RiffText/AruseusEmails/deoxys

Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus, Wolf, Good Deal Dan, Ryan, Deoxys, Pretztailfan

Places: The Boardwalk, Shorehouse, Beach, South Arcade

Computer: E-Mach 1000

Date: July 1st, 2008

Transcript

ARUSEUS: {singing} This was a triumph...I'm checking an email, HUGE SUCCESS.

NAMINE: I don't think quoting Portal was funny ever, but that might just be me.

{Aruseus clicks the email icon}

subject: Missing Deoxys

Dear Aruseus,

My legit Deoxys in Speed Form disappeared.
Can you find him for me? And if you find a
red Pokeball with black outlining, can you
return it to me with Deoxys in it?
You see, Strong Bad stole my Deoxys, so he'd
be more than happy to teach Strong Bad a lesson.

From,
Pretztailfan95

P.S. Be careful, he won't obey very well, and he's at lvl 50.
He knows Psycho Boost!

ARUSEUS: GOD DAMNIT. WHY DO I HAVE TO GO BACK TO STRONG BAD.

NAMINE: Here's the true answer: You don't have to.

NAMINE: You said so yourself a few emails ago. Shoehorned Homestar Runner references are no longer a thing you have to do.

NAMINE: In fact, you could have ignored this email and moved on to the next one. You're particularly talented at going from one email to the next without any semblance of resolution to the email you blatantly skipped.

{typing} So...you lost your Deoxys, eh? And your asking me to find it? Hold on. I have to tell the others.

{Aruseus closes the E-Mach, cut to the Shorehouse. Wolf, Dan, and Ryan are watching TV.}

ARUSEUS: Hey guys. You doin' anything?

WOLF: If re-runs of Family Guy count, then yes.

NAMINE: Family Guy was only ever funny when its main protagonist was getting the shit beaten out of him by a giant chicken.

RYAN: Man, this is boring. I've seen this episode, like, 500 times.

ARUSEUS: We're going on a Deoxys hunt then!

RYAN: Sounds fun. But first we need some chase music.

{Ryan snaps his fingers, and Flight of the Bumblebee plays}

RYAN: No.

{Ryan snaps his fingers again, and the music in the Super Mario World episode where Mario and Luigi have to find baby Yoshi who's wandering in King Koopa's castle}

NAMINE: That doesn't help me understand what the hell you're trying to play as music.

RYAN: DEAR GOD NO.

{Ryan snaps his fingers AGAIN and the Benny Hill theme plays}

RYAN: HELL YEAH.

NAMINE: Oh, no! I'm sorry, Ryan. The correct answer was "HELL NO." But, you still win this over-hyped yellow SUV. Too bad it is now your enemy.

{A montage with the song playing begins, cut to the Beach. There is a net sticking out of the sand. Deoxys floats by}

WOLF: {muffled} Gotcha!

{Wolf jumps out but misses while Deoxys flys away}

WOLF: DAH!

{Cut to the South Arcade, Deoxys is playing DDR. Aruseus trys to tackle it, but it flys away}

ARUSEUS: ARGH! Missed it.

GAME: FAILED.

ARUSEUS: Shut up, you.

{Cut to Ryan walking under a carboard box, Snake style. He is following the Deoxys}

{Ryan steps on a rock}

RYAN: OW! Why don't I ever wear shoes?!

{Deoxys turns around and notices Ryan. The MGS "notice sound" plays, and Deoxys flies away.}

{Cut back to the Boardwalk}

ARUSEUS: Any luck?

{Pan to Ryan, his foot is bleeding a bit}

RYAN: My foot...

WOLF: Nope. Notta chance.

{Saxaphone music is playing}

WOLF: Is that Dan?

{Music stops, and Dan walks in with a red and black Pokeball}

WOLF: You didn't.

DAN: I did. All because you guys don't play music.

NAMINE: Good job, Dan. You managed to succeed by not being colossally cheesy.

RYAN: I can play guitar, but I left it at home.

{Prteztailfan walks in}

PRETZTAILFAN: Thanks, Dan! Here's a bag of cookies!

{Dan takes the cookies with delight while everyone else's jaw hits the floor}

DAN: YAY! Thanks!

ARUSEUS: But...but...

RYAN: I wanted a cookie...

NAMINE: Too bad. You failed, and the anticlimax actually managed to be slightly humourous because of it.

{The Paper}

NAMINE: I actually smiled when Dan won the bag of cookies.