RiffText/AruseusEmails/differentbody

Cast (in order of appearence): Aruseus, Kyubii, Homestar, King of Town, Strong Mad, Fang, Tom

NAMINE: For once, I am at least partially familiar with all of the cast. Their appearances will not be confusing now!

Places: Computer Room, Kyubii's Room, White Screen, Strongbadia, The Field

Date: June 8, 2007

NAMINE: Do these happen every week or every two weeks?

Computer: Taily 400

Transcript

{Cut to the Computer Room, the A-Tech 950's screen is static, Aruseus is constantly bumping the side of the computer with his hand.}

ARUSEUS: Why won't the A-Tech work?

NAMINE: "Oh no, I broke my computer again!"

{Kyubii walks in}

ARUSEUS: Hey, Kyubii. I need a favor.

KYUBII: Yea?

ARUSEUS: Can you take over this email? You have a computer.

KYUBII: That's true, but, why can't you just use mine?

ARUSEUS: The A-Tech needs me and I don't want to leave it alone like this.

NAMINE: The A-Tech's personality actually doesn't like you. Why would you not leave it alone? That's probably what it wants anyway.

KYUBII: Whatever.

{Cut to the interface of Kyubii's computer, the Taily 400.}

KYUBII: Ok. Let's get this trainwreck a-rollin'.

NAMINE: Oh, it's already a train wreck alright. Now leave the train and stop being Unbreakable.

{Kyubii types, "run_arumail.exe"}

Subject:pie?

Dear Aruseus,
If you could change your body in any way or
have a different body than the one you have now, what would
you have?
Um,
A guy.

KYUBII: {typing} Oh wow. I don't really know. There could be many things I could wish for. Hmm...

{Cut to a white screen, Kyubii is on it}

KYUBII: Well, one change I might make is that my hind legs would be replaced by wheels. You know, so I could go fast, maybe faster than that blue spiky porcupine thing...

NAMINE: You mean Sonic, right?

{Kyubii's hind legs turn to wheels, and Kyubii darts off the screen with a "va-room" sound}

KYUBII: Oh! Or maybe I could have robot claws for arms, so then I'd be like one of those horse-man guys, with four legs and two arms.

{Robot claws appear near Kyubii's neck area, and start clamping.}

{Cut back to Taily}

KYUBII: {typing} But most of all, if I could do anything with my body...

NAMINE: Anything? Can you get through Crazy Gadget Zone in less than three minutes?

HOMESTAR: Hey! Where's the Aruseus at?

KYUBII: Homestar! Get out! I'm filling in for him!

HOMESTAR: Right. So uh...you want to know-

KYUBII: No.

NAMINE: Uh, Kyubii - you probably interrupted Homestar from saying something unintentionally funny.

HOMESTAR: Okay. {runs off}

{Kyubii returns to the email}

KYUBII: {typing} I would... {stops typing} Aw, crap! Homestar made me lose my train of thought.

HOMESTAR: It's right here!

{Homestar throws a wooden train at Kyubii}

NAMINE: Aruseus Emails: Literally A Train Wreck

KYUBII: OW! GET OUT! Now where was I? {typing} Oh, yeah! I would basically be one of those jar heads like on that show with the redhead...in the future...

{Cut to KOT Castle, Kyubii's head is in a jar}

KYUBII: {voiceover} And I would get someone to place me in people's houses to annoy them to no end!

{The King of Town walks past Kyubii}

KYUBII: Hey, oldie! You have a spot on your robe!

KOT: Wha?

NAMINE: That's not annoying. That's confusing.
NOXIGAR: I am the expert on confusing and annoying people.

KYUBII: {voiceover} And the rest of me would get a nice life of luxury.

{Cut to Strongbadia, the fence has a sign that says, "Strongbadian Resort". Kyubii's body lays on a lawnchair, Strong Mad walks by with a tray with a Thai Iced Tea}

STRONG MAD: I GOT YOU THIS STUFF!

{Cut back to Taily}

KYUBII: {typing} So there you go, Might Guy. In fact, I may be onto something with that jar idea. Hold on. {walks out}

{Cut to The Field, Kyubii is laying on a large guillotine, Fang is holding a lever}

FANG: Are you sure about this?

KYUBII: Yeah.

NAMINE: "Uh, Kyubii, I'm pretty sure you've only got about five seconds of consciousness while you're decapitated."

FANG: Just in case you don't live, I have one question to ask.

KYUBII: Hmm?

FANG: How could you afford this?

KYUBII: Just pull the freakin' lever!

FANG: Ok.

NAMINE: "But you still didn't adequately answer my question!"

{Fang pulls the lever and the blade rushes down. Cut back to Taily}

KYUBII: {typing} Well, I decided not to do it. So untill next time...uh...Aruseus will be back.

{The Taily displays a pop-up that reads, "Click here to email Aruseus"}

{5 second wait}

KYUBII: What they don't know won't hurt them. Secretary of Transportation?

{Tom walks in with a jar and a tuxedo}

TOM: Yes?

{Kyubii takes his head and stick it in the jar}

KYUBII: To Marzipan's House!

{Tom walks off}

Fun Facts

• "Let's get this trainwreck a rollin'." was a line used by Imitation Strong Bad.
• When he mentions the "show about the redhead in the future" he mentions Futurama.
• Might Guy is a character in Naruto.

NAMINE: I didn't know Might Guy was a character in Naruto. Then again, my memory of the subject matter is particularly fuzzy.