Con email.wue/131

Summary

Conchris tries his best to suggest stuff but goes off-topic for a bit

Transcript

{Open to Conchris' House - Computer Room, Conchris walks in and blows the cobwebs off the computer, he then sits down and clicks on Con_email.exe}

CONCHRIS: E-mail is a good time for me~... E-mail is a good time for everybody~...

Dear Conchris,
I've been meaning to go to the theater for a while,
but I can't decide which movie to go see.
Could you help me to pick one to go to?
Strong Sader

CONCHRIS: {typing} Well, Stong Sad'r, I usually hate it when I'm given the choice of two movies that I'm curious about and I had to pick ONE. It's mind boggling to say the least. Now, I'm not much help in a way. What am I? An advice line?

{Cruroar walks in}

CRUROAR: Well, turning your email show into an advice show will TRIPLE the viewers.

CONCHRIS: To what? -5?

CRUROAR: You don't know your math, right?

CONCHRIS: I do know that one plus one is YOUR FACE! {throws the bookcase at Cruroar, crushing him}

CRUROAR: Ow...

CONCHRIS: Where was I? Oh yeah! {typing} While I can't easily suggest what you should see, I can suggest ways to help you help me suggest what you should see.

{Cut to a white space, several words fly down}

Lesson 1:
Reviews

CONCHRIS: {voiceover} Rrrrrreviews! They usually state the truth. Take this, totally not bribed reviewer of Thy Dungeonman: The Movie!

{Cut to a poster with a man in a leotard and the words "Thy Dungeonman: The Movie" below him}

REVIEWER: {voiceover} The characters in this movie are well developed. The scenes are hilarious and the reference to the internet is sure to get ratings! {whispering} Now where's my fifty bucks?

CONCHRIS: {voiceover} But that's only a test movie! Next would be..

Word of Mouth

CONCHRIS: {voiceover} With the way that words are spreading from mouths, you can't go wrong!

{Cut to The Streets}

CRUROAR: Hey! Aria! Haven't you heard? I heard that in Duck Movian, the Dumbleduck kills Snapduck!

ARIA: ARGH! THE SPOILERS! THEY BURNS!

CIEEIA: Duck Movian sucked! It didn't have the original voice actors from the cartoon!

'CRUROAR: Why are we ranting about original and voice actors?

CIEEIA: Because it's fun!

{Chrionroar drives in on a kart and runs over Aria}

CHRIONROAR: I LIKE PICKLE BUTTER! {crashes into a tree} My head smells like acorns! {tries to eat his own head}

CONCHRIS: {voiceover} Of course, as soon as the movie in question is a week old, you're never hearing of it again until the DVD comes out!

{Cut to Conchris' House - Living Room, the camera is pointing at the TV}

VOICEOVER: You've seen Duck Movian on the big screen, now watch it on the small screen! With useless features like games and deleted scenes! Only for 599 dollars! Buy now and you can get it on Blu-Ray! And UMD! And on TAPE!

CRUROAR: Duck Movian? That's over a week old.

CIEEIA: Yeah.

CONCHRIS: {voiceover} Again, remember that people can't ultimately decide what you can or can't watch. Unless they were strapping you to a chair but what's the odds of that?

CRUROAR: {voiceover} Uhh... Very high?

CONCHRIS: {voiceover} Who said you can get a line of dialogue in this voiceover?! Get outta here!

CRUROAR: {voiceover} You forgot to mention that all trailers always show the good bits and never the really bad ones.

CONCHRIS: {voiceover} Yeah, I was about to get to that! Finally, don't trust the hype. If you set yourself up for disappointment, then don't come crying to me!

{Cut to The Streets}

ARIA: The new Where's An Egg movie will be awesome! They say that it's got good graphics this time!

CRUROAR: Yeah yeah, sure. Go on.

{Cut to the same scene, 3 hours later, Aria walks back onto the scene, bored}

CRUROAR: So, how was it?

ARIA: Great...

CRUROAR: Great?!

ARIA: Great? I meant, boring. It didn't meet my expectations because I set it too high.

CRUROAR: Sure, whatever.

CONCHRIS: {voiceover} If you narrowed it down to two movies and you can't even decide, I suggest flipping a coin.

CRUROAR: {voiceover} Why leave the movie viewing down to fate?

CONCHRIS: {voiceover} Because fate is a fickle friend!

CRUROAR: {voiceover} And what about those book-to-movie and game-to-movie adaptations?

CONCHRIS: {voiceover} Meh, I never really go near those. You can view them at your own peril if you must.

CRUROAR: {voiceover} Should we stop voiceovering?

CONCHRIS: {voiceover} Sure.

{Cut to Conchris' House - Computer Room, Cruroar and Conchris are hovering over a crystal ball}

CONCHRIS: I suppose that could help.

CRUROAR: You have really useless advice, you know that?

CONCHRIS: I would hit you but I don't want to move from this chair. So, I'll let my legs do it.

{Conchris' chair rolls over to Cruroar and he kicks him off-screen}

CONCHRIS: Ah, the good ol' days of kicking stuff...

{The Paper comes down reading "Click here to email Conches!"}

CONCHRIS: Oh great! Now you're starting too?

Trivia

• The fake movie titles are all based on Videletrix games.