Con email.wue/132

Summary

THERE IS NO USE FOR THIS ANYMORE!

Transcript

{Open to Conchris' House - Computer Room, Conchris casually walks in and sits down on the chair near the computer, he switches it on and double-clicks on Con_email.exe}

CONCHRIS: Green blood! Green green blood!

Dear Conchris,
Why do you con I?
Does you got any pros include cons?
Does you play the soccer?
Does you steal gems of museum? 
Answer questions,
Vicklas 

CONCHRIS: {reads the email like it is} {typing} Why do con I? Do I have any pros include cons?! Do I play the soccer?! What?! Do I steal gems of museum?! Vicklas, dude, as much as I like nonsense, this is taking it too far. You're going on my spam block list, Mr. Swedish Flag man! {A portal suddenly appears from the computer} What the?!

{A little person pops out of it}

PERSON: Come with us, Conches!

{Another person pops out of it}

PERSON #2: YEAH! Conches! It'll be fun!

CONCHRIS: No way. Am I on something? {pinches self} Nope.

PERSON: Come on Conches! Let's go to the magical kingdom of Happyland!

{The two people drag Conchris into the portal}

CONCHRIS: No. No, No. Stop it! AHH! {the portal suddenly shuts}

{Cruroar runs in brandishing a knife}

CRUROAR: Hello? Conches? Where are you? I just heard you scream. {looks around} Huh.

{Cut to a field, the sky is purple-pink, the grass is constantly changing colours and the sun has a goofy face on it. The hills are also constantly changing shape and size, Conchris suddenly appears}

CONCHRIS: Whoa! Where am I?

VOICE: Greetings mortal! I am the god of insanity! The email you have received has somehow triggered an insanity nerve in your system.

CONCHRIS: Insanity nerve? What?

VOICE: As of now, you are on the verge of insanity. If you fail my three simple tests, you will be forever insane! Cursed to wander the land and annoy those with your constant randomness!

CONCHRIS: And what if I don't?

VOICE: Well, that kind of defeats the point of tests... Oh wait... hang on... {shuffling of paper is heard} Ah! You will be trapped in my realm forever!

CONCHRIS: That sounds grim.

VOICE: Not as grim as losing your insanity.

CONCHRIS: GASP! I gotta hurry!

{Conchris runs across the hills and suddenly ends up in a field with trees full of apples}

CONCHRIS: Whoa, where am I now?

VOICE: If you can get past these delicious fruit, you can move onto the next test.

CONCHRIS: Sounds easy enough...

{Conchris takes a few steps forward and a bird from Ninja Gaiden flies out of one of them, it touches Conchris and he explodes. The screen fades to black for a while and then fades back in, Conchris is standing where he was}

CONCHRIS: What the?! I die when I touch ANYTHING?!

VOICE: Not necessarily everything, but still!

CONCHRIS: CRAP!

{Conchris quickly runs across the field, the bird from Ninja Gaiden appears and chases after him whilst the fruit falls from the trees, Conchris makes it to the end and quickly grabs the gun, closes his eyes and pulls the trigger at the bird. A bang noise is heard and Conchris is suddenly teleported somewhere else}

CONCHRIS: Now where am I?

VOICE: You are now in the hindrance test. You must grab one hundred purple coins...

CONCHRIS: Sounds easy enough.

VOICE: ...within a time limit...

CONCHRIS: Still easy.

VOICE: ...and make it back to this platform {a light shines on the platform that Conchris is standing on}. Also, the other platforms disappear forever when you touch them, so be careful.

CONCHRIS: WHAT?! What kind of trickery is this?!

VOICE: Luigi's Purple Coins.

AUDIENCE: {gasps}

VOICE: Quiet, you! Now, go.

{Conchris jumps across the platforms, grabbing purple coins and dodging the lava, he manages to grab a hundred of them and tries to run back, but he is stopped at the second to last platform as he realised that it's too far to reach}

CONCHRIS: DARN IT!

{Conchris hesitates as the platform disappears below him, he quickly stumbles back, runs and jumps onto the platform and then onto the glowing platform, he is then teleported somewhere else}

CONCHRIS: What kind of insanity inducing challenge is next?!

VOICE: This is the last challenge. Win and you'll be set free.

CONCHRIS: To be honest, I think the last challenge almost made me go insane from the difficulty.

VOICE: Ha ha ha ha. Next is the test of endurance. Can you survive the terrible maze of rings?!

CONCHRIS: Come on! Is that all you got?

VOICE: With horrible controls!

CONCHRIS: GASP!

VOICE: Good luck now! HA HA HA HA! {fades away}

CONCHRIS: Alright, I can do this...

{A timer pops up at the top reading "00:30"}

CONCHRIS: I can't do this!

{Conchris tries to fly through the rings but he keeps crashing into the wall, the screen fades to black and then back to the field again}

CONCHRIS: WHAT?!

VOICE: Did I forget to mention that you had to do them in a row?

CONCHRIS: This is insane!

{Montage music plays, Conchris continuously tries to fly through the rings but keeps teleporting back to the start, he then tries to be tricky but dies on the purple coins part, he then finally flies through the last ring and lands}

CONCHRIS: It over is?

VOICE: Almost, now you've got only 6 seconds to figure out what to do and prevent a car crash!

CONCHRIS: No oh!

{Conchris pulls out his laser blade and tosses the car away, he then grabs the other car and throws it at a wall, the wall explodes to reveal Sirhcnoc}

CONCHRIS: You!

SIRHCNOC: Pay no attention to the man behind the wall!

CONCHRIS: I'll pay attention to YOUR FACE!

{The camera fades to black as fighting noises is heard, Conchris is heard punching Sirhcnoc as Sirhcnoc screams for mercy}

SIRHCNOC: MY SPINE!

{Cut to Conchris' House - Living Room, Cruroar is watching TV and is surprised to see Conchris suddenly fly out of it and into a wall}

CRUROAR: Where were you?

CONCHRIS: I was in a place that is nondescript... Now, I need some rest... {slumps down onto the floor}

{The Paper comes down reading "Click email to here Conchris!"}

'CRUROAR: Something's wrong with the paper...

CONCHRIS: Cave Story...