Con email.wue/125

Summary

Check the main page, I can't be bothered for now

Transcript

Chapter 1 - Time Paradox, too?

{Fade out to Conchris' computer room, Conchris walks in}

CONCHRIS: {clicking on Con_email.exe} There better be an email for me, or else.

Welcome Conchris! You have one new message!

CONCHRIS: What is it?

Dear Conchris,
I think a time paradox happened. I dunno why
but I felt it.

Anyway, the second or third season's beginning involved fourth wall breaking, right?
Apparently, Streth Dead came back and went back in time to destroy one of the main characters.
If you don't act now, this email show as we know it could be erased!

- Mr. Person

CONCHRIS: Wow, way to send me an email, Mr. Person you fake email sendinator! Meh, Email shows don't work as well as they used to. I might as well rip something off and travel to the first email and destroy the computer that started this all...

{Conchris pushes a button on his wrist and he disappears, Chrionroar comes in}

CHRIONROAR: Hellote? Anyones there?! Oh well. {picks up the Owndy 777 and eats it} Yum yum! Tastes like delicious pain!

{Cut to the beginning of email 61}

CONCHRIS: How many emails were there?

subject:house

Dear Conchris,
Some moron blew up our house.
Please help us,
Strong Sader and Gilbert.

CONCHRIS: {in a mocking voice} Oh! What's next? Somebody blows up Homestar's and the others?

subject:NONE

Dear Mr. Chris,
We are sorry to inform you that due to
budget cuts we have to blow up Homestar's,
as well as several other character houses.
Sorry for the inconvenience,
Your producer~

CONCHRIS: A NO NAME BRAND EMAIL?! Who wants to blow up Homestar's and several other characters' houses? This sounds bad... OH! I've got an idea but... that will make it a 10 lined email and That Guy Named Several People will complain! Oh no...

CHRIONROAR: {crashes through a ceiling} OH MY GOSH! Did you just break the Fourth Wall?

CONCHRIS: Fourth what?

CHRIONROAR: FOURTH WALL, YOU IDIOT!

CONCHRIS: Since when did you get less insane?

CHRIONROAR: Ever since the Author re-named me!

CONCHRIS: AH HA! You've broken the fourth wall!

CHRIONROAR: Aye, but I'm created to do fourth wall breaks.

{Conchris teleports in}

CONCHRIS: Wait! Don't do what I think you're about to do!

PAST CONCHRIS: Who are you?! Why do you look like me? Why am I asking too many questions?

CONCHRIS: This email show will die off at email 125, you'll have no place to go from there!

PAST CONCHRIS: That's stupid! We only have material for another bunch of emails, so why should I worry?

CONCHRIS: People will turn their attention elsewhere, such is the fact of life.

PAST CONCHRIS: What? I'll lose all my viewers in the future... all five of them?!

CONCHRIS: Unfortunately, yes.

PAST CONCHRIS: Wait... I have a new idea, we should start a Wiki User Show! That's never been done before!

CONCHRIS: It has in the future, so basically I'll be jumping on the bandwagon.

PAST CONCHRIS: But that doesn't make any sense, you're me and I'm you...

CONCHRIS: Yes, you see. There will be email droughts in the future, there will also be a purge that will cause you to move and make five more emails before Con_email.exe finally collapses from exhaustion and you put its lights out by going back to the first email to end it forever.

PAST CONCHRIS: That sounds so vaguely correct. I find this acceptable! Now what do you want?

CONCHRIS: I'm going to solve this with words, will you stop answering these emails?

PAST CONCHRIS: No.

CONCHRIS: You brought this upon yourself. {pulls out an axe}

PAST CONCHRIS: Now wait a minute, if you kill me, that means you're committing suicide!

CONCHRIS: I will? I never thought of that... {smashes the axe into the computer, it explodes, leaving a charred area from where it had been}

PAST CONCHRIS: WHY'D YOU DO THAT?!

CONCHRIS: It's so that this email show will end almost immediately after I depart. {slowly starts to disappear} Sweet! Realm of forgotten characters, here I come! {poofs out of existance}

PAST CONCHRIS: Wow, apparently in the future, I'm an idiot... So... anyway...

{Streth Dead comes out of the charred ashes of the computer}

STRETH DEAD: YOU MUST DIE! FOR I AM A POORLY SCRIPTED VILLAIN!

CONCHRIS: So what? I'll defeat you anyway. I'm off to W1K1, bye! {teleports off}

STRETH DEAD: Dang it...

{Conchris mysteriosly reappears}

CONCHRIS: DARN! I thought this email show will end in an unoriginal ending of me hanging myself somehow. I must think of a way... wait a minute! Perfect! {teleports off}

{Cut to the Regenerator room seen in Email 105, the time period is set to Email 1, Conchris teleports in}

CONCHRIS: Alright! Now it's time to end this in a bang! {Conchris puts on a :well: face and the regenerator explodes} I HAVE NO REGRETSssss!

{Cut to the present, glitched words starts appearing in Conchris' house, Cruroar comes in}

CRUROAR: Great, Conchris is screwing with time travel. Time to depart... {opens a portal and stuffs Cieeia, Mr. Person, Sirhcnoc, Fluffy Creature, Aria, Forest, Chrionroar and Old Man inside, he then steps into the portal, it then closes, cut to inside the portal}

COOKSAR BAKER: Do I know you?

CRUROAR: No.

FOREST: Why did you shove us into this purgatory?! Is this just so that we could avoid the purge?!

HOMSCHOOL WINNER: I'm just waiting for the HRFWiki purge to flow over.

CRUROAR: Great, now we have to go on a recovery adventure to bring back Con_email.wue. WHO'S WITH ME?!

{Conchris pops in}

CONCHRIS: Me.

CRUROAR: Wait a second, I THOUGHT YOU DIED?!

CONCHRIS: The author still has me backed up on record, you can't get rid of me that easily.

CRUROAR: Whatever, let's go...

THE ADVENTURE OF RECOVERY COMING SOON

Chapter 2 - The Adventure of Recovery

{Fade out to the Valley of Lost Characters, Conchris and Co. walk along it, Chrionroar curiously pokes his heads out the tress in the background}

CRUROAR: Woah. Woah. Woah. Hold on for a second. We're going to start a wiki user show?!

CONCHRIS: According to my sources, the number of viewers I will have will skyrocket to ten!

CRUROAR: Ten isn't even a big amount you moron.

CONCHRIS: Your mum's a moron! OH SNAP! {snaps a rubber band in Cruroar's face}

CIEEIA: Stop it you two! Also, what's that big tower in front of us?

{Cut to the outsides of the tower, scary music starts playing as the camera pans up to the top, cut back to Conchris and co., who are staring at it with wide eyes, except for Conchris}

CONCHRIS: Meh, I've seen bigger.

CRUROAR: What, like Giant Cherries?

CONCHRIS: No. {A giant cherry flies at Cruroar, making him explode, he comes back a second later} So, anyway. We need to get inside this tower.

CIEEIA: {points at the door} Why don't we go in through the door?

{Cut to the door, Conchris walks on-screen}

CONCHRIS: I never knew that towers even have doors, it's a breakthrough!

{Cut to inside the tower, a shadowy figure awaits the characters coming in through the door}

SHADOWY FIGURE: I was expecting you, Conchris.

CONCHRIS: Gasp! It's my number one enemy!

{Cut to the control room, a strange man floats above a throne surrounded by emoticons working, a title appears below him reading "Streth Dead"}

CONCHRIS: Wait a minute, I thought you were dead!

STRETH DEAD: Not quite. But when you destroyed the regenerator, you sent all the villains and characters to the realm of forgotten characters. In this realm, I am so forgotten it's crazy and I have gained total power. And I will use it to destroy you.

CONCHRIS: So what? All the other secondary characters from the old seasons are forgotten too. Don't you know?

STRETH DEAD: Whatever, but I will be the last thing you'll ever see...

{Epic fighting music starts playing, Streth Dead picks up Conchris and chucks him through a door way with the words "Fight Arena" written above it, cut to the arena, Conchris lands on the ground and gets up, pulls out his laser blade and readies himself}

CONCHRIS: I swear, if this fight gets 4Wimps'd, I will cry myself to sleep every night.

STRETH DEAD: {floats in} Whatever...

{Streth Dead teleports behind Conchris and throws him up in the air, he punches him several times before dishing out a blow that sends Conchris down into the ground. Conchris gets up and notices a glowing ball beside him}

CONCHRIS: Wait a minute! I recognise that! That's the Smash Ball! I can use it {The ball disappears} to... {screen goes darker} Uh... Help?

STRETH DEAD: {grins} Don't worry, my smash only hurts AFTERWARDS!

{Streth Dead's cloak blows over Conchris, a slash light appears and Conchris is sent flying again}

CONCHRIS: I SHOULD'VE AIRDODGED THAT! {smashes into a wall, a percentage appears below reading 9002%} Ow... My damage percentage is over 9000, I need to stop referencing random memes.

STRETH DEAD: {off-screen} Now to finish you! HA!

{Streth Dead runs across the arena but trips up}

STRETH DEAD: DARN! I forgot that my laces were untied! I should've flied instead! But no! I had to run! {Conchris sneaks up on him whilst he complains} It's epic and whatnot, finishing off a main character whilst running! But uh... Wait... what's that ticking noise?

{Music stops, a ticking noise is heard}

CONCHRIS: I have implanted a pipe bomb inside of your neck, you will explode after I leave this room.

{Conchris walks away but Streth Dead grabs at his legs}

STRETH DEAD: But I won't let you get away that easily!

{Streth Dead throws Conchris up in the air again and starts slashing at him with his own laser blade, Conchris falls down bruised}

CONCHRIS: Ow... I'm starting to feel the afterhurt of that final smash. {A Smash Ball appears again} Mine! {Smash Ball disappears into Conchris} Alright! Now I can fly to the top of the screen to pull it off!

{Conchris flies up to the top of the screen and whips Streth Dead over to him, he snatches the laser blade off of Streth Dead and kicks him off-screen}

STRETH DEAD: THAT'S CHEAP! {disappears}

{Conchris starts to fall down wearily to the floor but before he hits the ground, a spring noise is heard}

CONCHRIS: {wearily} Thank goodness for that conveniently placed trampoline...

FOREST: {walks on-screen} You'd better be glad I saved your miserable life, or else this email show will cease to exist.

CONCHRIS: Just get me a doctor.

{A medic comes on-screen}

MEDIC: Did somebody call ze doktor?!

{Brief pause}

CONCHRIS: Are you even qualified to be a doctor?

MEDIC: Nein!

CONCHRIS: Then get out of here...

{The medic walks off, dejected}

MEDIC: {to himself} I'll never get ze uber now...

FOREST: Well done, you have rejected your only chance of recovery. But since you're the main character, I will have to carry you.

{Cut to the control room, Forest comes in lugging Conchris}

FOREST: I saved your stupid friend. {throws Conchris on the floor, Conchris groans} Now can I have my own show?

CRUROAR: YOU FOOL! The show was a lie! {zoom in on Cruroar} WA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

{Brief pause, cut back to the control room, Cruroar retains his laughter pose}

CIEEIA: You're creeping me out...

CRUROAR: Sorry. But we need to find a way to stop randomly referencing things and bring back the email show in one fell swoop.

{Conchris gets up, still injured but he speaks normally somehow}

CONCHRIS: I have a suggestion, I suggest we {pan over to the giant red button} push the button over there.

CRUROAR: I will! {Cruroar throws Forest at the red button, she lands on the button and falls down}

CRUROAR: So, now what?

{The screen suddenly glitches and the scene changes to a hill looking over Wikity}

CRUROAR: So... what now?

FOREST: You fail at trying to reuse the same question, leave this show and never come back, you idiot!

CRUROAR: You're an idiot.

FOREST: Uh, hello? I am a robot with the ability to access the internets, I know how to speak LOLCat, you can't because you fail, epicly.

CONCHRIS: {gets up} Alright! We're back!

CIEEIA: How could you recover so quickly?

CONCHRIS: You see, this hill overlooking Wikity is telling us something. {Zoom in slowly on Wikity, triumphant music plays} It means that we're going to start afresh, anew with the same wacky characters but we will no longer be chained by the faces of evil and the faces of emails. This is Conshow.

{Pause, Cruroar looks at Conchris oddly}

CRUROAR: That's the worst name I have ever he-

{Cut to a black screen, credit music plays, several names fly by before resting on "Conshow - Coming Soon, Maybe!"}

Writer: Conchris
Characters:
Conchris as Himself
Cruroar as Himself
Past Conchris as Himself
Past Chriornoar as Himself
Chrionroar as Himself
Cieeia as Herself
Forest as Herself
Some Guy as Streth Dead
Random Emoticons as :D :( :) >:D D:

Thanks to:
All the readers who stuck by this email show
All the people who actually edit the inbox
Nintendo for making Super Smash Bros. Brawl the game that wastes most of my time
Homestar Runner for inspiring me
Several Webtoons for inspiring me

No Thanks to:
Chicken
Trolls
Nobody

Conshow - Coming soon maybe!

CRUROAR: {off-screen} I hate you so much...

{The Paper comes down reading, "Click here to email Conchris."}