RiffText/AruseusEmails/kraxario

Cast {in order of appearance}: Cyrus, Anthru-borg, Aruseus, Alpha Stan, Roy, Roy Jr, Emporer Tampo StinkoRoy Jr. (older), Kraxario

NAMINE: Well, since the email is titled "Kraxario" or something of that nature, I'm expected to hear of how developed his character is.

Places: 30X2 City, Computer Room, 30X2 Field, Abandoned Stinkoman HQ

Computer: A-tech 950

Date: May 12th, 2007

Transcript

{The screen is black, voices are heard}

CYRUS: {narrating} 30X2.

NOXIGAR: 4w y34h 1t's tot3s or1g bro
NAMINE: Dude, no. Please stop randomly popping in when Cyrus is around, or when author tract is taking place in this.

{The black screen fades to what looks like Planet K, but the skies are gray and some buildings are partially destroyed}

CYRUS: The time of a great war, and a new supreme evil, the one called Overlord T, and a time after an accident, involving two great rivals, becoming mortal enemies.

{A shadowed Anthru-borg flies by at great speed}

CYRUS: But now we will follow a differerent story. The story of how a father and son soon realize their own cruel fates. This is...

{The screen goes black}'

CYRUS: The Legend of Kraxario.

{Silver text saying "THE LEGEND OF KRAXARIO"} flies onscreen, along with smaller white text saying, "Aruseus email 34"

NAMINE: Format's a tad screwy here. The bracket's mostly in the wrong place. I'd fix it, but that's more Noxigar's gig.

CYRUS: It all started one day...

{Cut to the Computer Room}

ARUSEUS: {singing} My emails are usually funny, but maybe this will be serious!

NAMINE: I find your emails usually serious, but maybe this will be funny!

Hello Aruseus. You voice sucks and you have 1 email.

ARUSEUS: Hey!

Just check the freakin' email.

ARUSEUS: Ok...

subject: yes

Congrats!

You have won
a million dollars

Click here to subscribe?:
Y/N

ARUSEUS: Ooh! A million bucks? This I cannot refuse. {Types Y}

-----

This email is a disguise.
It is urgent that you check this next email.
Unfortunately, you will not recieve 1 mil, but you will find
out a mystery in the future.

ARUSEUS: What? Ripoff artist. Ah well. I'm gonna play some-

STOP.

ARUSEUS: Why?

This next one is urgent.

ARUSEUS: I better check it then.

Duh.

subject: 30X2

A disaster has happened in 30X2.
You must go to the abandoned Stinkoman HQ.
Bring the ones called Roy and Roy Jr.
They need to see this.

ARUSEUS: From Anony. Well, that's it.

NAMINE: No, from Kraxari- oh, Arceus doesn't know yet.

Just go.

ARUSEUS: Alright! Jeez! {walks off}

{10 second wait, Aruseus walks in with Roy and Roy Jr.

ARUSEUS: We have to hurry, guys.

ROY: What's this all about?

ARUSEUS: Let's just go.

To 30X2!

{Aruseus, Roy and`Roy Jr. disappear in a white flash, Cut to 30X2 Field}

ROY: Wow.

ROY JR: It's so desolate.

ARUSEUS: The email said we were supposed to find the abandoned Stinkoman HQ place.

ROY: Let's go this way.

{Emporer

NAMINE: Emperor

Tampo floats in}

TAMPO: Who are you three?

ARUSEUS: We are from 2007.

ROY: We are looking for the old Stinkoman HQ.

TAMPO: It's over there.

ARUSEUS: Thanks, floaty-brain man. {the three walk off}

{Cut to a room inside the abandoned headquarters, the three hide under a table}

ROY JR: Is...is...is that...me?

NAMINE: So many ellipses, I can't tell which are derp pauses and which ones are dramatic pauses.

{the camera pans to StinkoRoy Jr. and Kraxario, Kraxario is looking out of a window, his back to StinkoRoy Jr.}

ROY: And who's the hunk of metal?

ARUSEUS: I think that's you, Roy, in the future.

STINKOROY JR: Father...

{Kraxario does not respond}

ROY JR: That's you and me, Dad, in the future...

STINKOROY JR: Father, what has happened to you?

ARUSEUS: Why is future Roy being so cold to his future son in the future?

ROY: Son...futu...mutter...

NAMINE: Is he transitioning from English to Japan to barely-constituting English?

my brain hurts.

NAMINE: Mine, too. Mostly from trying to comprehend this at all.

ROY JR: Quiet!

STINKOROY JR: Why are you not responding?

ARUSEUS: Who brought popcorn? This seems like a movie to me.

NAMINE: A really bad movie, sure.

ROY: Shut up! This is serious!

ARUSEUS: Sorry!

STINKOROY JR: Father! I beg of you to respond! What has happened to you? Why are you being like this!?

{five second pause}

KRAXARIO: Times have changed.

STINKOROY JR: Wha!?

KRAXARIO: This term, "Father..."

STINKOROY JR: Yes! You were StinkoRoy, one of the greatest heroes of 20X6! I am your son! We fought together untill you got that virus!

KRAXARIO: I remember no virus, no 20X6, and no son.

STINKOROY JR: FATHER! PLEASE!

KRAXARIO: Your words mean nothing to me! I am not this StinkoRoy of whom you speak! I am Kraxario! I serve under the great Anthru-borg and will annihalate anyone who gets in my way!

NAMINE: Okay, this is just getting pretty dumb.

STINKOROY JR: NO!

ROY: Anthru-borg? Sounds like you, Aruseus.

ARUSEUS: It is.

{Flashback to future shock}

NAMINE: I have a pragmatism with flashbacks. Which means I am not having any of that.

ANTHRUBORG: I will have you dead! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

{pause}

ARUSEUS: {voiceover} Anthru-borg onced tried to kill Zippy, because of some future event of some sort.

{Cut back to 30X2}

STINKOROY JR: Anthru-borg is treating you like a slave! He is taking advantage of you!

KRAXARIO: LIES!

{Kraxario thrusts towards StinkoRoy Jr, slicing his arm blade across his chest}

STINKOROY JR: {falling to the gronud} FAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTHHHHHHHEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

{StinkoRoy Jr. drops dead}

ROY: I almost wish I hadn't seen that!

ROY JR: Is that whats going to happen, dad?

ARUSEUS: Not unless we change it. Remember we live in that past.

{The screen fades black}

Click here to email Aruseus.

Fun Facts

• This is the longest Aruseus email to date. 67 Lines!

NAMINE: So you can write lengthy! Good.
NAMINE: You had a pretty neat idea, but you botched the execution of it such that I was bored of it partway through.