RiffText/AruseusEmails/ib2

Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus

Places: Aruseus' Room, Kitchen

Computer: SkyPod

Date: September 3rd, 2008

Transcript

ARUSEUS: Okay! I'm home alone, Tom's out shopping, Van and Lucas went out to a club, and Wolf flew off to fight Fox.

NAMINE: Well, anything to get rid of the living props when you don't need 'em, I guess.

You has 8 new messages

ARUSEUS: This calls for moar

NAMINE: more
NAMINE: "moar" stopped being funny in 2007.

inbox cleaning! {clicks the email icon}

subject: Popcorn

Hey Aruseus!

I like Popcorn, and mine fell on the ground, will u get me a new one?

-Poppy

ARUSEUS: {typing} Listen, Poppy McTire. Popcorn can be bought at a grocery store, so get off your lazy ass and go get some more!

{Aruseus sends the email}

ARUSEUS: Ok, next up.

subject: Bread!!!

Der Aruzeus,

In A.D. 2101, war was beginning. What happen? Somebody set up us the bomb. We get signal. What! Main screen turn on. It's you!! How are you gentlemen!! All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction. What you say!! You have no chance to survive make your time. Ha Ha Ha Ha .... Captain!! Take off every 'ZIG'!! You know what you doing. Move 'ZIG'. For great justice. Mila He! Mila Hoo! Mila Ha! Mila Ha Ha! Raise a fleshdar, Numa Numa Yay! Numa Numa Yay! Numa Numa Numa Yay! Stinkodarshee, Rocko Slodding Day! I’m impresed, Day Yogi Bye-ar! Choclate Rain! History crashing through your veins. Choclate Rain! Dinner! Instructions Book! All Toasters Toast Toast!!! MUHAHAHA!!! YOUR COMPUTER HAS CAUGHT A VIRUS!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

-Vy Rus

NAMINE: Is this making fun of memespew or genuinely trying to annoy Arceus with it?

{Aruseus stops at "What happen" and reads the rest as "overused memes" then reads "MUHAHAHA!!! YOUR COMPUTER HAS CAUGHT A VIRUS!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!"}

ARUSEUS: {sarcastically} OH NO! MY SKYPOD HAS BEEN INFECTED WITH THE "THIS EMAIL SUCKS" VIRUS, WHICH DELETES SUCKY EMAILS ON CONTACT!

TRASHED!

ARUSEUS: Trashed? What happened to "deleted?" Hm...must be new.

NAMINE: You must be new here was a meme back in 2008.

Oh well, next.

subject: Like Children enough to do

Yo! Aruseus!

Tell me all your thoughts on God. 'Cause I'm on my way to see him! Tell me all your secrets now! And, Am I very far!

IMA CHARGIN' MAH LAZAH,

Counting Blue Cars

P.S. If you translate this, There's a 25% Chance that you get a free trip to New York City!

{Aruseus reads "IMA CHARGIN' MAH LAZAH" as "overused meme"}

NAMINE: At least Arceus' attitude on overused memes from 2007 and early 2008 is consistent. It'd probably also make those MFT3K guys drool- wait no they'd justify themselves with saying he's just being a 2008 hipster or something.

ARUSEUS: Sheesh. What's with all the memes? Anyways, I'm not Catholic, I'm Protestant. Also...well...DELE...TRASHED!

TRASHED!

ARUSEUS: Why should I care about my thoughts on God? Everyone thinks he's cool and awesome anyway.

NAMINE: Religion is too mainstream for Arceus. And this is CNN.

So...next.

Dear Aruseus,
12

ARUSEUS: ...12? I guess 12 is the lucky number for TRASHED!

12!

ARUSEUS: Ok. So far, nothing but suck.

NAMINE: I agree. Nice reactions, too.

Stimate ciudat tip,
Nu mai vorbi româneşte?
De la,
Liame

ARUSEUS: ...and illegable

NAMINE: illegible

suck.

TRASHED!

Hey my nam is jujube

Noid like to pawty

ARUSEUS: ...and more suck.

TRASHED!

ARUSEUS: NEXT!

Hello!

I just flew a plane all the way over here from oralina, an over 4000 mile flight, to enter in a card tournament that was announced 5 minutes ago! See ya!

Hardhat runner

ARUSEUS: {typing} Um...ok. Have fun and don't die. NEXT.

Hi, ryan!

I need to stop a plane fight soon. What would you suggest I do? I DONT WANT ANYONE HARMED.
Thanks for the help,

Nicholas

ARUSEUS: {typing} I suggest you DEAL WITH THIS YOURSELF. WHAT THE HELL DO I LOOK LIKE, A THERAPIST?!

{Aruseus turns off the SkyPod}

ARUSEUS: Well, that's all. Now I have to find something to do for 4 lines.

NAMINE: And just when the episode was actually starting to have good writing, it reverts back to its natural state of total mediocrity.

{Aruseus walks off, cut to the Kitchen}

ARUSEUS: Ok...so... {holds up a slip of paper} 2 cups milk, one bag of pudding mix. Ok.

{Aruseus pours said things in a bowl}

ARUSEUS: Mix it, for 4 minutes, and then let it cool.

{Aruseus takes the bowl and starts stirring it. He walks over to the calender.}

ARUSEUS: Hm...what's going on this week OH DAMN RYAN'S BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP.

{The Paper}

ARUSEUS: I need to get ready. {Runs off}

NAMINE: I get the feeling that information was totally relevant for the next email episode. If it isn't, then I shrug.