Conshow/8

Summary

Clark leads us through his boring daily life, or so we think.

Warning! This episode might contain minor adult themes. Caution is advised.

Transcript

{Intro sequence}

{Open up to Sirhcnoc's Bedroom in the lair, an alarm clock sounds and Sirhcnoc blasts it with a fireball, destroying it, he gets up and yawns}

SIRHCNOC: Ugh... another boring day...

{Greg comes in with a tray that is holding a bowl of cereal with the box that reads "eVil-Os! Evil filtered so it's full of evilicity."}

GREG: Good morning, master!

SIRHCNOC: Greg, call me Sirhcnoc for goodness sakes!

GREG: Sorry. I'm too used to calling you master, Sirhcnoc. Here's your breakfast.

{Sirhcnoc grabs the bowl and eats the cereal in one gulp, he places the bowl down}

SIRHCNOC: What day is it?

GREG: Friday, Sirhcnoc. You're needed back at Wikity Stadium, again.

SIRHCNOC: Great...

{Greg exits the scene as Sirhcnoc slides out of bed, he then slides to the bathroom, the door closes behind him}

{Cut to Conchris' House, Cruroar and Chrionroar are watching TV}

PROTAGONIST: Don't worry! I'll save you!

TYPICAL GIRL: HELP ME!

VILLAIN: I'LL KILL YOU! {fires a giant laser at the Protagonist and the Typical Girl}

CRUROAR: Wow, do you even know what show it is?

CHRIONROAR: Nopes!

{Cruroar grabs the TV guide and checks}

CRUROAR: Let's see... it's a show where the villain kidnaps the girl and the protagonist goes out on this epic quest to save her, this must be the final episode. What else is on... {turns the page on the TV Guide} Sweet, they brought in some new shows for the Wiki User channel. Maybe it's because they found that it would jack their ratings up even further with variety. Ha ha. Those guys. {closes the TV guide to notice that he is surrounded by bags of money} WHERE DO THESE BAGS OF MONEY EVEN COME FROM?! DOES THE WRITER EVEN SCRIPT IT IN?!

WRITER: I sure do, brah!

CRUROAR: Go die in a trench.

WRITER: Sure, brah! {disappears}

{Screaming is heard and Conchris comes in, with his hands on fire}

CRUROAR: {grins} Did someone replace the water with lava again?

CONCHRIS: I SWEAR IF I FIN-

CRUROAR: {points at Chrionroar} He did it.

CONCHRIS: GRRR! {lunges at Chrionroar}

{Conchris and Chrionroar start to fight offscreen, fighting noises are heard}

{Cieeia enters the scene}

CIEEIA: Cruroar, did you replace the water with lava?

CRUROAR: I sure did!

CIEEIA: Don't you think it's mean to do that?

CRUROAR: Check out Episode 6, he set fire to me with a solar gun!

{Words flash up on screen, they read "FOURTH WALL BREAKAGES: 1"}

CIEEIA: So what? I had to fight someone who wanted to kill me.

CRUROAR: I saved you though.

{Cieeia begins to look ridden with guilt}

CIEEIA: Fine. I'll overlook it just this once.

CRUROAR: Thanks! {to himself} I knew those classes of taking advantage of human emotions came in handy.

{Conchris walks onto the scene, beaten}

CONCHRIS: Well, that awesome fight didn't take long.

CIEEIA: What awesome fight? You two were just punching each other for two minutes!

CONCHRIS: You missed the part where I jabbed him in the cro-

CRUROAR: Conchris, that's enough information.

CONCHRIS: What? I was about to say Crow's nest.

{Pause, Forest comes in}

FOREST: What are you on about a Crow's Nest? Just because Microsoft Sam is epic for replacing crotch with crow's nest, doesn't mean you need to worship him. You idiot.

CONCHRIS: I wasn't worshipping him. Soi soi soi!

FOREST: Shut up! {blasts Conchris' head off with the arm cannon}

CRUROAR: Dude! You killed him!

FOREST: Sure, I only temporarily killed him. When somebody dies, they go on a respawn timer, after a while, they respawn.

{Conchris jumps back into the scene}

CONCHRIS: Forest, teamkilling is for n00bs.

FOREST: You're a noob.

CONCHRIS: That's not what SHE said. {grins}

FOREST: Oh. Way to insult me.

CRUROAR: Yeah, way to go dumbass! Thanks a lot! Way to insult a robot! I hope you die!

CONCHRIS: Oh... I didn't mean to...

FOREST: Shut up! I am going out of this house, {points at Conchris} away from you! {walks off}

CIEEIA: What's wrong with her?

CONCHRIS: Oh, when she was created, she decided to take me as some sort of authority. Of course, she had no mother, so she is usually insulted by remarks involving the non-existant mother.

CRUROAR: {grabs Conchris by the collar} THEN WHY DID YOU INSULT HER?!

CONCHRIS: Geez, I wasn't thinking okay?

CRUROAR: {drops Conchris} Great, so now we have to spend the entire episode getting Forest back.

CONCHRIS: Which means Clark won't get any screentime!

CRUROAR: Eh, he'll find a way.

{Cut to the Stadium entrance}

CLARK: {thinking} Fools, soon I will be the ones asking for tickets and YOU'LL...

MAN: Dude, are you giving us the tickets or not?

CLARK: One second... {hands the man five tickets} Here you go.

MAN: Thanks... {walks off with four others}

{The instructor walks up to the booth}

INSTRUCTOR: TWO TICKETS FOR ME AND MY FRIEND HERE! {points at Greg}

CLARK: Greg?! Instructor?! What are you two doing here?

GREG: We'll talk later, just hand us the tickets.

{Clark hands the two the tickets, they head in}

INSTRUCTOR: THANK YOU KIND SIR!

{Clark's watch sounds}

CLARK: Oops! My shift's over, at last. Time to hit the bar with my paycheck and spend every last dollar getting drunk!

{The Boss comes out}

BOSS: Here's your paycheck, go spend it on something useless. {hands Clark the paycheck}

CLARK: Thanks! {runs off}

BOSS: Ha ha. I wish I was young again!

{Cut to the bar, Forest is already present}

FOREST: Hand me another glass of wine, my good sir! {a glass of wine slides onscreen, Forest picks it up and pours some of it into the glass, she sips it}

{Clark runs in and sits on a stool}

CLARK: Give me the most expensive beer you got!

{The bartender gives Clark a bottle of "Super Cold Ones", he gulps it down and pays the bartender, he starts counting his money}

FOREST: Wait a minute, aren't you Clark? Clark, the pseudonym of Sirhcnoc?

CLARK: Yep, that's me. I can't believe I have five dollars left...

FOREST: Why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be planning the most craziest plan of all?

CLARK: Why don't you MIND YOUR OWN BEESWAX?!

FOREST: You know, I was just trying to make conversation, geez.

CLARK: Yeah, yeah. Whatever...

{Pause, Chrionroar flies on screen}

CHRIONROAR: Forests! We've been looking for you everywhere!

FOREST: Oh great, here comes the idiot parade. What do you want?

CHRIONROAR: Conches wants to apologise.

FOREST: Well, he can apologise to my fist! {punches Chrionroar, he doesn't get knockedback}

CHRIONROAR: Ha ha, you're too drunk to hurt me!

FOREST: Oh.. yEAH? {grabs the bar stool and hits Chrionroar over the head with it}

CLARK: OH NO! KILLER ROBOT! HEAD FOR THE HILLS!

{Everyone in the bar starts running away, excluding Chrionroar and Forest}

FOREST: I've been hoping to destroy the likes of you all this time!

CHRIONROAR: Can't we just be friends?

{Forest is about to punch Chrionroar again before Conchris bursts in}

CONCHRIS: Stop! We won't have any drunken brawling in this show!

{Cut to the streets, Clark starts to stagger down the street to THE GATES OF HELL Some Building, he opens the door and goes inside}

INSTRUCTOR: WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?! YOU WERE TWO HOURS LATE!

CLARK: Well.. {hic} You know, spending your money is a big time waster! He he!

GREG: Clark, remove that disguise at once.

{Clark takes off his hat to reveal that he is Sirhcnoc}

SIRHCNOC: I knew wearing a hat could conceal my identity! You owe me 50 dollars!

{Greg grudgingly hands Sirhcnoc the 50 dollars, whom happily takes it}

INSTRUCTOR: SO, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO TONIGHT, SIRHCNOC?!

SIRHCNOC: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD! {lightening starts striking} HA HA HA HA HA HA! HA HA- {record scratch} What?

GREG: So, anyway, we need some kind of plan to defeat them when the season finale rolls over.

INSTRUCTOR: I SAY WE KILL THEM IN THEIR SLEEP!

SIRHCNOC: I say we kidnap the girl... what's her name? Cieeia!

INSTRUCTOR: WHATEVER! MY IDEA IS BETTER!

GREG: Fine, we'll go along with Sirhcnoc's idea. We'll need...

{Cut to the streets, Conchris and Chrionroar are both injured and Forest is de-activated}

CONCHRIS: I knew she had an off switch somewhere!

CHRIONROAR: What shall we do nows?! Eat her?! {opens mouth gaping wide}

CONCHRIS: No. We don't eat her. I'll just flick through her memory banks and delete my offence from the record.

CHRIONROAR: YOU CAN DO THAT?!

CONCHRIS: Sure, why not?

{Conchris picks Forest up and holds her above his hand, he walks off with Chrionroar, cut back to Some Building}

GREG: And that was the meaning of life.

INSTRUCTOR: WELL, I KINDA KNEW THAT ALREADY!

SIRHCNOC: Interesting, and how will this help us capture Cieeia?

GREG: We could use the question to get her thinking and then knock her out and cage her into a cage hanging over boiling lava.

INSTRUCTOR: WILL THERE BE A MAGICAL BALLOON?!

GREG: Of course there is, there is always one floating nearby above lava falls. Ask that Luigi fellow...

{A phone rings, Greg picks it up}

GREG: Hello?

LUIGI: That's Mama Luigi to you, Greg! {wheeze}

GREG: That's nice. Bye. {hangs up} Any objections?

INSTRUCTOR: I HAVE ONE!

GREG: None? Good!

INSTRUCTOR: I NEVER GET HEARD!

GREG: Well, stop shouting. It hurts our ears.

INSTRUCTOR: NO!

SIRHCNOC: And when will we be doing this?

GREG: Episode 10! That's the season finale!

SIRHCNOC: Can't we just end this episode?

GREG: I don't think villains have the power to-

{Credit sequence, when it ends, cut to a black screen with the words "END"}