RiffText/AruseusEmails/plans

Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus, Wolf, Ryan, Dan

Places: The Boardwalk, The Shorehouse, The Arcade, A Barm, The Beach

Computer: E-Mach 1000

Date: July 5th, 2008

Transcript

ARUSEUS: I don't know how I got this job, I'll never ever stop, so I'm checking the email tonight!

{Aruseus clicks the email icon}

subject: dumb plans

Hey, Aruseus!

What was one of your dumber plans? I mean, not like your plans haven't been dumb, but...

Don't hunt me down and shoot me, Skully B.

NAMINE: Okay, now I see why Arceus Emails stopped being riffed by MFT3K.

ARUSEUS: {typing} Ok. This will be a total riot for you, DoomBuggy. All of my dumb plans were made yesterday. All during Independence Day, I made the stupidest desicions of my life.

{Cut to the Shorehouse, Aruseus is drinking several bottles of vodka}

ARUSEUS: {voiceover} First of all, I got drunk.

ARUSEUS: Yeah, baby! That's the stuff... {hic} Hostess...

NAMINE: Why did there have to be references completely and utterly out-of-context?!

{Aruseus falls over}

ARUSEUS: {voiceover} The next stupid thing was when I was at the arcade. I was still drunk.

WOLF: Err...you ok?

ARUSEUS: {drunk} Ya know something? You amaze me, Fox.

WOLF: DON'T EVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN.

ARUSEUS: {still drunk} Shaddup, you stupid...fur- {Aruseus pukes offscreen}

WOLF: Ick.

ARUSEUS: {voiceover} We got booted out that day, but I got to keep the tickets.

NAMINE: I'm guessing the words "Come back when you're sober" weren't said by management?

The next thing was when we were at the bar.

{Cut to a bar on the Boardwalk. Aruseus and Ryan are at the counter}

ARUSEUS: {drunk} You seem a bit...young for this, Brentilda.

RYAN: I'm 20, you're 19, so we're both breaking the law.

ARUSEUS: Shaddup. {punches Ryan}

RYAN: You...just started a barfight.

ARUSEUS: I said SHADDUP! {kicks Ryan offscreen} Damn furry...

RYAN: Did you just bash yourself?!

NAMINE: I don't know. Did he bash himself?

ARUSEUS: {voiceover} But here's what really got me sober. When we were at the beach lighting fireworks.

{Cut to the Beach at night.}

DAN: Check this out, Ryan. {Dan throws a match into his saxaphone and blows into it. A firework shoots out of the end and launches to the sky}

RYAN: Dangerous, but cool.

ARUSEUS: {drunk} Here we go...

{Aruseus tosses a match onto a firework and takes out a bottle of vodka. He starts to chug it until the firework launches and tears the arm with the bottle clean off of his body}

ARUSEUS: {sober} AAAARGH! AMBULENCE! 911! GAAAAAAH!

{Cut back to the E-Mach}

ARUSEUS: {typing} And that is why I never drink on the Fourth of July again. Fortunately, they re-attached my severed-by-firework arm at the hospital. Anydangway, I'll wrap this up.

{The Paper}

Fun Facts

• Aruseus references the Hostess slogan.
• According to ALXX, furries are a more simple term for anthromorphic animal. Aruseus technically is a furry, despite the fact that he insulted himself when drunk.

WARNING!

DO NOT DO WHAT DAN DID WITH THE SAXAPHONE AND THE FIREWORKS.

NAMINE: First of all, it's saxophone
NAMINE: Second of all, what's to stop me, Strong Bad, Homsar, or anybody else from playing the saxophone while a firework is lodged in it? The only reason it harmed you was because you managed to position yourself in such a way as to get your arm lopped off.