RiffText/AruseusEmails/danestar

Cast (in order of appearence): Aruseus, Alpha Stan, Cyrus, Danestar Cookman, Homestar Runner, Strong Bad, 1-Up Cheatachu, Doo-Moh

Places: Computer Room, Stage, Public Restroom

Date: May 12th, 2007

Computer: A-tech 950

Transcript

ARUSEUS: {singing} Last time was just the end of a really sad email...la de lah de dah!

NAMINE: Sad? Last email was sad, alright. It was sad in the "I want to poke myself in the eye" way.

Hello, Aruseus. You have one email.

ARUSEUS: Bring it up, Stanmans.

Never again call me that-

NAMINE: I concur.

ARUSEUS: Ahem, who's the star of the show here?

You are-

ARUSEUS: Correct.

NAMINE: Just because it says "Dan High-Summoner v. the World" doesn't mean Dan gets to be a colossal dickbag with no redeemable qualities who we're apparently supposed to root for, despite the antagonists being 1,000% better than him in every way.

NOXIGAR: GO ANTAGONISTS WOOOOOOOO

{Noxigar falls down stairs}

subject: danestar cooker

Dear Aruseus,
Do you want to see
Danestar?

From, James For You!

PS: You are cool.

ARUSEUS: {typing} Umm...don't you mean Cookman? Ah well. Thanks for calling me cool. We don't really see much of Danestar.

NAMINE: Is Danestar an amalgamation of Dane Cook and Homestar Runner? I shudder to think of what Danestar could be...

CYRUS: {walks in} I never really seem to include Danestar. He was originally just a character to show off.

ARUSEUS: Why do you constantly interfere with your own written transcript? Won't it cause a paradox thingy?

NAMINE: When intangibleness is mixing up with volatility

NOXIGAR: THE PROTAGONIST IN MEEEEEEEE
{Noxigar continues to fall down stairs}

{It keeps happening}

CYRUS: Nobody can just magically appear in a transcript! I just write myself in there!

ARUSEUS: Oh.

CYRUS: So as I was...

NAMINE: "saying..."

ARUSEUS: Meh?

CYRUS: Ok. I'll put him in.

ARUSEUS: He's coming again? Sha-weet. {runs out}

{Cut to a stage, Danestar is doing his comedy}

ARUSEUS: I love your comedy, Cookman!

NAMINE: MY JOKES MEAN SO MUCH TO ME

DANESTAR: Thanks! Hey, you guys ever wonder, when you walk into a public restroom, everything is freakin' wet?

ARUSEUS: Oh my cheese! I do know!

{Flashback, Aruseus and Homestar walk into a public restroom, Aruseus steps in a puddle}

ARUSEUS: Argh! Why is it always wet in these restrooms?

NAMINE: Because of the following: Urine, toilet water, sink water, the fact the restroom has a shower locker in it, because people mix drinks in the restrooms, because people drink in the restrooms... y'know what? I could go on.

HOMESTAR: I know! Can you believe it?

ARUSEUS: Now I'm going to have to de-sanitize my foot again...if that's a word...

NAMINE: Do you wear shoes, Arceus?

{Cut back to Stage}

DANESTAR: Oh! Have you guys gotten any Speak-and-Spells?

STRONG BAD: {waves hand} Does a Grape-Nuts Robot Count?

DANESTAR: Those things are evil!

NAMINE: I guess that's a no.

ARUSEUS: Just like Furbies! They scare me!

1-UP CHEATACHU: No they're not! {waves Doo-moh in the air} Stop insulting Doo-Moh's bretheren!

{Cut back to A-Tech}

ARUSEUS: {typing} But what scares me more is...Wiki User Crossovers. Except for Cyrus, he's cool.

{Namine boos at Arceus}

CYRUS: Got that right.

ARUSEUS: You're still here?

CYRUS: Transcript.

ARUSEUS: So...how does it work?

CYRUS: You just type something and it happens.

NAMINE: Hey, Noxigar! I warned you about the stairs multiple times.

NOXIGAR: It keeps happening!

{It keeps happening}

{Cyrus takes out the Talon 564, with the previous 5 lines and actions on it's screen, Cyrus types: "Aruseus' left leg disappears" and the types action occurs}

ARUSEUS: Woah.

{His leg reappears}

CYRUS: See?

ARUSEUS: Ok.

{Cut back to A-Tech interface}

ARUSEUS: {typing} So there you go. I saw Danestar. {stops} Ok! So untill next time, I'm top dog!

Click here to email Aruseus.

Fun Facts

none

NAMINE: How about how Danestar was an unsubtle reference to Dane Cook? And how you probably mimicked one of his jokes?
NAMINE: Right, I forgot. There are no fun facts in this email.