RiffText/AruseusEmails/megaman

Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus...at many ages, Van, Jewel Man, Concrete Man, Tornado Man, Splash Woman, Galaxy Man, Hornet Man, Plug Man, Magma Man

NAMINE: Oh, right. Megaman 9. How could I forget?

Places: Aruseus' Room

Computer: SkyPod

Date: September 25th, 2008

Transcript

ARUSEUS: {singing} M-A-I-L, that spells mail, throw an E before it and shake your tail...if you have one... {clicks the email icon}

subject: Megaman

Dear Aruseus,
Soup?
Have you ever played Megaman? It's a good game.
From Alms

ARUSEUS: {typing, sarcastic} No, Alms. I've never played Megaman before in my entire life. Now I should go shoot my- {yelling} OF COURSE I HAVE YOU IMBECILE! I've followed the adventures of the blue bomber since I was a wee boy.

{Cut to a montage playing Okkuseman}

NAMINE: Fun Fact: Okkusenman is the worst rendition of Megaman 2 Wily Stage 1 to ever exist. It's so terrible I managed to dislike MM2 Wily Stage 1 just because of this replication.

{a young Aruseus is playing Megaman 1}

ARUSEUS: Sweet!

{a slightly older Aruseus is playing Megaman 2}

ARUSEUS: Die, Wily!

{a slightly older Aruseus is playing Megaman 5}

ARUSEUS: WHY, PROTOMAN?! WHYY!?

{a slightly older Aruseus is watching the Ruby-Spears cartoon}

ARUSEUS: {quietly singing} Super fighting robot...Megaman!

{a slightly older Aruseus is playing Megaman X}

ARUSEUS: Woo!

{a slightly older Aruseus is playing Megaman Zero}

ARUSEUS: Yay.

{a slightly older Aruseus is playing Megaman ZX}

ARUSEUS: Eh...

{Present-day Aruseus is playing Megaman Battle Network}

ARUSEUS: Urgh...

{Aruseus is looking at Megaman Starforce, he tosses it offscreen}

ARUSEUS: It's jut not the same anymore...

NAMINE: Let me guess, it was "cool" to loathe MMBN and MMSF back then?
NOXIGAR: Yeah, it was. The other Megaman variants are indubitably better, but BN and SF seem okay. The only reason I can assess Battle Network is because I watched a Let's Player named RoahmMythril who's actually pretty cool.

{Cut back to the present}

ARUSEUS: Wow. Yeah, it just ain't the same...however, there's...

{The SkyPod displays the Megaman 9 title}

ARUSEUS: MEGAMAN 9! After 11 years, good ol' Rockman is back. Anyway, in celebration of this game, I decided to interview the robot bosses! They should be here in a moment.

{doorbell}

ARUSEUS: Looks like it!

{Van runs by with a shotgun}

VAN: REVEEEEEEEENGGGE!

ARUSEUS: Aw crap-

{gunshot}

CONCRETE MAN: HOLY CRAP! HE JUST SHOT JEWEL MAN!

VAN: WHO ELSE WANTS SOME?! {gunshot, falls over}

JEWEL MAN: I'm ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

ARUSEUS: Sorry guys. So...welcome, let the interview begin.

{Cut to a round table, Aruseus is sitting with the 8 robots}

ARUSEUS: Ok, sooo...Jewel Man, tell me about yourself.

JEWEL MAN: I'm going to kill that guy who shot me.

GALAXY MAN: But he already-

JEWEL MAN: SHUT UP!

ARUSEUS: So...Concrete Man? What's been up with you?

CONCRETE MAN: Oh, you know...building dams...

ARUSEUS: Tornado Man, tell me something about youself.

TORNADO MAN: I'm a more badass Harpuia.

NAMINE: What?

ARUSEUS: Galaxy Man?

GALAXY MAN: {singing} I believe I can flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...

ARUSEUS: Ooookk....Hornet Man. What is up with those big combs?

{Hornet Man is holding two giant combs}

HORNET MAN: These?

ARUSEUS: {facepalm} Magma Man...please say something good.

MAGMA MAN: Something good.

ARUSEUS: PLUG MAN! STOP EATING MY DOUGHNUTS!

{Plug Man has a brown smudge on his face}

PLUG MAN: {mouth full} What doughnuts? {belches}

ARUSEUS: Splash Woman, what's it like being the first female Robot Master?

{Splash Woman is flopping like a fish on the floor}

ARUSEUS: Godammit.

{The Paper}

NAMINE: And the episode's abrupt end prevented this from improving.

What you didn't know

THIS EMAIL CONTAINS A CROSSOVER

NAMINE: A botched crossover, at that.