RiffText/AruseusEmails/IOU

Cast {in order of appearance}: Ryan, Aruseus, Jamie, Megan, Tom, Wolf {easter egg}

Places: Aruseus' Room, Computer Room, Jamie's Garage, Megan's House, Cheap as Free XBox Games

Computer: E-Mach 1000

Date: May 12th 2008

Transcript

{Black screen}

RYAN: {narrating} It's been 2 years since the attack on Free Country USA, the day when the evil king almost conquered the world. This email show is about a man whose friend gave his life to save them all. Everything has changed amoung him and his friends.

NAMINE: We really don't need this exposition. For one thing, it's not really grammar-savvy.

{Fade to a view of each of my old characters scrolling by}

RYAN: Accidents have happened, conflicts arose, one went homeless, and one got a job at a...deli?

{Fade into Aruseus' new house}

RYAN: That one man, after the separation of all of his friends, moved away. There he met new people, new friends, new stars of Fake Character Email Aruseus.

{Fade into Aruseus' room, he is asleep on the bed}

ARUSEUS: {waking up} Day two of my new life, and I still miss my friends. If Fang didn't die, than this would've never happened. Well, I gotta face the facts. All of my other friends that are not a part of The Aura Chronicles are gone.

NAMINE: {imitating Arceus} Because I chose to have them all bugger off instead of at least writing to them using the very message system I employ for the purposes of humouring a bunch of people.

{Cut to the Computer Room}

ARUSEUS: Well, I guess it's email time. {Clicks the email icon}

subject: I. Need. Some.

Aruseus.
You owe me money.
Give me it and a Xbox game.
A guy you owe money.

ARUSEUS: {typing} Wait, what? I don't owe anyone anything! This is bull honkey! Well, I guess I'll give you your stinking money so you don't bug me.

NAMINE: This email was one you could've deleted and nobody would care. Especially since it's coming from a guy who claims you owe him an XBox game when you could care less about Microsoft.

{Aruseus opens a "pocket," which is actually a flap of fur, he takes out a soggy five-dollar bill and a penny}

{Namine retches.}

ARUSEUS: Well, I got 5 dollars and a cent. Joy.

{Jamie walks in}

JAMIE: You could just run a paper route. That's how I'm saving up for my motorbike.

ARUSEUS: Really? How's it going?

JAMIE: Well... {pulls out a calculator} I make...

NAMINE: You make how much now?

and the bike is...I've got $35,360 to go.

NAMINE: I'm fairly certain that you forgot to factor your bills into that equation.

ARUSEUS: I need help. I need to give this guy money and an Xbox game.

JAMIE: Borrow my bike. Break it and I'll tear out your heart, rip your head clean off and drink the sweat with a bendy straw.

ARUSEUS: OK!

{Cut to Aruseus riding the bike down the road, he's throwing papers}

NAMINE: A semicolon makes me not have to tie Noxigar to a chair in order to get him to stop going berserk from the numerous grammatical errors made in Arceus Emails.

{Cut to Megan's House, Tom and Megan are playing Brawl}

ANNOUNCER: The winner is...Toon Link!

TOM: NOT AGAIN! Jeez! That's like the 43rd time I've lost!

MEGAN: I'm just that good!

NAMINE: Alternate and more realistic scenario: Tom is just that bad at videogames. That is the true punchline, after all.

{A glass-break noise is heard and Tom is hit with a newspaper}

TOM: DAH! {falls over}

MEGAN: You ok?

TOM: Yes...newspapers aren't that blunt.

{Cut to Cheap As Free XBox games}

ARUSEUS: I'll buy this one.

{Cut back to the E-Mach}

ARUSEUS: {typing} There you go, Guyman. I got you your Sonic Next Gen. Now play it and enjoy it, or I'll rip out your esophagus, feed it to you, and give you a mind crush.

NAMINE: Congratulations. You met a loophole with Sonic 2006.

{The Paper comes down}

ARUSEUS: Wow, haven't heard that in months.

Easter Eggs

• Click on "Guyman" and Wolf will pop up and say:

WOLF: I'm not actually in this episode...where's my lawyer?

NAMINE: Pretty certain that you don't need one for not being included in something. After all, you've already wasted your breath in several other episodes before Season 3 started.