RiffText/AruseusEmails/pokemans

Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus, Cyndaquil, Wolf

Places: The Boardwalk,

Computer: E-Mach 1000

Date: August 3rd, 2008

Transcript

ARUSEUS: Aruseus paces back and forth, with a laptop reinforced, gotta gotta get out of this town, gotta check that email now.

{Aruseus clicks the email icon}

Subject: Starter Pokemon

Hello Aruseus
To meet Pokestandards, you must have a starter Pokemon.
Choose between Chikorita, Cyndaquil, or Totodile.
To be a pro, I suggest Chikorita. The starters will normally be male, but breeding them is simple.

Sincerely, Professor Oak

NOXIGAR: Oh, I remember this episode! I think I tried to write one as Professor Oak.
NAMINE: Eh, at least you tried to make this series better by being one of the email senders. Props, I guess, to you, Chwoka, and Skull B. for trying.

ARUSEUS: {typing} Wait...what? Pokestandards?! Man, they're thinking of new rules these days that suck. But hey, if I have to I will. Give me a Cyndaquil.

{A Pokeball falls on Aruseus' head}

ARUSEUS: OW! WHAT THE HELL?!

{A Cyndaquil pops out of the ball}

CYNDAQUIL: Quil!

ARUSEUS: Y HALLO THAR.

CYNDAQUIL: Quil... {nudges against Aruseus' leg}

ARUSEUS: Yes, that's my leg...

CYNDAQUIL: Quil!

{Wolf walks in}

WOLF: Hey, Aruseus!

ARUSEUS: Hey! Have you met my Cyndaquil?

{Cyndaquill growls and then lunges at Wolf, closeup on Wolf's upper body, where you can't see anything below the elbows, a bite is heard}

WOLF: G...g...guh...

{Zoom out to see the Cyndaquil biting Wolf's tail}

WOLF: AAAAH! GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF! AAH! GODDAMNIT!

ARUSEUS: Woah...

{Cyndaquil returns}

ARUSEUS: Nice going there, buddy. I think I'll like you.

CYNDAQUIL: Cyndaquil!

ARUSEUS: I'm gonna call you...Cynder.

CYNDER: Quil! {jumps into Aruseus' arms}

ARUSEUS: Hehe...now get back in the ball...

CYNDER: Quill!

{Cynder returns to his ball}

ARUSEUS: Heh...I'm gonna like this guy.

WOLF: I'm not. That little punk bit me in the butt!

ARUSEUS: Oh, shaddup.

WOLF: I swear all I do on this show is-

{Aruseus snaps his fingers and a Mr. Weight falls on Wolf}

WOLF: GODDAMNIT.

{The Paper}

NAMINE: I have no comment.

NOXIGAR: How come?
NAMINE: On one hand, the episode is short, and it goes absolutely nowhere other than the obvious Fire starter pick, which was bound to happen.
NAMINE: On the other hand, the Cyndaquil bit Wolf and was enough of a character such that it had more depth than even Arceus himself, despite its actions being minimal and the writing being lazy.
NOXIGAR: Ah. Hm, I'm not sure if another email was sent by me or not. I'll keep that in mind when I go through these myself.

NAMINE: {slight chuckles} Don't.