RiffText/RTOD/Bling Emails/Recipes

Summary

Cooking? Oh Dan...g. OH DANG!

LIGHTNING GUY: I thought you were going to say "Oh Danish!"

NOXIGAR: "Oh, Danish! I've gone and riffed these awful riffs backwards yet again!"

Transcript

BLING: Email...

GRUNDY: EMAIL...

1-UP: EMAIL...

ALL: EEEEEEMAIIIIIILLLL!!!!!!

subject: pie

Dear Bling,
Do you like pie?
What is your favorite flavor of pie?
- Tommyspud

BLING: Hmm... Pie... {cell phone rings, Bling answers it} Hello? Yes? Uh huh, that's me. Okay. Yes. Yes. I understand. Alright. Bye. {hangs up} Guys, I have some news.

LIGHTNING GUY: It's finally over. Finally!

GRUNDY: Uh oh. W-what is it?

BLING: I'm kicking you two out of the show.

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh. I guess that'll work, too.

1-UP: WHAT?!! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!

BLING: I can and I will. The show's only being broadcast in Wiki City now, so, I don't need you two.

GRUNDY: Are-are you saying you only kept us here so you could follow 1.6?

LIGHTNING GUY: Badly, I must add.

NOXIGAR: You say that as if any Wiki User Email or Other Character Email actually followed that rule expertly. None of them did.

BLING: Yep. Pretty much.

1-UP: You can't fire us! We quit! {storms out}

GRUNDY: HMPH. {follows 1-up}

LIGHTNING GUY: A dramatic departure will make you no less unemployed. More pathetic? Maybe.

NOXIGAR: Correct me if I'm wrong, but how does resignation make someone "more pathetic?" This is especially odd, since resignation looks better on a resume than being outright sacked.

{1-up and Grundy can be seen via the window walking away}

BLING: And now for this. {presses a red button beside the Gongy}

{a mushroom cloud can be seen via the window}

LIGHTNING GUY: This kid is going to grow up to be a serial killer

NOXIGAR: Even John couldn't resist the Columbine joke.
NAMINE: I don't think that was trying to reference Columbine.

or something.

BLING: Hehehe. {typing} My flavorite flavor of pie? Well, it's hard to put into words, so I'll show you!

{cut to a kitchen. Bling is standing behind a counter wearing a chef's hat}

BLING: It's easier to cook if I do this. {transforms into teenage form} Good. Now then, {Bling gets out what he says} First you take a pie crust, three apples, a peach, two bananas, a mango, a cup of subspace, and a cup of milk. {gets out a large bowl} First, you pour the subspace into a large bowl, followed by the milk. Now, mix them together. {does so. everything he says he will do} Then, cut up the apples, the peach, the bananas, and the mango. now, the subspace and the milk will need to be put in a blender, and then set on puree. blend them until it's a lavender-colored creme. Now, pour the creme back into the large bowl, and mix them with the fruits we cut up. Now, pour the mixture into the pie crust. put a pie crust on top of it, and bake it with hellfire for one minute. {blasts the pie with hellfire via his hand}

LIGHTNING GUY: Congratulations. You can read a cookbook.

NOXIGAR: So could Strong Bad, but you weren't complaining then.

{cut to a while. There are now numerous pies on the counter. Bling is cutting them up into slices and putting them on the plates}

BLING:{takes a piece} If anybody in the audience wants a piece, go ahead and take one!

LIGHTNING GUY: There would never be an audience for a show like this.

{numerous people runs onscreen, take pieces of the pie, and run off}

LIGHTNING GUY: That wasn't an audience. That was a bunch of homeless people who smelled pie.

BLING:{is eating the pie} I learn-Mmph-learned this from-Mmph-Im a bell. He used to-Mmph-feed it to me when I-Mmph-was a little child. Mmph.

LIGHTNING GUY: You stopped eating it, though, when you realized it was causing your explosive diarrhea.

NOXIGAR: {sneers} I think the main laxative would've had to be the cup of subspace for this joke to be even remotely amusing.

{pan out and rotate camera angle spanning over an audience. the word "bling" appears onscreen. it is golden, Bauhaus 93 font, and is rotated 45 degrees.

LIGHTNING GUY: Specifics are important.

NOXIGAR: Jokes are additionally important.

an announcer can be heard saying ""bling" will be right back." the screen fades to black. cut via static back to the computer}

BLING:{typing} It's good pie. You should try it.

LIGHTNING GUY: The explosive diarrhea is awful, though.

{the paper comes down}

Fun Facts

Real-World References

• The "bling" stuff is a reference to various daytime television shows generally aimed towards women.

Inside References

• the Bauhaus 93 font and the cut-via-static are common on Homestarrunner.com.

Easter Eggs

• Click on "try it" at the end to have this note pop up;

Pie Recipe:

Ingredients:
1 cup milk
1 cup subspace
1 peach
1 mango
2 pie crusts
2 bananas
3 apples

Procedure:
1. Cut up fruit
2. Blend milk & subspace
3. Mix with fruit
4. Pour into pie crust
5. Put second pie crust on first
6. Bake 1 min with hellfire

NOXIGAR: Someday, I'm going to want to make this recipe.

NAMINE: I hate to break it to you, but I'm pretty sure "1 cup subspace" is not real.
NOXIGAR: I'll find something to replace it. Maybe some chocolate.
NAMINE: Do you even like bananas, though?

NOXIGAR: I'm sure I can replace the bananas as well. I don't know what with, though.