RiffText/AruseusEmails/letter

Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus, Alpha Stan, Marzipan, Homestar, Ignignokt, Err

Places: Computer Room, Blue Screen, LURN Building

Computer: A-tech 950

Date: April 30th, 2007

Transcript

{Cut to the Computer Room, The desk is barren. Aruseus is seen carrying a box. He opens it, pulling out a new computer}

ARUSEUS: Alright. No more crappy lappies. I bring you the A-Tech 950! Err...something like The Cheat's computer, but not a Mac.

NAMINE: So you got a computer that will be infinitely easier to use. Nice!

It's got Stinkoman 20X6...

{scrolls over to icon, which is Stinkoman's fist}

ARUSEUS: an Email client, ooh! Which reminds me...

{A whirring sound is heard, a black window pops up}

Hello Aruseus. You have one email.

ARUSEUS: Woah. I just reinstalled him, and he still remembers me.

NAMINE: That's not how programs work.

You left the disk inside the Intell, dummy.

ARUSEUS: Enough sass. Email time.

NAMINE: I actually encourage Alpha Stan's sass.

subject: letters

Dear Aruseus-dude,

We have only 26 letters
of the alphabet only A-Z.
Can you make up a brand new
letter?
Your Anti-Homestar (Homestar-free guy),
Walter James

ARUSEUS: {typing} Um...A letter? Ooh. That's gonna be harsh. Well, Walterjames, I think my letter would be...

{cut to a blue screen, a weird symbol, representing a "f" with no line through it}

ARUSEUS: ...this. It would be pronounced "Fee".

NAMINE: So "Phi" if it weren't mispronounced?

You can use it in a lot of words. Like...

{the letter has an r placed after it}

ARUSEUS: I just made a new way to spell "fear".

{Cut to the L.U.R.N. Classroom, Homestar writing something, on paper, and hands it to Marzipan}

MARZIPAN: Good job, Homestar! You spelt "fear" correctly.

HOMESTAR: Yes! Everyone knows fear is spelt "Fee"-"R"

MARZIPAN: A-Plus!

{cut back to A-Tech}

ARUSEUS: {singing softly}} Q R S, T U V, W X, Y Z "Fee", Ooh! And it rhymes too!

NAMINE: This has no bearing on anything, and I feel I lost a few IQ points as a result.

Ahem.

ARUSEUS: Oh! The email.

{clears screen}

ARUSEUS: {typing} So there you have it, Wally. The letter "Fee" is sweeping the nation. I might sell some shirts, mugs...

{Mooninites walk in}

IGNIGNOKT: We find you

NAMINE: your

letter stupid.

ERR: Yeah! It sucks!

ARUSEUS: Where'd you little Atari freaks come from?

IGNIGNOKT: We are the Mooninites. Obey the Moon.

NAMINE: Oh, not these abominations. Ewok wannabes that were created by an oh-so avid fan of Stinkoman 20X6, neither I nor Noxigar genuinely find them funny. They're actually just as annoying as Ewoks are. Actually, that'd be an insult to these Mooninites. I can at least say that the Mooninites have some hint of originality and un-scrappiness, whereas the Ewoks make me want to punch anthropomorphic tacos.

ERR: Represent!

ARUSEUS: Mooninites, eh?

IGNIGNOKT: Fear your pixel power. {takes out a gray L-shape, a blue pixel flies out of it, slowly}

NAMINE: Did I say these guys have hints of originality? Scratch that. Someone put Ewoks and the personalities of two alien pixel sprites from Aqua Teen Hunger Force into a blender and decided it was better than not having this really dumb, pointless scene here.

ARUSEUS: Yes. It's spelt "Fee"-R.

ERR: Tremble!

{After 10 seconds, the pixel hits Aruseus in the leg, only to pop with a raspberry sound}

ARUSEUS: Ooooook...

ERR: Retreat!

{They run out}

ARUSEUS: Weirdoes.

Since The Paper is gone, Click here to email Aruseus.

Easter Eggs

• Click on Aruseus when he says "Crappy lappies" to see a Lappy 486 covered with whatsit.

NAMINE: IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE THE JOKE IS LITERALLY CRAPPY

Fun Facts

• Not much, though I could consider the Mooninites a running gag, since they did appear in a fan-made Tampo Email.

NAMINE: We considered a lot of things to be a running gag back in 2007. Even dumb backwards catchphrases which only made sense to the creator and to no one else.