:GRONDER.PNG|GRONDER]] | [[Image:GRONDER.PNG|GRONDER]] | ||
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[[Image:SKRATCH.PNG|SKRATCH]] <big>WHAT</big> | [[Image:SKRATCH.PNG|SKRATCH]] <big>WHAT</big> | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' Good question.</blockquote> | ||
[[Image:REBOTNEK.PNG|REBOTNEK]] <big>NOW I WILL SEND MY BEST TROOPS TO GUARD THE BEAN PRISONERS SO WE DO NOT HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS</big> | [[Image:REBOTNEK.PNG|REBOTNEK]] <big>NOW I WILL SEND MY BEST TROOPS TO GUARD THE BEAN PRISONERS SO WE DO NOT HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS</big> | ||
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[[Image:REBOTNEK.PNG|REBOTNEK]] <big>BUAHAHAHAHA</big> | [[Image:REBOTNEK.PNG|REBOTNEK]] <big>BUAHAHAHAHA</big> | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' I wish Grounder had more lines. He's my favorite.</blockquote> | ||
== CHEPTER TOO == | == CHEPTER TOO == | ||
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[[Image:ERMS.PNG|ERMS]] <big>OH GOD I CANNOT WALK YOU WIN I GUESS</big> | [[Image:ERMS.PNG|ERMS]] <big>OH GOD I CANNOT WALK YOU WIN I GUESS</big> | ||
− | <!-- Help! I'm trapped in a poorly thought-out collection of capital letters and I can't get out! --> | + | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' Wouldn't a better thing be "I NO LONGER HAVE ARMS TO HUG THESE BEANS WITH" or something along those lines?</blockquote> |
+ | |||
+ | <nowiki><!-- Help! I'm trapped in a poorly thought-out collection of capital letters and I can't get out! --></nowiki> | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' Is that a stray bean trapped in Robuttnik's machine?</blockquote> | ||
[[Image:FRANKLIN.PNG|FRANKLIN]] <big>HELLO THERE OLD BEAN MY NAME IS FRANKLIN</big> | [[Image:FRANKLIN.PNG|FRANKLIN]] <big>HELLO THERE OLD BEAN MY NAME IS FRANKLIN</big> | ||
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<big><big>AFTER A LONG WHILE OF STACKING BEANS</big></big> | <big><big>AFTER A LONG WHILE OF STACKING BEANS</big></big> | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' Didn't Franklin have a huge hubris and make fun of Arms for failing to defeat you? That could've worked into something funnier, I wager.</blockquote> | ||
[[Image:FRANKLIN.PNG|FRANKLIN]] <big>I WAS SO VERY VERY WRONG</big> | [[Image:FRANKLIN.PNG|FRANKLIN]] <big>I WAS SO VERY VERY WRONG</big> | ||
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<big><big>HUMPDY DUMPDY HAD A GREAT FALL</big></big> | <big><big>HUMPDY DUMPDY HAD A GREAT FALL</big></big> | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' No king's horses to pick the poor bloke up? That's sad.</blockquote> | ||
[[Image:HUMPDY.PNG|HUMPDY]] <big>MY INSIDES ARE GOING WHERE THEY SHOULDN'T</big> | [[Image:HUMPDY.PNG|HUMPDY]] <big>MY INSIDES ARE GOING WHERE THEY SHOULDN'T</big> | ||
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[[Image:COKONETS.PNG|COKONETS]] <big>YOU WILL NOT LEAVE EURASIA ALIVE</big> | [[Image:COKONETS.PNG|COKONETS]] <big>YOU WILL NOT LEAVE EURASIA ALIVE</big> | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' ...Eurasia?</blockquote> | ||
<big><big>TIME SWIPE</big></big> | <big><big>TIME SWIPE</big></big> | ||
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[[Image:REBOTNEK.PNG|REBOTNEK]] <big>NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU AND YOUR ROOSTER TEETH</big> | [[Image:REBOTNEK.PNG|REBOTNEK]] <big>NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU AND YOUR ROOSTER TEETH</big> | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' I dunno, I hear Noxigar likes RWBY a whole lot and Achievement Hunter's not too shabby.</blockquote> | ||
[[Image:SKRATCH.PNG|SKRATCH]] <small>You don't have to be such an asshole about it.</small> | [[Image:SKRATCH.PNG|SKRATCH]] <small>You don't have to be such an asshole about it.</small> | ||
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== CHEPTER TREE == | == CHEPTER TREE == | ||
− | <!-- Alright, in case you haven't figured it out this is a parody of Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine. It's a good game, really. I just went insane about halfway through. --> | + | <nowiki><!-- Alright, in case you haven't figured it out this is a parody of Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine. It's a good game, really. I just went insane about halfway through. --></nowiki> |
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' "Parody" is a big understatement.</blockquote> | ||
[[Image:DAVEYSPROKIT.PNG|DAVEY SPROKIT]] <big>HOWDY PARDNER I AM DAVEY SPROKIT</big> | [[Image:DAVEYSPROKIT.PNG|DAVEY SPROKIT]] <big>HOWDY PARDNER I AM DAVEY SPROKIT</big> | ||
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[[Image:DAVEYSPROKIT.PNG|DAVEY SPROKIT]] <big>I MUST PIONEER SOME NEW TECHNIQUES</big> | [[Image:DAVEYSPROKIT.PNG|DAVEY SPROKIT]] <big>I MUST PIONEER SOME NEW TECHNIQUES</big> | ||
− | <!-- I kid you not, that last line was in the game. --> | + | <nowiki><!-- I kid you not, that last line was in the game. --></nowiki> |
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' I wouldn't be surprised.</blockquote> | ||
<big><big>ONE LOUISIANA PURCHASE-SIZED BEATING LATER</big></big> | <big><big>ONE LOUISIANA PURCHASE-SIZED BEATING LATER</big></big> | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' Aww, is Alamo too big for a proper beating of Davey Sprokit?</blockquote> | ||
[[Image:DAVEYSPROKIT.PNG|DAVEY SPROKIT]] <big>MY LEFT LUNG SEEMS TO HAVE FOUND NEW FRONTIER</big> | [[Image:DAVEYSPROKIT.PNG|DAVEY SPROKIT]] <big>MY LEFT LUNG SEEMS TO HAVE FOUND NEW FRONTIER</big> | ||
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<big><big>AND THEN HE EXPLODED BECAUSE HE IS DYNAMITE</big></big> | <big><big>AND THEN HE EXPLODED BECAUSE HE IS DYNAMITE</big></big> | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' Fun Fact: Dinamight is also the easiest robot to beat in Mean Bean Machine due to how suicidal his AI pattern is in the game.</blockquote> | ||
[[Image:GRONDER.PNG|GRONDER]] <big>DURRRH I AM GRONDER</big> | [[Image:GRONDER.PNG|GRONDER]] <big>DURRRH I AM GRONDER</big> | ||
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<big><big>ONE FREESTYLE RAP BATTLE LATER</big></big> | <big><big>ONE FREESTYLE RAP BATTLE LATER</big></big> | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' Aww, I wanted to hear this Freestyle Rap Battle. :(</blockquote> | ||
[[Image:GRONDER.PNG|GRONDER]] <big>OH GOD PLEASE NO MORE</big> | [[Image:GRONDER.PNG|GRONDER]] <big>OH GOD PLEASE NO MORE</big> | ||
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[[Image:PLOCK.PNG|PLOCK]] <big>LET'S BATTLE YO</big> | [[Image:PLOCK.PNG|PLOCK]] <big>LET'S BATTLE YO</big> | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' I'm pretty sure his name is Spike. "Plock" is a good alternative though, given how generic "Spike" is as a name for pretty much anything.</blockquote> | ||
<big><big>ONE EXTREME MACRAME COMPETITION LATER</big></big> | <big><big>ONE EXTREME MACRAME COMPETITION LATER</big></big> | ||
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[[Image:ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI.PNG|WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME]] <big>DOMO ARIGATO</big> | [[Image:ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI.PNG|WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME]] <big>DOMO ARIGATO</big> | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' Thou art in need of proper character speech patterns, Lord Skullbuggy.</blockquote> | ||
[[Image:ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI.PNG|WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME]] <big>MY NAME IS SIR F-FUZZY LOGIK</big> | [[Image:ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI.PNG|WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME]] <big>MY NAME IS SIR F-FUZZY LOGIK</big> | ||
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[[Image:ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI.PNG|WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME]] <big>HOLY HELL IS THAT MY REAL NAME</big> | [[Image:ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI.PNG|WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME]] <big>HOLY HELL IS THAT MY REAL NAME</big> | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' Yup.</blockquote> | ||
[[Image:ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI.PNG|WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME]] <big>GODDAMN</big> | [[Image:ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI.PNG|WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME]] <big>GODDAMN</big> | ||
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<big><big>豆の積み重ね</big></big> | <big><big>豆の積み重ね</big></big> | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' I could plop this over to Google Translator but I'm fairly certain I don't really care of what it's saying.</blockquote> | ||
[[Image:ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI.PNG|WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME]] <big>I HAVE FAILED</big> | [[Image:ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI.PNG|WHAT IS THIS ONE'S NAME]] <big>I HAVE FAILED</big> | ||
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[[Image:SKRATCH.PNG|SKRATCH]] <big>COME AND GET SOME</big> | [[Image:SKRATCH.PNG|SKRATCH]] <big>COME AND GET SOME</big> | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' Get some what? Beans?</blockquote> | ||
"Fine... I will." | "Fine... I will." | ||
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[[Image:SNAKE.PNG|SNAKE]] "I have no name. Some people call me... Solid Snake." | [[Image:SNAKE.PNG|SNAKE]] "I have no name. Some people call me... Solid Snake." | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' Suddenly a good idea for a crossover crashes into a forest via blimp.</blockquote> | ||
[[Image:REBOTNEK.PNG|REBOTNEK]] <big>I DONT GIVE A CRAP</big> | [[Image:REBOTNEK.PNG|REBOTNEK]] <big>I DONT GIVE A CRAP</big> | ||
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[[Image:REBOTNEK.PNG|REBOTNEK]] <big>OF COURSE NOT JUST TELL ME</big> | [[Image:REBOTNEK.PNG|REBOTNEK]] <big>OF COURSE NOT JUST TELL ME</big> | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' ''Oh, brother.''</blockquote> | ||
[[Image:SNAKE.PNG|SNAKE]] "Dr. Robotnik, you and I were part of a project. A project called..." | [[Image:SNAKE.PNG|SNAKE]] "Dr. Robotnik, you and I were part of a project. A project called..." | ||
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[[Image:SNAKE.PNG|SNAKE]] "Las Habas Terribles." | [[Image:SNAKE.PNG|SNAKE]] "Las Habas Terribles." | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' I'm suddenly humoured.</blockquote> | ||
[[Image:SNAKE.PNG|SNAKE]] "It was a government project to create the perfect super soldier." | [[Image:SNAKE.PNG|SNAKE]] "It was a government project to create the perfect super soldier." | ||
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[[Image:REBOTNEK.PNG|REBOTNEK]] <big>I HATE THAT HEDGEHOG</big> | [[Image:REBOTNEK.PNG|REBOTNEK]] <big>I HATE THAT HEDGEHOG</big> | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' It's too bad Sonic never showed up.</blockquote> | ||
[[Image:SNAKE.PNG|SNAKE]] "Goodnight... Dr. Robotnik." | [[Image:SNAKE.PNG|SNAKE]] "Goodnight... Dr. Robotnik." | ||
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''{BOOM.}'' | ''{BOOM.}'' | ||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' Oh, here's this huge gap for no real reason.</blockquote> | ||
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you say you want an explanation | you say you want an explanation | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' No, not really.</blockquote> | ||
I played Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine very recently. Though I did, honestly, really like the game, the story was unbelievably stupid. In a burst of inspiration, I decided to make a story about it in all caps. | I played Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine very recently. Though I did, honestly, really like the game, the story was unbelievably stupid. In a burst of inspiration, I decided to make a story about it in all caps. | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' Yeah, I can agree the story was pitiful. Not really sure you did it any justice, though.</blockquote> | ||
Eventually I was plagued with the decision of how to end it. Naturally, I gave it the MGS ending. So that explains a lot, huh? | Eventually I was plagued with the decision of how to end it. Naturally, I gave it the MGS ending. So that explains a lot, huh? | ||
+ | |||
+ | <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' Not really. Then again, I wasn't really curious about Robuttnik. I just got a few cheap laughs while reminiscing about playing Mean Bean Machine a few years ago myself. It was fun, although some bosses were truly tedious. |
Latest revision as of 02:15, 27 August 2013
<!-- I believe I have gone insane -->
NAMINE: Now why would the author go insane from his own creation?
FOUR WORDS
SKULLB: Hey, all. Skullbuggy here! Some of you may not have been here to see this, but this is ROBUTTNIKS MEAN BEAN MACHEAN. A classic of its time, it has been restored for all to see, for all to marvel in its glory. This is the story of a man named Dr. REBOTNEK and his assistants, SKRATCH and GRONDER. These three men fought against the republic of Mobius, a land where singing and fun was overabundant. In his anger, REBOTNEK decided to make Mobius less happy by creating the Bean Steamer, a machine made to turn beans into robots. From there, it just gets more powerful. So sit back, relax, and stack some beans.
NAMINE: Looking at the final product it's not easy to take this synopsis and put it into the "Chepters."
CHEPTER WONE
I HAVE MADE A BEAUTIFUL THING WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IT
NAMINE: I'm just going to hazard a guess and say that the complete and utter lack of punctuation proliferates the punchline.
WITH THIS I SHALL RID MOBIUS OF HAPPINESS FOREVER
NAMINE: Good question.
NOW I WILL SEND MY BEST TROOPS TO GUARD THE BEAN PRISONERS SO WE DO NOT HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS
NAMINE: I wish Grounder had more lines. He's my favorite.
CHEPTER TOO
HELLO THERE GENTLEMEN MY NAME IS ERMS
IT IS BECAUSE I HAVE LARGE ERMS
IT IS A SUBTLE JOKE YOU MAY NOT HAVE UNDERSTOOD
I AM HERE TO PROTECT THE BEANS FROM BEING RESCUED
ONE SOUND THRASHING LATER
OH GOD I CANNOT WALK YOU WIN I GUESS
NAMINE: Wouldn't a better thing be "I NO LONGER HAVE ARMS TO HUG THESE BEANS WITH" or something along those lines?
<!-- Help! I'm trapped in a poorly thought-out collection of capital letters and I can't get out! -->
NAMINE: Is that a stray bean trapped in Robuttnik's machine?
HELLO THERE OLD BEAN MY NAME IS FRANKLIN
IT IS BECAUSE I AM LIKE FRANKENSTEIN
BUT I DIGRESS I MUST STOP YOU OLD CHAP
AFTER A LONG WHILE OF STACKING BEANS
NAMINE: Didn't Franklin have a huge hubris and make fun of Arms for failing to defeat you? That could've worked into something funnier, I wager.
GOOD FOR NOW WE MUST FIGHT IN A BATTLE OF WITS
HUMPDY DUMPDY HAD A GREAT FALL
NAMINE: No king's horses to pick the poor bloke up? That's sad.
MY INSIDES ARE GOING WHERE THEY SHOULDN'T
DR. REBOTNEK HAS TRUSTED ME WITH GUARDING THESE BEANS
YOU WILL NOT LEAVE EURASIA ALIVE
NAMINE: ...Eurasia?
TIME SWIPE
MEANWILE IN REBOTNEK'S LAB
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN HE KILLED COKONETS
NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU AND YOUR ROOSTER TEETH
NAMINE: I dunno, I hear Noxigar likes RWBY a whole lot and Achievement Hunter's not too shabby.
You don't have to be such an asshole about it.
CHEPTER TREE
<!-- Alright, in case you haven't figured it out this is a parody of Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine. It's a good game, really. I just went insane about halfway through. -->
NAMINE: "Parody" is a big understatement.
HOWDY PARDNER I AM DAVEY SPROKIT
DO YOU SEE MY COONSKIN CAP SIR
BUT WE CAN TALK ABOUT THAT LATER
I MUST PIONEER SOME NEW TECHNIQUES
<!-- I kid you not, that last line was in the game. -->
NAMINE: I wouldn't be surprised.
ONE LOUISIANA PURCHASE-SIZED BEATING LATER
NAMINE: Aww, is Alamo too big for a proper beating of Davey Sprokit?
MY LEFT LUNG SEEMS TO HAVE FOUND NEW FRONTIER
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT FIELD
I HAVE A PIG NOSE AND TWO WHEELS
STACK SOME BEANS
ALL YOU DID WAS STACK SOME BEANS
AND THEN HE EXPLODED BECAUSE HE IS DYNAMITE
NAMINE: Fun Fact: Dinamight is also the easiest robot to beat in Mean Bean Machine due to how suicidal his AI pattern is in the game.
ONE FREESTYLE RAP BATTLE LATER
NAMINE: Aww, I wanted to hear this Freestyle Rap Battle. :(
THE BLOOD IS POOLING AROUND ME AS I SPEAK
BACK AT REBOTNEKS HOWSE
GRONDER WAS JUST MURDERED IN COLD BLOOD SKRATCH
WHAT A WAY TO GO HUH DR. REBOTNEK
BUT THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING OF THE END
CHEPTER FOR
NAMINE: I'm pretty sure his name is Spike. "Plock" is a good alternative though, given how generic "Spike" is as a name for pretty much anything.
ONE EXTREME MACRAME COMPETITION LATER
NAMINE: Thou art in need of proper character speech patterns, Lord Skullbuggy.
HOLY HELL IS THAT MY REAL NAME
NAMINE: Yup.
豆の積み重ね
NAMINE: I could plop this over to Google Translator but I'm fairly certain I don't really care of what it's saying.
AAA AA A AAAAA
CUT: REBOTNEK'S LAB, INT., DAY
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT POPCORN SKRATCH
YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU MUTANT
WE MUST DEFEND OURSELVES SKRATCH
WE MUST READY OURSELVES FOR THE FINAL BATTLE
CHEPTER FIFE
SIR I SHALL GO AND STOP THE INTRUDER
NAMINE: Get some what? Beans?
"Fine... I will."
SKRATCH DIED
"Heh... what a pushover."
SKRATCH HAVE YOU DISPOSED OF THE INTRU
"I have no name. Some people call me... Solid Snake."
NAMINE: Suddenly a good idea for a crossover crashes into a forest via blimp.
"Whatever the case, I'm here to stop you, Robotnik... or should I say... brother?"
NAMINE: Oh, brother.
"Dr. Robotnik, you and I were part of a project. A project called..."
NAMINE: I'm suddenly humoured.
"It was a government project to create the perfect super soldier."
"The project spawned two children. One had the flawed genes, and one had the perfect genes."
"You... you were the perfect one."
"Yes. You were to be mass-produced in order to create an army of super soldiers..."
"... who can consist on nothing but baked beans."
"I'm here to stop you from becoming mass-produced. I'm here..."
"Do you want to be saved, Dr.? Do you?"
{click}
NAMINE: It's too bad Sonic never showed up.
{BOOM.}
NAMINE: Oh, here's this huge gap for no real reason.
you say you want an explanation
NAMINE: No, not really.
I played Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine very recently. Though I did, honestly, really like the game, the story was unbelievably stupid. In a burst of inspiration, I decided to make a story about it in all caps.
NAMINE: Yeah, I can agree the story was pitiful. Not really sure you did it any justice, though.
Eventually I was plagued with the decision of how to end it. Naturally, I gave it the MGS ending. So that explains a lot, huh?
NAMINE: Not really. Then again, I wasn't really curious about Robuttnik. I just got a few cheap laughs while reminiscing about playing Mean Bean Machine a few years ago myself. It was fun, although some bosses were truly tedious.