Con email.wue/126

Summary

Conchris lets Cieeia take the reigns for a while before realising that giving a fake character control over an email show is like trying to backstab a train, it's not going to work out so well.

Transcript

{Intro sequence, stop half-way where Cruroar interrupts}

CRUROAR: WAIT A MINUTE, THIS ISN'T THE CONSHOW!

CONCHRIS: Your mom's the Conshow! Nehahahahaha! {canned laughter from the audience plays}

CRUROAR: You're like a barrel of monkeys... Do you even get paid to use that joke?

CONCHRIS: {a bag of cash appears next to him} Yes.

{Cut to Conchris' Computer room, Conchris and Chrionroar are arguing}

CONCHRIS: YOU ATE IT?!

CHRIONROAR: Yep! Tasted like exploding pain too!

CONCHRIS: Spit it out.

CHRIONROAR: No.

CONCHRIS: Spit it out.

CHRIONROAR: No.

CONCHRIS: Spit it out.

CHRIONROAR: No.

CONCHRIS: JUST SPIT IT OUT ALREADY! {Does a heimlech manoeuvre on Chrionroar, causing him to spit out the slightly damaged Owndy 777, which then lands on the desk}

CHRIONROAR: Ow...

CONCHRIS: That's what you get! {clicks on Con_email.wue} I'm surprised that this computer is still running. Let's see...

Welcome Conchris!

- Grow a bigger pen size today! - [email protected]
- This Diet Plan actually works! - [email protected]
- About Cieeia... - [email protected]
- This is true! You must forward it to 214493 people! - [email protected]
- Not a rickroll - [email protected]

CONCHRIS: Wow, they actually updated the email client? Your body can update things?!

CHRIONROAR: Yeah!

CONCHRIS: That's absurd... Whatever, let's see what this email is... {clicks on "About Cieeia..."}

Dear Conchris,

What's up with Cieeia? Why come she
don't get her own show? She seems like
she deserves some recognition.

Eat a steak,
Skully B.

CONCHRIS: WHAAAAT?! Cieeia not getting enough respect andslashor lines?!

{Cruroar walks in}

CRUROAR: Well, the writer does use us more than her, I think it's fair she gets her own chance to shine for once.

CONCHRIS: An all-female cast email?! That's impossible! I would rather backstab a train than do that!

CRUROAR: Didn't a crazy french sounding guy do that and got killed?

{Cut to the Train Station, a man in a suit sneaks up behind the train}

MAN IN A SUIT: This will be the last time you'll see me. {raises knife}

{The train suddenly grows eyes and arms and punches the man away}

TRAIN: AIN'T NOBODY TOUCHING THIS {bleep}!

{Cut back to Conchris' computer room}

CONCHRIS: Okay... That was a weird cutaway.

CRUROAR: Just give her a chance, how about we leave and go somewhere off-screen whilst we let her run the show for once.

CONCHRIS: That's the worst idea I have ever heard... {Cruroar puts on a sad face} I LIKE IT!

CRUROAR: But y-

CONCHRIS: Sure, the writer doesn't use characters from off-screen! We'll go to the mall and hang out off-screen!

CRUROAR: But isn't there a rule forbidding us from doing so?

CONCHRIS: That didn't stop Zippy.

CRUROAR: How about you temporarily become the obligatory wiki user saying something every 10 lines? It worked for Wikihood and it will work here.

CONCHRIS: I dunno... It sounds awkward.

CRUROAR: Let's get out of here...

{Cutaway from Conchris' Computer Room, Cruroar is now standing near the computer with Cieeia}

CRUROAR: Right, we'll be going off-screen for a couple of emails, we need you to answer any future emails.

CIEEIA: But wouldn't that upset the balance?

CRUROAR: No, Conchris is going to be the obligatory wiki user saying something every 10 lines. You have nothing to worry about.

CIEEIA: What about you? {clutches onto Cruroar} Don't leave me...

CRUROAR: Fine. I won't leave but Conchris is going away for a while.

CONCHRIS: Hey! I heard that!

CRUROAR: You take Chrionroar, Conchris, and go to the mall for a few emails in this season!

CONCHRIS: Fine, I'll leave... But you will regret this decision. But, okay. I'll leave.

{The Paper comes down reading, "Click here to email Conchris... Err... Umm... Who is the main character now?"}

CIEEIA: What does he mean by regret?

CRUROAR: This decision won't hurt the viewership... right?

{A viewer count appears at the bottom, it starts counting down from 1,000,000 to 0}