RiffText/AruseusEmails/star

Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus, Tom, Homestar

NAMINE: Well, the episode is called "starring aruseus" for a reason, I guess.

Places: Computer Room, Tom's Room, The Field

Computer: E-Mach 1000

Date: January 31st, 2007

Transcript

ARUSEUS: Well, SSBB's out in Japan now. Gotta wait 38 days...I'll check an email to pass the times.

NAMINE: You can check more than one to pass the times. You've done that, you know.

{Aruseus clicks the email icon}

subject: tv show

Hey, Aruseus;
You desperately need to get more fame. Might I suggest starring
in a commercial or tv show?

- Zippy

ARUSEUS: {typing} Um...Hello? Email 8? Email 28? All those emails where I was in a commercial or epic movie? Or BOTH!? Get with the times!

NAMINE: You mean those times I deliberately blocked out of my head after watching them, because they were so forgettable and awfully written?

{Aruseus clears the screen}

ARUSEUS: {typing} Well...you may be right. Maybe another movie or TV thing wouldn't hurt. I think I'll look for another email.

NAMINE: Yay, another email!
NAMINE: The episode's still shorter than it should be, but at least he checks more than one email this time!

Subject: your own sitcom?

Dear Aruseus,
If you had your own sitcom,
what would be like?

- NOT Pete Windsor

ARUSEUS: Bingo! This is perfect! {typing} You see, Zip? I'm gonna makes me a sitcom! {runs off}

NAMIME: I bet the news headline for it reads, "Worse than Big Bang Theory: Aruseus Makes Sitcom Inadvertently Insulting Intended Demographic"

{Cut to Tom's Room}

TOM: And just WHAT are you doing?

ARUSEUS: I'm-a gonna make me a sitcom!

TOM: Why? Everyone knows sitcoms are just boring live-action TV shows involving love and dramatic crap.

ARUSEUS: But, this isn't live-action!

TOM: Yes it is!

NAMINE: No it isn't.

ARUSEUS: But we're freakin' cartoons!

TOM: True...

NAMINE: That's not why this isn't live action, albeit given Ryan Bluefox was a moderately talented animator, the fact this was a cartoon probably is still something to note.

ARUSEUS: What would it be about though?

NAMINE: It could be about a boring email show inspired by Strong Bad, which ultimately fails to do the exact same thing.

TOM: I dunno...I got it! Erm...promblems with...game systems.

ARUSEUS: PERFECT! Where'd you catch such a good idea?

NAMINE: Penny Arcade, Ctrl Alt Del, PvP; basically any old video-game-based webcomic had that premise of "be a sitcom about video game-related scenarios."

TOM: I looked in your inbox.

ARUSEUS: Well, let's move.

{Cut to The Field, Tom is offscreen, only his hand is visible. He is holding a sign saying "Aruseus' Crappy Sitcom thing"}

NAMINE: Acknowledging something is bad, especially on purpose does not justify its existence.

ARUSEUS: What a day. I wonder if anyone is having trouble with their game systems or something! {waits for about 5 seconds} I said, "What a day. I wonder if anyone is having trouble with their game systems or something!"

{Pause}

ARUSEUS: That's your que!

NAMINE: queue

HOMESTAR: {offscreen} Oh. {runs on} The disk slot on my Wii is flashing blue! What have I done wrong, o humble master of Nintendo appliances?

ARUSEUS: Well, Ein poltegeist, that means you've...erm...LINE!

TOM: {offscreen} Put a disk in...

ARUSEUS: Put a disk in. See?

HOMESTAR: Thank you, O Nintendian One! I will go fix that!

ARUSEUS: Ok. May the force be with you.

TOM: Are we done? This thing sucks.

ARUSEUS: Yeah. Paper?

{The Paper comes down}

TOM: How the!?

NAMINE: Pretty sure the Paper's been there. And a tad inconvenient and lazy.

Fun Facts

• Email 8 was "cereal" and email 28 was "movie".
• Homestar's line is actually an email Homfrog sent.
• "May the force be with you." is a Star Wars reference.
• January 31st is the release date for Super Smash Bros. Brawl in Japan.