Conshow/48

Summary

...

Transcript

{Open to the base on the nameless planet - Lobby, Conchris is holding a remote in his hand. Cruroar walks in}

CRUROAR: What is that?

CONCHRIS: This is the remote... of destiny.

CRUROAR: It's not as fancy as it looks.

CONCHRIS: That's because it is a remote you idiot!

CRUROAR: {sighs} What do you plan to do with it?

{Conchris raises his finger and is about to press the first button}

CRUROAR: That doesn't involve my mom.

{Conchris glares at Cruroar as he presses the second button}

CONCHRIS: Since when did you predict people?

CRUROAR: Ever since I study the history of shows.

CONCHRIS: Fine, let's get this stupid intro rol-

{Cue intro}

{Open to Conchris' House - Basement, a robot suddenly activates and bursts out through the ceiling. He lands on the pavement}

ROBOT: {kid's voice, monotonous} Project Little Man activated. Acquiring name. {eyes turn into a loading symbol from the Wii Shop Channel} Name not found, generating... {pauses} Name generated. Name is now Hobs. Activating human controls... {voice stops being monotonous} Good morning world!

THE SUN: Why, good morning Timmy!

HOBS: My name is NOT Timmy!

THE SUN: Sorry, NOT Timmy!

HOBS: What should I do today?

{Cut to the base on the nameless planet, Cruroar now has a beard whilst Conchris looks rather skinny}

CRUROAR: Are we rescued yet?

CONCHRIS: Dude! Robots take time to start up!

CRUROAR: Are you sure that you activated the right robot?

CONCHRIS: I think I did...

CRUROAR: How many robots did you make down there?

CONCHRIS: Over...

CRUROAR: I'm sure that's not 9000.

CONCHRIS: Three.

CRUROAR: I thought it was two!

CONCHRIS: Yeah, I had a robot hidden from view. You never saw him.

CRUROAR: Him?

{Cut to Sirhcnoc's Lair on a hill, Sirhicnoc walks in wearing a business suit}

GREG: You're looking really... business-like today.

SIRHCNOC: Why thank you, kind creature.

{Greg looks at Sirhcnoc, confused}

GREG: Are you okay?

SIRHCNOC: Yes. I am alright.

GREG: O...kay... I want you to look at these plans. {hands Sirhcnoc a pile of blueprints, he flicks through each of them}

SIRHCNOC: These plans look pretty good for once. What should we use?

GREG: I say we use the giant robot.

SIRHCNOC: I don't think so... too ambitious.

GREG: Wasn't building the Sanity Shifter too ambitious?

SIRHCNOC: No.

{A Football (or a soccer ball) flies in through the window with a crash, Sirhcnoc looks out the window}

HOBS: Hey! Mister! Can I have my ball back?

GREG: It's just a little kid, ignore him.

{Sirhcnoc leans back in and turns to Greg}

HOBS: {in the background} HEY! LISTEN! HEY! LISTEN! HEY! LISTEN! {continues until Sirhcnoc looks out the window again}

GREG: So, Sirhcnoc, what will be your plan of choice?

SIRHCNOC: I say we use the giant tank.

GREG: Isn't that going over the top?

SIRHCNOC: Well, it ain't no robot, right?

GREG: It's unoriginal! We need an original idea...

{Greg pauses to think but is irritated by Hobs' yelling}

GREG: CAN SOMEBODY SHUT THAT KID UP?!

{Sirhcnoc looks out the window again}

HOBS: GIVE ME MY BALL BACK!

{Greg leans into view from the window and chucks the ball at Hobs}

GREG: SHUT THE {bleep} UP, YOU IDIOT!

{Hobs starts crying, despite there being no visible tears}

SIRHCNOC: Now look what you did, you made him cry.

GREG: He was being annoying! He's one of them things that just keep going until you pay attention.

SIRHCNOC: I say we take him in.

GREG: And what, get our lair destroyed?! Like the LAST time we took in some poor sap?

SIRHCNOC: That never happened to the viewers.

GREG: That's because our segments are always CUT!

{Greg puts on a serious face when he says "CUT!", pause}

SIRHCNOC: Bring him in.

{Cut to the base on the nameless planet, Cruroar is huddled in a corner as Conchris is trying to chop off his own leg}

CRUROAR: {shaky} What are you doing?

CONCHRIS: I'm trying to get something to eat.

{Cieeia walks in perfectly fine somehow}

CIEEIA: Oh my goodness! What happened to you two?

CRUROAR: Well, Conches over there is trying to eat himself.

CONCHRIS: I was going to eat you next!

CIEEIA: Err... you do know that you could get up and walk to the kitchen area?

CONCHRIS: I'm too lazy!

CIEEIA: You are not too lazy.

CONCHRIS: {tranced} I am not too lazy... Now I'm going to go now... {walks off}

CRUROAR: How'd you do that?

CIEEIA: Eh. I don't even know.

CRUROAR: {thinking} Quit playing stupid.

CIEEIA: I heard that!

CRUROAR: I forgot that our thoughts echo... somehow...

{Cut to Sirhcnoc's Lair on a Hill, Hobs is looking around nervously as Greg glares at him in the background}

SIRHCNOC: Hello there. I'm Sirhcnoc. What's yours?

HOBS: Hobs... Who is that? {points at Greg}

SIRHCNOC: Don't worry about Greg! He's just really annoyed at a video game at the moment.

GREG: I AM NO-

SIRHCNOC: I Wanna Be The Guy.

GREG: {whimpers}

SIRHCNOC: Let's take a tour around my lair.

{A funky beat plays in the background as a title screen slides down reading "WUC Cribz", it is then thrown off-screen by Greg and the music suddenly stops}

GREG: No.

SIRHCNOC: Why not?

GREG: Just... take him to the room with the Sanity Shifter...

{Cut to the Sanity Shifter room, Greg is at a computer as Hobs kicks the ball around}

SIRHCNOC: So, any ideas?

GREG: Well, we don't really need to do anything what with the mobile planet about to crash in episode 50.

SIRHCNOC: {backhands Greg} NO SPOILERS!

GREG: Ow! I think most of the people would've gotten that by now!

SIRHCNOC: Well, at least they don't know that Xavian will end up in a black hole if his plan goes awry.

{Hobs backhands Sirhcnoc}

HOBS: This is a really interesting slap. What does it do?

SIRHCNOC: Oww... I'm such a hypocrite...

GREG: Ha ha! You also fail at keeping spoilers a secret!

HOBS: I know something too!

SIRHCNOC: What?

HOBS: I know that one of my creator's robots will deal the finishing blow on Xavian!

SIRHCNOC: Creator? Wait a minute... That isn't a human child! That child is a robot!

HOBS: What?

SIRHCNOC: Don't play stupid with me.

HOBS: Oh yeah! I am a robot! Project Little Man to be precise.

SIRHCNOC: Little Man... You're Conchris' robot aren't you?!

GREG: I KNEW IT!

SIRHCNOC: Are you sure you're not SPYING for him?

HOBS: What?

GREG: Hmm... it seems he doesn't know anything.

HOBS: All I know that my creator is gone somewhere.

SIRHCNOC: That's cute.

HOBS: Can you help me find him?

SIRHCNOC: No.

HOBS: Why not? {puppy dog eyes}

SIRHCNOC: It's just... {sighs} Okay, fine. I'll help you find Conchris... even though I hate him.

HOBS: You hate him?

SIRHCNOC: Long story. Anyway, let's find him! {triumphant music}

{Cut to the base on the nameless planet's lobby, Conchris walks in with Cruroar and Cieeia perfectly fine}

CONCHRIS: Phew! I thought we were done for!

CRUROAR: Er... me too?

CIEEIA: I'm glad you boys actually did something other than sit there bored.

CONCHRIS: Yeah, I suppose so.

{Pause}

CIEEIA: When is that robot coming?

CONCHRIS: I don't know...

{Cut to a field of grass, Hobs is tied to a firework with Greg holding a lighter}

HOBS: Are you sure that this is a good idea?

GREG: Er... yeah! It is! I mean, in cartoons and the like, fireworks send you into space!

HOBS: Okay!

GREG: Three...Two...One... {the firework launches and explodes in the air} He's gone! HA HA HA!

{Hobs lands behind Greg}

HOBS: What are you laughing about?

{Greg suddenly jerks and turns around}

GREG: What the hell?!

HOBS: I can survive nearly everything!

GREG: Nearly everything, eh?

{Sirhcnoc walks in with a blueprint}

SIRHCNOC: Any luck?

GREG: Well, we tried to catapult him into orbit, we tried to send him to the Earth's core and we even tried send him flying with dynamite! Too bad you missed them because they were CUT!

{Pause, thunder begins to rumble}

SIRHCNOC: Storm's coming. Let's go...

{Lightning strikes Hobs as Greg and Sirhcnoc turns around, he suddenly turns into a heavily armed robot with several guns}

HOBS: {More mature voice} DIE!

SIRHCNOC: Wha? {turns around} OH CRAP! {dodges out of the way from an incoming laser blast}

{Greg starts running away like a sissy and cowers under a rock}

GREG: You're on your own!

{Rain starts pouring}

SIRHCNOC: This scene is totally not stereotypical!

{Hobs starts firing at Sirhcnoc in every direction, Sirhcnoc jumps behind a boulder and it explodes. Sirhcnoc starts to run away from the incoming projectiles as he rolls into a trench, he then peeks up behind it to see Hobs at the top of it}

HOBS: DIE!

{Cut to the base on the nameless planet's lobby, Cieeia is leaning on Cruroar's shoulder as a beeping sound goes off}

CRUROAR: What's that?

CONCHRIS: That's the insane robot alarm. It tells me if some Dr. Wily wanna-be reprogrammed one of my robots or if a robot has gone insane from lightning overdose.

CRUROAR: That's oddly specific.

CONCHRIS: I have an alarm for every occasion, like the Your Mom alarm.

CRUROAR: My mom is never going to appear on this show.

CONCHRIS: She will! And she'll be hot! Because there's a common law that...

CRUROAR: I know! Now, what robot has gone insane?

CONCHRIS: Project Little Man.

CRUROAR: Little Man?!

CONCHRIS: I was going to test him to see if he can survive in the outside world like a kid. Unfortunately, he is prone to turning into a freaking huge warbot if he is struck by lightning.

CRUROAR: Sounds... dangerous...

CONCHRIS: Is Cieeia sleeping or is she dead? She haven't spoken for a while now.

CRUROAR: She's sleeping.

CONCHRIS: Why am I asking? Oh yeah, I'm just worried that someone will die this episo- {head explodes}

{Pause}

CRUROAR: What the heck was that?

{Cut to a field, Hobs tries to punch at Sirhcnoc as he dodges around}

SIRHCNOC: There must be a way to deactivate him!

GREG: Try his back!

SIRHCNOC: How can I get onto his back?!

GREG: Err... how about the generic time freezing artifact?

SIRHCNOC: Of course! {pulls out an amulet and draws a figure 8 on it, freezing time} Alright! {runs around Hobs and presses the button on his back just as time begins to start}

{Hobs falls over and turns back into his original form, Sirhcnoc falls to his knees and tries to wake Hobs up}

SIRHCNOC: Hobs?! Hobs?!

HOBS: {eyes light up} Am I... dead?

SIRHCNOC: No... You're not.

HOBS: I'm sorry... I didn't mean to... attack you...

SIRHCNOC: NO! Don't die on me!

HOBS: I'm very sorry... Mr... Sirhcnoc... {eyes dim}

SIRHCNOC: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWHYAMICRYINGFORSOMEONEELSE'SCREATION!

GREG: That didn't make a coherent sentence, and besides, he's a robot. He'll be fine!

SIRHCNOC: Oh... {gets up and points towards his lair whilst triumphant music plays} To the lab!

{Batman style transition, Cut to the base on the nameless planet, Cruroar and Cieeia are now skeletons and Conchris pops in}

CONCHRIS: That was funny. I thought my head is going to explode aga- {head gets blasted off by a laser, pan over to reveal Forest}

FOREST: Shut the hell up.

{Cue credits}

{Fade into the control room in the base, Nydara is talking to Kylera}

NYDARA: We never got a line this episode.

KYLERA: I think the writer is going to get sued by the character equality corporation AND the originality company!

NYDARA: Ah well, his loss...

{They both pause to look at the screen}

KYLERA: What are you still doing here? Aren't you going to end this?

{Cut to a black screen reading, "END"}