RiffText/AruseusEmails/tripleemail

Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus, Anime Chicks,

{Namine sighs deeply.}

Strong Bad, Strong Mad, The Cheat, Kyubii, Foxx, Pter,

NAMINE: And who else?

Places: Computer Room, Cruise Boat, Stage, Judge's Table

Computer: Intell 600

Date: March 13th, 2007

Transcript

ARUSEUS: I'm-a gonna have a go at answering 3 mails at once! Let's go! {types run_arumail.exe}

   subject: death???

   Aruseus,
   Do you ever fear when your
   computer will die?

   - ApocalypX, again

ARUSEUS: {typing} Ahh, Larry! It's you again! Well, I don't know, the Intell 600 is pretty reinforced. I doubt it. Ok, next email. {clears screen}

NAMINE: "I'm too lazy to foreshadow when exactly my computer or printer is going to collapse, even though it might happen!"

   subject: Hellote

   Aruseus,

   Can you go on a cruise and meet the
   ladies?

   Your Idol, TVB from YouTube and on the plane!

ARUSEUS: {typing} A cruise, eh, TV bee? Where would I go? {clears screen}

ARUSEUS: {typing} Hmmm...I guess I'd go on the generic cruise. With hot ladies...like...anime chicks...ahhh...{fades out}

NAMINE: Suddenly, I fear Aruseus' libido. for every good reason!

{Fade in to a cruise ship, with Aruseus surrounded by hot anime girls}

NAMINE: What's your definition of hot? Are they on fire? Are they attractive by whatever hoofbeast excrement-

NOXIGAR: I believe you're starting to use my lingo again, thereby going slightly out of character. That's my bad.
NAMINE: Oops. I'm still somewhat irked by this scene and its vagueness, though.

NOXIGAR: So am I.

GIRL: You're soooo hot.

ARUSEUS: I know. Hug me again.

NAMINE: We don't even know what these women are doing to him! Although we can imply all we like and maybe make crappy smut about it...

Hehe...

GIRL: Uh huh.

{Cut back to Intell}

ARUSEUS: {typing} Ah yeah. It would be awesome. Well, unfortunately, that may only have a 1 in 500 chance of happening. Aw well. Last email. {clears screen}

NAMINE: 1 in 500, huh? I'd say 1 in 1,000,000 is a lot more realistic.

   subject: Come and Sing!

   Yo, Aruseus!
   I'm throwing a singing contest!
   Will you enter?
   Melodious,
   Strong Bad

ARUSEUS: Sweet! I love singing! I'll go! {Rushes out}

{Cut to the stage from band, Strong Bad is standing on it.}

STRONG BAD: Hey there, crapbags!

NAMINE: P. sure "crapbags" isn't a common Strong Bad saying. Something like "crap for brains" is more his area of expertise.

You are all here to see guys make a fool of themselves with their crappy voices!

NAMINE: You just summed up American Idol! Huzzah!

There are three judges for this contest.

{Cut to the Judge's Table, with Strong Mad, The Cheat, and an empty seat}

STRONG BAD: Strong Mad...

STRONG MAD: DAH!

STRONG MAD: THEY TOOK THE MIDNIGHT TRAIN GOING ANYWHERE!
NAMINE: They most certainly did.

STRONG BAD: The Cheat, provided with subtitles...

THE CHEAT: {subtitled: Thank you, Strong Bad.}

STRONG BAD: And me. Now let's get this train whreck

NAMINE: wreck

a-rollin'!

{Strong Bad jumps off the stage into his seat, Cut back to the stage}

KYUBII: {singing} We're leaving together, But still it's farewell And maybe we'll come back, To earth, who can tell? I guess there is no one to blame We're leaving ground Will things ever be the same again?

It's the final countdown...

STRONG MAD: EIGHT! EIGHT! {holds up a sign that says "eite"}

THE CHEAT: {It was good. It could use improvement in pitch, but it was still great. Eight and a half.}

STRONG BAD: I've seen better, but still alright. you get a single thumbs up, rather than two.

FOXX: {singing} We'll carry on, We'll carry on! And though you're dead and gone believe me, Your memory will carry on! We'll carry on! And in my heart I can't contain it, The anthem won't explain it! YEAH!

{Namine gently weeps.}
NAMINE: How am I going to listen to My Chemical Romance without thinking about this now?

STRONG MAD: GOOD! NINE FOR YOU! {holds up a cookie for some reason}

THE CHEAT: {Nice voice.}

STRONG BAD: That was great, and usually I don't say that to any red fox thing.

ARUSEUS: Sweet. My turn. {singing off-key} The Cheat is not dead...I'm so glad The Cheat is not...

{boos are heard}

THE CHEAT: {That was crap! You call yourself a singer? OFF THE STAGE!}

ARUSEUS: Fine! No pizza for you!

{The Cheat sighs}

PTER: {singing} I'm not a shoulder to cry on, But I digress.

I'm a leading man, And the lies I weave are oh so intricate, Oh so intricate! I'm a leading man, And the lies I weave are oh so intricate, Oh so intricate! Yeahh… Whoa-ohh...

THE CHEAT: {I'm speechless!}

STRONG BAD: NOW THAT WAS AMAZING! I NEVER KNEW YOU COULD SING SO FREAKIN' WELL! I'm buyin' you a pizza!

{Cut back to Intell}

ARUSEUS: {typing} Well, I lost your contest. I know my voice sucked. I better go practice later. {The Paper comes down}

NAMINE: At least these two scenes establish the punchline that could've easily been foreshadowed from the jump! Oh, if only there were more people singing...

Easter Eggs

none

Fun Facts

• The following songs are, The Final Countdown (Europe), Welcome to The Black Parade (My Chemical Romance), The Cheat is Not Dead, and This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race (Fallout Boy). Prooty grood muzak.

NAMINE: Prooty good, indeed. I need to look up that last one, though. The title seems unfamiliar to me.