RiffText/AruseusEmails/worst thing

Aruseus relives a past fear.

NAMINE: My expectations do not soar.

Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus, Tom, The Polka-man, Marzipan, Tucksworth

Places: Computer Room, Aruseus' Room, Outside Tom's house, Hospital

NAMINE: Well, if part of an episode takes place at a hospital, what can possibly go wrong?

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: January 19th, 2007

Transcript

ARUSEUS: {while typing "run_arumail.exe"}: Doo doo doo doo, the e-mail is checked.

subject: worst!

Dear Whats-Your-Face,
What was the worest thing that
happened to you? Please tell the
whole story!
Hope it got all better

-X66x66

{As he reads, Aruseus says "Whats-your-face" as "Aruseus", pronounces "worest" as "wore-est", and says "X66x66" as "two-exty sixty-six"}

NAMINE: So many pronunciation mistakes that, even intentionally, it's still a bit jarring to witness.

ARUSEUS: {typing} Whoa! A future e-mail from the year 2X66? Nah. Must be the guy's name. {clears screen}

ARUSEUS: {typing} Well, X66 guy, there i something that I just can't forget...it gives me the jibblies! Jibblie jibbile...{runs out screaming}

{Tom comes in from the right side of the screen and gets on the computer.}

NAMINE: Aruseus fumbles the ball, but Tom recovers it.

TOM: {typing} Sorry, man. Aruseus doesn't like to talk about things like this. I'll tell you though.

{The screen fades to black, then fades back in to see Aruseus checking his e-mail.}

ARUSEUS: {while typing "run_arumail.exe"}: Flashback e-mail.

subject: surprise!

Dearest Aruseus,
I have a surprise for you.
If you want to see it, come
upstairs in your room.

-Anonymous Contributor

ARUSEUS: I see Strong Bad met you once, but I'll see your little surprise, Anony.

NAMINE: Ah, the 2-for-1 deal. Strong Bad's favorite thing to do sometimes when he can't pick between two emails! At any rate, the Anonymous Contributor connection didn't click until a while back.

{Aruseus walks upstairs to his room, when he gets there, his jaw drops to see...}

POLKA-MAN: Yello there! I'd love to dance for you!

ARUSEUS: AAAAHH!!!! MY WORST NIGHTMARE HAS HAPPENED!

NAMINE: Wait, a Polka-
NAMINE: Okay, the pronunciation of the term "Polka-man" is somewhat funny but I don't get how it's Aruseus' "worst fear"

{Aruseus jumps out a window labeled, "Escape Window". A bang and a crack is heard. Cut to the outside of Tom's house, Aruseus lying there, hurt from the fall}

ARUSEUS: {weakly} Ow...my back...

{The screen fades to black, Cut to a hospital, shown through Aruseus' eyes, Marzipan and Tom are standing there}

ARUSEUS: {weakly} Uhhgh...what happened?

MARZIPAN: You jumped out of a window and broke your back during the fall.

ARUSEUS: What about The Polka-Man?

MARZIPAN: He's gone back to 1936. You may never see him again in this timezone.

NAMINE: Because that's totally how timezones work.

ARUSEUS: {gets up} Awesome! {slightly cracks back} Ow. {lays back down}

TOM: Next time, try building a slide outside your escape window, or build an escape window on the first floor.

ARUSEUS: Ugh...Alright.

TOM: You will have to stay here for another week, {checks watch} Oh, visiting hours are over. Rest well!

ARUSEUS: Wow...that Tom is such a great guy.

{Cut back to Tom at Lappy}

TOM: {typing} So that's the story. Here we are a week later and Aruseus is feeling better. There is a slide now outside the escape window, so he doesn't break his back. I better go check on him. {Gets up and leaves, Cut to Aruseus' room}

NAMMINE: Should've warned him about the stairs, bro. Should've told him, dog.

ARUSEUS: {shivering} Make him go away, Lyle, make The evil Polka go away...

TOM: Aruseus, are you okay?

ARUSEUS: {scared} AHH! {calmed} Oh, it's just you, Tom.

TOM: Yeah. It's me again. You better get down there and finish checking that e-mail!

ARUSEUS: Yes, sir! {Runs out}

TOM: {Hops on bed} Now time to watch some Caleb Rentpayer!

NAMINE: Another contrived Homestar Runner reference! How will Aruseus Emails survive on its own two feet?

TUCKSWORTH: Caleb Rentpayer! Why are you hitting my fine china!?

NAMINE: Thankfully at least this line is partway original.

{Cut back to Lappy}

ARUSEUS: {typing} So there you have it X-man. I told you the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

{The Paper comes down}

Easter Eggs

• Click on Aruseus to see an extra scene.

{Cut back to Aruseus' room, Tom is still watching TV}'

TUCKSWORTH: Homestar Runnner, did you shoot Caleb?

TOM: Holy crap! I never knew that.

Fun Facts

• The email song is a take on "The System is Down".
• Aruseus mentioning Strong Bad's connection with Anonymous Contributor is a reference to SBemail "rock opera".

NAMINE: I'm guessing the other possible facts I could get from this episode don't qualify as "fun"