Con email.wue/130

Summary

Join the Nintendo Funclub today! No wait...

Transcript

{Open to Conchris' House - Computer Room, Conchris walks in and sits down}

CONCHRIS: It's been a while since I last touched this, let's see what I got...

Dear Conchris,
I find it hard to read,
everybody makes fun of me for it.
How do you suggest I cope
with this problem?
Yours, Mr. Person

CONCHRIS: {reads the email} {typing} Ha ha! You suck at reading! You sh- Oh wait, that's Forest's job. Nevermind, so, how does one cope with the promblem of not being able to read, eh Person? Well, first off, I'd like to suggest that you get reading glasses, it may make you look like a dork but they can help in SOME situations... You know what? I'm going to come over there and personally give you my suggestions!

{Conchris hops out of the chair and walks off, Chrionroar slides in and is about to eat the computer. Before he does this, cut to The Streets}

FOREST: {grinning evilly} So. You find things hard to read, eh?

MR. PERSON: Unfortunately, yes.

FOREST: Well, you suck at reading! You should throw yourself off the cliff! Besides, these kind of shows require basic reading skills, which is probably what you don't even have!

MR. PERSON: I most certainly do!

FOREST: Go back to reading baby books, Einstein!

MR. PERSON: Hey!

{Conchris walks in}

CONCHRIS: What the Ptargl is going on here?

FOREST: This idiot finds things hard to read.

MR. PERSON: This numbskull is insulting me on my reading skill!

CONCHRIS: Woah there! We don't ridicule people for reading skill!

FOREST: I do! I have been programmed to belittle anyone and anything with even the slightest flaw!

CONCHRIS: And I'm going to deprogram you. {throws a magnet at Forest, brief pause}

FOREST: I am not effected by magnets, you moron.

CONCHRIS: You're a moron!

FOREST: I don't take things personally!

CONCHRIS: Screw this! {picks up Forest and throws her off-screen} Now, Mr. Person. Mind if I share a few suggestions?

MR. PERSON: Like what?

CONCHRIS: I heard that using reading glasses may help. {forcibly places reading glasses onto Mr. Person} Now... {pulls out a book with the title "Wikity's Book of Quotes"} Read this.

MR. PERSON: {reading, slowly} "Well looking at it, to me, is the equivalent of you taking some hot chilli peppers..." {stops reading} Where'd you find this?

CONCHRIS: {suddenly dons a pirate outfit} I dunno. {suddenly takes the glasses off Mr. Person}

MR. PERSON: Hey! I was using those!

CONCHRIS: {is donning his normal outfit} Too bad! Next, we have {pulls out a magnifying glass} THIS!

MR. PERSON: How's THAT going to help?

CONCHRIS: It's going to help your mom win the world's worst reader contest! {a bag of money suddenly appears next to him} But seriously, take it. {forcibly jams the magnifying glass into Mr. Person's hand} Now, {pulls out the same book} read it again.

MR. PERSON: {reading, a bit faster than last time} "You idiot! Signs don't point to places so obviously! They just WANT you to think that!" {stops reading} Hey! It was a bit faster than last time.

CONCHRIS: Great. Now...

{Cruroar walks in}

CRUROAR: Hey guys, what's going on? Why isn't there any zany stuff going on in this email show?

CONCHRIS: I think the writer is going full throttle on that other show. I don't even know what it was called.

CRUROAR: You know, I think it was E-mail 125 when you said-

CONCHRIS: Silence, mortal!

CRUROAR: I'll silence you!

CONCHRIS: Here! Have this book! I hear it tastes like paper! {throws a book at Cruroar, he flies off-screen} Now, let's try... {pulls out a giant laser} LASER SURGERY!

MR. PERSON: No wait! {The laser fires at Mr. Person, it hits him and sends him flying} AHH!

{Timeswipe, the scene shifts to the hospital, Mr. Person is in a bed all bandaged up, Conchris walks in}

CONCHRIS: So? What was wrong?

MR. PERSON: Well.. YOU FREAKING BLASTED ME WITH A GIANT LASER!!!

CONCHRIS: Woah there! Cleanse the hate! We don't use more than two punctuation marks at the end of sentences anymore.

MR. PERSON: {sighs} How would making my eyes super acute help me read?

CONCHRIS: Read it! {shoves the same book from before in front of Mr. Person}

MR. PERSON: {reading, normal speed} I'm not gonna say it, because you're gonna google it, and get me sued. {stops reading} Awesome! From reading quotes, I have achieved my normal reading speed! Thanks Conchris.

CONCHRIS: I dunno if there is an unintended side effect to the giant laser though.

MR. PERSON: There is...

{Mr. Person points at Conchris and two lasers fly out of his eyes, sending Conchris off-screen}

MR. PERSON: THAT'S FOR NEARLY KILLING ME!

{The Paper comes down reading, "Click here to email Conches!"}