(even if you aren't vegan)
Conshow/55
Contents
Summary
Conchris, after searching through his old stuff, finds a "Future Teller". It then predicts the future of all the main characters and a couple of secondary characters too.
Cast (In order of appearance) {Future} (Author's prediction): Conchris {Mad Inventor Conchris}, Cruroar {Investigator Goodwin}, Cieeia {Therapist}, Forest {???}, Sirhcnoc {Retired Villain Sirhcnoc}, Greg {Yffulf Business Extraordinaire}, Mr. Person {Master Person}, Chrionroar {King of All Signsmos}
Transcript
{Open to the living room of Conchris' House, Cruroar and Cieeia are sitting on the sofa as Conchris is seen throwing stuff out of the basement in an attempt to find something}
CRUROAR: Man, we have ran out of ideas for cold openings!
CIEEIA: Well, we could always ask the writer for ideas.
CRUROAR: He's the one directing our lives for the most part! He probably won't have any ideas!
{Conchris leans out of the basement door holding a freeze ray}
CONCHRIS: Quiet you. {blasts Cruroar with the freeze ray, freezing him to square}
{Conchris continues what he's doing as Cieeia looks at Cruroar, worried}
CIEEIA: Speak to me, Cruroar...
{Cue intro}
{Open to the kitchen of Conchris' House, a small robotic object sits in the middle. Conchris, Cruroar, Cieeia and Forest are all sitting down at the table. Chrionroar is seen looking in the cupboards and munching down food stuffs without much thought}
CONCHRIS: {mumbles incoherently} ...and that is why I brought this thing up.
CRUROAR: That's it?
CONCHRIS: What's it?
CRUROAR: You just said "and that is why I brought this thing up"! You were mumbling incoherently for the most part!
FOREST: Spill it, moron. Or do I have to blow your brains out? No wait, maybe I should blow both of your brains out for stealing a joke!
CONCHRIS: Okay! Okay! Geez! Everyone's against me today... {clears throat} I was looking in the basement and found this thing lying under the pile of "Yield" signs that Chrionroar had. I think it's called the "Future Teller", a small robot capable of predicting the future. The future it predicts is about 89% accurate but it hasn't seen much use because of Fortune Tellers shunning me because I was trying to replace them with infernal technology. So I decided to predict our futures and THAT is why I brought this thing up!
{Pause}
CIEEIA: How do you activate it?
CONCHRIS: Just touch it. {pokes the "Future Teller", it suddenly jolts to life}
FUTURE TELLER: FUTURE TELLER VERSION 3 POINT 5 A ACTIVATED. PLEASE STATE NAME AND AGE.
CONCHRIS: I have no time for this. My name is Conchris, your master. Activate protocol Alpha Alpha Zeta Gamma, passcode 2010.
FUTURE TELLER: PASSCODE ACCEPTED. PREDICTING FUTURE FOR USER...
CIEEIA: Alpha Alpha Zeta Gamma?
CONCHRIS: My override protocol...
FUTURE TELLER: {long pause} DONE! PROJECTING IMAGE TO NEARBY PROJECTOR SCREEN.
{A projector screen suddenly comes down from nowhere and the "Future Teller" projects an image onto it, zoom in on the image whilst slowly fading to black}
Mad Inventor Conchris
{Fade into a mad scientist's lair, Conchris is busy typing on a computer whilst organ music plays in the background}
FUTURE CONCHRIS: AH HA HA HA HA! Soon, I will have created my FIRST INTELLIGENT MONSTER! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA! {stops typing} Yes... I will RULE the world! HA HA HA HA HA HA! {lightning strikes}
{Conchris steps back to admire his handiwork which is a strange apparition}
FUTURE CONCHRIS: Now, to give it life! The obligatory way of course! {pulls on a lever, making the apparition rise up} Foolish apparition, you must be ZAPPED WITH THUNDER!
{A bolt of lightning strikes the apparition and it suddenly comes to life}
FUTURE CONCHRIS: {points outside} Go and KILL!
{The apparition slowly shuffles his way to the exit without a second thought. Conchris begins to look bored before finally falling to the ground, asleep. As soon as Conchris has went to sleep, the apparition has already left}
{Cut to the ruins of a city, the apparition picks up a car and throws it at several passerbys, everyone else that wasn't crushed run for their lives, screaming, all the while that Conchris' maniacal laughter can be heard in the background.}
CONCHRIS: {v.o} Oh wow. So much for a bright future.
FOREST: {v.o} Do I get to kill you in the future?
CRUROAR: {v.o} Now is not the time to relay plots from other video games! Future Teller, tell me MY future.
{The screen starts to turn to static and a bunch of words pop up, they read:
PREDICTING FUTURE FOR USER: CRUROAR GOODWIN.... DONE. PROJECTING IMAGE ON NOW}
Investigator Goodwin
{Open to a nondescript office, the future Cruroar is sitting at a desk wearing a shady hat and a trenchcoat. The camera turns around to reveal that he is writing down on pieces of paper}
FUTURE CRUROAR: {thoughts} It has been years since me and my friend had left Wikity for Reedsen... She's taken up psychology and me? Well, I took up investigating.
{Cruroar pauses for a second to think before writing again}
FUTURE CRUROAR: {thoughts} Some of the beginning cases I've solved were easy, it usually ended with the butler getting the blame and whatnot... but this one... {picks up a file with the word "CONFIDENTIAL" on it} {speaking} This one is probably going to haunt my life...
{A creaking noise is heard}
FUTURE CRUROAR: {swivels around on his chair to look for the source of the noise} WHO'S THERE?!
{Silence, the future Cruroar gets up and walks about}
FUTURE CRUROAR: I know I heard creaking, now come on out!
{The cabinet door opens a bit, the future Cruroar looks into the cabinet, revealing the Creepy Guy, he stumbles back for a bit as the creepy guy stares at him with blank eyes. The screen slowly turns to static just as the creepy guy walks over to the future Cruroar.}
CONCHRIS: {v.o} Thank groodness! I was about to fall asleep from boredom!
CRUROAR: {v.o} What on earth? Did you see that... that... guy?
CONCHRIS: {v.o} What guy?
CRUROAR: {v.o} You know! Blank eyes? Creepy face?
CONCHRIS: {v.o} Sorry but I could've sworn I've seen an ironing board in that cabinet... why would you keep an ironing board in your cabinet in the future?
CRUROAR: {v.o} Gh! Shut up!
CIEEIA: {v.o} Don't worry about him, Cruroar. I've seen that creepy guy too...
CRUROAR: {v.o} Thanks Cieeia...
CIEEIA: {v.o} So... what about me? What's my cliché ridden future's like?
WRITER: {v.o, god-like voice} I'M WRITING! I'M WRITING!
{The screen suddenly turns to a black screen with the words:
PROCESSING FUTURE FOR USER CIEEIA GOLDILIN.... ERROR, UNABLE TO PROCESS. REASON: FUTURE PREDICTION ENDS IN SAME WAY OF SIMILAR USER.}
CONCHRIS: {v.o} Oh wow. That sucks.
CIEEIA: {v.o} But, I WANTED to know!
CONCHRIS: {v.o} Let's try Forest...
FOREST: {v.o} Do I get to blow my creator's brains out?
PROCESSING FUTURE FOR USER FOREST...... DONE! PROJECTING IMAGE...}
Forest
{Open to the ruins of Wikity, Forest clamours out of the wreckage that is presumably Conchris' old house.}
FOREST: I've had enough of hiding from the Mad Inventor's minions everyday! I'm coming for you!
{Forest runs off to the castle on the hill, which is where Sirhcnoc's Lair on a hill once stood}
{Cut to the inside of the castle, Future Conchris is busy tinkering with an off-screen robot as Forest blasts down the door. He turns around on his chair holding a robotic cat}
FUTURE CONCHRIS: Ah! Ms. Forest! I've been expecting you! {looks at the robotic cat} Isn't that right, Mr. Snoogums?
{The robotic cat gives off a robotic meow}
FOREST: I've had enough of your tyranny! I may have been a destructive robot back then, but I have evolved! I have become human-like! And I know what it's like to be oppressed!
FUTURE CONCHRIS: Then, I'm sure you'll understand why... WHY I'M OPPRESSING YOU ALL! I was... given the power to CONQUER Wikity, SOMETHING that our old "friend" had failed to do two years ago... When that man and his friend left me, I... tried to contain my insanity.... but no... it got worse and soon... SOON, WITHOUT ANYBODY TO REASON ME, I went insane and now... my dear Forest is how I became the TYRANT you see before you!
FOREST: {pulls out her arm cannon} Enough! I am sick and tired of seeing you hurt those poor people! I'm also sick and tired of chasing after you after you leave from place to place! This ends here!
FUTURE CONCHRIS: Oh yes, it does... for you see, I am planning to nuke this city from orbit! Oh yes, I'm evil...
FOREST: Shut up and fight me!
FUTURE CONCHRIS: Okay then... But first, I want to fight on... equal terms...
{The future Conchris presses a button on the robotic cat, it suddenly merges with its owner to create a suit of power armour. The armour has blue lines coursing through the entire suit. Future Conchris can be seen grinning}
FUTURE CONCHRIS: Go on then, if you want to try!
{Future Conchris fires off a blast of plasma energy, which Forest dodges swiftly and counters with her own plasma blast. The future Conchris dodges quickly and kicks Forest into the ground, he then proceeds to kick her swiftly until she blasts him off his feet, allowing her to get up. Forest charges up a shot and fires it at the Future Conchris just as he is getting up, knocking him back down onto the ground, looking very injured.}
FOREST: Look's like your reign of terror is about to end! Any last words?
FUTURE CONCHRIS: That was just the beginning.
{A beep is heard and future Conchris is enveloped by a light, he then proceeds to beat up Forest until they meet with a wall. He then knocks Forest into the air and onto the ceiling. Forest limply falls to the floor. The future Conchris looks over Forest and grins evilly but his grin is wiped off from his face by another one of Forest's blasts, charring his face completely. He stumbles back and reels in pain as Forest fires another energy shot at him, forcing him back to the ground.}
FOREST: It's over... It's finally over... goodbye.
{Forest fires off a large beam of energy, obliterating the future Conchris and his suit of armour. Forest falls over}
FOREST: {voice begins to fade} Finally... I can... rest...
{The scene fades to black. After a few seconds, the screen switches to static again}
CONCHRIS: {v.o} That's pretty cheesy.
FUTURE TELLER: {v.o} SHUT UP! MY PREDICTIONS DO NOT HAVE TO BE NOT CHEESY! WHO IS NEXT?!
{A sound of a door opening is heard.}
CONCHRIS, CRUROAR & CIEEIA: {v.o} Sirhcnoc and Greg?!
SIRHCNOC: {v.o} Yes, yes. I know you're surprised to see your neighbourhood villains here but, I thought I want to make a special occasion. May I sit down with you guys?
CIEEIA: {v.o} Sure, we have some spare seats you can borrow.
SIRHCNOC: {v.o} Thanks. So anyway, how have you all been?
CONCHRIS: {v.o} Oh, I was fine... until YOU showed up!
CRUROAR: {v.o} Should we trust you?
SIRHCNOC: {v.o} I'm out of ideas for villainy today! Besides, I somehow felt the need to come to your house.
CONCHRIS: {v.o} Okay, fine. You get to stay. Future Teller, what's Sirhcnoc and Greg's future like?
FUTURE TELLER: {v.o} I AM GLAD YOU ASKED.
{The screen suddenly turns black again}
Sirhcnoc and Greg: Villains turned ordinary people?!
{Open to an empty meeting room, a figure is watching a TV show}
MAN ON TV: Oh hey there! I didn't see you come in!
WOMAN ON TV: I just found out that you were cheatin' on me!
MAN ON TV: So what? Oh yeah, poor plot line, right.
WOMAN ON TV: I'm going to leave the show! And taking the kids with me!
{The woman walks away from the man with two children in tow, the man shrugs and drinks his beer that he had in his hand}
MAN ON TV: Typical soap plot.
FIGURE: Couldn't agree more.
{The door opens to reveal Sirhcnoc, he nervously walks in}
SIRHCNOC: Erm... boss? I've been... ordered to see you now...
FIGURE: Ah, yes.
{The figure turns around to reveal that he is Greg the Yffulf}
SIRHCNOC: Greg?! You're our boss?
GREG: Sirhcnoc?! You work here?!
SIRHCNOC: Well... duh?
GREG: I was throwing darts at people to see who I should call up but I didn't expect YOU to come up.
SIRHCNOC: Erm, yes, about that... there happened to be a... little accident with one of the workers... the pigeons escaped and they... and they are pecking him to death at this moment, so he gave me these ideas for a new toy.
GREG: Let me see them.
{Sirhcnoc hands the documents over to Greg, whom reads them over and puts them down, grinning}
GREG: This idea is amazing! No wonder I didn't think of that!
SIRHCNOC: Huh?
GREG: Clark! I mean, Sirhcnoc! This man's ideas for a new action figure is awesome! Even though that franchise had died years ago, 2010 to be precise!
SIRHCNOC: It does have laser vision...
GREG: Exactly! No wait! I see... a more bigger picture... it will have... lasers coming out of its armpits!
SIRHCNOC: WHOOOAAAA!
GREG: YEAH! We'll be rich as kings!
SIRHCNOC and GREG: {forced} Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
SIRHCNOC: So... when do we start production?
GREG: Tonight! Release the producto-bots! {pulls a lever}
{The scene fades to black as the robots are released from their tube prisons}
CONCHRIS: {v.o} That was odd...
SIRHCNOC: {v.o} Oh wow. That is the strangest thing I've ever seen all day...
{A sound of a door opening and then closing is heard, one second between each other}
CRUROAR: {v.o} Cieeia?! What were you doing out there?
CIEEIA: {v.o} I was- ACHOO! -clearing up the drive... the drive... the drive- ACHOO! -way! You boys need to help me next-next time... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha {laughter slowly turns into a coughing fit}
CRUROAR: {v.o} Cripes, are you alright?
CIEEIA: {v.o, croaky voice} Yeah, I'm {clears throat} alright now.
CONCHRIS: I was just thinking about Cieeia's future. Future Teller?
FUTURE TELLER: YOU GOT IT!
{The words "Future found for Cieeia Goldilin! Projecting image in 5 seconds..." appear for... well, 5 seconds before they fade into the black}
Cieeia's Future it hurts
{Fade into a flat (apartment, just to be clear for you American English speaking types), the future Cruroar is lying on a chair whilst future Cieeia is holding a notepad, writing down key points of what Cruroar is saying}
FUTURE CRUROAR: I swear, I felt... scared when I saw his face...
FUTURE CIEEIA: And what face would that be?
FUTURE CRUROAR: I don't really know. The face was... monotonous and... the eyes... dear god, the eyes...
FUTURE CIEEIA: Sounds rather creepy, if you ask me...
FUTURE CRUROAR: That doesn't end there... the thing... the-the apparition... it decided to... attack me and I tried to run...
FUTURE CIEEIA: And how were you feeling at that time?
FUTURE CRUROAR: I felt like every bone in my body had been crushed by gravity, I couldn't run very fast and that apparition was catching up.
FUTURE CIEEIA: Then what happened?
FUTURE CRUROAR: Then, I shot it with my conveniently placed gun... only to find that it was an ironing board...
FUTURE CIEEIA: You know, to tell you the truth, I kept seeing that thing myself... it sometimes appear in my dreams... usually when they become nightmares... I try not to let it bug me.
FUTURE CRUROAR: What do you suggest?
FUTURE CIEEIA: I kind of already said that I tried not to let it bug me... but I have another suggestion for you.
{The future Cruroar suddenly becomes nervous}
FUTURE CIEEIA: {gets up from her seat and walks over to the medicine cabinet, she pulls out a pill bottle and throws it at Cruroar, he catches the bottle and examines it} Take these.
FUTURE CRUROAR: What are they?
FUTURE CIEEIA: Tranquillizer pills. I know it may seem stupid but I think strange things happen when you get nervous. I mean, I heard of this one guy who would see things differently when he feels nervous, it's kind of scary.
FUTURE CRUROAR: Welp, I guess I must be off to start this case. Thanks for the help.
FUTURE CIEEIA: Don't mention it.
{The future Cruroar gets up and walks off, Cieeia looks at him as he leaves and then slumps down on her seat}
FUTURE CIEEIA: What a day...
{Pause}
FUTURE CIEEIA: I guess I should go out... now where did I put my shoes...
{The future Cieeia walks towards the closet and opens it, the Creepy Guy is behind it, he stares at her with its dark eyes}
FUTURE CIEEIA: GAH!
{The scene slowly turns to static as the future Cieeia turns to run with the Creepy Guy slowly walking towards her}
CIEEIA: {v.o} Oh wow...
CONCHRIS: {v.o} Boring! I only saw a SHEET that time... A FREAKING SHEET!
CRUROAR: {v.o} Shut up. I saw him too!
SIRHCNOC: {v.o} The... the... eyes... I CANNOT UNSEE THEM!
CIEEIA: {v.o} You saw him too?
CONCHRIS: {v.o} Wow, what a pussy! So much for being a VILLAIN.
SIRHCNOC: {v.o} Shut up. Now, this Future Teller looks like it has one more future to predict. Now who would it be?
CONCHRIS: {v.o} Well, as soon as the prediction is complete, this episode should end. Now who gets...
MR. PERSON: {sounds of glass breaking is heard as he speaks} Mine!
{The words "Future predicted for Mr. Person. Projecting image now..." appear for a few seconds before fading away}
{The static then fades to black}
Closing
{Open to a burning city, evil laughter can be heard in the background. Zoom in on the one remaining building, Mr. Person, or rather, Master Person stands on top of a burning building wearing a mad scientist's cloak.}
MASTER PERSON: This is delicious!
{Forest suddenly appears out of nowhere and kicks Master Person down the building, his screams can be heard in the background (although it slowly fades out of hearing)}
FOREST: No.
{Cue credits}
{Pause}
{Open to a rather crazy purple field, the words "ERROR! FUTURE PREDICTION MALFUNCTION! FAILED TO PREDICT PROPER FUTURE FOR USER "CHRIONROARZ!", Chrionroar appears in the background as a giant, grinning with two signs stuck to the side of his head. As he rises in the background, a small ball of signs is seen rolling on the ground, eventually hitting the camera, making it suddenly cut to a black screen with the word "END" on it}
